listen to this x. 

-

You can't love anyone yet.

I know your heart is exhausted.

I stayed by your side. 

You only live in the love of your past.

It's been almost 2 years since Myungsoo had his first heartbreak, and he's still hurt. 

I remember the nights he'd come to me, and he'd talk about his first love. He'd talk about how they kissed, hugged, went out on dates together, and all I could think about is how I wanted to do those things with him. I remember taking him out, and setting him up on dates with other men, but he always thought about him; Lee Sungyeol. He never loved another man after him. And through those years, I was always by his side. 

I want you and resent you, only you.

You make these times hard for me. 

I don't want to know about your painful past.

He never understood how much I loved him. Even now, he still doesn't know. He'll never understand how much I wanted to be in Sungyeol's place. He'll never understand how much I want to hold him in my arms, and tell him that everything will be alright. He'll never understand that, even though I love him, I hate him for making every day painful for me. I hate him for not noticing that I could be a better boyfriend to him than Lee Sungyeol did. Nor will he ever understand how much I hated hearing him talk about Sungyeol. Yet, I beared it all, just for him.

Even when you laugh out loud, 

I know your heart is crying.

"Myungsoo-ah~ Running Man is on!" I yelled, taking a seat on the couch. 

Myungsoo walked out of the bathroom, and sat down next to me with a sigh. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and my body stiffened.

"It's your favorite episode," I said, and he nodded against my shoulder. 

"Yay," He mumbled unhappily. I bit my lip, and decided to remain quiet.

It was that episode with SNSD, and it came to the part where Gary does his strange dance. I began to crack up, laughing at how stupid he looked. Myungsoo sat up, and laughed slightly. 

'Did he just laugh?' I thought.

I looked at him as he laughed. The laugh didn't sound as happy and as genuine as before. When I looked at his face, I could still see the sadness in his eyes. It was a bitter laugh.

I stopped laughing, and looked down. "Myungsoo."

"Hm?"

"Don't act like it's funny," I mumbled.

"...but it is." He implied.

"Don't lie," I said, looking at him. "Look, if you don't wanna watch this anymore because you don't enjoy it, then fine. We can just do something else," I suggested.

"I don't want to do anything right now, hyung," He decided after a while. "I just want to be alone."

I want to hold you, 

but I don't want you to know how I feel.

"Something bothering you?" I asked. The answer was obvious, but I still asked anyways.

"I'm fine, I just-" His words were cut off as my phone went off. He looked at it, and his eyes widened. "L-lee...."

I looked at my phone, and sighed. "Sungyeol." I muttered. I rejected the call, and threw my phone to the side. 

At this point, Myungsoo's eyes were glossy with tears. 

"T-that j-jerk still-" He takes a breath before continuing. "That jerk still talks to you?"

I nod, and he lets out another bitter laugh.

"What a loser," His voice trembles, and I remain quiet for a while. 

Then, Myungsoo's soft cries fill up the empty room. He mutters things about Sungyeol; saying that he's stupid, he's a liar, he's a loner. But, I know he doesn't mean all that. I know how much he secretly wants to talk to him, and see him. I know how much he just wants to be with him again. 

And when I see Myungsoo like this, an all too familiar sight, I want to hug him tightly. But, I've never had the courage to do so. 

So, like always, I pat his back, and tell him to it up. Because that's all I can do as his friend.

You need someone to fill that empty spot.

I want too much just to be 

a temporary source of rest for you.

"Myungsoo, you know that I'll always be there for you right? No matter how much you're still hurting over that jerk. The only reason I still talk to him is to tell him off. I hate to say this Myungsoo...but he doesn't care about you anymore. He's found another man to love, and I think you need to find another man too. Someone like me could do. I know I may sound selfish, but I saw you first. I fell for you first. I thought I made my feelings clear for you, but he got in the way, and took you away. All those times I was sad was because of you. You may have been hurting for a while now, but I've been hurting longer than you have. Not to mention that I'm still hurting now. Seeing you hurt makes me hurt too. I want to help, Myungsoo. But, what can I do? I want to make you feel better, but in a way where you won't reject me. What should I do, Myungsoo?"

Myungsoo looks up from across the street, and calls me over. "Hurry, the food's getting cold."

I nod, and let out a breath. "If only you heard what I said.."

I want you and I resent you, only you.

You're making me regret tomorrow.

I'll only tell myself;

"When are you going to tell him, Howon?" Dongwoo asks me, and I try to ignore him. "You'll never know unless you-"

"Try," I finish. "I know. But, what can I say? Hey Myungsoo, I'm kind of madly in love with you and I want to punch you in the face."

"Well, take out the nine last words and you're fine," Dongwoo jokes.

"It's not that easy," I glare at him. 

"But, how can you handle listening to him talk about another man?" Dongwoo asks seriously.

Later on that night, I'm with Myungsoo and he's sound asleep on my bed. I continue to his hair softly.

"Myungsoo..." I sigh. "I'll never have the guts to tell you how I really feel. I can tell anybody how I feel, even a random stranger, but I can never tell you. It's fine, I will continue to tell myself that everything will get better, even though I love you a lot."

I close my eyes, and fall asleep, praying that tomorrow will be better than other days.

Little did I know that, that night, Myungsoo heard everything.

-

well.

now that I'm done, I'm a little unsatisfied? i'm so sorry if it's bad guys >3< but please let me know what you think?

btw, the song is "Want and Resent" by As One :) but I love Taeyeon and Jessica's cover more, so i put that instead. :)