"Rain! Hey!"

A voice that I haven’t heard in 5 years calls my name. My hands get clammy, my heart races, and a chill run downs my spine as the memories come flooding back. Memories laced with both laughter and pain, it feels like someone is playing pinball with my emotions. I try to hold it together and display a blank look as I turn to face her. I tell myself to be friendly, but not eager.

"Sue! Oh wow! It’s been a while!"

Normally I’d ask “how’ve you been” when I run into someone I haven’t seen in a long time, but with her it’s different. I don’t want to know. If I could’ve gone on with the rest of my life not seeing or hearing from her again, things would’ve been just dandy. She looks different from what I remember. Still petite, but older looking. Fuller face? The hair? The clothes? I guess a person can go through a lot of changes in 5 years.

"Yeah! When was the last time? Like 4 or 5 years ago? Oh my god! You haven’t changed one bit! You look exactly the same!"

Well, there goes that. I guess at 29 it’s a compliment, but I was hoping she’d take notice of my newfound maturity. Maybe give a nod to my new and improved fashion sense.

"So how have you been?"

I shrug and reply, “Oh you know, more of the same.”

I am purposefully vague. She’s the one that moved on, and that means she doesn’t get to pry into any part of my life. I’m petty, I know, but I justify it with my heartache. If you knew the pain I’ve felt in these last 5 years…or maybe I’m being a baby about the whole thing.

"How’s Jeff doing? Your mom and dad?"

I offer more friendly banter, dancing around personal questions, trying to evade any details of her personal life that she might volunteer. I don’t want to know that she has a new boyfriend, or that she’s engaged, happily married, kids, none of that. I don’t need confirmation of my greatest fears. Guess I’m not as over her as I once thought.

"They’re doing fine. Jeffrey’s working in the bay area. I’m—"

"Oh sorry" I interrupt, as I pull out my phone. It’s a low move, but for the sake of self-preservation I do what I have to. I pretend to have a conversation. "Hey! I’m just now leaving KK. Are you there yet? Ok, I’ll be right over."

"I’m sorry Sue, my friend’s waiting for me. I really should get going. It was nice seeing you again."

A puzzled look flashes across her face, and with a little less enthusiasm than before she says “yeah.” 

From behind me, Mike’s voice calls out, “Rain, still here?” I silently thank the gods for this exit opportunity. His timing could not have been better. Well maybe a little earlier wouldn’t have hurt.