The butterflies in her stomach didn't spread their beautiful wings and fly, no sweaty palms, her heart didn't skip a beat, her cheeks didn't flush red at the thought of him. There was no affirmation of love, no signal of affection. But it hit her, that she was head over heels for him. She doesn't know when, why and exactly how. But it happened, she fell for him and she fell hard.

 

She asks herself. If it was because of his idiotic smile, the way he messily style his raven hair, or the way he walks in front of her with his books held tightly on his side, or that time he jumped over a 170 cm high bar. That's like my height, she muttered then, when he succeeded and when he flashed her a victorious grin. She felt something, maybe it was her inner child that was gaping in awe of his capability. The way his face turns red when he gets embarrassed, she thought it was so gay. 

 

But he was more of a man than she could ever imagine. 

 

That one time the class went on a road trip to Jeju Island and he had come out of the changing room bare footed, only in his mixed black swimming trunk and his glasses where placed safely in a case, hiding under the pile of clothes in his hands. She saw his biceps flexes when the cold wind hits his skin. She even told him he was stupid for going swimming early in the morning when the water was so cold. She wonders how those arms would feel around her body on a chilly winter day. Although he hurriedly threw his towel around his neck, covering up the most up his exposed upper body. She saw the almost invisible middle line on his stomach that keeps his six-pack divined. She looks away because she saw the way he turned crimson red, she only chuckled and made her way to the pier.

 

 

She sat with her long legs folded together, her hands supporting her body as she leans back and watches the sun rises between the clouds. She thinks she can't see the beauty of the star when she returns to Seoul. Without shifting her eyes to see, she knew he was standing there. Next to her, the pier sank with his body weight. He was shivering because of the early summer breeze. It's the rainy season after all. Her dark red hair falls down on her shoulder, the dark circles under her eyes are the proof of staying up late until 2AM.

"I told you to stay in the cabin and sleep." She sighed and lifted her head, looking at his face. She thought he looked more good looking without his glasses, but she didn’t dare to tell him that. He brings his fingers up to push the glasses that isn’t there, back up to his nose bridge.

 

"You know I can't sleep pass 8AM on the weekends." He answers, his voice deep like the bass in Minseok's bag. 

 

Of course she knows, he told her one night when they were talking on Skype. When they were confessing their sleeping habits, he would be at his step mother from Friday night to Sunday morning. The three toddlers are up at 9 and they would be running around the house, screaming like maniacs and so he bid goodbye to his sleeping in.

 

"The kids are too loud." She continues and he smiled. 

 

The presence of his towel drops at her hand and the next second he was in the water, he let out a small manly squeal and dips his whole body into the water. When he pops his head up again, she was laying on the pier, with her head resting on his towel and he blinks several times before splashing some cold water at her. Before she could open and yells at him, he has already disappeared into the water again. 

 

After fifteen minutes, he climbs up the pier again and sits next to her. Enjoining the view and he dries his wet hair, small water drops runs down his back and arms. She finds herself staring at him, studying in his features, putting them in the memory box in her head. Without him knowing, her eyes follows his eyes, to the line of his nose down to his lips and she wonders how it will feel if she stealthily plants a small peck on it. Without her knowing, she falls deeper into the trap of Aphrodite.

 

 

Incoming video call, Yeolghurt

 

She lazily clicks on the answer button and pushes a pillow behind her back, sitting up from her potato couch position. He was awkwardly looking at the screen of his computer, slightly waving at her.

 

”Hey Chanyeol.”

 

”Hey, Jinri, I was just wondering. Do we have any english homework?” She thinks it’s stupid, he would always start the conversation talking about homework and exams.

 

”Not what I know of.” She shakes her head, rubbing her eyes and blinks a few times.

 

”Oh okay then, so what’s up?” And he smiles, resting his chin on his open palm.

 

”Not much, I was watching a movie but it ended. How about you?” She chuckles a little because she doesn’t know where to look.

 

”Nothing really, just talking to you.” 

 

And they ended up talking until she fell asleep that night, he quietly laughed at her sleeping face and ended the call. 

 

She hates horror movies, but it was so tempting to watch. The make up, the tricks and the story plots. It fascinated her. She asked Chanyeol if he wanted to watch The Conjuring with her when it’s going to be released, he has asked her if she had asked Jongin and the others. She couldn’t help to mentally face palm herself because he was really clueless about the fact that she’s trying to ask him out. She lied then, telling him she already did and they all were busy. She made up all kinds of excuses in hopes he would buy it whole heartedly, and he did.

 

 

”Hmm, it’s not really my type of movie.”

 

But she still got rejected.

 

”Do you think he knows?” Sehun raises his eyebrows at her and she thinks that they can reach the roof if he raises it any higher.

 

”Psh, no. He’s too oblivious to notice.” Sulli shakes her head, sighing.

 

”What if he knows but he’s pretending to play dumb?” It was Luhan’s turn and it suddenly hit her. What if?

 

”Nah, he doesn’t know”

 

”Know what?” Like a ghost he appeared in front of them, with his idiotic grin plastered on his face.

 

”Nothing!” The three exclaimed and exchanged looks back and forth, did he heard their talk about him?

 

”What were you guys talking about?” He follows them, like a bee that met honey.

 

”It’s nothing Chanyeol.” Luhan laughs and looks at his clock. ”Shoot I’ll be late to my bio class, bye guys!” 

 

She watches as Luhan runs away from them and heads to his class, darn her for having wusses as friends.

 

”I gotta go too…” Sehun’s voice trails off and before she scan protest, he has already disappeared from her sight.

 

She wanted to flee from Chanyeol’s questioning eyes, it feels like they’re boring into her soul. She feels all her thoughts will be spilled if she looks into his eyes. He didn’t say anything, they walked together in silence. Now and then their eyes would meet and he would be the first one that breaks the eye contact and clears his throat.

 

 

”Jessica I don’t know what to do with my life.” 

 

”Kohai, just I don’t know. Give him some carrot and tell him you like him.” She curses the fact that Jessica lives in California and it’s currently 5AM on a Thursday morning and the fact that school starts in three hours wasn’t amusing her.

 

”Senpai.” Sulli whines. ”I’m serious this dude is so oblivious, a dog would understand better than him.”

 

”Alright, alright. Tell me the and I’ll see what I can do.” Jessica puts her blonde hair up into a high pony tail and looks seriously into the camera.

 

”I told him 4-8-6 and he asked me why I said it. Oh, I don’t know? Because I wanted a good laugh?”

 

Jessica froze and Sulli saw how she broke into loud laughters in the next second and she almost wanted to run herself into the door because the embarrassment was un-bearable. 

 

”Look Sulli, if you like him I think you should tell him. If he likes you too, you two can run off into the sunset and get marry. If not then well, just let it go. At least you got it done right?”

 

She hates that Jessica was right, she hates that she doesn’t have the guts to do it and she would probably make a fool out of herself.

 

 

Her breath becomes uneven as she watches the clock, a minute felt like an eternity. His class ends in 5 minutes and she doesn’t know how many time she had to take a deep breath or else she would die because of the lack of oxygen. From a far she sees him walking towards his locker and she flashes him a nervous smile. Slowly she drags her unwilling feet to meet him and she looks up at the tall guy.

 

”Hey..” It was a breathless greeting. He puts his books back to it’s places and took his jacket.

 

”You wanted to tell me something right?” He asks, zipping his soccer’s club jacket.

She nods and she wonders, what will happen to them after the truth is told.

 

They walk together, side by side out of the school gate. The school that has hold their three years of memories together. Autumn is coming and winter is just around the corner. She thinks if she attend Seoul’s Of Art after ninth grade, they would part ways after the graduation and this day would never be speak of again. He would probably come into Seoul’s School Of Integrated Sciences Technologies.

 

He stops when she calls his name, her hands shoved into her jacket pocket. 

 

”I…”

 

He didn’t say anything and waits for her to continue.

 

”You asked me what it was that I couldn’t tell you, the thing that Luhan and Sehun keeps from you. The girl that I told you about, it’s me. I’m the girl that likes you, I don’t like you as a friend. But more than that.” She lowers her gaze and smiles brightly once she found the energy to keep going again. ”You probably don’t feel the same way towards me, but that’s okay. I don’t expect anything from you. You can be shock and run away now if you want to.”

 

 

Again, he was silence. They stood there and looked at each other for awhile, she couldn’t read his expression. His face, it was blank. Like an empty book with no ink.

 

”Okay.” That was all he said, it wasn’t a rejection nor an acceptation. 

 

”I’ll see… you tomorrow then…” She laughs, the air was so thick she could cut it off with a pair of scissors. 

 

”See you.” They turned their back against each other and walks home. Neither of them were online on that afternoon.

 

Maybe it was stupid to confess on a tuesday, they had music class on wednesday and for an odd reason Chanyeol was in her group. She didn’t expect to see him sitting with the other group when she walked in, her heart tightened and it suddenly felt suffocating. Her eyes went blur and she might have bursted out into tears and she doesn’t even know why. 

 

”I’ll be right back.” She had told Kai before running off into the girl’s bathroom, she locked the empty stall and gripped her shirt. Tears starts to fall and she didn’t try to stop it. 

 

When she returned Jongin, Chanyeol and Minseok were sitting waiting for her. She didn’t look at him, afraid that he might see her swollen red eyes.

 

”You okay?” Kai asks, handing her the white electric guitar and a microphone.

 

”I’m all right.” She nods. 

 

The class ended and neither of the two uttered a word to each other.

 

He choose to not talk about it, she swallowed the lump in and walked away.

 

 

Two days later...

 

New message from Yeolghurt

 

”Sulli, do we have any english homework?”

 

She thinks it’s better to pretend like nothing happened and play along with him.