Goodbye Summer

The rays of the hot sun passing through the classroom's small open window hits him directly as he doodles at the back of his notebook. It makes him stand out (not actually) from the rest, and I do think that I'm the only one who notices or even bothers about it.

His name is Choi Minho, by the way; a student of class 3-2. You see, he's quite different. He's not your average-looking Korean school guy. He has a darker skin complexion and bigger eyes. And even if I see him as the "crush-of-every-school-girl" type of guy, he isn't one. He's a timid guy; another ordinary guy, but not to me.

To avoid being caught, I always do the tried and tested way of staring at your crush: I will look at the board, then my notebook and pretend to be writing something every after 5 seconds of selfishly staring at him. But, special cases need to be considered. When he's looking at the side, it's a precaution not to look at him and take a break from observing his features. Why? Because his seat's beside me.

I don't know when it all exactly started, actually. It just happened that one day, while I was talking to him, he started glowing, flowers bloom on his side, and every action he did all slowed down. All of a sudden, you'll realize that you're stupidly staring him, looking dumb in front him. It's just like what you see in those romantic movies. Yes, those hilarious yet realistic scenes.

We're actually good friends. No, not those kind of "friends" where you just say 'hi' to each other and feel awkward to each other afterwards. We're better than that. We're closer than that. We actually 'talk' to each other and joke sometimes.

Oh God, it felt like that I've stared at him longer that what's supposed to. Oh , he is looking at me, laughing. Was I caught?

I came back to my senses and ask, "Why?"

He smiles and says, "Are you okay? You're staring blankly at me."

"Huh?" I said as I scratch my head. Not again. "Sorry. I just thought of a lot of things."

"Am I one of them?" he asks as he laughs. I laugh back as I look back at my notebook and doodle random shapes with my blue pen. He punches me lightly on my right arm and I rub it afterwards.

I get that joke from him a lot, and I just laugh back. If the mind couldn't filter things, I could have answered it already. But the world and the human body know its functions. And it's better that way.

It's already lunchtime and I bought my favorite chicken and rice meal, and the school's National Drink, banana milk. I slowly walk towards the table where Minho and some of our mutual friends are. I sit right beside my friend, Kibum, while facing Minho.

Again, it's his lunch—chicken and rice meal, and banana milk. "Oh, we have the same lunch!" he notices as his eyes widen. I love that expression on him. It makes him look like an innocent kid, like those kids who are in Hello Baby. Yes, he's that cute with that expression. No other guy could pull that off.

I smirk and say, "Again." Yes, that's one thing we have in common— we have almost the same food taste and cravings. And that's the only thing we have in common, aside from the other things that I consider insignificant. For example, we both have black hair, because, duh, we're both of Korean descent.

Anyway, we continue eating our lunch as he laughs at Jonghyun's huge collection of jokes. I wish I could have Jonghyun's sense of humor. I want to make him laugh like that. My jokes are lame, but he finds a way to laugh about it.

The heat of the nearing summer continues as the class progresses. I remember the last summer I had. It's one of those great summers where I get to rise up from my bed and actually do something.

My group of friends, including Minho, had our own camping at the near camping site we have here. It's actually my first camping trip and I had no idea how things would happen.

All things happened slowly, but happily. Unlike those boring classes where it's killing you while time is slowly ticking. Anyway, a lot of things happened. I was made fun while I was sleeping on the car, I had five attempts in setting my tent up (which, thankfully, Minho helped me after), we climbed up a mountain (it was very tiring), we had a bonfire after, ate some s'mores, sung different songs about love and its opposite, and just stayed quiet while observing the huge fire on the middle of our circle.

It was a great experience, and my feelings developed more for him. I still remember that time where he held my hand before I went to my tent and said "good night" with that killer smile. You wouldn't believe how I was exploding and jumping inside. For other people, it was nothing but for me, it meant a lot.

But, then again, I couldn't let myself express those feelings. I let a gentle smile and pretended to be sleepy with my eyes, and said, "Good night."

He patted my back and smiled more before he went to his tent. I entered my tent, and from that point, I wouldn't tell you what happened. Let's just say that I jumped for joy (which is an exaggeration because I couldn't jump in a tent).

The classes end for the day. I prepare my bag and wear it on my shoulders. Minho looks at me and says, "Do you want to go with me?"

"Where?" I ask.

"To the café," he says with a big smile.

Oh, that… Look, what I've been telling you is quite filtered and was in favor of me.

Do you know why I couldn't say that I love him? It's not just because I'm afraid, but also because he has a girlfriend. Yes, unfortunately, he has one. They've been a couple since last year, way before I had these feelings for him. I've been best friends with his girlfriend, that's why I couldn't afford to get rid of her (just kidding). But, to tell you the truth, I was the one who introduced her to him. Yes, you can call me names now (but please don't).

Minho told me how he was interested in her, and how she was interested in Minho. I was their box of secrets, and I knew everything about it. They're a great and cute couple actually. They have the same personalities, and have MORE than one thing in common.

To cut the story short, they became a couple two months after the slow interaction between them. I was the one who pushed them to be a couple. I wouldn't lie, I kind of regret doing that, but they're happy so it's cool. I'm not a couple-wrecker; I just like things to go with its flow, even without me.

"Here we go with me being the third wheel again," I joke. He titters for a while before I roll my eyes and say, "Okay."

We enter the café, ordered two Caramel Frappuccino (which we love) and one Strawberry Caramel Frappuccino, and find a seat to sit in. After about three minutes, she enters the café. Minho stands up and kisses her on the cheeks. She lets out a big smile, and sits beside Minho, while I'm in front of them. I say hi to her, and she asks me, "How's it going?"

I drink my Frappuccino and after, I respond, "I'm good. Summer's nearing and I'm already excited."

"Will you go camping again?" she asks.

"Of course!" I say enthusiastically. I drink my cold Frappuccino once more.

I look at them. They keep on laughing on their inside jokes even I couldn't understand. Their hands are holding and her head is leaning on Minho's shoulder. They just look sweet when you look at them.

Minho and I are still wearing our navy blue school uniform, while she was wearing her white and pink one. We're not from the same schools. I look at her hands intertwined with his, and hers looks so porcelain compared to mine. I look at her droopy eyes, her mole on the cheek, her mole on the tip of her nose, and her thick and pink lips.

Bitterness fills my mind. It's the first time that this happened to me.

Why can't Minho like me?

Why her?

Why am I here torturing myself?

Why?

WHY?

"Taemin," Minho calls me. I blink once. Twice. Thrice. I let go of my cold Frappuccino. I look at him and he asks, "We're going to go home now. Let's go."

"No, I'm fine. I need time for myself first," I say.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

They both get off their seats and they both say goodbye, and I say, "Goodbye, Minho and Sulli."

They leave the café and I am left alone. A tear drops from my eye. It's not enough to make them feel what I am feeling right now.

I look at my nametag near my chest: Lee Taemin.

Tears continue to fall nonstop.

Do you know why I couldn't express my feelings for him? Aside from the things I said earlier, another reason is that we're both men. And from that point, everyone in Korea knows that I must stop. It's forbidden. It's taboo.

I grab my Caramel Frappuccino and Sulli's Strawberry Caramel Frappuccino and swap them. I put my Frappuccino and Minho's Frappuccino together. Why couldn't two things of the same kind be together?

I continuously cry.

The sun sets in front of me.

I, too, say goodbye.

Hopefully, I can forget these feelings one day.

Let them live happily.

Let me live in bliss.