Four
Four Shots
Jongup POV
I truly have absolutely no idea why I'm here. Why I'm in this little pathetic band of survivors, all of us with the strange signs on our palms that we noticed just this morning, and apparently we needed to stare at our hands for an hour, instead doing something productive, like, oh, I don't know, getting food? I haven't eaten in a day, and when Yongguk stuck me with healing the idiot, the first thing that came out of his mouth when he woke up was this: "Food."
And since the Great Leader apparently had something more important to do, Zelo had to sleep, and Himchan, who was actually working, was looking outside the cave for water or anything edible, I had to break the news to the dude that we, sadly, didn't have any food. Then I had to sit through a small breakdown over the issue of food and this guy's stomach and him starving to death. And then I had to re-bandage his wounds, since I was the only one who had any sort of medical training, but I really wouldn't count taking a two week course on life guarding medical training. This guy, after his breakdown, calmed down and was sitting there, quietly, his eyes sad, and I don't think it was about food. Finally, I asked him, because I really don't have anything better to do.
"What's your name?" I asked, and he looked at me.
"Daehyun," he stated. Then he took a breath, composed himself as much as any of us can in this situation, and his eyes cleared of any sadness, like a rippling wave washing over his brown orbs, and his face went smooth and empty.
"I'm Jongup," I said, and he nodded shortly.
"How many are here?" He asks after a pause.
"Five of us, including you," I say. "Me, Himchan, Yongguk, and Zelo."
Daehyun nods again. "Ah." I nod with him.
"Thank you," Daehyun says formally, and I nod, excepting his thanks. Yongguk had said to save him, had said to rush out in the day to save the guy passing out not ten meters from our cave entrance.
"How'd you get here?" I ask him, because I'm genuinely curious. He had immediately passed out after we got to him, so how far had he gone like that?
"I woke up, what, a third mile from Seoul. I think I must've ran there, and then passed out. I woke up this morning and I walked here." That just confirms what I thought, and we don't talk anymore after that. Too much on our minds, too much to worry about and fear about.
I lean back on my heels, and then further back until my back bumped against the rough cave wall and I could stretch out my legs in front of me. The meager light streaming in just lit up the space enough that I could see Daehyun's face, as we were sitting towards the opening, but back where Zelo was curled up, it was completely black.
I don't know what we're going to do now. Go all hero-y on the government, or whoever sent the bombs? Fight back bravely and die a noble death? Naw. I chuckled drily. With this rather pathetic group, we're most likely going to found by Wolves. This might even be a den or something of a dangerous freak. Oh, wouldn't that be fun.
Yongguk walked in, ducking his head to fit, and clunked down beside me, stirring enough dust that Daehyun sneezed.
"Who're you?" He asked Daehyun bluntly, his deep voice making Daehyun start, enough to connect Yongguk's heavy stare with his blank one.
"His name's Daehyun," I answered for him, and Yongguk flashed me a look.
"Can he talk?" He asked me.
"Yeah."
"So why'd you answer for him?" His voice was forceful, and I smirked. The guy was already cracking. This will be entertaining. And then it'll get sad. And then we'll all be dead. When I made no move to answer, Yongguk fixed his heavy eyes on me. I had been through hell these days. But we all have.
I leaned toward him, and lowered my voice, so Daehyun, who watching us with an avid, detached expression, couldn't hear. "You sure you can be leader?" Yongguk, as he absorbed my words, bore into me with dark brown lasers, but I just ignored him.
"Get yourself together, man. There's a kid, just a kid, depending on you," I continued, jerking my head towards the sleeping Zelo, all the while keeping my eyes fastened on Yongguk, and I see doubt start to creep in his gaze, and see him falter just a bit, before he regains control and masks his face.
"What, you wanna be?" Yongguk asks aggressively, and I can feel a dry smirk twist my lips.
"Not if I gotta choice to set the timer back a week," I say, and I know he knows what I mean. And I know he knows I mean it. The responsibility of lives in your hands, and especially in this new world, is a lot to carry. It is a lot to know that if someone dies out here, it's your fault; directly or indirectly. And we will all die, sooner or later. If I was Yongguk, I'd pray to whoever's out there to die first, to not know that a kid died becuase of you.
And I'm not stupid enough to take that weight.
Yongguk looks at me, really looks at me, and nods once. It's something I can't decipher the meaning of, and I don't want to.
We sit there in silence, the darkness of the cave lightening ever so slowly, but Zelo doesn't stir and we don't speak.
Himchan finally comes back, his face scratched and cut and dirty, and his hands empty. I push myself to my feet, allowing my role of healer to come up as I met him halfway.
"What happened?" I ask, and he sighs.
"Brutal little freak hawk-thing. It got pissed, attacked me, scratched my face, etc," Himchan summarized, making a vague circle with his palm as he talked. I wince, looking closer at the cuts on his face as Himchan crosses his dark eyes, trying to look at me.
"You scratched anywhere else?"
Himchan shakes his head no. "They're fine, I think. I'll be fine." As he does a cloud of dust rises from his hair, and I scrunch up my nose and step back.
"Okay, well, first of all don't do that. You might more dust into the cuts and they might get infected or whatever happens when dirt gets in your cuts," I say, and Himchan grins.
"Wow, Jongup, try not to sound so professional," he says, and I smile; not a big smile, but little, but it was a pretty big feat to have a real smile in this situation. As I do I realize I'm close to Himchan- close enough that his breaths stir my hair every time he exhales. I tilt my head up and I realize Himchan is still smiling, softly.
Yongguk coughs, deeply. We turn around. He looks unamused.
"Did you find anything?"
Himchan shakes his head no. "Nothing's out there. But we need water, and food, and we're gonna need them soon, before we all starve."
I chime in. "It would be best to find a river or stream or something, so we can wash Daehyun's and Himchan's and everyone's injuries, as well as get food." Yongguk nods, his expression thoughtful. This was why I said that to him: "You sure you can be leader?"
He needed to step up, he needed to pull himself together and organize and think and try, and I gave him the push he needed, whether he knows it or not. Daehyun is watching us, still, his back supported by the rock wall and his legs, the one with the bandage, is stretched out, and the other is curled close to him. His clothes are ripped, crumpled, dirty. His face is dirty, scraped. Dirt is plastered on every piece of uncovered skin, and his hair is knotted and dusty. He looks homeless, ragged, wild. But his eyes are crisp, his eyes are clear and blank, and his mouth is set in a line. He is no stranger to heartbreak. But I don't think his heart is broken now. He looks too calm, too composed. I believe he has set his heart, he has cut off what he has lost and he is immune. I believe something made him able to be immune.
I think I must look like him, now. Jagged, yet smooth, un groomed, immune to the sadness that haunts Yongguk and Himchan and lingers on Zelo's face. I think I must be immune, for I feel nothing. No sadness, no regret. It is like my eomma never existed. It is like I hadn't dragged her to the woods to die, right in front of my eyes. And I am not afraid of what this means. That scream was me, releasing her and everyone in Seoul that is not in Seoul anymore, that is not on the earth anymore. That scream that brought Himchan to me and us to Yongguk and Zelo, and it signified the start of a new world, even though I know the world wasn't new then.
I still have the gun. It is my father's, a standard shotgun, and I don't know how to use it, but I keep it in here anyway, because Yongguk seems like he would know how to use a gun, or Daehyun, or someone, and I think we will need a gun for what's ahead.
A sleepy yawn snaps me out of my thoughts, and I look up to see Zelo shuffling to us on his knees, as he's so tall that he wouldn't fit when starting up. Cobwebs have collected on his clothes, and his eyes are still half-closed. He was the only one that could sleep last night, and the only one that could sleep this morning.
"Hi, hyung," Zelo murmurs, and Yongguk, with something like a smile on his face, reaches over to brush the cobwebs off, and I can feel my eyebrows raise in suprise. So, he does have a soft side after all. Maybe it's just Zelo's cuteness, though, because even I can admit that he looks a lot like an over-grown bunny.
Zelo goes to sit by Daehyun. "Hi. I'm Zelo."
"Daehyun." Zelo nods, and tilts back his head until it bumps against the rock, and closes his eyes. Daehyun looks at him with a raised eyebrow and a tiny smile,and turns back the rest of us.
"We need to find food and water, yeah?" He asks, and when he looks at Yongguk, Yongguk nods in confirmation.
"We won't find a river in Seoul, but we might find clothes and food left over," Daehyun says, and I can tell what he's thinking, because I'm thinking it too and Yongguk and Himchan are probably too. What else we might find in Seoul, that won't be pretty, but we can't say it out loud.
Yongguk thinks about this, turns it over in his head, before finally nodding. He's being careful with very leader depiction he's making, and I appreciate it now, but I don't think I will when we have to be quick.
"Fine. Yeah. Let's go there, look around a bit," he decides, and Daehyun starts to push himself to his feet. When we all look at him, he shrugs.
"Might as well as go now, right?" No one can really argue with that, so Yongguk taps Zelo awake and I get up and Himchan leads the way out of the cave. In front of us, a stretch of clustered woods, and then a stretch of nothing, and then Seoul, although it isn't really Seoul anymore.
We don't know what to do, so we start tramping through the woods, the sticks and leaves that break and crackle under our heavy, weary footsteps the only sound in the woods as we leave the cave behind, and we venture into the wasteland that was once our home. I don't know I'm happy about this or not. I just hope I won't be able to recognize what was lost.
Comments