Strangers with Memories
Strangers with Memories"I love you"
Three words.
Eight letters.
Often used to let someone know that you care for them. That you treasure them. Words that cause happiness to many. But in my case, it's the opposite. These words causes pain, grief and loneliness. These are the exact words he used to say to me; and I was too stupid to believe it. I should've just listened to what my mind said. I should've just accepted the fact that we weren't meant for each other.
I should've...
I should've..
I.. I..
I'm so stupid.
How could I have not known?
How could I have not notice?
The excitement in his eyes when he tells me everything about her. The way his face would glow when her name is mentioned. How could I have not known? How could I have not notice? How..
How..
Or maybe I did notice. Maybe, I already knew.
Maybe.. Maybe..
Maybe I was just tring to deny it.
Maybe..
Maybe.
I used to trust him so much. Used to believe in everything that he says. Of course I would.
Why wouldn't I? We've known each other since we were still kids. How can I not trust him.
I just never thought that there'll come a day when that trust would be broken. I never thought that he could do that.
Yes, maybe I did trusted him too much. But can you really blame me? Can you?
Huh?
Can you?
Maybe you can.. because I trusted him. Because I didn't consider the thought that he's still a guy. And guys do that. I just didn't thought that he could. I thought he was better than that.
I thought..
I thought..
I.. I..
I was wrong.
He came back here. Yes, he did. What he did before was long forgotten. We were back to being childhood friends/bestfriends. Back to what we used to be before everything got complicated. Before he fell for me and I, to him.
We're back.
We're back. Yes, we are. Not in that way. Yet.
We were having so much fun when he asked for another chance.
Another chance from me. Another chance to break my heart love me. Another chance to make "us" work.
I told him that I'll thing about it. I'll think about it.
It's a lie of course.
I already know the answer. Yes, I'll give him a chance. Even before he asks me. Even if he didn't ask me. I'll give him a chance.
I know that I still love him. I know that I want him back in my life. I know..
I know..
I know..
I don't know what I want. I don't know..
I.. I'm confused.
It's been months since we got back together. Months since he promised that he'll come back. That he'll stay here. With me.
Yes, he's taking the risk.
He already asked his dad about it. There was a condition of course. He has to pass that condition in order to be with me.
In order for us to be together.
He said that he'll do his best. Do his best so he can be with me. So we don't have to mind the distance between us.
He's willing to take the risk.
That's how much he loves me. That's how important I am to him. That's..
That's..
That's how clueless I am.
Of course. Of course. He came back. Again. To do what you ask? Of course, to do the thing he's been preparing for. To be with me.
He's been studing nonstop just to pass all the exams he has to take. I just hope that he pass it all. It's the only way the two of us could be together. Without me getting paranod. Without is waking up at 4 in the morning just to talk.It's the only way to make things easier for us.
It's the only way.
He took up all the tests he needs to take. The results were out. And guess what? He failed in one of the test.
Failed.
It means he has to get back to America. Get on with his normal life. His daily routine. Our daily routine I mean.
I'm happy.
I'm happy because he gets to stay with his family. Because he tried to take the risk. I know I am.
I'm very happy.
I'm..
I'm..
I.. I.. I need to stop this.
We're still talking after we decided to break up. Yup, we broke up. We're still good friends though. We both knew that it isn't going to work out. That we'll just end up hurting each other. That there's no chance for us.
We both knew..
Or only I, knew.
Only I, decided to give up.
He asked me once again if we can try to work it out. If we can try to be together again. He even persuaded my friends to support him. And of course being the 'shipper of all the ships', my bestfriend agreed.
His brother and my bestfriend kept on telling me to give him another chance. To get back together with him.
But I'm not sure.
Yes, I still love him. But..
But.. I don't know.
I don't know why I'm having this feeling.
I don't..
I.. I..
I knew.
"I'm sorry"
Two words
Seven letters
Often used to let someone know that you regret what you did. That you made a huge mistake. Words that could make someone feel better.
But in my case, it's like a slap in the face. A punch on the gut. A reminder of how stupid I am to trust him again. How stupid I am to believe his acts. To believe everything that he said.
To believe that he still loves me.
I'm so stupid.
I felt used.
I feel worthless.
I.. I..
I am nothing.
The last time we talked, he kept on saying those words.
He kept on repeating those words.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
He said he's sorry because he used me. Used me as a rebound.
An extra.
He used me to get the girl he likes. He knew that I still love him that's why he took advantage of it and used me. He said he was sorry. Sorry because of the lies he told me. Sorry for making me looked so stupid. Sorry for pretending that he still loves me.
Sorry.
I should've just listened to them.
I should've just accepted the face that we weren't meant to be together.
I should've..
I should've..
I.. I.. I don't know what to believe in now.
Now..
Now, we're just strangers with memories.
Comments