*As usual, thoughts/memories are in italics.

 For six years. Six long years, I've kept my feelings hidden. Being gay wasn't easy. Things just get harder when you're a member of Asia's Number 1 girl group. Thankfully, I had and still have, 8 beloved sisters that supported me, protected me. This was probably because they were all in the same situation. They too, were all gay.

When we confessed that we were gay, we went through insults after insults, abuse after abuse. We had each other's backs, and of course, our beloved SONEs, were there too, constantly cheering and rooting for us, no matter the odds.

We went through all those trials together. I, went through Hell. All was for that faithful day. The day where I can finally propose to my loved one.

There she was, at the balcony, basking under the moonlight. It was the perfect opportunity. The mood was set. She was alone. All I had to do now is just walk out there and get on my knees and propose to her. She'll accept me, for sure. I know she loves me. I know it! The time was neigh!

It took me all the courage just to step out of the corner I was hiding at. I was going to do it. I was finally going to do it. I'm finally going to make her min-

Wait. Who is that? Who is that stepping into the balcony? 

I took a step back, retreating back into the darkness.

I took a peek, trying to figure who was it that was approaching closer towards the love of my life.

That petite frame, those small shy steps, that long, red hair. There was no doubt about it. It was my best friend, Tiffany.

What was she doing? It's half past 2, everyone should be asleep! 

I couldn't make out what were they saying. I wasn't that close, actually. Maybe 3 meters away? All I could make out was the shy and awkward shuffle of feet Tiffany was doing.. What in the world were they talking about?

It was then. It was then that I felt as though time stopped. Tears, as though triggered by the phenomenon, started flowing down my cheeks. My legs felt like jelly. My vision threatened to give way.

Just 3 meters away, I see my best friend, Tiffany, kneeling on 1 knee, holding out a ring, for the love of my life.

No. No. No. No. No. This can't be happening. She said she had a lover, yes. She said she wanted to propose to her, yes. But no, the love of my best friend's life, it can't be her. It can't be! For she is the love of MY life! Please, please say no. Please, I'm still here. I still haven't got a tu-

Their lips crashed against each other, as the pulled into an embrace. The floodgates were released. My tears were now flowing profusely, showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. My trembling legs finally gave way. I fell to the ground, along with the royal blue valet box I had with me. I tried to make hold of the situation. 

"A scene such as this, they only happen in the movies right? Not in real life. This... isn't real right? If this is a bad dream, wake me up. Please." I silently pinched myself, tears falling.

Everything Tiffany said started to make sense. How could I not notice them? Those little tickles they gave each other, those back hugs, those little whispers, those pecks on the lips. Those weren't just signs of friendship, weren't they? I honestly thought they were, since Taeyeon did the same to me too. Yes. Did. It was all in the past now. For some reason or another, she just stopped talking to me. Entirely. I tried to approach her, but she just gave me the cold shoulder.

I grabbed the valet box and silently ran back into my room, trying my best to hide my sobs. I couldn't comprehend the situation. 

"Maybe it was really a bad dream. Maybe I could just sleep it off... maybe... maybe when I wake up tomorrow, things would be different. Yes, it's just a bad dream... All I have to do... is wake... up." 

Despite all those tears, the sandman claimed me easily. It was a hectic week, with all the promotions, advertisements, music shows. 

After all, I need to go back to sleep, to wake up from this nightmare, right?

If only I knew how wrong I was.

~ 

I woke up to the sound of cheers and laughter coming from the living room. The door slammed open, revealing my favourite giant, Sooyoung. 

"Jess! Quickly, now's not the time to be sleeping! We got a marriage on our hands! Finally, my 2 babies, they're getting married!~" Sooyoung pulled me out from bed, dragging me to the living room.

I once again was in a daze. So it wasn't just a dream. What happened last night, happened. Tears threatened to fall once again. But I held it back. I couldn't break down. Not in front of all my sisters. I wiped my tear stained face with my sleeves, trying to remove as much tear stains as possible.

The dragging finally stopped. I looked up, to find my best friend, holding hands with the love of my life. In that very instant, I put a mask to hide away my shattered emotions. I glanced at them, 'smiling' a little.  I would be easy in the past, when I had to deal with those pushy reporters. But now, just keeping the mask on my face proved a challenge.

Tiffany rushed towards me, giving me a tight hug. I heard her mumbling some words. All I could make out was 'finally', 'married', 'dream', and ‘love’ and... 'Taeyeon'.

I returned the hug and looked up. 

There she was. My favourite kid. The most beautiful, most elegant, most humble, person I've met in my life. I noticed a bitter sweet smile on her face, but I forgot about it almost instantly, since Tiffany pulled me out of the hug.

"My Sicachu! Taeyeon accepted me! Taeyeon accepted my proposal! Thank you, thank you, thank you so, so, much! If you haven't chose the ring for me I wouldn't be abl-" 

Once again I left reality. I retreated back into my mind the minute she mentioned 'chose the ring for me'. Yes. I, Jessica Jung, just did the most dramatic thing I could ever imagine; choosing a ring for my best friend to propose to the love of my life.

~  

Flashback

2 weeks ago.

"Sicachu! Are you free today? Could you accompany me to the mall? I have to get a little something." The petite girl held the Ice Princess’ hand.

"Sure, Fany! I'm free today anyway. You drive!" Jessica replied happily.

The 2 dandyus left for the mall, leaving the other members to their own personal time, since it was their off-day today.

They arrived at the mall, and Tiffany immediately rushed towards to jewellery stall.

"Ho, getting something special for someone special, I see?" Jessica giggled.

"Y-Yeah... I was wondering if you could help me pick one. I'm not exactly a person that's good with the bling-blings..." Tiffany blushed.

"Sure, anything for my lil' Fany. Now, that lover of yours... what's she like?"

"She's short, cute, drop-dead gorgeous, emotional, mature but acts like a kid. Oh! And she loves the colour blue!" Tiffany said, full of glee.

"That kinda sounds like her... oh, almost all female celebrities are like that." Jessica thought, not suspecting a thing.

"Emotional and loves blue, eh? Well, then I got the perfect ring! This one!" 

Jessica pointed at a diamond ring. The diamond had a dash of sky blue within it, as though it was soaked in the colours of the sky for years.

And resting beside it, was an exact diamond ring, cutting and all, but it had a darker shade of blue. Royal blue. Its blue, as the name states, are best suited for royalty.

"And, that one, will be the one I'll propose to her with." Taeyeon giggled mentally.

"You're a genius, Sicachu! It's beautiful! I'm sure she'll love it!" Tiffany's eyes sparked at the jewel that was kept inside the showcase.

"Of course I'm a genius! Now, you better spit it out! Who's the lucky girl?" Jessica held the shorter girl in a neck hold.

"Yah, yah, yah! It hurts! Let me go! I'll tell you if you let me go!" Tiffany wriggled out of Jessica's hold.

"JUST KIDDING! I'LL TELL YOU AFTER I PROPOSED TO HER!" Tiffany sticked out her tongue at Jessica.

"Yah! You stupid kid!"

The 2 shorties made a few silly antics in the store. After noticing that they were a little too loud, Tiffany bought her ring in a hurry, and the 2 shorties left the store for the dorms, not before apologizing to the patrons profusely.

~ 

I arrived back to reality, by the mini tremors Tiffany was giving me.

"Sicachu! Can you be our bridesmaid?! You and Sunny! I know this is a little too much, but Taeng and I really want you two to be our bridesmaids. Bunny already agreed!" 

I staggered a little, unsure what to say. Fortunately, I regained my posture and gave the biggest 'smile' I could muster up to her.

"Sure! Why not?"

I hear the rest cheering, some even jeering, upset that they couldn't be the lucky one. 

"Oh, and Sica, are you okay? You look pale and your eyes are red..."

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Just caught a little flu, that's all." I shook my head, telling her I'm okay.

"More importantly, congratulations, my Ms. Eye Smile and my Kid Leader. You guys have no idea how happy I am for you two. It's about time you guys got married. Fany! You idiot! Why didn't you tell me that it was our Taeyeon?!" I joked, trying my best not to choke on the words.

"Hehe. Bleh." Tiffany gave me a merong as she blushed.

 It was then when someone interrupted our 'pleasant' conversation.

"It's 3 already? I bet all of you pregnant ladies are all hungry. Tiffany-ah, how about you and the others go out for a meal? Sica doesn't look too well. I'll take care of her. Just buy back some food for us."

"YEAH! LET'S GO!" "Take care of our Ice Princess for us, Bunny!" "We'll buy back a buffet for you!" "Take care, unnies!" "Remember to take your meds!" 

I watched them march out of the door, as they shouted various words sentences.

I was left alone in the dorm, along with Sunny.

My caretaker was no one else but her. She grabbed me from behind, and brought me back into the room.

I sat on my king-sized bed, and made myself comfortable, still wearing my mask.

"You can stop wearing that mask of yours now. They're all gone. I know you love Taeyeon."

I was taken aback. Was I really that obvious? I had to save this situation. I couldn't let Sunny know. I couldn't let anyone know.

"W-What are talking about? What mask? You must be jokin- H-Huh? Tears? T-This are tears of joy. I'm so happy that 2 of my sisters are get-" I was pulled into an embrace, as tears unconsciously slid out of my eyes. I couldn't keep it in anymore. It hurts. It hurts so, so much.

"Shush, enough Jess. Enough. Let it all out."

I cried. I broke down. I can't recall when was the last time I cried this hard. A year ago? Two years ago? I was letting all the stored emotions out at one go. I couldn't bottle it up any longer. I felt her drew circles on my back, as she tightened the embrace.

Yes, I needed a hug. I needed a hug like this. I was desperate for warmth. I opened my arms, and hugged her back. My tears were soaking her shirt, as I cried onto the nook of her neck.

"It hurts... it hurts so much... I love her... I really do..." 

"I know Jess, I know. Let it all out. I'm here for you."

~

Today was the day. The day of Taeyeon and Tiffany's marriage. A month flew past like nothing, with me trying to maintain that mask every single day, but it would end up shattering into pieces at the end of the day, when Sunny offers me her embrace.

I was with Taeyeon. Alone. In the dressing room. I was the bridesmaid, after all. I was to make sure everything was to be perfect. Her dress, her make-up, her everything. (Not that it wasn't perfect already.) The rest of the crew and the members went out to check on the isle, ensuring that everything was okay.

It was awkward. I don't know why. But there was an awkward air around us. Usually we would be talking non-stop. About... everything and anything. We always had a conversation. But today... Today was different.

I tried to occupy myself by finding things to do. Anything. From clearing up the table to checking up on the dresses. Everything. I was busy with the cosmetics, when she finally spoke. Finally, after more than half an hour of silence. She spoke.

"Sica-yah..." Her voice. Her voice that made me think that an angel that has descended from the Heavens was calling me. How long? How long has it been since she's called me that?

"Yes, my lovely bride to be?" I replied flawlessly, not a tone of sadness, not a tone of hesitation. I had my flawless mask on today, after all. It was a huge occasion. I couldn't afford a single slip-up.

"You were there, that night, weren't you? When Tiffany proposed to me, that is." She suddenly blurted out.

I stayed frozen on the spot, unsure of what to say.

"Did she see me? Did she really see me breaking down? Impossible. She couldn't have. I was hiding in the darkn-" I was into my very own mind again, as questions shot on continuously.

"I know you were there, Tae. I saw you. I saw you. I was waiting for you. I was waiting for you to-" 

"To? To what? Continue, Kim Taeyeon! Why did you stop?!"

The door creaked open. 

"Oh. That's why she stopped."

"C'mon, girls! Tiffany and the Pastor are already waiting at the isle! We gotta move!" Our beloved manager noona said in delight.

"Y-Yeah. I'll be right out, noona." I heard Taeyeon stutter a little.

It was as though the closing of the door was the signal. The second the door closed shut, Taeyeon rushed up towards me, and sealed my lips with hers. I was shocked. Utterly shocked. But I didn't care. 

"How long? How long have I craved for that pair of lips to be pushed against mine?"

I kissed back almost instantaneously. It was aggressive, yet innocent, yet pure. We broke off seconds later, both of us, flustered.

I looked down. I didn't know what to say. My best friend is outside on the isle, waiting for us, and here I am, making out with her bride. What kind of friend am I?

I could sense that she was looking at me, boring holes in me. She lifted my chin with her index finger, causing me to look directly into her seductive gaze.

"Thank you, Sica. Thank you so much for everything. I love you." She pulled me into an embrace, and I lifted my chin to rest on her shoulder.

I missed her scent. I missed her shoulders. I miss her everything. I hugged her as tightly as I could, as though it would be the last hug I could give her. Muttering a barely audible "I love you" to her. It was then, when I felt her slip something into the small pocket I had in my one-piece dress.

"Now, let's go."

I simply nodded. 

~ 

Wedding bells rang, cheers were heard, as I walked behind Taeyeon. We walked down the aisle, my heart tightening as we took small steps. There, not more than 5 meters away, was Tiffany Hwang, donning a gorgeous, wedding dress, dashed with a light shade of pink. She was gorgeous. I was happy for her, for that few seconds as we walked down the aisle. My 5 other sisters too, were sitting at the front, cheering and clapping. Some of them, including Seohyun, were already in tears.

We finally arrived in front of the altar, as Tiffany and Taeyeon facing each other. With Sunny and I standing beside them respectively.

The Pastor, whom was already standing on the altar, then opens his bible.

"We have come together today, in the presence of the Gods above as they bear witnesses to you, Tiffany Hwang, and you, Kim Taeyeon, in holy matrimony. This is a special time of celebration that the two of you will long remember, and because of this, we are grateful to share in your joy. Before I continue, would there be anyone, anyone at all, that objects to this marriage?"

The entire church was silent, but my mind wasn't. I was fighting a mental war. A war beyond what history has seen. A side of me told myself to yell out 'Objection!', and I had a hundred and one reasons as to why I object to this marriage, as to why I deserve Taeyeon more. But Tiffany, Tiffany too, had a hundred and one reasons as to why SHE deserves Taeyeon more than me. The other, was telling me to let go, and give them your most earnest blessings.

"It's too late, Jessica. You had your chance. You just wasn't quick enough."

I kept mum, and the Pastor immediately continued.

"Please, may the two brides please join hands."

"Tiffany Hwang, do you take this woman, Kim Taeyeon, to be your lawfully wedded wife, and do you promise to love, honor and respect her, and comfort her, and keep her in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her for so long as you both shall live?"

There was a small giggle from Tiffany, eyes turning into crescent moons, as she looked into Taeyeon eyes.

"Gosh, this is so mushy." I watched her blush.

"I do." 

 "Kim Taeyeon, do you take this woman, Tiffany Hwang, to be your lawfully wedded wife, and do you promise to love, honor and respect her, and comfort her, and keep her in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her for so long as you both shall live?"

I felt her taking in a deep breath beside me, as she look around the church, glancing at every single face that was present. Families, relatives, friends.

And last but not least, she took a small glance at me.

Yes, I noticed it from the side of my eye. And I also did not fail to notice the exact bittersweet smile she gave to me that very day when Tiffany announced their marriage.

I clenched my jaw. Holding back the tears that at the utmost time, threatened to fall.

She looked back at Tiffany, and also made a giggle.

"I do."

"You may now exchange rings."

I watched in pain, as Taeyeon puts the ring unto Tiffany's fingers.

"That should be me, right there."

"You may now, kiss the bribe."

It took me all I had, to not break down and cry, to not close my eyes, to not scream out in pain, right there and then. There, stood my best friend and the love of my life, as the exchange vows and of course a kiss that would seal the marriage. I had to witness this special but painful moment. I had to. 

Roars were heard from the seats around us, champagnes bottles corks were heard popping. It was indeed, a very happy occasion.

For most of us, at least.

~

Dinner was torture. We dined on the same table, and I barely ate anything. I was too mentally exhausted to have any appetite. It felt like eternity. Thankfully it eventually came to an end. We were outside on the porch, chatting and 'laughing' as we sipped on the highest grade of champagnes.

I couldn't stand it any longer. I felt as though I might faint anytime now. I had to leave. I had to return home. I excused myself from the two newlyweds.

"I'm sorry, girls. I can't hold it much longer. I felt as though I'm going to faint. Must be the bad weather recently." I half-lied, once again flawlessly.

"Oh, dear. Don't worry. You better home and take a rest." Tiffany put her small but warm hands onto my face.

“Sunny, could you do us a favour and send this poor our Jessica back?"

"Sure, no problem."

"No! It's okay. I can head home myself. I can't have another member leave your wedding!" I argued, genuinely feeling guilty.

"Yah! Jessica Jung! I'm the bride here! So you'll listen to me!" Tiffany barked at me almost immediately.

I gave in, allowing Sunny to fetch me home.

That's not before every single one of the members gave me a hug, that is, with Tiffany and Taeyeon coming in last.

"Thank you for everything, Jess. I love you." Tiffany muttered into my ear and kissed my forehead.

I nodded and walked towards Taeyeon, almost demanding a hug.

She immediately bear hugged me, lifting me up from the ground, causing some of the other members to laugh.

"Yah! Put me down! I'm sick!" I slapped her arm.

"Okay, okay. Thank you, for everything, Sica-yah. When you reach home, look into your pocket. I love you." She muttered as quietly as possible, before kissing me on the cheek.

I nodded, and waved as Tiffany lead me to her car, telling myself to only look into my pocket when I reached home.

 ~ 

The drive home was quiet, as I looked out at the scenery, thinking of the past events. My mask was crumbling, and thankfully Sunny would be with me back in the dorms.

When we reached home, I told Sunny to wait for me outside my room, and I told her if she was to hear me cry, it means I needed her embrace.

I sat down onto my bed, and took out what was awaiting me in my pocket.

A locket. A golden locket with a long chain.

I pressed the tip open, and it revealed a small little oval photo of Taeyeon and I, in each other's embrace as we took a selca back in 2010. Tears were already falling, and I noticed that there was something else on the other side of the locket.

A note.

I pulled it out and left the locket beside me, and unfolded the piece of note.

-----

To my beloved Jessica Jung.

Sica-yah. ♥

By the time you're reading this, I would probably be with Tiffany.

How long has it been? 6 years since we've met each other. For 6 years, I've have loved you quietly. Secretly. Yes. You've read it right. I. Love. You. I've always did. There was a period of time where we were so close, weren’t me? Oh, how I miss those times we share together. I miss them, I miss them so much, I could give up stardom, just to be able to hold you again, Sica.

There was a time, when I tried to get your attention, you were always concerned with either Sooyoung or Sunny. Did you know how much it hurt my heart? It was then that Tiffany approached me, comforting me. She stayed by my side. She loved me unconditionally. I know you tried to talk to me again, Sica. I know you tried your best, but by then, it was too late. Tiffany stole my heart away.

That was why, I accepted her proposal, Sica. I knew. I knew you were hiding in the darkness. I saw your petite little figure hiding there, you pabo. Why did you hesitate? Why did you take so long? I was waiting for you Sica. I was waiting for you. 

It doesn't matter now, does it? For I am already with Tiffany. But please, don't be mistaken. I've always loved you, and I will still love you. 

- Your eternal lover, Kim Taeyeon. ♥

P.S. Check the locket again. The other, I accept. ♥

-----

Tears, were falling profusely. I was already starting to sob. My heart felt like it was shattered to bits, again. Again and again and again. I picked up the locket that was resting beside me, and I noticed something shining through my water-blurred vision. 

"A... ring...?"

It wasn't just any other ring. It was the exact royal blue ring I bought. The ring that I planned to use to propose to Taeyeon. I rushed out of bed, tears still flowing, and towards my drawer. I took out the snow blue valet box, opened it, and found out that it was missing. 

"She took it... she accepted my love."

That was the breaking point. I broke down, wailing. Wailing like there's no tomorrow. It was then, Sunny busted from outside and rushed towards me. I hugged her as I held firmly on top the locket. 

"Sica! Hush, Sica… Hush. It's all over now." I heard Sunny mutter into my ears.

I wailed even harder, to a point where I couldn't process anything through my brain. I tried to stop my tears, but it was as though my tears broke through the dams. It was as though a loved one of mine died. It hurt. It hurt so badly. The pain in my heart. I felt like someone picked it up and smashed it, stepping on the shattered pieces in the process. 

"Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?!"

I was so close... yet so far.

I was a second, too late.

---

Author's Note: Hey guys! Yeap. This story was meant to be a TaeNySic one, tbh. But yeah, I had to make a SooSunTae shot for my favourite author and good friend bernybro. So I decided to edit this chapter into a SooSunTae one, but alas, here is the original copy! I hope you guys do enjoy it!

Remember to comment and subscribe~

-009ine

P.S. I swear to god my heart was breaking as I re-wrote(juuuuust a little) this chapter.