There's a beep sound over the line and Himchan takes a deep breath. 

"Yongguk, are you listening?" 

No one's answering, of course. Because he's talking to a voice mailbox. Himchan chuckles lightly. 

"Even if you don't want to listen, I still hope you would listen though." 

He takes another deep breath, "Bbang," he starts. Yongguk always said it sounds cute everytime Himchan says it and Himchan smiles at the thought. "Do you remember the first time we met?" 

"It was raining. I didn't bring an umbrella and I was stuck at campus. I was panic because I need to go to the violin course I take and I was late. Until you came to the campus eyeing me, and asked me what's wrong. I explained everything and you offered your umbrella. I said no at first, but you said you will stay until late at campus and you probably won't need the umbrella because hopefully the rain will stop later. I was hesitated, but you shoved the umbrella into my hand as you showed your warm gummy smile and went dissapear into the building. I didn't even get the chance to thank you and finally made it to the violin course with your umbrella." 

A small smile lingers on Himchan's lips as he keep talking to his phone and blankly plays with his fingers. 

"Then we met again somehow at the cafetaria at lunch few days later. You greeted me first and finally we had our lunch together. I thanked you for the umbrella and you said no big deal with your smile. We talked and talked and I think that was the start point on how we get close? We shared the same interests. I have a dream to be a musician and you also have the same passion with music through your underground music." 

"It was easy to be your bestfriend, Bbang...or not really. You were very care to anyone around you to the point somehow you don't even care about yourself. Like when you asked me if I had my meal and that I can't skip my meal, yet you were the one who's skipping meal."

"But I understand you. I knew you worked so hard on your music and I decided to support you. It was endearing to see you work so hard. So I brought your meal to your studio, I stayed with you whenever you need to sleepover there."

"And then I had an important violin resital. I asked you to come and you really came. You brought me flowers and said that I did a great job. I remember I smiled so wide until my cheeks hurt. I didn't know what was actually made me happier, to see you, to have compliment from you or to have done my first resital well."

Himchan chuckles, "Anyway, being with you always made me happy, Bbang."

"Do you remember when we have a week of vacation at Busan? When we just graduated and Daehyun—yeah that singer from my class who became our bestfriend along with Youngjae since we had a joint project making a song for campus' anniversary—asked us to visit Busan so he can come home too? There was a night when I can't sleep and I decided to sit on the sand, looking faraway to the sea and you came to sit beside me. You asked if I feel cold and I said I'm not, but you kept an arm around my shoulder, keeping me close to your warmth anyway. We talked about anything, everything, I don't really remember, but we obviously enjoyed each other company. I never said this to you before, but since that night, my heart started beating for you. Beating differently."

Himchan pauses for a while. The clock is tickling and he doesn't know how long he already talk to the voice mailbox.

"I didn't really exactly know, but I felt that since that night you were feel the same way too. Or is it just me?"

"We spent the days almost together. You asked me to go to cinema, to dinner in a beautiful restaurant, to go to amusement park, to watch dvd marathon at weekends as we munched on popcorns and sometimes threw it at each other. I knew you're not really into skinship, but you can't really stay beside me without touching me. You always sneaked your arm around me, snuggled close to me, leaned your head on my shoulder. I didn't know what exactly you wanted, but I let you. Because I felt too happy and too comfortable around you, so I let you. And I didn't dare too ask because I was scared."

Himchan pauses again. He bites his lower lip. His eyes started to feel warm. He closes them, not wanting any tears to come out.

"Until one day I met you in a department store. You were with her. Your fingers were intertwined together. She was choosing some random dress and you smiled back at her lovingly. I felt something stinging in my chest but I encouraged myself to walk towards you. And then you saw me. With blank and expressionless eyes that I could never explain what. I tried to smile and said hello. You didn't reply immediately until she asked you who am I. You introduced me to her as a friend."

Himchan laughs. But it sounds so bitter, "A friend. I never knew that word could be so painful to heard."

"When you introduced her to me as your girlfriend, it didn't feel so hurt anymore because somehow I expected it. I smiled as I took her hand and then excused myself to go. You must be didn't expect that would be our last meeting, right? Or did you really prefer that way?"—Himchan chuckles weakly—"Until this minute, I think I still don't know you, Yongguk."

"Two years, was it? I disappeared for two years and I never contacted you. It was hard at first, but you didn't contact me either. And Daehyun said I should move on with my life, and I also thought so. So I did."

"Then last month, after two years of not contacting each other, Daehyun gave me something that he said it was from you. Without I even opened it, I already know what was it. A wedding invitation."

"It quite surprised me that it was her that you would marry. I thought she would only stay for months, or even weeks, with you. Because to be honest, I was the only one who can keep up with you, right? You were not so open to everyone and for some years, there was only me in your life. Even Daehyun and Youngjae would just occasionally there for you, not because they don't want to, but because you can't really open up to them."

"So, knowing that she can keep up with you is lovely. Maybe she's really the one for you."

Himchan slightly smiles to himself. A lopsided smile, a bitter one. He glances at his watch and gasps, "Oh my God, Bbang, I talked too much. I have to go to—" Himchan hesitates. "—somewhere. If you really want to know, you can ask Daehyun."

Himchan stands up from his seat and slings his bag on his shoulder. There's a noise of flight announcement in the background. "I'm sorry I can't attend your wedding but I wish you all the best. Please live happily ever after with her."

Himchan grabs his luggage as he takes another breath before he says the last words before he hangs up the phone,

"I love you, Bang Yongguk."