“We all yearn for something. Whether it is consciously or subconsciously, it’s something we do by nature. I’ve thought about that a lot, but, honestly, it’s not something that I would try to change. The only thing that’s ever bothered me about that though is what always comes after. Once we finally have what we yearn for in our grasp, we never know what to do with it. We’ll do whatever it takes to keep it as ours and sometimes we don’t realize whether it’s hurting us or what we’re keeping so selfishly. I don’t mind yearning for something, and never will, but I always hope that, one day, when I get what I really want to myself, that I don’t lose it. That I don’t let it slip through my fingers. That’s what I yearn for the most.” ~ Jae

I’ve come to the realization that I am a walking contradiction, and that it bothers everyone around me. I’ve always been the careless one; I overthink things but then I still act on impulse. I hate to have people around me, but I hate it even worse when I’m alone. I don’t like to go outside, but I can’t stay inside and stare at the same four walls all the time. I hate affection, but my being itches to touch the person next to me. I hate pointing out my feelings, but I hate holding them in. I don’t know what love is, nor do I believe in it, but I’m scared that maybe it’s just that I don’t want to admit if I really love someone or that once I do, they’ll disappear forever. I am forever a walking contradiction, but the funny thing is, that I know it bothers everyone, even though they never complain about it. Maybe they’ve just gotten used to it, but I wish they hadn’t. I always wish that someone would come along and snap me out of the insanity of my own mind, but I know that I’m asking for too much.

Why does all this matter?

Because… As I sat in the cage, in what seems like a dungeon, it was all that I could think about. I could only wonder if I’d done something to deserve whoever had bothered to kidnap me in front of someone, let alone in front of Taemin. I doubted that anyone really knew what the connection was between the two of us, regardless of the bond not being but so strong since we’d just met. Another thing that I couldn’t stop thinking about while I was up there was how long had I been there. It seemed like only a few minutes had passed, but something was telling me that I’d been out for days, possibly even weeks. I figured that that electric blue smoke I saw before being taken away from Taemin was what probably knocked me out, for however long I’d actually been out cold.

A faint light filed into the room as I stared down at the ground below my cage. The light disappeared as the sound of chains clinking together echoed in the room. The sound of chains grew closer to me and I assumed that there was now another cage next to me. When light entered the room again, I could see that I’d been right about the cage. A man lay inside, apparently unconscious. From what I could see of his face, he didn’t appear to be that much older than me, but then again, I honestly had no idea how old I really was. I sat down in my cage, forcing my nerves to calm when it began swaying a bit. My mind began racing again, What did I do to deserve this?

[Jonghyun’s POV]

Something was wrong. Beyond wrong. It wasn’t a wrong that I could just pinpoint; it was more like an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“Hey! Jonghyun!” That voice… It sounded familiar but I couldn’t figure out who it was that was calling me. I hadn’t bothered to turn around to put a face to the voice, and my name wasn’t called again. At least not until I reached my apartment building.

“Jonghyun! Are you really going to ignore me? That’s not very nice.”

I snapped my head around this time. I immediately knew who it was.

Her name was Kimberly, a girl from my past that I thought I’d left behind. I felt that familiar ache in my chest when I saw her. I should’ve known when I’d felt it the first time that she called my name. I had nothing against her. Honestly, I missed her, and more than I wanted to admit even to myself. Our past was nothing but a great relationship strained by circumstances. Neither of us had wanted it to end the way it did, but, then again, there was really nothing that we could’ve done to change it anyway.

When she’d gotten so close that I didn’t have to speak above a whisper, unless I chose to, I decided to speak.

“What’re you doing here,” I blurted out, breathlessly.

She raised a brow and then her face twisted up worried and confused, “Are you all right?”

I felt the smile that swept across my lips. Knowing how nauseous my nerves were making me feel, I was sure it’d seeped into the smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. What’s the matter?”

“Well, there’s been a kidnapping in my district. I heard you know the ins and outs, so I thought I’d see if I could get you to help me out.”

“A kidnapping? …Wait, what do you mean by your district? You work out here now?”

“Don’t sound so disgusted. I didn’t plan on it. I was stationed here.”

I hated silent moments with her. I loved to hear Kimberly talk, and I’d learned that whenever she got quiet, there was something wrong. That feeling was bubbling in my stomach again.

“How’d you find out that someone was kidnapped?”

“The girl came and told me. I felt really sorry for her. She was right there when it happened.”

That sad look that I was reading in her eyes made me want to reach out and hold her, but I knew better than that. Things between us weren’t the same, at least as far as I knew.

“I’ll help you.”

[Taemin’s POV]

I didn’t know how to get back. I didn’t want to go back. I wasn’t prepared to die.

Jae was kidnapped right in front of my eyes and I was sure that if I found my way back to the apartment, Minho would kill me without bothering to let me explain. Thankfully, he didn’t kill me. He didn’t even try. His eyes just scanned me and then narrowed as I dropped off the grocery bags in the kitchen and then carried the clothes to the bedroom. I sort of wished he would kill me, but then again, there wasn’t anything that I could have done to save her from whomever…well, whatever her kidnapper was.

A few days had passed and he still hadn’t said a word to me. I was more worried than scared at that point. I couldn’t understand how he’d seemed so overprotective of her when we first met and then when she goes missing, he doesn’t even ask a question as to where she might’ve gone.

I eventually cracked when about a week had gone by.

“Aren’t you even going to ask?”

Those round eyes bored straight through me. His stare wasn’t exactly cold, but it was like he wasn’t really there. “Why should I,” he finally questioned in return, “Besides, it’s already being handled.”

“Handled? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Do you remember the other guy that was with us when we saved you--?” There was obviously more he wanted to add to that statement. In my head, I thanked him for keeping whatever it was to himself.

It took me a moment, but I vaguely began to remember there were two guys that had been sitting in the front seat when Jae had taken me back to the car and when I had woken up again, once we’d arrived at the apartment. “I remember.”

“It’s…his job…to handle things like this.”

“What kind of job is that?”

“It’s not important. Just know that he’s working on it.”

“I want to help him,” the thought spilled into words.

Minho’s eyes were looking through me again, as if he was trying to find out if I was up to something or trying to read my mind. He shrugged and tossed me his phone. “His name is the first one under Jae’s,” he stated simply, putting his attention back on the section of the newspaper that he was reading.

I called the number, walking into the kitchen. I couldn’t take Minho staring at me anymore.

The phone call was short and simple. He told me where I could meet him. I was glad he was going to let me help. I walked out of the kitchen and handed the cell phone back to its owner. Words weren’t needed. He let me leave and I did. I kept running the address I was told to go to in my head.

I hadn’t known her long, but she was the first person to care about me in a very long time. I couldn’t let that go so easily. I never would.

“I can’t lose another important person…”