I kept calling out her name. She didn't respond. Her face was pale and colourless, but as beautiful as ever. Her hair was wet, but as silky as ever. Her skin was cold and damp, but as smooth as ever.

Just give me a signal that you are alive, please. Be it opening your eyes, moving your fingers, or even just let me hear the sound of you breathing, just give me a hint that you are alive.

She didn't move. Not even a single inch. No matter how hard I shook her, she had no reaction. I performed CPR on her. I kept continuing, hoping that she would at least breathe. I saw the paramedics shook their head. Even Eunhyuk was trying to pull me up.

"SHE ISN'T DEAD! STOP PULLING ME! WHY DID EVERYONE SAY THAT SHE'S DEAD?! SHE WILL WAKE UP! SHE WILL!" I shouted angrily. I wanted her to wake up. I was still waiting for the day that she will be officially mine. I was still waiting for her to put on the wedding ring on my ring finger. But I guess none of them would happen anymore.

Startled, I woke up. A tear flowed down from the corner of my eyes. I was crying. I dreamt that dream again. The dream that I never failed to dream of on 4 December every year since 2011. It had been two years since she's gone. I turned around and looked at the clock on my bedside table.

 7:04.

 It was still early. I layed down on my bed again, closing my eyes. Everything that happened on 5 December 2009 instantly occupied my mind...

-----

It was a Thursday. A beautiful Sunday morning. Eunhyuk, Ryeowook, Leeteuk and Kyuhyun, together with Yuri, Hyoyeon, Yoona, Sooyoung, Seohyun and I went surfing. It was to celebrate Yuri's birthday, and also to let loose after half a year of tight schedule. I drove to the beach with Yuri. Everything was just perfect today. Perhaps, too perfect.

We immediately changed into t-shirts and shorts when we arrived there as the weather was rather warm. We then played a game of volleyball, teaming up in pairs. Yuri and I versus Kyuhyun and Seohyun.

The game started. The ball was in Yuri's direction. She wanted to hit it. I could see she tried her best. But she missed. The other team scored another point. She fell while trying to save the ball. She scraped her elbows and knees and got her right wrist sprained.

"Yuri-ah! Are you alright?" I asked, concerned. The word 'worried' could almost be seen written on my face.

"Oppa, I'm not that weak, am I? I'm alright," she stopped and laughed.

"Yes?" I looked up.

"You look so adorable when you are worried," she chuckled.

"Yah! Stop teasing me. Are you really fine?" I asked, checking her knees and elbows.

"I'm really fine. Except for a sprained wrist," she replied, showing me her right wrist. She stood up and walked towards the bench in the shades.

I smiled and followed her. "Yuri-ah! Wait up!" I shouted.

I ordered her to sit down on one of the benches while I get the ice cubes. I placed the ice cubes in a towel and wrapped it around her wrist.

"Support your wrist while I clean your elbows and knees," I said.

I soaked the cotton buds with water and carefully remove the sand particles.

"Does it hurt? Tell me if it hurts," I said while concentrating on treating the wound. I blew lightly at the wound.

I was done in a short while. I looked up. I saw Yuri staring intently at me. I was so engrossed with treating her wound that I didn't notice her stare.

"Erm... Yes? Is there anything on my face?" I asked innocently.

She took a tissue and wiped off the beads of perspiration on my forehead. "I am just glad that I have such a lovely and caring fiancé who cares so much about me," she praised.

My heart fluttered when I heard that sentence. I was also grateful to have such a thoughtful fiancée who always puts me as her top priority.

" Aish! Stop fooling around. I am not that good," I said.

"I'm serious! You are just so perfect in my eyes," Yuri replied.

"Okay, okay. I'm perfect, alright?" I said.

She laughed. Hearing her laughter was like an instant pick-me-up. After I finished treating her scrapes, the girls went for a break. Our plan was starting soon.

While the guys, including me, went surfing, the girls sat on the benches and chatted casually. The guys all wore a short arm full suit for surfing. For about 45 minutes, the girls are doing their job well. While the girls are trying to divert Yuri's attention away from me, I sneaked away from the sea without her noticing. This was the first step of our plan. It was actually to slip away to the restaurant to collect Yuri's birthday cake.

Don't do it.

I heard a voice said. I spun around to see who was talking. Everyone was doing their part in tricking Yuri. Everyone was coordinating so well. Everyone was lying through their teeth. No one was even standing behind me. I must be hearing things.

I was almost successful in bringing the birthday cake to the table when I bumped into someone. He brushed against my shoulder, making the cake fell onto the ground.

I told you to stop it.

"What?" I asked. I turned around again. No one was behind me. What's wrong with me today?

Oh crap. I just destroyed everything. I signalled Kyuhyun to come.

"Yah Hyung! What is wrong with you? How could you destroyed the cake?" Kyuhyun said in a low, harsh voice.

"It wasn't me. A man bumped into me and the cake just..." I pointed to the cake.

"Aish. Why don't I change and drive to buy a new one? I'll be back soon," Kyuhyun suggested. I nodded my head.

Don't bother buying another one.

It was that voice again.

Kyuhyun got up.

"Kyuhyun-ah, you heard that?" I questioned.

"Heard what?" he replied.

"Heard someone say don't bother buying another one," I said.

"Another what?" he asked.

"I don't know," I shrugged.

"Hyung, are you alright? Are you running a fever or are you hearing things?" Kyuhyun touched my forehead. I pushed his hand away.

"None of the above. I'm fine. It's just that... Never mind, run along," I decided not to say it.

"I'll be back soon," Kyuhyun patted my shoulder before leaving.

I walked to the shoreline to continue surfing with the others.

"Donghae oppa!" someone called out.

"Yes, Yoona-ssi?" I asked.

"Can I learn how to surf? Can you teach me?" she asked.

"Oh, sure," I agreed.

I explained to her how to surf and how to control her surfboard.

"How do you tie this?" Yoona asked.

"Oh, this is the surfboard leashes. It is a must to put it on. Especially for beginners like you. Even people like us who knows how to surf has to tie it too," I explained.

"Can you tie it for me?" she requested.

"Of course. It's an honour to tie for a beauty like you," I praised her.

As she was wearing a bikini, I tried not to look at her chest. In fact, I focused on tying her surfboard and completely ignored what she was doing. In the midst of tying the leashes, I sensed tell that Yoona was always looking at me seductively. I just smiled. I spent about an hour teaching Yoona all about surfing.

When we return back to the shore with bodies all wet, Eunhyuk and Leeteuk were eyeing me, trying to signal me something. It took me a few minutes to realise what they were hinting me. I diverted my attention to Yuri. She's obviously jealous that I tied the surfboard leashes for Yoona.

Well, actually, she should be jealous. She and I always knew that Yoona carried a torch for me. Yoona was always trying means and ways to attract my attention.

"Come on, Yoona. I'll carry the surfboard for you," I suggested. I delibrately do that to make her feel even more jealous. I walked to the benches and left the surfboards on the sand. I went to get a drink. I stopped when I heard a commotion.

"Yoona, can you not ask Donghae to help you tie the surfboard leashes next time?" Yuri asked.

"I merely asked him to help me tie the leashes because I didn't know how to," Yoona rolled her eyes and give the I-didn't-do-anything-wrong face.

"Yes, you didn't know how to tie the leashes. But do you have to look at him seductively while he's tying that for you? You even..." Yuri stopped abruptly.

"I even?" Yoona asked.

"You obviously wanted to seduce him! You wanted to show off your... your cleavage!" Yuri said, raising her voice.

" I didn't!" Yoona defended herself.

"Yuri-unnie, Yoona-unnie would never do that!" Seohyun stood up for Yoona, shaking her head.

That made everything turned into a heated argument. I stood at the corner with Eunhyuk, listening to everything. Suddenly, Yuri just grabbed her surfboard and stomped towards the shore. Eunhyuk then elbowed me.

"Bro, I think you should step into the situation before she misunderstands it more," Eunhyuk advised. I sighed. I ran towards Yuri and grabbed her arm.

"Yuri-ah..." I called, grabbing her arms.

"Go help your Yoona," she said coldly.

"You still think I am so flirtatious, don't you?" I asked bluntly.

"No, no. Of course not," she lied. "You want to be nice to Yoona right? Go do all the disgusting actions with her. I won't care anymore," she replied in a flat tone. But I knew she still cared.

"You don't trust me. Right? I will prove it to you that I am loyal to you," I lean in  for a kiss. But she resisted.

"Yah, Kwon Yuri. Don't push me any further. I am gonna be angry if you continue being like that," I warned.

"I should be the one getting angry!" she screamed.

"I should be angrier than you! I am accused of being ert, looking at other people's cleavage when I didn't," I said, trying my best to calm down.

"I'm not arguing with you," she said.

"Fine. Don't expect me to help you tie your leashes next time," I walked away.

"Who needs you to tie my leashes? I will surf without those leashes tied. Not like you would care if anything happens to me. Go help Yoona! Go play with her and flirt with her! Your business is not my business anymore," she said, not looking at me. She turned around and continued walking towards the sea.

"I will never bother you again!" I yelled.

I turned my head around for the last time and scowled at her.

I turned around and headed back to the benches. I was infuriated. How could she even get so angry when I merely tied the surfboard leashes for Yoona? But that time, I clearly knew I was just saying words to spite her even more. I wanted to see how long could she endure not talking to me. I knew she would eventually cool off and talk to me again. It always happens.

 But this time, I was wrong. Completely wrong. I didn't knew I was going to regret my decision forever. I didn't knew she would never ever talk to me again.

You are gonna regret this.

I'm fed up with all these nonsense. Regret? Regret what? Who the hell is that talking to me in that mysterious voice? No one is even around me and I kept hearing that same old voice speaking.

"Who the hell are you?! Why should I listen to you?! What should I regret about?! It's not like she would leave me this minute!" I shouted angrily. I didn't care about the eyes that were staring at me. I don't care about the mouths that are criticizing me. I'm just frustrated. That's all.

I was about to sit down on the benches when I took a glance at the sea. Yuri wasn't there. I was about to stand up again when I thought she would be hanging out with new hot guys she just met on the beach to get back on me. Then, I sat down again. I began flipping through the magazines Leeteuk brought.  Everyone went on to do their own things. Every ten minutes interval I would look up to see if Yuri was in sight. If she wasn't, I would assume that she would still be talking to hunks. I did that for about eight times. After about an hour, I realised something was very wrong. Very wrong.

How could she even be talking to hunks for an hour? I stood up slowly, putting the magazine away. I walked towards the sea, keeping close watch on it. I looked around. Eunhyuk, Ryeowook and Leeteuk were all chatting around the table while the girls are spazzing about the latest fashion. No one seemed to even notice that Yuri wasn't surfing in the sea anymore. I stood at the shallow waters of the sea.

"KWON YURI! YAH! WHERE ARE YOU? STOP PLAYING! IT'S NOT FUNNY! COME OUT!" I yelled. I slapped the surface of the water.

"I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I HAD DONE. I SHOULD NOT HAVE TIED THE LEASHES FOR YOONA. NOW STOP PLAYING AND COME OUT!" My voice edged with tension. I looked around. There's still no sight of her.

I began to worry. Where is she? Is she safe? What is she trying to do? These questions kept popping out in my mind. Frightened thoughts raced through my mind. I searched frantically around. The bicycle and surfboard rent, the night bar, the barbeque pit, the public toilet and the carpark, I searched them all. But I still couldn't find her. How could a person even disappear like that without a trace? My heart pumped wildly.

I kept calling out her name till my voice was hoarsed. I stood at the shoreline and shouted," KWON YURI! WHERE ARE YOU?" I used all the voice I had left to shout.

Someone tapped on my back. I turned around. I thought it was Yuri. I was expecting Yuri to be standing behind me but I was left disappointed to see Ryeowook.

"Hyung, did something happened?" Ryeowook asked.

"I can't seem to find Yuri anywhere!" I shouted in frustration.

"Probably she's in the washroom? Or probably she's at those rocks? Let's go check out the rocks, okay? I'll help you in finding her," Ryeowook assured.

I nodded my head and followed him to the rocks. Yuri was still not in sight.

"KWON YURI!" I yelled, facing the sea.

"She isn't here," Ryeowook sighed.

We strolled back to the beach. Where are you exactly, Mrs Lee? I'm worried for you. I turned and looked at the calm sea. She wouldn't face any dangers, would she? Look, the sea seemed so calm.

"The calm sea?" I stopped and stared at Ryeowook.

"Yeah, the sea's calm," Ryeowook said and continued walking.

I stopped dead in my tracks. The sea. The calm sea.

"It can't be. ," I said.

I dashed towards the waters without a second thought. Panicked seized me. I took a deep breath and dived into the waters. There was nothing I could see in the sea except the colour blue. I'm very sure Yuri's sudden disappearance had something got to do with the water. Suddenly, someone pulled me up.

"Hyung! You scared me! Why did you suddenly ran to the water without informing me? Something bad might happen to you! " Ryeowook asked, almost shouting.

"If I don't find Yuri now, something even worse would happen to her," I said seriously.

I dived into the waters again.

"Hyung! What do you think you are doing?! If something bad happens to you, would you be able to continue finding Yuri?!" Ryeowook shouted as he grabbed my shirt.

"HER LIFE WOULD BE IN MORE DANGER THAN MINE IF I DON'T FIND HER NOW!" I flared.

Just then, I noticed a surfboard floating in the open sea. It was Yuri's surfboard. A surfboard without a surfer? I saw red light flashing in my brain. Danger. I grabbed the surfboard. My instincts told me Yuri was in danger. Real danger. I dived into the sea and searched for her. But I couldn't find her. I swam aimlessly around. Suddenly, I something floating about in the waters. I swam towards it.

It was a ring. It was the ring. The ring I gave it to Yuri. Something was wrong. Very wrong. Extremely wrong. I swam towards the shore and walked towards the benches. I gave up. After searching for Yuri for 30 minutes in the waters, I gave up.

"Hyung, Yuri-ssi would be alright. Don't scare yourself. I'm calling the search and rescue team for help," Ryeowook said. I nodded slightly. I stoned while waiting for the search-and-rescue to arrive. My mind was somewhere else. It was with Yuri. Within 15 minutes, I could hear the siren. Everyone on the beach was told to refrain from the waters. The search-and-rescue team people asked me what exactly happened. I explained everything in detail.

The people set down to work immediately. The shore was cordoned off. All water activities were cancelled. I held onto the ring tightly, while silently praying for Yuri's safety.

_-----

_{It was evening. They still couldn't find anything. Leeteuk and Ryeowook ferried the other girls back. Only me and Eunhyuk was at the beach.}

_{"Donghae," Eunhyuk called.}

_{"Eh?" I said softly, rubbing Yuri's ring with my fingers.}

_{"I will ask them to stop, okay? They will continue searching tomorrow," Eunhyuk said.}

_{"Why? They haven't find Yuri," I asked.}

_{"Donghae, look..." Eunhyuk tried to explain.}

_{"They are not going home until they find my Yuri," I said in a firm voice.}

_{"They have been searching for so long. Maybe Yuri isn't here anymore. She could have gone home," Eunhyuk explained.}

_{"Fine. They can go home. Then I'll find her myself," I said. I stood up and walked towards the sea.}

_{"YAH! LEE DONGHAE! Fine, they will continue searching, alright?" Eunhyuk said as he sighed.}

_{Eunhyuk accompanied me throughout the night. We waited for hours and hours. Finally, it was dawn. I watch the sun rise. It was 7 a.m.}

_{"Misters," an officer called.}

_{I stood up immediately.}

_{"You found her? Where is she?" I asked hopefully.}

_{"We found a female body in the sea. Please be mentally prepared as you follow me to verify the body," the officer said.}

_{I prayed really hard. I hoped that person wasn't Yuri. I followed the officer. I entered the cordoned off area. I walked slowly towards the body. I kneeled down and opened the white blanket slowly. My hopes were dashed the moment I saw Yuri. The bad news struck like a hammer blow. I experienced my heart shrivelling immediately.}

_{My eyes were haunted by inner pain. My heart wrung with pity. The horrible feeling of loss and emptiness consumed my body and soul. The feeling of losing someone important to me is just like cutting away my organs without knowing that I'm still alive. Grief - the feeling of fear, pain, anger and auguish all rolled together, forming a giant ball, rolling about in my body, attacking every single organ of mine. Tears streamed down.}

_{"She most probably died of drowning. I guess it was the rip currents who pulled her back," the officer said to Eunhyuk. "We have contacted the deceased parents. They should be here soon."}

_{I kept calling out her name. She didn't respond. Her face was pale and colourless, but as beautiful as ever. Her hair was wet, but as silky as ever. Her skin was cold and damp, but as smooth as ever.}

_{Just give me a signal that you are alive, please. Be it opening your eyes, moving your fingers, or even just let me hear the sound of you breathing, just give me a hint that you are alive.}

_{She didn't move. Not even a single inch. No matter how hard I shook her, she had no reaction. I performed CPR on her. I kept continuing, hoping that she would at least breathe. I saw the paramedics shook their head. Even Eunhyuk was trying to pull me up.}

_{"SHE ISN'T DEAD! STOP PULLING ME! WHY DID EVERYONE SAY THAT SHE'S DEAD?! SHE WILL WAKE UP! SHE WILL!" I shouted angrily. I wanted her to wake up. I was still awaiting for the day when she is officially mine. I was still waiting for her to put on the wedding ring on my ring finger. But I guess none of them would happen anymore.}

_{I hugged Yuri, bringing her up to a sitting position. My left hand arm surrounded her body while my right hand supported her head.}

_{"I apologise for arguing with you earlier. I apologise for raising my voice at you just now. I apologise for not helpng you tie your leashes. I apologise for helping Yoona. I apologise for every single wrong thing I had done. Please... just wake up," I begged.}

_{Suddenly, a person grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. The person slapped my cheeks real hard and left a stinging sensation on my cheeks. I knew who that person was. She was Mrs Kwon.}

_{"YOU BASTARD! WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO TOUCH MY DAUGHTER?! YOU PROMISED ME TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER! THIS IS HOW YOU TOOK GOOD CARE OF HER?! I HAVE STOPPED HER MANY TIMES NOT TO GO OUT WITH YOU! SHE HAS A WEAK HEALTH. SHE CAN'T GET INTO THE WATERS. I WARNED YOU NOT TO BRING HER SURFING ANYMORE AND BUT YOU DEFIED ME TIME AND TIME AGAIN. LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED?! SHE DIED! SHE DIED IN YOUR CARE! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! THE LEES ARE ALL THE SAME! YOUR BROTHER TOOK AWAY MY ELDEST DAUGHTER! AND NOW YOU TOOK AWAY THE ONLY DAUGHTER I LEFT! WHEN DOES YOU FAMILY INTEND TO LET MY FAMILY OFF?! DON'T EVER COME NEAR MY FAMILY ANYMORE! I HATE YOU!" Mrs Kwon shouted at the top of her lungs.}

_-----

_{Mrs Kwon words still rang in my head clearly. Those words that escaped that day would not be forgotten. I opened my eyes and looked at the time on the clock again.}

_8:27.

_{It's time to get dressed. I got up from my bed and stretched. After I finished bathing, I shaved and styled my hair. I wore a plain white t-shirt and a blue hoodie with a pair of skinny jeans. I drove to a nearby flower shop and bought a stalk of Forget-Me-Not flower. I headed to that beach that claimed Yuri's life and sat there.}

_{4 years ago, I had been here too. Enjoying the sun, surfing in the sea, playing around with my friends. But 2 years later, I don't surf anymore. Neither do I want to surf.}

_{Is surfing fun? My answer would be yes, of course, I can't live without surfing. That would be my answer 2 years ago. But that was until Yuri's accident happened. I hadn't touched the surfboard since. I didn't dare to. The fact that I killed my fiancée couldn't be changed.}

_{Yuri-ah, I'm here again.}

_{I placed the stalk of Forget-Me-Not on the sand and stood up. I felt the wind brushed gently against my face, as if Yuri was trying to greet me. I felt her presence. Her cologne. I could smell it. My lips curled into a smile. I stayed there for a while before leaving for somewhere else. I took the flowers back to my car and drove off to the cementery. I walked towards her grave with the flower on my hands. I placed the Forget-Me-Not on her grave and bowed 3 times with my head touching the ground.}

_{I found out the true meaning of Forget-Me-Not. It symbolizes memories, and true love.}

_{Kwon Yuri, don't forget me. Because I will love you forever and always. I will never forget you. Because you are my first and last love. See you again next year. Saranghamnida.}

_{The wind blew again, as if Yuri replying: Oppa, nado saranghamnida.}

Yayyy^~ I'm done! :D

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