It had been almost a year we were dating. He was my first love and my first boyfriend. I waited for two years for this good thing to happen in my life. We started as strangers, two strangers that didn’t know each other at all. When I saw him for the first time, my heart skipped a beat and the time felt like it slowed down. At that time I know I have fell for him, love at first sight.

I never made a move at him. I just admired him from afar. Just doing that made me felt happy. But there was a part of me wished that he would be mine who knew that my wished came true and then we became best friend. Then, it just happened we became lovers. I only thought about him. I saw no other guy than him. He was the only one in my heart. He would always be with me. He walked me home from school, helped me with my homework and took me out on dates. Even though I knew him for a long time but my heart never change. It always skipped a beat whenever he was around me.

No other guy could make me felt like this, I think he was the only one for me. I trusted him with all my heart. But lately I don’t know why I started to doubt him. Really… Why do I felt like this to my own boyfriend? I thought I trusted him with all my heart.

We were walking at the park while holding hands. We looked at the beautiful scenery beside us. The sun almost down and it created a beautiful reflection on the water.

“Woohyun oppa.” I called him.

“Yes babe?” He absentmindedly answered me. We stopped walking and looked at the beautiful sunset. I leaned my head on his broad shoulder and gently squeezed his hand. But he didn't respond to it like he usually did. “Do you think we can be like this forever? Loving each other till the end?” A question escaped my mouth. He stayed quiet.

I looked up at him and gently shook his arm. “Woohyun oppa.”

He seemed to wake from his little thoughts. He looked at me with a small smile tingled on his lips. “What did you just said?” He asked me. I was about to open my mouth when his phone rang. I closed back my mouth and I watched him fish out his phone from his pocket. He looked at the caller ID. “I have to take this call. Wait here.” He said and walked a good distance from me that I couldn’t hear what he was talking about on his phone.

Why would he walked away to take a phone call? He never did that before. I looked down at my hand where his warm hand held mine before, but it didn't felt warm like it used before. It didn't feel cold either but rather it felt… empty.

I looked up at him and he was smiling brightly and laughed heartily while talking on the phone. Now I noticed that he didn't laugh and smiled like that to me anymore. Now I started to doubt him more…

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I was in my class staring into distance, thinking about Woohyun. The culinary arts students at Kyunghee University were busy talking about the new recipes that the chef just gave us. But I didn't have any interest in talking about it now. I sighed and looked down on my desk. The book was opened and it showed the recipe that we just learnt. I sighed again and banged my head on the desk, making a loud bang. I’m sure some students must be looking at me but I couldn’t care less.

 I stayed like that for a while; not moving an inch, letting my hair covered my face. I lifted my head a bit and bang my head on the desk again but this time I felt no pain at all.

“You’ll going to break the desk if you do that again.” A gentle voice said. I just realized that a big warm hand was on my forehead. This hand was the one who stopped me from hurting myself. I lifted my head up and that hand went inside his pocket. “Daehyun oppa.” I gave him a small smiled.

He smiled a bit, a small concerned smiled. “What’s wrong?” He asked and took a seat in front of me. Daehyun and I knew each other since middle school. He was very cold person. He rarely smiled and talked but we became best friends. Some people found it strange that I could befriended with a cold person like him. But he had a warm heart that nobody knew.

“What are you doing here oppa? You’re not in this class.” I asked trying to change the topic.

“You know I always come here when I don’t have any class.” He said with an eyebrow raised. “Right…” I muttered under my breath. He stared at me with those piercing eyes of him like he was reading my mind. “It’s about Woohyun hyung, is it?” He asked.

I lowered my head, avoiding his gazed. How can he read me so easily?

“It is about him. What did he do this time?” He asked without waited for my confirmation. His tone of voice became harsh and cold. Different from his gentle voice before.

“He didn't do anything. It is just my feelings.” I said trying not to turn Daehyun to his bad side.

“What are your feelings?” He asked staring deep into my eyes. I swallowed a lump in my throat and avoided his gaze. I looked at the time on my watch. “I got to go now oppa, I don’t want to be late for my next class. See you later Daehyun oppa, annyeong!”  I stood up from my seat and waved at him, quickly I went out from the class. I went to the hallway to look for Woohyun but I couldn’t find him. He was always here waiting for me but not today. Actually he didn't wait for me here for a week already.

I walked my way to his class instead, Performing Art Class. That was where he supposed to be. I arrived at the class and took a peek and the door small square window, but there was no one there. I turned around to leave but stopped when I heard quiet voices inside the class. I turned back to the class and peek through the window. At the back of the class, there I saw a boy and a girl talking, more like arguing since I saw that girl pushed the guy when he tried to touch her.

“Chorong-ah, baby listen to me.” My eyes widened when I heard that familiar voice. I recognized that voice really well… It was Woohyun’s voice. I continued to look at them without them noticing me. That girl turned away from Woohyun with a big frowned on her face. “You said you will break up with _____, but why are you still hanging out with her?” Chorong asked angrily.

Woohyun heaved a sighed. He held both of Chorong shoulders and turned her to face him. “Baby, I need time to break up with her.” Woohyun said gently.

“Time? Oppa, we’ve being dating for three months now. How much time do you need? I don’t want to share you with some other girl.” Chorong said and crossed her arms with an angry pouted.

“Araso, I’ll break up with her.” Woohyun said. Chorong brightened up and she stared at him hopefully. ”Really? When?” She asked him suspiciously.

“Today.” Woohyun answered.

“Really? You promise?” Chorong beamed. Woohyun nodded his head. “Promise.” Woohyun smiled and leaned in; he lowered his head and captured Chorong lips with his. His arms wrapped around her waist and her hands were hugging his neck.

I took steps back until my back hit a wall behind me. Tears started to flow down my cheeks. I clamped a hand over my mouth so I won’t make a loud sobbed. My heart crushed into pieces, I felt like I had been stabbed by thousands of knives. I felt breathless and nausea. My knees felt weak. Suddenly, I heard footsteps inside the class and I quickly ran away. I went inside the girls’ toilet and went inside one of the cubicle. I shut the door behind me and my body slide down against it.

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand but it was useless, more tears flowed down my cheeks. I wiped it again and again but it just won’t stop. Eventually, I just let my tears streamed down my cheeks and hit the cold hard floor. I felt so weak, I felt like I have no strength in my body at all… I was hurt. Really… hurt…

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I walked out from the campus slowly. After what happened I didn't pay attention in class, I got scolded by the lecturer. I sighed. Suddenly, I heard someone called my name. I know exactly who owned that voice. I closed my eyes and my heart crushed once again when I remembered what I saw and what I heard. That voice called me again and this time it sounded near. I opened my eyes and saw Woohyun in front of me with a concerned look. “Are you okay?” He asked. I forced myself a small smiled and nodded.

“Umm… There’s something I need to tell you.” He said a little bit nervous and he rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding my eyes.

“What is it Woohyun oppa?” I asked, pretending I didn't know anything.

“What about we take a seat first?” He said and I nodded. We walked together to the nearest bench and sat there. I could feel Woohyun tensed up beside me. And not so surprisingly he sat a little far away from me.

“_____-ah.” He called my name, grabbing my attention. I turned to look at him. “Actually… I have another girl.” He said slowly. He looked at me for my reaction but I didn't show any expression at all. He took a deep breath and continued, “We’ve being together for three months already.” He said and I just kept quiet.

“I know this might be hard for you, but let’s-“

“Don’t.” I cut his words. He stared at me. “Don’t say it. I already know.” I finished my sentence.

His eyes widened. “You knew?” I nodded my head. “I went to your class to look for you, I didn't mean to eavesdropped… It just happened to be like that.” I said and looked down on my lap. I clenched my fists tightly until it turned pale. I prevented my tears from flowing down from my eyes. I heard him sighed. I raised my head and looked at him with teary eyes. “One more day.” I said to him.

He furrowed his eyebrows looking confused. “Just give me one more day to love you. One more day for me to feel your love once more.” I begged him. I put aside my pride and begged him to love me just one more time. His eyes widened and he was speechless. He looked at me sadly.

“Please…” My voice came out as whispered when I said it.

“Araso.” He nodded. I forced myself a small bitter smiled. “Thank you Woohyun oppa.”

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I stood in front of the window, looking outside the house. The weather was warm and nice but my heart was cold and hard. I couldn’t believe it that this would be the last time I went on a date with Woohyun. The doorbell rang. I walked to the door, I took a deep breath and put on a bright smiled on my face. I opened the door and saw Woohyun in front of me with a dozen of white roses on his hand, wrapped in a beautiful blue wrapper.

“Woohyun oppa.” I said with my most cheerful voice I can gather.

“Annyeong, this is for you.” He handed me a bouquet of white roses that I love. “Thank you Woohyun oppa, I love it.” I said.

“I know. It’s your favorite right?” Woohyun smiled. I nodded and excused myself for a minute and went to the kitchen to put the roses in a vase. I filled it with water and put it on the table at the living room. Then I went back to Woohyun and went on a date with him.

We went to the amusement park. This place was the place where we had our first date. He bought the tickets for the two of us and we went inside the amusement park. There were many people there. Friends, family and couples were having fun there.

“Where do you want to go first?” Woohyun asked grabbing my attention. I tapped my lips while thinking. “Let’s go to the roller coaster!” I said excitedly and dragged him to the ride without waiting for his decision. We get in the line and waited for our turn. I felt excited about riding the roller coaster. It was my favorite ride of all!

“I remembered how you were afraid of the roller coaster ride.” Woohyun said.

“I was, but not anymore.” I said beaming at him.

“I remembered how you scream the loudest among others. You held my hands so tight that I felt like my blood didn't flow.” Woohyun chuckled at the memory. “And you puked on the worker too.” Woohyun added and laughed. I pouted and slapped his arm. “Oppa! You’re so mean!” I looked the other way pretending to be mad.

“Oww! That’s hurt.” He rubbed his arm. I didn't even hit him that hard.

“Don’t be mad at me. I was just joking around. I wonder if the worker is still working here.” He said and looked at the front to look for the worker.

“Big fat meanie.” I muttered under my breath and walked past him to the roller coaster because it was our turn.

“_____! Wait for me!” I heard him shouted. I giggled a bit and sat on the seat. He sat beside me. Soon the roller coaster began to move and we scream our lungs out.

We went to various rides and I enjoyed every one of them.  I will treasure every single time we spent together as a couple for the last time. After playing at the amusement park, we decided to go eat.

“Where do you want to eat?” Woohyun asked and looked at me

“Hmm… Let’s eat… Ddubokki!” I said excitedly. Woohyun pinched my cheek. “Aigoo… Always excited for ddubokki huh? Okay, let’s go.” He held my hand and led the way. I stared at his back figure while I walked behind him. I looked at our hands. I love how his warm big hand holding mine. I felt secure and save. I don’t want to let go of this hand.

“_____-ah.” I snapped out of my thoughts when Woohyun called my name. I blinked up at him. “Yes?”

Woohyun lightly knocked on my forehead. I winced. “Oppa, what was that for?” I pouted and rubbed my sore forehead.

“That is a punishment for always daydreaming. When will you change?” Woohyun shook his head playfully and I glared at him. I look away with an annoyed face. Suddenly a ddubokki was right in front of my face. I turned to look at Woohyun. He gave me a smiled. “Hey, don’t be mad at me. I was just kidding. You know I like you just the way you are.” He said gently.

I melted at his words. I stared at those warm brown eyes, he always sincere in what he said and that was what I love about him.

“Come on, eat it. My hand is tired.” He whined a bit. I chuckled a bit and opened my mouth. He popped the ddubokki in my mouth and I eat it happily.

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After a long day, the date finally came to an end. Something that I was afraid of, but this was the reality that I have to face. Woohyun and I are walking side by side to my house. The atmosphere was quiet; we didn't talk nor look at each other. We just walked without even holding hands.

I was slightly grateful that we didn't hold each other hands. Because I know if I held his hand, I don’t want to let go. I couldn’t let go of his hand. I love him so much that I didn't bear to lose him. But this was his decision, his heart had choose someone else that was not me. I couldn’t make him to love me when he didn't anymore.

After a few more minutes walking, we finally arrived at my house. He walked me to the door and we stopped. I turned around to face him with a small smiled.

“I had fun today Woohyun oppa. Thank you.” I said to him without meeting his eyes. I looked down at my interlaced fingers.

“No problem.” Woohyun answered barely a whispered.

“Thank you for giving me one more day to love you, and one more day for me to feel your love. I will never forget all the memories that I had with you oppa. I will cherish it until I found someone other than you. But I don’t think I can even find someone other than you. You will remain as the most precious memories to me, my first love.” I said. I could already felt that tears already welled up in my eyes. I can’t cry now, I wouldn’t.

“I’m sorry-.”

“Don’t say you’re sorry. It’s not your fault Woohyun oppa. People will found their soul mate one day, but looks like I’m not your soul mate.” I said with a small bitter smiled. Tears threatening to fall down from my eyes, but before it could arms were wrapped around me and pulled me into a hugged. I could feel my heart skipped a beat with that hugged, every time when he did it in the past my heart would feel like this. And it was still beating like that.

“You should know that I think you are one special girl to me and you still am. Any guy will be lucky to have you.” Woohyun said gently to me. Finally tears escaped from my eyes. I clutched on his shirt like telling him don’t leave me, but I know he would and I got to accept that. “Woohyun oppa…” I whimpered between my sobs. I could feel his hugged tightened.

After seven minutes I finally stopped crying. I tried to bit back my sobbed. I don’t want to cry in front of him. And much to my disappointment, he let go of the hugged. He looked at me and wiped my tears away. He stared at me gently and cupped my face. He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes, remembering his last kiss from me.

He pulled away and gave a small sad smiled. “Be happy and find a better guy than me.”

That was his last words to her before she was gone… Gone from the world and never ever return.

What he didn't know was she was having a last stage of brain cancer. She asked for one more day because she felt like her time has come. She said she couldn’t find other guy than him because she knew she will be gone.

That was the reason she didn't get angry at Woohyun for having another girl. She had these bittersweet feelings inside her. She was sad that Woohyun cheated on her but most of her heart felt happy that Woohyun found other girl. That means that Woohyun wouldn’t be sad when she’s gone…

After their date that night, she went inside her house and fainted. Her parents rushed her to the hospital. After three days in the hospital… With one last smiled… Remembering about Woohyun…. She was gone…

Nam Woohyun was her first love… and her last love…