Daehyun is all too used to pity. In his tiny hometown with a population of at most thirty different families, everyone knows each other. He hadn’t ever minded the closeness. In fact, he had enjoyed the warmth. Back home, apartment buildings had only two stories and a few apartments on each floor. They had only a couple of these apartment buildings, and the rest of the community was made up of squatting, old, single-level houses. During the summers, Daehyun devoted his nights to building bonfires on the beach with the rest of the teenagers from the town and singing for the fun of it at frequent barbecues. His days he spent soaked in salty ocean water and sweat, running errands, if there were any, from over the whole town for a little bit of extra pocket change. The rest of the year, he studied more dutifully than most, dreaming big of moving to the city. Around holiday season, the town fought the chill of the weather with the heat of a welcoming fire in the houses that had a fireplace. Several families would pile into these homes, laughing loudly late into the night and sharing mugs of hot drinks.

Of course, in a community knit so tight, there are no secrets. All in the matter of a day—a sad, gray day—the comfort of his hometown turns into a stifling net with little room to breathe.

Daehyun’s father passes in an explosion of screeching tires, crushed metal, and shattered glass when Daehyun is just fourteen. His father spends a long day and night in the nearest hospital, hooked to whirring machines, comatose. His last breath comes in the early hours of the morning, before the sun tickles the horizon. Suddenly, it’s no longer Daehyun and his family. Suddenly, it’s just Daehyun and his mother and a community full of people who can never replace the man that Daehyun has lost.

They offer apologies and condolences. The whole town attends the funeral, but Daehyun can only hate them for it. He cries shamelessly, unrestrained, lashing out violently when someone attempts to tell him it’ll be okay. Daehyun loathes that word. Okay. Nothing about his father gone forever from the world could be summed up in four letters and two syllables.

The years pass, and Daehyun only throws himself harder into schoolwork. He’s even more eager to escape from his hometown and pursue his goals. He spends less time with friends and more time hidden behind closed doors with a textbook in his lap, and slowly but surely he and his mother are separated from the web of their community. They move to the next town over when Daehyun’s mother gets a job that pays a little more. This town has taller apartment buildings and more people. Now, there’s no more community to speak of. It’s just Daehyun and his mother.

.

#100: The world is such a big place, isn’t it? We’re like ants. We’re vulnerable, but somehow we all still have something different to try for. We’re so determined to achieve our goals, until life crushes us with a boot.

Somewhere in this big, big world, I lost my parents. One day, they just never came home. I don’t know why. I stayed at home alone for days, waiting for them to come back. I didn’t go to school because I was afraid that I would miss them if they returned while I was out. I was just a kid. I didn’t think to call the police. Only after a week, when I called my grandmother, did she file a missing persons report to the police. For that week when I was alone, the house was entirely silent. I could have sworn I could hear the echo of my footsteps. Even the little neighborhood I lived in was quiet, and I didn’t hear a single car pass by my house. We lived right on the curb of the street, so it was really strange not to hear cars the entire time.

I really hate the quiet.

But don’t get me wrong. I don’t want your pity. I figure I just needed to get this off my chest.

.

Daehyun has had his fair share of pity. He hates it. He doesn’t need people to look down upon him or give concessions and justify it with their pity for him. He’s lost his father, yes, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s still lucky. Lucky that he can sing, that he can go to college, and that he came out alright in the end. Daehyun doesn’t need pity, and neither does his friend. Daehyun smiles, wry at first, a cheek lifting. Before he knows it, he can’t stop the grin that spreads across his face. As much as he tries to cover his teeth, he can’t contain the laughter bubbling in his chest.

Yongguk looks up from his notes in surprise, and the rhythm he’s been tapping with his fingers onto his laptop’s mouse pad pauses. His eyes widen and he stares until Daehyun’s smile slowly ebbs away, leaving content satisfaction in its wake. Then, Yongguk matches Daehyun’s grin, gums revealed, eyes crinkling. Daehyun later admits that he’s just as astonished with Yongguk’s sudden expression of happiness as Yongguk had been with his. They’re laughing at each other—laughing together—and the mirth doesn’t subside until a good five minutes later.

“I didn’t know you could smile like that,” Daehyun mentions awkwardly in the aftermath. He’s unearthed an orange highlighter from somewhere and is coloring a more neatly cut square of paper with it to add a pop of color to the crane he’s going to fold.

Yongguk raises an eyebrow in question. “I could say the same for you.”

“I meant,” Daehyun searches for the words, comes up empty. “I meant I didn’t know a Seoulite could smile like that.”

“You’re not from Seoul?” Yongguk asks in amazement.

“I’m from Busan.”

“I couldn’t tell at all. You don’t have even a hint of the accent. Now that I look closer, you’re a little darker skinned, but nothing like some of my friends,” Yongguk comments. “I don’t mean that negatively,” he amends hastily, when Daehyun shoots him a guarded look.

Daehyun sighs. “I know. Sorry. I just—wanted to fit in, I guess.”

“You don’t have to stop smiling to fit in, you know. In fact, I’m sure you’d have girls all over you if you just grinned once at them like that.”

Daehyun shrugs and stays quiet. Yongguk doesn’t need to know that Daehyun doesn’t really swing that way.

Did you know, he writes later that evening into his crane, that you can smile even in Seoul?

a/n: This chapter is dedicated to my waifu, who is having some stress right now. :c Stay strong, baby! ily soooo much. <333

<33333
-Jess