I'm Fine

We weren’t compatible, but thank you for giving us a chance anyway.

I can honestly say that I was happy and I’m glad you were too.

At least we tried—even if it didn’t work out like we wanted, at least we tried.

It’s better this way. Well, that’s what I told myself. Because the burden was lifted the moment we were friends again and I couldn’t force you to smile like that again, not if it wasn’t real.

Thank you for being my friend even though all your friends thought I was weird. You didn’t have to talk to me anymore—I would have understood completely—but you did and that meant a lot (no one really talked to me).

I guess in the end it didn’t matter, but it mattered to me.

I should have told you this before—what I was going through—but you were so happy that day because Amber agreed to go out with you. I just couldn’t bring myself to be the one to burden you once again—even if this time it was different.

You probably guessed, or at the very least suspected it. You weren’t exactly a stranger to my health and its mediocre quality. Sorry for lying to you every time you asked if I was alright. Though I’m pretty sure you never believed me completely when I told you that I was fine.

I didn’t want to hurt you—God knows you already feel guilty as . So I kept this to myself even though I was scared and didn’t want to have to go through it alone. You were the only one that understood me and everything about me, but unfortunately, I wasn’t as special.

There was silver lining to my dilemma. Even though it made me sad, it was nice knowing that even though I was alone, I knew that I wouldn’t be leaving you alone. You had Amber and a living family that was actually related to you. You had friends that were like your brothers and practically knew the whole college—or rather, they knew you.

I wasn’t very special to you, probably just one of the many faces in your contact list, but you were special to me. You gave me the time and attention that no one bothered to even consider letting me have; so thank you for what you did. To anyone else, it might have not seemed like much (and it probably wasn’t), but it meant the world to me. From that one afternoon when you tried to hold my hand to that one night when you gave me your old notes because I was studying—even all those times when you asked me how I was doing. I may have lied, but thank you for even caring to ask.

If I could ask you for one more favor, it would be that you not cry. Please, Henry, I’m not worth your tears. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I was the reason for them—even if I’m dead (which is likely if you’re reading this), I still won’t forgive myself. You’re so much more beautiful when you smile, so please don’t cry. You should have no reason to because everything that I ever wanted to know or hear from another caring human being was said or done by you. I have no regrets, so please let me not burden you any further.

I never told you this but, I love you.

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for making me feel wanted and worthy of another person’s time and effort.

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I'm Fine

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