❝  I guess it’s really going to be over

       I keep running out of breath

       Though I’m not confident to let you go

       A breakup where one takes a step back

       That’s probably the grown-up thing to do

       A cry escapes and tears fall

       I get angry at myself for being like this

       The minute, the second that passes

       Can’t it stop here?

       I’ll practice lying to say I’m alright

       But why are you growing faint from far away?

- The Sense of an Ending - Jung Joonyoung

- - -

Daehyun is lazing around on the bed, being uneduacated had it's perks. He didn't have to go to college, well, at his age he didn't have to. Jongup was off for his last year after a bit more convincing since he did quit for one year, and yet he manages to get a job to provide money for their apartment. He feels a bit useless, he couldn't do much but live off the younger male and eat his food, he feels like a homeless man with services than a lover. However, people want experience these days, and he couldn't live up to that. He had been locked up his whole life after all, he never even took one step outside until he was around the age of an adult.

Currently, Daehyun has been learning how to cook, just so he feels like he's providing something, not "free-loading." His cheeks puff out as he concentrates on the book and instructions in front of him, reading each line twice and carefully before he actually does it, following each instruction slowly, taking his time. He's making steak today, which he already knows the recipe by heart, along with a chocolate cake, which he is attempting to do at the moment. He finished the steak just a few minutes ago, and he's onto the dessert. He's too focused on the batter to realize that the door opened, keys jingling noisily as it hits the table nearby. He misses the steps that make their way towards him and only notices the presence as he felt arms snake around his waist.

This action causes him to jerk in surprise, pouring the wrong amount of water into the batter. Recovering from the shock, he feels his lover's face nuzzling into his neck, squirming in his grip as he finds the action ticklish. "Y-Yah, I messed up," he pouts, eliciting a chuckle from the younger.

"Mm, sorry babe," Jongup mumbles in reply, capturing Daehyun's lips for at least more than five seconds before pulling away. By now, the older's face is flushed red, completely so to the point where he could beat one of those balloons from the fair. The student finds this endearing, starting to shower the male's face with light kisses. He hears embarrassed whines from the person in his arms, who does nothing to move away from the affection.

Jongup takes this time to glance at the cook book, eyebrow raising up at the recipe on the counter.

"Chocolate? Didn't you say that it was too sweet for you?" he asks softly, pulling away to meet his lover's gaze with curious eyes.

"But you like chocolate, and today is Valentine's Day. I know you're busy and we don't go out a lot, so I figured we could have our own date inside," he admits, face hanging out to hide how flustered he actually is. He doesn't like to sound like the romantic type, as it is degrading to his appearance but he can't help the words that slip out of his mouth without thinking. However, he doesn't miss the happy glint in Jongup's eyes.

"My Dae is so thoughtful," he cooes, content with the way the male shift in his hold, obviously hiding his blushing face into his shoulder.

Just a bit more time, that's what Jongup thinks as he cradles his precious treasure into his arms.

- - -

Daehyun is currently lazing around on Youngjae's couch, hanging out with both people that became his close friends in a short span of time. They're not doing much but lazing around on the couch, watching television of some boring Korean drama that runs along the same plot as every other one does. Daehyun's head is resting on Youngjae's lap, his whole body taking at least half of the couch while Yongguk is sitting on the other side of the youngest, hands set on the popcorn in his lap as he munches, eye dazed as if uninterested in the show in front of him.

The only person who pays close attention is Youngjae, who's bawling at this point as tears seep from the corner of his eyes, quiet sniffles resounding through the quiet house. Daehyun is now snoring away, quite comfy in the place he is now because he has three homes. Not physical, but he has three people he is able to go to for his problems, for a sense of comfort which makes him relax in their presence.

First is Jongup, who he met at a random bus stop. If people were to classify it, it was love at first sight, except both were oblivious to the fact. They had hit it off the bat after a few words about the weather, which usually leads people astray as they would run out of things to talk about afterwards. That day, they basically talked about everything and anything, minus the secrets that they've yet to share with each other.

Next is Yongguk, who he met at the cafe nearby, waiting for Jongup after hope is lost. He is his next sense of comfort when Jongup is not around, and he can never measure up to the importance of his lover but he takes up another spot in his heart. Yongguk caught him at his worst moment, and fixed him up the best that he could. He was endearing and understanding, qualities that ensure Daehyun that the other is trustworthy. Not only that, but Himchan and him started to bond together after Yongguk's consistent talks, which leads them to have a more brotherly relationship.

Finally, the last person but not the least, or maybe he was in the level of importance, however not too far off, is Youngjae. The man's encounter is truly strange, that if they were to tell anyone, people would give them strange glances. Youngjae has given him everything since his unsuccessful attempt of a runaway, providing him with necessities to live. Youngjae had met him when his dog pounced upon the older, causing a shriek to rip from his throat as he was unfamiliar with animals. Youngjae had just laughed at him then, blowing off his top before offering him over as an apology.

Daehyun wonders if he was now lucky, if luck is standing by his side because he is grateful having these three people besides him. They were the only people keeping him alive, and he was not being dramatic. They really were, for without these people in his past, he wouldn't be right here in this world today. Daehyun wakes up after a few more hours to the scent of steak being cooked, sitting up slowly as he is still in a bit of a daze. He feels warm arms wrap themselves around him, and he leans into the embrace without another thought. He already knew who this person was, how Jongup got here was another question. He decides not to dig further into it, rubbing his eyes as a quiet yawn escapes from his lips.

"How'd you sleep beautiful?"

Daehyun doesn't even act cute at this point, too tired to grasp the teasing tone in the question. Instead, he shifts himself onto his lover's lap, burying his face into the male's neck. "Mm, I slept well," he slurred, wanting nothing more than to curl up again the younger and fall asleep once more.

Jongup chuckles at the way his hyung is acting, having the urge to squish the older's cheeks and pepper kisses onto his face. He allows Daehyun to bury his face into his neck, willingly tilting his head to the side to give him more access. Failing to resist, he places a soft kiss to the male's temple, cradling him in his arms. "Is my baby still tired? Do you want to sleep or eat first? Youngjae's almost done with the steak now."

One mention of the delectable meat has Daehyun lifting his head up, drooping eyes staring at him with a hint of disbelief. He just smiles brightly, shaking his head as he easily lifts up the older from the couch, finding his lover instinctively wrapping his arms around his neck for support, grip.

Jongup brings them over to the dining table, setting Daehyun down on a chair before sitting next to him. The older lacks warmth, having the urge to be next to the younger at all times and so he scoots his seat over so that it was touching the other's male, curling up by his side. Youngjae finishes cooking, setting the steak on the table before pretending to gag at their affection. Daehyun blushes while Jongup retorts back with a simple, "You're just jealous Jae."

They finish their dinner after an hour later, not caring if their steak grows cold over that amount of time as they were chatting about the most random things. Jongup and Youngjae bicker after they finish their dinner, and Daehyun is just snuggling into Jongup's embrace at this moment, a smile lighting his face as he enjoys the sound of their teasing, or in some cases, defending voices. If things could stay like this forever, he would be the happiest man alive.

But wishes don't always come true. He knows it all too well yet he ignores it.

- - -

Jongup has finally finished college, getting his degree majoring in education, or teaching students. At least that's what Daehyun got out of the long rambling that came out of his lover's mouth, picking up something about teaching, kids, degree, and everything else was spoken too quickly for him to understand. He wonders what happened to his dream of travelling the world and dancing, but he figures it was a childhood dream or a hobby.

Daehyun had somehow nodded off during this speech, falling asleep on Jongup's lap due to the soft fingers running through his hair in a comforting manner, which lulls him to sleep pretty early. His lover's voice is another thing that leads him to dream land, he simply finds his voice soothing, as if it was a thin blanket wrapping around him. Jongup only stops speaking when he hears the older quiet snore, finding himself smiling at it. He continues to run his fingers through the soft lock, playing with the strands by twirling it.

He leans down and places a kiss on Daehyun's forehead before carefully slipping off the couch and lifting up his lover up bridal style. Making sure the older was still asleep in his arms, he waiting until his lover's head lolled back slowly before making his way into their bedroom. He placed the male in bed gently, tucking him in before sitting beside him. He ruffled the soft hair affectionately, noting to do it the next time Daehyun fell asleep before him as he found the unconscious nuzzles quite endearing.

He hears his phone ring off in the distance and he picks it up with a smile once he hears the voice on the other end. He quickly replies with a small yes before he takes his coat and exits the door, leaving the sleeping Daehyun oblivious to his actions. But he won't be after a few days.

It only takes him fifteen minutes before he reaches his destination, meeting up with a beautiful woman. Her blonde curls falls from her shoulder, a brilliant smile on her face, looking utterly breathless in her uniform. But all those doesn't matter because the only thing that outshines her is the box in her hands. He quickly takes the item from her, checking the contents before slipping it in his pocket. He pulls out his wallet, taking out quite a fair amount of money before handing it to her. She takes the money and with the bow with her head, she walks back into her shop, her job done with the handsome customer.

Jongup takes his time going back home, visiting a coffee shop and ordering a latte and cheesecake. Even in moments like this, he still thinks about his cute hyung, waiting for him at home. The thought instantly brings a small smile onto his face, mind filled with their memories ever since he came into his life. He walks home that day, fulfilled and content when he walks inside his home, only to be greeted with a bear hug from his lover.

He places the box of cheesecake down on the table when he's released, Daehyun following him like a cute kitten, the way his hands are latched onto his shoulder and the way he presses his chest against his back like he can't wait. By now, Jongup is used to each and every habit of the older, the way he crinkles his nose, the way he tends to mumble when he's embarrassed or tired, the way his eyebrows furrow when he's nervous, the way his left eye twitches when something annoys him, the way his lips purse out when he's clearly upset. Jongup enjoys memorizing every detail of the male that he loves, because it brings them closer more than anything. As Daehyun starts opening the box and grabbing the fork, Jongup sits across from him, his coffee in hand. He watches the gleam in the other's eye as he chews the first piece of his cake, and his lips tug up even more.

He stuffs his hand into his pocket, clenching around the box that's deep in there.

Only a few more days, he thinks to himself. Just a few more until he can call Daehyun officially his.

- - -

Daehyun has the right to be confused when Yongguk and Youngjae barge into his house suddenly, he didn't call them over and he's certain that Jongup didn't either. After all, they're going on a date soon. Jongup comes out of the room completely dressed, blue dress shirt as well as a black jacket, dark blue jeans complimenting the rest of his outfit. He's pleasantly surprised by the unexpected presence but he smiles nonetheless, walking over to the confused older before wrapping his arms around his waist.

"Let's go babe," the youngest of all of them mumbles softly, and the male in his embrace only nods, following them out of the door and to wherever. Daehyun is still struggling over the fact of his lover being all calm about two friends possible ruining their date. He doesn't question them and he doesn't want to because he knows he won't get the answers he's looking for. They would probably avoid the question, because to them, him being in the dark was amusing, and it usually was. They got to see his surprised face when something happened that different then he planed, it was golden.

They arrive at the park, quite packed as it was in the afternoon. Daehyun sticks close to Jongup, holding onto his arm as the latter starts to lead all of them to a secluded area. He remembers being here a few times, Jongup had told him that this was his safe haven, and he wanted to share everything with his other half. At first, he was a bit skeptical, but being there after more times, he finds that it really is a soothing place. All his worries seem to wash away being here, and so he grows fond of it. Later, it's not Jongup's spot anymore, it's theirs, and they prefer it that way.

Jongup brings his lover to a picnic that was all ready laid out, food still in the basket just in case of insects. Daehyun settled down on the blanket, ignoring how the other two pulled out their cameras, as if waiting for something to happen. The youngest happily sets himself next to Daehyun, opening the basket before taking a few of the snacks out, consisting of desserts such as cupcakes and cookies. The main course was sandwiches, the kind in which Daehyun loved but they didn't buy it much since it was a bit costly.

Daehyun eyes the food choices carefully, confusion written all over his face. These are all of his favorite foods, and there was no sign of Jongup's anywhere. Was this an event for him? His birthday was coming in three months, so they definitely weren't celebrating that. His thoughts were long gone once Jongup hands him a sandwich, and he munches on it quite happily. If he paid more attention to his lover, he would have noticed that his arms are shaking, and there's a bit of sweat collecting on his forehead. If he had spared his lover one glance that lasted a bit longer, he would have seen the fingers fumbling nervously at the ends of his shirt, how he had clumsily placed the food down on the mat, as if he was rushing to do something.

They eat for a few minutes and he finally notices the way the male is acting, how he smiles sheepishly and how his hand always taps on his pocket. Daehyun finds this strangely odd, but he waits for Jongup before actually saying anything. He's nibbling on the last bits of his sandwich by now, his third sandwich actually. His eyes are basically boring holes into the male's body, anticipating his next move and Youngjae must be as well as he's practically throwing grass at Jongup, hissing a small hurry up or something along those lines. This piques his interest even more, it was rare that his best friend was impatient about things. In his tiny mind, Youngjae was the one that tolerated everything the most, the one that was willing to wait until the ends of the earth for something to happen, or at least that was his point of view on the man.

Daehyun shrugs it off either way, deciding to let Jongup take his time. Whatever this was, it must be important enough for the male to stumble over his words. Once their picnic is finished, the younger takes out a box of pockys, and he can't help the wide smile that spreads widely on his face. He knows what his lover has in mind, and he doesn't hesitate to scoot closer to the male, kneeling in front of him. As the dancer takes one side of the pocky into his mouth, the older mimics his action, nibbling on his end. The chocolate is a bit sweet, not bitter like the usual ones and he likes it, loves it actually. He was never a fan of bland or bitter foods per se, it left a bad taste on his tongue. As they made more bites, the stick slowly shortened, decreasing the space between the both of them. Daehyun's face is red by now, because he suddenly remembers his friends there when he hears them whispering to each other, quiet snickers in between.

He doesn't pull away when he feels their lips mold however, enjoying the fleeting moment before Jongup pulls away after a few seconds. He seemed to have relaxed, which makes Daehyun relieved because now the male would finally spill his secret, right? He notes the way the other in a deep breath, like what he does before he dances, and his eyes lights up in curiosity. Was his lover possibly dancing for him?

His thoughts don't last long as a box is pull out of the latter's pocket, and Daehyun's eyes widen considerably when it opens, showing a beautiful silver ring that held a dark sapphire stone in the middle. Brilliant flashing diamonds litter the sides of the ring, only a few before it continues in an endless silver band, which itself is in an intricate design, curls at the most random spots. It was like a vine, having a few strands straying at a few places and yet, it would end up beautiful.

Daehyun doesn't pick up the words leaving Jongup's lips, eyes set on the ring and mind trying to process everything. He doesn't notice Youngjae and Yongguk in the back, taking pictures and even recording the moment. However, he does pick up the line, "Will you marry me?" He tilts his head up and stares at Jongup with blank eyes, quite taken aback at the action. Before Jongup can even mistake his reaction for rejection, he throws himself at the younger, sending them both back onto the blanket as tears of happiness slip out of his eyes. He mutters "Yes," over and over again, and the dancer just laughs, wrapping his arm around the male as his other started to lifted them back into a sitting position. Daehyun is now settled on his lap, and the ring slides onto his finger.

October 5th is when Daehyun is finally engaged to Jongup, and both couldn't be happier. It's when their life starts its own downfall, one that they weren't aware of yet with fake visions of joy and future in their eyes. They are naive to the problems that could hit them during their marriage, and yet, it is one of their best days, the rest of the time laughing and the start of the planning for their wedding.

- - -

A sleek white dress covers up his body, and his face is basically burning in embarrassment, making the flawless cloth stand out more. Somehow, Jongup had convinced him to dress up like a girl, and he promises that it'll be the last time but he doubts it. He knows that somehow, the younger will convince him to dress up again and he wishes that he didn't agree in the first place. Youngjae even thinks that he's a girl when he first sees him, saying how 'she' was at the wrong wedding and how the 'bride' will be here soon. It takes one of his punches and a quick, "You're a ," to finally get Youngjae to realize that it's him and when he does, the reaction is priceless. His best friend is practically choking on his spit, pleading for someone, anyone, to get him water, and Daehyun kicks him with his one-inch heels, very narrow ones may he add, before calling him "an embarrassment to the world."

The dress fits him, as if it was suited to be made for him, seeing as how the sleeveless silk bodice hugs his chest snugly, not even feeling tight on him. A white ribbon was tied around his waist, leaving a small tiny bow on his back. The skirt of the dress ran down past his legs, however, leaving a bit of room in the front for him to walk around in. The back of the dress trailed around him, not long enough for someone to carry though. The embroidery was beautifully crafted, making the cream and silver trinkets shine in the light. He checks himself in the mirror one more, fixing the brown curls of his wigs as he brings them in front, covering his bare shoulders and he reaches up afterwards to fix the small tiara clipped onto his hair. He soothes out his dress once again, making sure he looks fine before he leaves his room, catching a deep breath. They had spent at least a bit more than four months for this wedding, and he wants it to be perfect.

Daehyun starts to make his way into the hall where he'll be walking out from and instead of his parents, Himchan is there. His parents were a bit against being near him, so he lets them be and Yongguk is supposed to be the one walking him down the hall. But after dreadful hours of nagging, pestering, and begging, Himchan had gotten the role instead. Maybe this was his way of making up for the past few years of mental and physical torture, but he didn't mind much. He was glad that his brother had changed his view about him, at least someone had. Junhong was a bit more of a tough case to crack but after a few hang-out sessions, he had completely opened up.

So there he is at his private wedding, arms locking with Himchan as he's being led down the blue carpet laid out for them. When he walks through the door with his brother, he can feel everyone's eyes on him, since it is a private wedding and most people weren't invited. He flushes as he feels his lover's eyes on him, how he's basically undressing him with one gaze and it makes his body heat up slightly. However, Daehyun manages to walk to the front, arms wrapping around his waist immediately as Jongup places a kiss on his forehead. He beams up at the dancer before pulling himself slightly away from the groom once the priest clears his throat. After minutes of boring speeches, hilarious vows, and exchanging of the rings, he's pulled in for a breathtaking kiss, lips pressing gently against his and it's filled with so much passion that he starts to feel light headed.

His arms naturally snake their way around Jongup's neck and the second after he pulls away, he's being carried out of the church by none other than his husband. They decided earlier not to have a reception, since most of their friends were busy and they didn't want to have a party that would pull people away from their own business and families. Daehyun is gently placed on the passenger seat of the car, where he shifts inside and puts on a seat belt while he waits for Jongup. The latter slips in after walking back to his side, also securing himself before driving off. They arrive back at their house and when Daehyun is about to step out of the car, he's being lifted up again, however, lips crashing onto his almost immediately, and he understands the hint.

February 16th is the day where Daehyun and Jongup are now one on paper, having a legal document as proof that their love will last forever. It's also the day where they first make love with each other, dress ripping off his body as ties are pulled and thrown away to a corner of their room. He denies it, but it's also the day where Daehyun feels butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Not because of nervousness or embarrassment. The thought leaves his mind earlier than he liked it to due to Jongup's distracting kisses littering his neck, replacing him with pleasure instead of fear.

- - -

Jongup lives with Daehyun happily, finally starting his teacher training. However, he only stays away for six hours, since he's decided to become a elementary teacher. He comes home from his shift to be met with a sleepy lover, who has just woken up from his nap and he wants nothing more than to squish him. Instead, he chuckles, wrapping his arms around the male's waist and pecking his lips gently. He feels Daehyun's lips move against his and he grins, pulling away slowly as he mutters, "You're so perfect."

He enjoys making the older flustered because of his words, it was absolutely adorable, the sight of his cheeks turning red and the nuzzling of his face into his neck. Daehyun does all this, even grabbing tightly onto his shirt as if he was going to lose support soon. Jongup takes the male's hand in his, and when he asks what the older is thinking about, he is in shock after hearing it.

Daehyun talks about wanting a family, and he knows that males cannot get pregnant. He also wants to raise the child from birth, which would be hard since most orphans are around five. That only means one thing and Jongup is ready to hear the answer.

"I want to know if we could possibly find someone who's willing to give up their baby for us," Daehyun murmurs shyly, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he waits for Jongup's response. The younger doesn't say anything, just stares off into space thoughtfully before a sigh escapes his lips.

"You know that it's almost impossible, I mean, we don't know any women and plus, no one would want to give up their baby. Just think about it Dae. But if that's what you really want, then we can try." He speaks the last sentence on a whim, he doesn't want to see the pained expression on his lover's face. He does the exact opposite, grinning widely instead.

"I'm just relieved that you want to have a family with me. Some people..." he trailed off, knowing that the other didn't need him to finish. He felt his face being lifted up before a light kiss is placed on his lips.

"You shouldn't worry about things like that Dae. I'll always be glad to make a family with you. In fact, I think it'll be perfect. We can have our own child, and we'll spoil them and everything!" Jongup speaks, a bit too enthusiastic about the idea but it calms Daehyun down nonetheless. After many years of feeling unwanted, feeling dull and plain, feeling like no one cares, he finally finds his exception.

"Perhaps we should ask for help then? Himchan, Yongguk, or Youngjae could help us, since they were pretty social," Daehyun muses, his words coming out in mumbles but it's loud enough for the younger to hear.

"Yah, what about me?" Jongup asked defensively, he had quite the amount of friends himself.

"What about you?"

"I have friends too."

"Really?"

"Yes really! I'm not a loner Dae," the younger male pouts, which elicits a laugh from his lover. He feels lips pressing against his and a smile graces its way on both of their faces.

"Then you can try to find someone too, I just don't want you to be worried about the whole thing because you need to focus on your career."

"I promise I'll work my way to becoming a teacher, you won't have to worry," he murmurs, pecking the male's cheek. Daehyun hums, satisfied before leading the male into the kitchen. He had prepared a cooked dinner from the male, and his skills increased after a few torturous lessons from both Himchan and Youngjae. He doesn't like it when the males nag and yell at him for making a tiny mistake until he's perfect, but the spark that lights up in his lover's eyes makes him feel like it's worth it.

- - -

It's been one year since that chat and everything was going fine, though they still couldn't find anyone who was willing to donate their child. Of course, that is what Daehyun expected, children should be treasured.

He was walking with a grocery bag in hand, coming home from the store that he had just been in minutes ago. They had been running low on ingredients, and today was Jongup's birthday. He wants to cook something special for the male, cheeks puffed out eagerly and to help prevent his face from the wrath of the breeze. On his way, he picks up a sniffle from somewhere close by and his curiosity gets the better of him. His head turns from side to side, wondering if something was wrong around here. Perhaps there were gangsters or rapists around? The thought worries him for a bit before he spots a woman on a bench just a few feet away from him. His head tilts to the side, cautiously approaching the woman. With his years with Jongup, he learned the basics of making new friends, or acquaintances at least. He taps her shoulder, flinching away immediately as her head lifts up, revealing red puffy eyes and still wet tear stains on her cheeks.

"A-Are you okay?" he stammers, knowing that it was a foolish question. Anyone could tell that she wasn't fine, and he sarcastically thanks his stupidity for making him ask such a thing. However, due to the dry laughter that escapes her lips, he knew that perhaps she was willing to speak.

"Thanks for asking, but I'm not. He left me," she sighs softly, and Daehyun's eyebrows furrows.

"Oh, did you have a lover? May I ask why he left you? If you don't mind that is," he manages to mumble, taking a seat next to the woman. He wondered why a man would ever leave her, she was a pretty attractive female. She could surely have any guy that she wanted, or so he thinks. Perhaps he asks the question because he was scared, scared of being left by Jongup one day. If there are still reasons why the younger would want to leave him, he wants to conquer the problems. Anything for them to last together.

He hears a muffle sigh, his eyes quickly averting the the mysterious stranger next to him, watching how she wiped her tears with the sleeve of her shirt. "I'm pregnant. He left me because I'm pregnant. Then he started to rant about how he wasn't ready yet, how he still had a life ahead of him and he didn't want to be tied down with a family right now. He's the only support I have left. Without him, I'll probably have to give up my child for adoption, or even abort it."

His eyes widened considerably, was pregnancy that big of a deal? A frown started to appear on his face, that man was probably a dishonor to his family. Daehyun believed in having morals. If you were to have a kid, you should be taking care of it, no matter what hardships you faced. The kid was the parents' responsibility, and they reflect your teachings.

Daehyun conjures up a smart reply, at least that's what he believes. "You don't have to abort. Perhaps you can give the baby to a friend or a close family so that you can still see him?" He wonders if the suggestion is enough to cheer up the lady, but it ends up making the situation much worse as she starts to frown, making her seem aged by a few years.

"I cut all ties with my families and friends to be with him, because he promised that he would be with me forever. I'm so stupid," she sighs, and he sits there, wondering if he could comfort her in anyway.

"I can be your friend, and if you want, I could perhaps raise your child for you." He waits for her reply as he feels her skeptical gaze on him, his fingers playing with each other. His ears pick up a mumble, and yet he couldn't make it out. He finally glances up at her, eyes showing confusion as he asks her to repeat her words.

"It wouldn't be that bad," she repeats, her voice still quiet and Daehyun has to strain to hear her words as the breeze is still strongly blowing. "I'm only a teenager, going off to college soon and I don't know anything about parenting. I don't think I'm even ready to have a child. Besides, as I said before, I won't have any support from anyone so if you really insist, I'll give my child up to you. You don't seem like a bad person." She flashes him a small smile, and before he even realizes, he brightly grins back at her.

Quite happy, he tugs on her hand and is leading her back to his place, not noticing the confusion written all over her face as she follows him obediently. When he leads her in, she's met with an empty one story house, making her a bit interested in why Daehyun would want to have a child when he was alone.

However, three hours is all it takes for Hyojin, or Elly, to realize that Daehyun isn't alone. The food is now prepared and as the young teacher walks into his house, his sights are upon the strange girl. She's gives a warm smile before introducing herself as Daehyun's friend, because that's what the older promised her. She doesn't miss the excited spark in the man's eyes, but they don't have a chance to continue their conversation as Daehyun is practically jumping onto his lover, causing Jongup to stumble back before he can wrap his arms around the older. He whispers something into the male's ear and it causes Jongup's world to brighten and he mouths a 'Thank you' to the girl on the couch.

Elly realizes that Daehyun is gay, and is lover is none other than Jongup who barely walks through the door before he's getting tackled. However, that still doesn't change her mind and she gives her consent one more time in both of their presence.

February 6th is when they finally succeed in their mission, and Jongup can not think of a better birthday present than this. It's also a day where Daehyun makes another friend, one of the opposite gender this time. It's the day where Elly realizes that love has no boundaries, be it gender or age and she recognizes love for what it is. She also finds a home in the two boys, who happily give her their guest room. February 6th is a day where miracles are real, and it proves that sometimes birthday wishes do come true.

- - -

Daehyun has adjusted to living life with Elly, and since she's pregnant, she cannot attend college at the moment, and it gives him company. He feels bad that she cannot attend an education at this moment, but he's secretly glad by her presence of just being there for him. Of course pregnancy wasn't easy for her, for all of them. She had random mood swings, which was quite frightening as she already had a badass type of image written all over her face. There were serious cravings, causing them to spend money on random snacks that didn't even look one bit appetizing. She also had cramps and contractions, not to mention the whines that escaped her lips whenever the baby kicked or harmed her in any way. They wanted to keep the baby's gender a secret, so that they would be surprised when their miracle came to life.

A year passes by pretty quickly and before he knows it, he hears Elly scream for help. He rushes over to her, holding her hand tightly as her other one is clutching over her stomach. He nervously fumbles for his phone, managing to pull it out after a few attempts. He quickly dials for 911, stating the problem as he doesn't know how to drive. An ambulance comes straight away and in less than ten minutes, they pull her onto the truck and Daehyun is taken along as well. He texts Jongup a brief message, the male still teaching his children at school.

They reach the hospital soon and she's rushed into some room, Daehyun doesn't know the technical terms. He's never been to a hospital but he knows that in this very moment, Elly is going birth to their child, and he hopes that she won't suddenly change her mind. He wanders back and forth before he hears the familiar voice calling out his name, his head lifting up. A smile forms on his face as he rushes over to Jongup, arms wounding around his waist as he's held close.

"I came here as fast as I could, called for an emergency during class so one of the staff is taking over. Is the baby borne yet?" Jongup's words are rushed, but Daehyun understands them. He shakes his head, fluttering his eyes close in hope to clam down his beating heart. 

"Not yet, but soon," are the words that escape his lips, and he hears his lover sigh in relief.

"Good, I didn't want to miss this," he murmured before releasing his lover, asking one of the nurses a question. He watches as they talk, wondering what it was about before deeming that he knew nothing and he should stay out of the confusing conversation.

Somehow, Jongup convinces the nurse to let them see the woman and they're rushing to her room. Well, his lover was leading him as he trailed along and within a few seconds, they burst through the door thanks to the younger's excitement.

Elly is covered in sweat, loud groans escaping her lips as she tries her best to push out the baby. Daehyun immediately rushes to her side, clasping their hands together and he feels a harsh squeeze. As he watches how her face contorts in pain, he murmurs words of encouragement to the teenage girl. He keeps in mind that women are actually wonderful creations of God, going through this much pain to give life to another, and yet having the urge to live on. He finds it fascinating, and he knows that perhaps he wouldn't be able to handle being a girl.

Jongup is standing next to her spread legs, watching how the hed is pushed out first before the rest of their child is coming out slowly. Daehyun notices the grip tightening on his hand but he doesn't once complain, because his pain could never amount to hers. After a few minutes, she slowly collapses back on the bed and releases her hold, allowing the male to pull back his hand as small pants escape her lips. Shrill cries fills the room and he glances over at where his lover was, and his heart can't help but flutter happily as he notices the baby in the doctor's arms.

Daehyun's breath hitch and he can help but already feel longing to have the child in his arms, snuggling him in warm blankets along with his love. Once the baby is finished being cleaned. the child is handed to Jongup for a moment, in which his lover makes small steps towards him. With a smile, he hands him, because they now have a baby boy, into the older's awaiting arms, and he accepts happily. He stares into the baby's wide orbs, which stare back at him before an adorable laugh escapes his lips. Daehyun wants to cry because he finally has a child with Jongup, even if it's not theirs, and their start of a family can finally begin.

A sound of someone clearing their throat snaps him out of his trance and he glances up, glancing at Elly how smiles.

"I have one request."

They don't hesitate and before they knew it, in about an hour or so, they're driving back home to their house with little Jung Hoseok in Daehyun's arms. Since Daehyun was older, they chose his last name, though he would play the mother role in all of this. Hoseok is a name given to them by Elly, which is her last request before they leave her in the hospital room. She plans on going home right after she's well-rested, seeking for her family's acceptance and perhaps an admission to a great college. She plans to go home to broken dreams and rebuild them, and thanks to the couple, she finally has a new start.

February 18th is Hoseok's first birthday, and the last time they will ever see Elly again.

- - -

Taking care of a child isn't an easy task, and currently, it's 3 AM and Daehyun is up, comforting their weeping baby to sleep on a Thursday morning. It's frustrating that he's losing sleep but Jongup is the one providing money while he's the one that stays home. Sighing, he wishes that his parents at least put him through a proper education, and it was too late for him to attend high school. It wasn't too late per se, but he felt too old to be in high school, embarrassed that he would be teased.

It's already been about two months since they've had Hoseok, and some moments were precious while others weren't so much. He remembers lashing out at his lover due to stress, and he's already apologized. But he feels like it isn't enough, that he needs to do something extravagant. So once Hoseok is falling asleep again, he places his child carefully into the crib before he's dragging himself to the kitchen. It takes him at least an hour or so, but it's worth it because he can imagine Jongup's beaming face. After he finishes, he places the food, now covered, back into the fridge and finds himself trudging into his room. He sinks into the bed and falls asleep instantly when his lover wraps his arms unconsciously around his waist, pulling him closer.

Two hours later and now it's time for Jongup to wake, his eyes fluttering open to be greeted with a sleeping angel. A smile makes its way to his face, bringing his hand up to trail his fingers on the older's chin, causing the latter to shift on the bed. He quickly places a kiss on the male's forehead before getting out of the bed.

He quickly dresses up and prepares himself for his class, finishing up in about ten minutes. He doesn't pass by Hoseok's room, entering as he picks up his sleeping baby boy. The smaller slowly wakes up, eyes opening before he giggles as he sees his dad. Jongup can't help but find his son adorable, placing a kiss on his forehead. 

"Don't cause umma too much trouble now," he spoke softly, only getting an innocent blink in response. He shakes his head, rocking the baby back and forth in his arms before he glances up at the clock, noting that it's 5:15 AM. Luckily, the baby lulls off to sleep fairly quick and he takes this time to rush to the kitchen. He opens the fridge, hoping to find a light snack so he can drive to school and eat it but he stops as he notices a dish of waffles and a note placed next to it. He takes the dish, setting it on the counter before grabbing the note, reading it as a soft smile makes its way onto his face.

He downs the food before he leaves for work, the folded note in his pocket as he sets off for work.

Daehyun wakes up a few hours later, going straight to his son's room and scooping the boy up into his arms. He hears the happy coos and he beams at his adorable little boy. He walks into the kitchen, setting Hoseok in his high chair and as he goes to prepare the baby's milk and his own quick snack, he notices the empty dish in the sink. A wide smile spread on his lips, satisfied that Jongup had accepted it.

A couple more hours of wailing, silence, happy laughs and attempted walks is all it takes for the clock to strike three, almost the time for Jongup to come home. Hoseok was still attempting to take more than one step, and Daehyun was kneeling behind him, ready to catch him when he falls. He does like expected and he's quick to hold onto his son's waist, lifting him up and the baby laughs in his high pitched voice.

He hears the door unlock and open and he's staring at the crack, waiting for his husband to enter and he beams widely when he sees him. Jongup chuckles when he sees Daehyun on the floor with their child, quickly shuffling over as he carelessly throws his bag on the couch. He lifts Hoseok out of Daehyun's arms, nuzzling into his stomach and blowing gently on it, causing the baby to squeal happily as he squirms in the grip. The older of the two adults is cautious of course, a hand placed on the child's hip and another behind his back, just in case he slipped from the younger's grasp. Jongup finally places Hoseok down next to him and glances at Daehyun, and without warning, throws himself at the older. He squeaks in surprise, laughing once he felt the light brushing of fingers against his sides. It doesn't take long until he finds himself being tickled, loud laughs escaping his lips as the baby sits and watches them with interest. Jongup is laughing along, stopping as he leans down and places a kiss on his lover's lips.

"Thanks for the waffles by the way. They were delicious," he mutters, showering the other's red face with butterfly kisses and the latter attempts to squirm away from under him.

"No problem," Daehyun breathes heavily, still catching his breath from being tickled for at least a whole minute. Jongup beams, nuzzling his nose against the older's before he whispers three words, pulling away. Daehyun could only laugh, replying with a mere four words that makes the younger's heart flutter.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

- - -

Hoseok is now five, replacing his tricycle with his first ever bicycle, ready to take the challenge of riding with two wheels. Jongup is all for it but Daehyun is reluctant, he doesn't want his baby's skin to be scarred, because Hoseok is still so young. He whines for at least a whole week until his umma finally gives in, which is rewarded with a hug.

Jongup is currently removing the bicycle from their garage as Daehyun is inspecting his son, making sure that all the proper safety gears were on before sending him off. With him is a camcorder, one that held so much memories and more to come. He is pushing the play button as soon as Hosoek is hitching himself up the bike and soon, he's taking off, Jongup right behind him, holding onto the remainder of the seat to balance. Daehyun is trailing not so far behind, capturing each second as his son is releasing small whoops and pleased laughs. They turn a corner and when they're back into a straight line, Jongup slowly lets go. Hoseok is now on his own, not even realizing it.

He's doing pretty well for his first time on his own, which Daehyun guesses is from being outside for so long on his tricycle. However, each first time isn't perfect and his bike tilts, falling off and scraping his knee. He's calling "umma" and "appa" helplessly, his knee bleeding as a few tears trickle down his face. Daehyun gasps, quickly shutting off the camcorder before he's rushing towards his boy, lifting him up in his arms and cradling him, Jongup immediately next to him. The younger picks up the bike, bringing it back to the garage as Daehyun is bringing Hoseok up to the bathroom, placing him down on the counter and washing his wound. Afterwards, he pulls out his first aid kit and starts to disinfect it, eliciting hisses and groans from the 5 year old.

"What did I tell you? You're too young to ride a bike," he continues to ramble on meaningless scolding words, the child sighing.

"Well, at least it doesn't hurt that much anymore umma!" he exclaims happily, and a smile graces Daehyun's lips. Hoseok was always an optimistic kid, and it pleased him that he hadn't done any wrong so far.

Daehyun leans in, placing a kiss on Hoseok's forehead. "Your pain will go away, really soon. Promise," he whispers, lifting his boy up from the counter. Now that he's hurt, he treats the child as a treasure, like his small prince. Jongup meets them at the kitchen, whipping out Hoseok's favorite snacks and the boy, seeing it, squeals gleefully. Daehyun sets the male down on his chair, making sure that the back of his knee didn't hit the wooden chair before he stands up, sauntering over to his lover.

Jongup welcomes him with open arms, and Daehyun leans against him for support, breathing in his intoxicating smell. He wishes for things to stay like this, to stay peaceful, perfect.

As he indulges in the warmth that is Jongup's embrace, he can't help but think in his mind that this would not be a fairy tale ending. His life was never that way, and so he can't help but doubt if he would be happy in the end.

- - -

Jongup's parents have the worst time meddling into their affairs as they called their son over one day. Of course, the younger calls Daehyun and tells him that he can't come home, family business and Daehyun understands. He plans to make the teacher a delicious dinner before he gets home, so he spends the rest of his afternoon on the computer, researching recipes that he could possibly use.

Jongup is sitting patiently on his parent's couch, a tired sigh leaving his lips. So far, his day wasn't so good, his kids causing more trouble then usual. He assigned many detentions during break, hopefully that taught the kids a lesson.

His legs are crossed, arms resting on his thighs as he waits for his parents to speak. Once they do, his blood boils and his stress starts to kick him.

"We need you to get married to someone else."

Jongup's teeth are clenching, seething in anger at his parents. Had he not told them he was getting married years ago? Did they ignore him when he first brough Daehyun over claiming that he was the love of his life? Where exactly did he go wrong? Why did he have to marry someone else.

"No," he replies curtly, a frown on his lips now as he glares at his parents, who are shifting in their seat.

"Please Jongup, do this for your brother," his mother pleads, staring at him with eyes that held shame and disappointment.

"Why can't you ask Jonghyun? Why me? Mom, I'm finally happy for once in my life. Why can't you accept that?" he asks, voice containing a hint of annoyance and hidden anger.

"Your brother is enlisted in the army, he can't possibly do this and your other brother is engaged..." she trails off, knowing that this won't be fair to her youngest son.

He can only stare at them with disgust, sudden hatred replacing love that had gone on for years. "Why can't brother cut off his engagement then? Why me? I'm married, and don't you dare even say that it's because he's a guy," he replies harshly, not caring whether he hurt his parents or not. "And he's only engaged, mom, I'm already married. Do you know what processes we have to go through to get a divorce? It isn't worth it," he defends. Now that he has Daehyun, he doesn't want to let him go.

"But your brother is in love with that girl. Jongup-" his dad gets cut off, and by now, Jongup has had enough with his parents.

"And I'm not in love? Is this all I mean to you? Does my happiness not matter? Every time, you would always do what hyungs wanted! You never paid attention to me. And now that I have my peace, you want to take it away? You're the worst, I hate you all!" he screams on the top of his lungs before he storms out of the house, mind set on 'never to return again'.

It's May 20th when Jongup comes home in tears, and Daehyun is glad that he had sent Hoseok off to sleep just minutes ago. He emrbaces his younger lover into his arms, whispering comforting words while Jongup is trying his best to tell him what had happened today through sobs. Today, Daehyun realizes that he's not the only one who has never experienced love, who experience neglectance. He holds onto Jongup so tightly, scared that if he were to ponder about it, the younger would leave him in a heartbeat to satisfy his parent's needs.

- - -

As expected, it only takes one month for Jongup's resolve to break. His heart is telling him to stay with Daehyun, but his mind is telling him that family is forever, that they will always be besides you and love you. There is also a major factor in this decision, a threat that he had received over the phone to be more specific.

Jongup has a bad habit of listening to his mind over his heart.

As Daehyun is sleeping, he is packing up his things, ready to leave to his parent's house. Before he leaves, he takes one last glance at his Daehyun, or who was his. He leans down, placing one chaste kiss on the older's lips before he makes a quick visit to Hoseok. He plants a kiss on his boy's forehead.

Finishing up, he leaves the house, words of perhaps false promises leaving his lips.

"I'll come back soon."

Hours later and Daehyun is expecting to wake up in between warm arms, snuggling into an equally warm chest but all he feels is the cold sheets. His eyes shoot wide open right away, knowing that something is off. Today was Sunday, a weekend where Jongup spent all of his days at home. He couldn't, he wouldn't spend today with anyone else. He lets Hoseok sleep in on days like this, which he is quite thankful for at the moment. Panic rises in him as he searchs everywhere in his room, muttering words such as "This isn't funny Jongup. Come out." and "Please tell me you're here."

With no sign of the younger anywhere, he rushes to the kitchen. There, he finds a small note. It only contains two words in that neat hand writing of his lover, but it's enough for his heart to break.

'I'm sorry.'

His eyes scan over these words over and over again, as if hoping that if he read it enough times, Jongup would pop out of nowhere and tell him it's a joke, call him an idiot for crying before pulling him into a hug. But as his eyes scan over the words for the fifteenth time, his body starts to shake, tears slipping from the corners if his eyes. It takes him a few seconds to piece everything together, he's collapsing onto the floor, sobs racking his body. "This a nightmare," he whispers repeatedly, the note clutched tightly against his chest.

What felt likes hours until he calmed down was excruciating. Hiccups and sniffles are all that are heard resounding through the kitchen, until he hears light footsteps approaching. He wipes his tears and crumples the paper up with one hand before tossing it into the trash, turning to face his son when he was ready.

"Umma, are you okay?" Hoseok asks, his eyebrows knitting together as he notes his puffy red eyes as well as nose.

"Yes", Daehyun assures, voice cracking due to the sobs ealrier. He clears his throat, flashing his son the smallest of smiles before he suggests something.

"How about I make us some breakfast?"

"Yes please umma! What about appa?" Daehyun hesitates to answer the question, wondering if he should spill the truth or lie.

"Appa... Appa is... he's working far away for now, teaching other students so we have to wait for him."

"Oh! Alright then, hope he's having fun," Hoseok muses, bringing himself to a chair to sit on. Daehyun's smile immediately vanishes as he turns around to make food. He's exhausted, tired. He just wants to sleep forever.

June 20th is when Jongup leaves Daehyun for his family, because he figures that they will always be there for him. Daehyun feels empty and lonely for the first time in years, and he hates it, he really does. For once, he truly feels like he's suffocating, so much that it's hard to breathe even as he's making breakfast for his dear son. June 20th is when his world turns pitch black again, because now that his light is gone, how is he supposed to see?

- - -

It's been at least one month since Jongup left and everyone can notice that Daehyun is not like how he used to be when the younger was around. He doesn't smile much, he doesn't smile at all actually. He cuts down on his eating, only one or two bites if they're lucky enough. Yongguk and Youngjae are clearly worried, and the only one oblivious to this is naive Hoseok, who just smiles at everything and everyone. When Hoseok is at school one day, Yongguk and Youngjae come over to visit the male, making sure that he wouldn't do anything that he did in the past. They know that Daehyun is weak, that he can't support himself, but they can't help but feel frustated by his actions.

Why couldn't he move on? The answer was so simple, yet it was complicated to Daehyun.

As they were eating, they watch the man push around his food with his fork, and Yongguk was starting to lose his patience.

"Look, Daehyun, just eat," he sighs softly, but the said man didn't react at all, continuing to push around the rice on his dish.

"Don't want to," is the reply given and the oldest could feel his anger rising. Checking up on the younger everyday was difficult enough and now forcing him to be healthy was just going to be as difficult.

"God damn it Daehyun! Just eat!" he finally roars, surprisng both of the younger males. Daehyun's eyebrows furrow in confusion, why did Yongguk care so much? He wasn't hungry, he never was or he never felt hungry.

"B-But I'm not hungry hyung," he mutters, poking at his rice before he flinches at the hard slam on the table, the sound seemingly bouncing off the walls of the room. Daehyun is slightly frightened, his hyung always had this calm facade so seeing an outburst was definitely something new. Bits off food fly onto the table due to the hard slam, and Daehyun opts to stare at them, stare at anything so he won't have to look at his angered brother-in-law. Yes, Yongguk was now married to Himchan but that wasn't the point.

"I'm tired of this Daehyun! You're not eating, you're not going outside, you're not talking, you're not doing anything. You're just being your old self. Is this what you want? Do you think Jongup would be happy if he saw this?" Yongguk bellowed, raged eyes piercing through the younger, who's shifting on the chair uncomfortably. Tears pool his eyes at the name of his lover, teeth clenching because he doesn't want to hear it again.

"Shut up," he mutters lowly, a hint of venom laced in his voice but Yongguk doesn't notice. Instead, he continues on with his scolding rant, missing Daehyun's trembling body as his skin turns a deathly white.

"I said shut up!" he screams this time, catching both of his guests off guard as they stare at him with wide eyes. "You just don't understand, and you never will," he hisses, knowing full well that his act is childish but he doesn't stop. He's always been how someone wanted him to be, and now he would finally release his emotions. It was okay, wasn't it?

Apparently not, he realizes that once he feels a stinging pain on his cheek, the loud slap resounding throughout the tense room. Surprisingly, it's Youngjae that slaps him, the male that did nothing but eat while watching his two friends fight. He is sick of it, and for once, he sides with the oldest. 

"Y-Youngjae?" he manages to stammer in a quiet voice. He questions his friend's action, but he doesn't have to with the next words that escape the youngest's lips.

"Daehyun, look, we're really trying to help, but in this state we can't do anything. We're tired too Dae, we really are. We come here everyday hoping to see you smile or even do something to show that you're happy but you're not. It's obviously stupid of us for trying. Sorry, we won't come here again." Daehyun's heart breaks a little bit more and he can't help but notice the slight cold tone in his best friend's voice. He doesn't have the courage to look up and tell them to stop, only sitting there with his head hung down as he hears the door slam. A sigh escapes his lips before he pushes his plate away, forcing it to break as it slips off the table and onto the floor. His breaths quicken, and he's suffocating again. Tears easily slide down his face as he tries to stand up, using the table as support but it fails when his knees buck and he's falling onto the floor. Loud wails escape his lips, he's always in the wrong it seems.

Everything is his fault. This is why his parents are ashamed of him, this is why Jongup left him, and eventually his friends also get fed up with him. He wasn't optimistic, he wasn't cute or adorable. He wasn't innocent, he will always be imperfect. No one wants him, he's like trash. People can easily throw him away after they use him, wasn't that it? He doesn't realize how long he's been there until the door opens, a small Hoseok walking home from school with a confused face. The door wasn't locked, which was weird considering how his mom was always nagging about safety. He enters the kitchen to see his umma kneeling down on the floor, emotionless as he rushes towards him.

"Umma?" he speaks, voice laced with uncertainty as he reaches up, cupping the older's cheek. This brings Daehyun back into reality, tears him away from his mind as he focuses on his son.

"Yes," he answers, voice cracking due to the hours of sobbing. He is so pathetic.

"Are you okay?" the little boy asks, a frown on his face and that's the last thing Daehyun ever wants to see. It was rare for his little boy to frown, and so he envelops him into a hug.

"Everything is fine. You're umma's only hope. Don't leave me, okay?" His voice is nothing but a mere whisper, and ironically, it brings a smile to Hoseok's face.

"I'll never leave umma! Don't worry," he beams, pulling away to show his 'mom' the wide smile on his face. Daehyun gives off a little laugh, and Hoseok thinks that perhaps Daehyun is happy again. However, he's naive, and that was a trait of a child, wasn't it? He doesn't notice that the laugh is nothing more than forced, doesn't notice that Daehyun is clearly upset even with that eye smile, that he doesn't want anyone or anything but Jongup. If only Hoseok had known earlier, he could have prevented something from happening. If he had known that the day was coming, he would have ran around the streets, searching everywhere for his father so that his other one could be happy.

- - -

It's been five months, difficult ones may he add and Daehyun is exhausted, both emotionally and physically. He was never strong in the first place, and that's his explanation for the new cuts littering his skin. Of course, Hoseok notices the scars on his dear umma, but whenever he asks, he only gets an accident as an excuse. Too young to understand, he trusts the older's answer without a care in the world before bouncing around, asking for ice cream.

Daehyun has lost everything, except for his son of course. He loses Jongup, who leaves him with a vague note for an apology. He loses his friends, who leaves him alone to rot in his house. His only source of hope now is Hoseok, and he even feels like he's losing connection with his son. Now that Hoseok is getting more social and going places with his friends at such a young age, Daehyun feels like he's not needed. Even his own son is throwing him away, or so he assumes.

Three months is all it takes for Daehyun to give up on everything, even his son. Life isn't fun anymore, it's simply just tiring. He's barely moving forward, and he can't get anywhere. Life isn't cut out for him, he finishes tucking his son in. He hesitates for a few hours, until it's around 4 AM before he wanders into the bathroom, grabbing a few pill bottles. Afterwards, he entered the kitchen, setting the bottles down and making a small sandwich for Hoseok to bring to school the next day. After putting it into a ziplock, he places it in a paper bag and puts it into the fridge gently. He reaches out for a small piece of paper, scribbling down a few words before leaving it on the table. He grabs a glass cup off water, gingerly bringing it into his bedroom before he rushes back down to get the bottles of pills, frantically picking them up. All he wants is an end, a painless but quick one hopefully. And that's all he can hope for in his life, a satisfying death.

Situated on his bed, he finally uncaps one of the bottles, shoving three pills into his mouth before downing his water. It's hard to swallow but it works. Realizing that this would not be enough water, he rushes down towards the kitchen, opening the cabinet before taking at least five water bottles. He arrives at his bedroom quite quickly, and he repeats the process. Three pills. Grab water. Swallow. This goes on until he feels tired, eyelids feeling heavy as they droop. He drops the water bottle in his hand, letting the rest of the water spill onto the tiled floor as he fell back against the fluffy bed.

A few hours later and Hoseok is up, bouncing all over his room as he dresses up for the morning of school. The first thing he does is rush into Daehyun's room, wanting to wake him up so he can get a ride to school. He stares at the water on the floor, his eyebrows knitting with curiosity before shaking it off. He steps over the puddle and the empty bottles that once held pills. His warm hands touch the deathly cold skin, and he figures that his mom is sick. He tries to shake the other awake, chanting, "Umma! Umma!" over and over again for at least two minutes before giving up with a pout. He covers his dad's body with the blanket, hoping that it would keep him warm in his slumber. He then rushes downstairs, stopping when he saw the note on the table.

"Umma's tired, but I made lunch for you. It's in the fridge, I hope you don't mind walking to school and back home. Umma loves you, always remember that."

Hoseok's head tilts as he reads it, he always knew that Daehyun loves him, he didn't need to write it down. It came off as strange, but with young age comes with nativity. He strolls over to the fridge, humming something under his breath as he take the paper bag. Seeing as his mom was out cold, he sneaks some chips into his bag before leaving the house, not forgetting to yell, "I'm going now umma! I love you too!" He is too young to understand the concept of death, too young to know that his words will never reach the person it was meant for. He leaves the house with no regrets or heavy feelings, because he has put so much faith into believing that his mom will wake up during lunch and make him something.

School passes by in a breeze and he finds himself rushing out of school. Too bad for him, the halls are crowded with groups and he's pushing through them, muttering "Excuse me. Sorry," every few seconds as there are obstacles everywhere, keeping him from reaching home. Once he breaks out of the door and into the sunlight, he gasps when he spots a figure that he hasn't seen in a long time. "Appa!" he shrieks, running over as quickly as he can on his little legs to reach his father.

Jongup smiles tiredly, squating down only to be squeezed by his son. "H-Hey," he stutters back, wrapping his arms around the boy's waist before lifting him up. Hoseok laughs in delight, burying his face into the older's neck and Jongup can't help but smile as he remembers Daehyun doing the same before. He has always wonders how they've been doing, but they're probably being funded by Youngjae, or Zelo if it came down to it.

"How's umma?" he asks with the slightest bit of hesistance, wondering what the answer would be. He's scared, maybe Daehyun moved on without him or maybe he hated him. He didn't want to know the answer, he's frightened. Judging by his son's frown, maybe his conclusion is right.

"Umma is sick. He's very cold and wouldn't wake up this morning. There were pills everywhere so I think umma will be feeling better soon," he beams, not noticing how Jongup tensed up or how his eyes widen at the words. Without another word, he places Hoseok into the back of the car, quickly buckling the seat belt minus a few fumbles before he's starting the car. He leaves his son confused, but it's worth it because he couldn't tell Hoseok.

"Appa, what's wrong?" he boy asks with a small pout formed on his lips. They're practically speeding through the streets, and thank the heavens that the police aren't around to give them a ticket. 

"Nothing, nothing at all. Just eager to see umma is all," he states, uncertainty laced in his voice. However, the child brushes it off as he couldn't see anything wrong with his father's words.

"Alright appa. Can we hurry home? Umma promised to make me a Christmas celebration dinner if I attended tutoring today." Hoseok makes out the words but Jongup can't hear anything, gritting his teeth as he stops at the red light. He was upset that he had to stop, his worry never leaving the older male that has been in his mind for months. He hopes, just hopes that nothing is wrong when he gets home. He has a faint idea of what Daehyun had done to himself, but he refuses to believe it until he can see it with his own eyes.

Once they arrive at the house, he rushes in without a second thought, zoning out the sounds of his son calling for him. The door opens and he rushes through it, peeking into the kitchen in hopes that perhaps Daehyun is up and making dinner. He sees no one however, and his heart feels heavy in his chest. A frown is on his lips and before he knows it, Hoseok is tugging on his pant leg with a pout on his lips. "What's wrong appa?" he asks, tilting his head to the side. He's confused, why exactly was he rushing?

Jongup just shakes is head, forcing a smile that doesn't reach his eyes but Hoseok is too young to see past the facade. He smiles back innocently towards his dad, a pang of jealously hits the older male. Ignorance is bliss, and he wishes he could go back to those days.

"Just stay here while dad checks up on umma. Whatever you hear, do not move, okay?" he speaks quietly, but the boy manages to hear and nods. Jongup sighs in relief before racing up the stairs. He scurries to Daehyun's and his shared room, hand on the door knob but he stops. He hesitates, he's afraid of what he will come to see, and he doesn't want to bare it. No, anything was better than facing the beyond the door if his guess is right. With shaky hands, he gives the door a weak push, watching how slowly it opens while creaks can be heard from the hinges. His eyes are unconsciously shut tight, and when he forces them open, his face pales.

The sight before him matched his thoughts exactly. Daehyun is laying on the bed, completely still with white skin. Pills and water are spilled on tiled floors. His breath hitches as he takes small steps towards the bed, his knees almost giving out when he reaches the matress. Still warm and inviting as he remembers it. He places himself down next to Daehyun's waist, fingers reaching out to brush the strands away from Daehyun's eyes.

He cannot breathe, his breathe held in as he inspects his dead lover. Deathly cold hands, blank eyes that stares out at nothing, snow kissed skin, it's the reality that he doesn't want to believe in. A heavy sigh sounds throughout the room and a tear slips down his cheeks, landing on Daehyun's as he presses his lips against the latter for the last time.

He didn't ask for this, he just wanted to come home on Christmas and surprise his family. His brother had come back from the army to marry the girl that he was engaged to for a few months. He couldn't help but take up the offer. His family had told him that they would cut off all funds supporting them. Even if he had a job, being a teacher could not pay the funds of Hoseok as well as the house and food as well as other materials that they needed.

For the first time in his life, he screams after a few minutes of sobbing. He doesn't want to believe this. His arms are wrapped tightly around the still man, just wishing that he would wake up with a "Just kidding" or "Fooled you." Reality is cruel.

True to his promise, Hoseok stays downstairs in the kitchen, even though the screams can be heard. He wants to go up there, comfort his appa in any way that he can. He's curious to know what's wrong. Why is the male crying, screaming?

It almost takes a full hour for Jongup to come back downstairs, eyes red and puffy though his face is clean from any tear marks. Hoseok grins and runs towards his father, hugging his leg. Emitting a chuckle, he bends down to pick up his son, cradling him into his arms. He doesn't want to lose anyone else, never again.

"Appa, did umma wake up? He promised to make me dinner," the boy murmured, burying his face into his father's neck.

With pursed lips and a trembling voice, he shakes his head. "No, umma is playing a game. He wants to see how long he can sleep and some people are going to help him win. I'll make dinner for you instead, okay?"

The child in his arms nods happily and doesn't even question it when the police come in and takes Daehyun's body away.

It's December 25th, Christmas, when Daehyun passes away into the world of white, leaving behind everything. No one is waiting for him in heaven, but he leaves Jongup behind once again. It's the day where Jongup has lost Daehyun with a difference of a few hours, and he despises not only himself but his love as well. What was Daehyun thinking? Dying and leaving Hoseok alone, how horrible. But he couldn't blame the male, never. It was his fault. Christmas is the day that scars Jongup physically and emotionally, and his wrists starts to match Daehyun's little by little as anger and sorrow swallows him up.

- - -

It's New Years when Youngjae comes over for a visit, confused as to why Daehyun's favorite teddy bear was delivered to him. Yes, he was fond of collecting the cute creatures, but obtaining Daehyun's favorite one was something he didn't expect. Unknown to him, it was written down on the older's will. With Jongup's help, he successfully created one.

He's surprised to find Jongup at the door, eyes widened with shock and annoyance at the male for leaving Daehyun but at least he thinks things will go back to normal.

"Hey, where's Daehyun?" the young male asks, staring at his dongsaeng with his head tilted to the right side. He watches as the younger male shifts uncomfortable in his spot, and he notices that something is off but he can't place it.

"Oh, he went out. You just missed him," his monotonous voice makes it difficult to tell whether the statement is the truth or a lie. Youngjae's eyes narrow suspiciously at the younger in front of him, quite not believing the words that left his lips but he guess he could pry the information out of him another day.

"Alright, tell Daehyun thanks and that I love the teddy bear." Youngjae spoke, eyes concentrating on Jongup's face. This time, he doesn't miss the way the latter's face seems to drop and how he's nervously averting his eyes.

"Will do." It only comes out as a hushed whisper but Youngjae hears it nonetheless.

"Appa!" a scream sounds throughout the room as an energetic boy bounces his way to the front, standing besides his father within seconds and Jongup tenses, because he knows that children are blabbermouth and they'll say everything they know if they're asked. At least that's what Hoseok is like.

A wide smile makes his way onto his face as he notices his uncle, Youngjae. However, the question that he wants to ask is more important as he tugs on his father's sleeve. Youngjae notes how Jongup tears his arm away violently, an unspoken fear written in the gleams of his eyes. What he doesn't notice is the quick flash of the scars that appear on his wrist as he pulls his arm away from his son. Jongup harshly pulls the sleeve down, so forcefully that the shirt almost slips off his shoulder completely. Content that his skin is hidden, his face calms at the sight of his son's pout.

"Yes, Hoseok?" he asks softly, bending down so that he's directly face to face with his son. He knows that they both like talking this way, it made them seem like equals. Plus, Hoseok was growing older and he was going to grow up one day. He wasn't going to be ruled over by his parents, well parent, anymore when he's older.

"When is mommy going to be home? I haven't-"

Before Youngjae can hear anymore, eyebrows knit in confusion, the door is slammed quite loudly in his face. "Rude," he huffs to himself, knowing full well that no one was able to hear him. His eyes glared at the door, hoping that somehow Jongup would be able to feel it through the thick piece of wood separating them. Something about Hoseok's question threw him off, especially what he was going to say next. A sigh escaped him before he headed back home, keeping in mind to track down Daehyun's recent files.

When he arrives home, true to his words, the first thing he does is dig through his connections to find out whether they know what had happened to Daehyun. Yongguk is the first person he calls up, and with Yongguk married to Himchan, it isn't surprising that he knows about Daehyun's death. Yongguk had stopped all contacts with Jongup after he had found out. A silence hangs for a minute before Youngjae hangs up with a "Oh."

The phone slams into the wall seconds later, shattering into small fragments just like his heart. It was hard to see Daehyun suffer, hard to leave Daehyun alone during those three months when all he wanted to do was gather up the younger in his arms and whisper comforting words. He was supposed to be someone Daehyun was supposed to go to and lean on, but he ended up slapping his face and leaving him. He couldn't even convey his real feelings for Daehyun. He remembers back to the day he first told the older, who was displeased to say.

"I like you," Youngjae whispered, the words barely leaving his lips. He can see the way Daehyun's hands turn pale and the tight grip on his cup. He knows that this isn't going to be in his favor, that he isn't going to have what he wanted.

With seconds that ticked away like hours, a small laugh finally escapes from the older's lips. His melodious voice makes Youngjae's heart race, and he can feel his breath hitching.

"I like you too," is all that Daehun says but Youngjae quickly understands that the latter is trying to brush this off as friendship. His lips pursed out before he quickly shook his head.

"No. I like you more than a friend. I like, like you," Youngjae admits, wondering where his vocabulary was when he needed it the most. Whenever Daehyun was around, his mind would slip into a swirl of blackness and his thoughts would be erased.

He can see Daehyun, staring directly back into his orbs with a stoic face. Youngjae knows what is to come but he doesn't want it to come. He wants Daehyun to accept his confession as well. It's been a year since they knew each other, and he wanted to see the older smile genuinely for once.

"I'm sorry, but I'm still in love with an ." The words come out laced with bitterness that Youngjae can't even comprehend how the aura has suddenly taken a sharp turn into disappointment and despair.

However, it is quickly changed when he sees Daehyun's eyes averting to the street across from them. He sees the way Daehyun's lips curl up into a smile, and even if it's small, it's so beautiful. His breath is knocked out of his windpipes as he takes his time to memorize the precious image. From where they were sitting, a cafe with warm coffee in hand, Youngjae grows curious. There was not much to catch the older's attention, and he feels slightly angered that his confession was brushed off so easily.

As he glances out the window, his eyes notices an angelic figure. He has a bright smile plastered on his face as he picks up a girl who had just fell. He looked like he was on his way to college, most likely running late with clothes hastily thrown on and hair tousled without a care, bag slung over his shoulder with papers sticking out messily. He only comes to this conclusion because he was the same during his college life, barely arriving to class on time. However, the picture seems wrong to Youngjae. The smile that lights his face doesn't reach his eyes. His eyes are blank, dark almost and he can feel himself drowning in the clarity of the orbs, drowning in a chocolate abyss. He wonders if Daehyun could notice that as well, but with the smitten expression on his face, he most likely doesn't. 

"Who is he?" Youngjae wonders out loud, and he can see Daehyun shift in his seat, eyes trying to avert away from the mysterious male but failing obviously as he continues to stare, only looking back towards the younger when the boy was out of view.

"Moon Jongup," he can hear him speak, and Youngjae keeps a mental note to remember this Moon Jongup. He decides to throw his silly crush away, at least he thought it was a crush anyways.

He was wrong, he had fallen hopelessly in love with Daehyun as time passed, and was devastated to hear that Daehyun had gotten back with Jongup. He was glad that the male was happy, but why couldn't it be with him?

An aggravated scream leaves him, fist colliding into the wall painfully. He can't help but feel guilty about his last impression he had given Daehyun. Yes, he was secretly paying for the male's bills and financing but Daehyun had probably passed away thinking that he hated him.

"I'm sorry," is all Youngjae could mutter as he slides down against the wall, crying himself to sleep with soft whimpers escaping now and then.

- - -

It takes about six months before Yongguk and Youngjae can confront Jongup again, though they were still quite set on breaking him as he did to Daehyun. Luckily for the younger male, Himchan had coaxed Yongguk from the thought of strangling the youngest out of all of them.

They're not surprised when they see the surprised expression on Jongup's face as he seems them. Jongup's lips are set into a firm line and all he wants to do is slam the door in their faces, they were no longer his friends. Scratch that, they were never his friends to begin with. They were only Daehyun's and he knew that perfectly well. They would never stick around him unless Daehyun was around, they would never be the one inviting him to do things, they would do favors only if it had involved Daehyun. However, now matured, he only opens the door further for them to walk in. 

They settle down on the couch, uncomfortable silence surrounding the three of them. Himchan would have came but he had to go to Zelo's dance recital. Jongup sometimes wishes that Himchan was around, because even though they had dated before, it was comfortable around them. They knew exactly what the other would need, and occasionally, Himchan would side with him when Yongguk was unreasonable. Heck, even Junhong, who prefers to be called Zelo now, being here would lighten the atmosphere.

No one dares to say anything, and Jongup is growing wary of the eerie silence. He is the first one to break it, bewildered as to why the men had come to his house with no words to say. "What?" is all that leaves his lips, tone unwavering though his insides are churning. He feels like nothing good can come out of this, he actually knows that nothing good is going to come out of this. 

When he gets no replies, his arms cross against his chest. Youngjae glances up to meet his eyes, and Jongup can only flash him a fake smile that causes him to scoff. But something is misplaced once again, Youngjae senses. There was that missing spark in his eyes again, that missing happiness that barely anyone can see through fake smiles and lies of reassurance. Youngjae sees it all, but bothers not to talk about it. It could be a touchy subject, and what he doesn't want right now is for Jongup to blow up in their faces. Yongguk seems not to notice when his eyes lock onto the youngest's, and Jongup's attempt of a smile fades instantly as he stares back with equal intensity.

"Why did you leave him? You knew what he would do, you knew what he's been through and yet you still do this." Yongguk is quite straightforwards, already reaching the highlight of their planned conversation but Youngjae doesn't mind. He craves for the information that he needs and waddling around in the shallow waters was not going to get him anywhere.

Jongup's words can barely be formed before Yongguk cuts him off once again, anger laced in his voice. "I gave you a chance Jongup, one you said you wouldn't abuse. And look where Daehyun is now! You can't even protect the one you love!" Yongguk bascially has his voice raised as he's scolding Jongup. The youngest doesn't even have to flinch, but Youngjae can see that the words are tearing him inside with the nervous fumbling of his fingers. His eyes are wet, and Youngjae wants to scowl because if anyone deserves to cry, it was them and not Jongup.

"You killed him, Jongup. You killed Daehyun and you really have nothing to say? Unbelievable." To riled up in anger, Yongguk is barely aware thatt he is cutting off Jongup's words every time he speaks. 

"Yongguk-" Jongup starts off with a sigh but was cut off by another scream, one that shook the whole house.

"I don't want your excuses! I want Daehyun back here! But he's dead because of you and we can't do anything about it, now can we? You ruined him, he built him up just to break him again. I hate you, Jongup!" This time it was Youngjae who burst, Yongguk's angered spirit affecting him.

"Do you really think it's easy for me too? Do you think that I left him without a reason? I-" he's cut off once again by a gasp. He would be annoyed by this point but he freezes because he knew exactly who that belonged to. Three heads whipped to the side to see Hoseok, eyes widened in shock at the new information.

"M-Mom's dead?" the boy asks quietly, voice wavering with the pain that shoots through his heart. Not only was his hope of seeing Daehyun again gone, but the hurt that Jongup had liked to him, lied to his only son.

Jongup could only stay quiet, he knew Hoseok would find out sooner or later, but for him to find out this way. He didn't want to believe it. This wasn't how he imagined it to go when he would tell his son.

"Hoseok..." he starts off, standing up to approach the boy only to see him back away. His heart breaks at the sight, his son is distraught and he can't even rely on him. He had expected it, but it would have been much better if the words like left his lips instead of Yongguk's.

"I hate you. You took umma away. Giver her back!" Hoseok is practically wailing, and whenever Jongup takes a step forward, he takes one back. Jongup expects the crying to last for a few minutes before his son is caving in and asking him to cuddle together but the issue isn't this small this time. He can feel the hatred behind his words, and he suddenly feels suffocated. Suffocated because the words that he thought he would never hear slipped out of his son's lips without hesitation. 'I hate you' played over and over again in his mind, the chains tightening around his heart and he swore that he was drowning.

Youngjae, calming down to see that they would be getting no where today, grabbed Yongguk's hand and left without a word. Hoseok, still a sobbing mess, waddled after them, needing space away from his father to gather his thoughts. He just needed space and time, he had heard people say and this was what he needed to do. Left alone in the house with nothing more that the slam of the door, he collapsed onto the floor, knees buckling. He didn't have to hold in his feelings anymore, he didn't have to act strong for anyone. 

Unlike Daehyun, he was left to fend of the world by himself. Left with no one to support him, with no one to hold him up like Daehyun had Yongguk and Youngjae, even their son. Most of his friends had left him after finding out that he was gay, leaving him like all the judgmental people in the world. He didn't care then, but he wishes that they were there now, consoling him with soothing pats on the back and alcohol like they had done. This is the first time in his life where he feels completely alone, and if this is how Daehyun had felt, then he understood why he had felt unnecessary.

Jongup decided to add more scars onto his wrist that night, silver blades taking away his worries with every deep swipe, replacing them with momentary ecstasy in a twisted way before leaving him to beg for more. He would rather face pain and his own mental problems and emotions, something that he could take care of with a touch rather than dealing with something that he had a hard time touching upon. No one was willing to listen to his side of the story, no one was with him from the beginning. Thinking about the events of today brought him back to the past. He had realized one thing.

He had always been alone. Whether he had realized it or not. Only Daehyun had brought color into his world and vice versa.

He wasn't as aware as Daehyun was when he was a child. He didn't know that his parents always brushing off his events to attend his siblings' were a sign of their lacking love towards him. He didn't think that his brothers not wanting to hang out with him meant that he was actually unwanted and unneeded. He never noticed how his parents would take care of his other siblings when they were sick, but leave him to fend off for himself when he digested a pill or two. Neither did he realize that his parents had never called him until that night and threatened him to do his bidding.

Jongup's life is built upon lies, and the realization hurts. Or maybe what hurts is the fact that he has seen all of this but decided to ignore his gut feeling, only to find out that it was truth after all.

Hoseok is returned after a week of staying with Youngjae, and though he is still upset with this dad, he notices the lonely aura surrounding him. Even his students can see through his fake smiles and cheerful voices. At moments like this, he wish he could just sleep forever, waking up only to dreams of heavens and counting stars in the universe, watching over people in fluffy clouds. That sounds better than living in this harsh reality, a harsh slap to a face with every turn you took. But Jongup was always a coward, and he would never be able to take his own life away like Daehyun had.

- - -

Jongup is once again scribbling away words in his diary, a journal that Daehyun had bought him with his own money for his birthday. Where he got the money from was far beyond his comprehension. He hadn't really used it much, but over the past years, it was starting to reach the end. He closes the book before stuffing it back into its rightful place, a sigh escaping his lips. Hoseok was now 10, and it seems like he had his heart set on ignoring his dad like the plague. Time passed by so quickly that Jongup can barely even remember the events. His brother had gotten married, not even bothering to thank him for wrecking his own marriage to save his. He visited Daehyun's grave every year, with Hoseok in tow this time. He could feel the glares on his back, digging into his soul from Yongguk and Youngjae who were there. They still hadn't listened to his side of the story, no one has actually. The only person who would listen was his diary, the only thing in the world that allowed him to write out his heart. It was hidden in the inner pocket of his coat, just so he wouldn't lose it and could still bring it anywhere.

To Jongup, his diary was his life. His hardships over the span of Daehyun's death as well as the falling out of their marriage due to a misunderstanding and a death on Daehyun's part. No one bothered to care that he was broken as well, no one tried to break Jongup open like a book, no one dared to notice the difference in the choice of his clothes or the habits he had gotten recently.

He had adapted to smoking, a stupid thing he tried out after Hoseok had left for a week. It turned out to be an annual thing now and he was slowly getting used to it. However, having his son in the same house, flat out ignoring him was beyond his ability to cope with. Sure, Daehyun would hate to see him smoke, the older was never fond of the disgusting smell and the vile after taste it had for a couple of hours, but Daehyun wasn't here.

Sure enough, Jongup never grew to like the taste of the bitter cigarettes. If he had set his heart to quit, he wouldn't even look back at the packets with a longing gaze. The only thing that held his interest with smoking was the small cloud that would form after he blew the smoke. The shapes had intrigued him, drew him in and he found it to be a habit every time he became finicky. Of course, the cuts grew worse with time and he had to move them to different areas, his thighs, and no one would notice. A sense of relief washed over him when people didn't see anything wrong with his facade, but he couldn't help but feel disappointed that no one cared enough to try to dig further.

"That's such a disgusting habit," he can hear his son shout from the living room. He didn't have to turn around to see his son staring at him, phone in hand as he's probably texting Youngjae or something. He could care less, his son was shutting him out anyways.

"Yeah, I know," is Jongup's reply. He would have added in a snarky 'but it's not like you care enough to change it' until he remembers that his son's relationship with him is hanging on a thin line. Even the smallest touch could shatter the fragile string, breaking them up completely. He decided to keep his mouth shut, only humming as Hoseok says he'll be leaving to go to his friend's house. It's not even a minute when Jongup finishes his smoke, walking back into the house to see Hoseok's backpack still lying on the floor. Kid forgot the most obvious thing to bring, he thinks in his mind as he picks it up, walking out of his house after putting on his coat. The boy couldn't have gotten too far, he assumes, since he has a bigger stride and Hoseok is barely taller than the size of his legs. He can see the boy across the street, about to cross it as the light had just turned green. His steps hasten, currently on the curb before he can hear wheels screeching. Nothing good could ever come from that sound, and his steps are rushed, basically sprinting to reach Hoseok, who had his body frozen in fear.

Someone is pushed out of the way, while the other sacrifices his body to save the only person still important enough to him, someone who is still able to live life normally for a child.

And 'oof' escaped Hoseok's lips as he gets away with a few scratches, and his head whips around as he hear a woman scream for someone to call the ambulance. The picture in front of him causes his blood to run cold, shock filling his body.

There he is, his dad with eyes struggling to keep open as blood splattered onto the ground below him, continuing to increase by size as more escaped from his beat body.

Without knowing, his body is already kneeling right next to his dad, enveloping the body into his own embrace. "Appa," he whispers, voice quivering and he doesn't want to lose anyone else, he's not ready to lose anyone else. If anything, he wanted Jongup to survive. He mumbles words of apology, and a smile lights up the latter's face for the first in years. Hoseok is genuinely happy to see his father's smile. It was so hard living with him while holding a grudge, and the tense atmosphere was too unbearable. He was so close to caving in and forgiving his dad but he found that he just couldn't. But seeing this in front of him, if apologizing would allow him to stay, then he would. If his father would survive, than he would spend the rest of his life pleading for forgiveness.

He notices the small squeeze on his leg, breaking out of the trance to glance at his dad. He didn't even had the chance to say anything, and this could be the last words that he would ever hear from his father. He listens intently, eyes blurred with tears and arms wrapped tightly around his father's still bleeding frame. Where was the ambulance? Why weren't they here yet?

"I'm sorry," is all Jongup can muster before his eyes are failing on him, falling shut and his breaths are evening out. His hand is slowly loosening its hold on his son, and Hoseok is on the brink of screaming.

Only when the ambulance come a minute later is Hoseok reduced to a sobbing mess, screaming at the pain and guilt tearing at his heart. Jongup didn't make it, he had passed away seconds before they arrived and they could no longer do anything to save him. He's handed his father's possessions, and with shaky hands, he tightly grasps onto them. He inhales the scent that once carried the musky scent of his father, still lingering on the fabric though the smell of smoke was overwhelming. He buried his face into the coat, stopping his sobs. His father died, died thinking that he was alone. He would never be able to live with the guilt of his actions, the guilt of his spiteful words that he couldn't take back now.

But he was glad in a way, his father had died with a smile on his face. He didn't know what it meant, maybe he was happy his miserable life was ending but Hoseok wasn't. He wasn't ready to move from his house, have new parents if his uncles didn't win custody over him, wasn't ready to face being an adopted child at the age of ten even if he was one at birth.

He just wasn't ready for any of this, especially not his appa dying to save him. If it were any other way, Hoseok might have been able to get away with saying that he could care less but when his father had risked his life to save his, it was hard to hold a grudge that was losing its meaning, fading as time past.

Never has Hoseok felt so exposed, so vulnerable and when he is faced with reality once again, he finds himself at Youngjae's house. The older is clearly trying to cheer him up, offering a warm smile along with a cup of hot chocolate. A frown appears on his face, because he's not sure whether Youngjae is just trying to lighten the atmosphere or if he's truly pleased with the death of his father. Youngjae is now his god father, or so he thinks but he's not really certain as his mind is stuck on a hazy state. The only thing he can remember if Jongup, his poor father, laying in his own pool of blood after protecting him.

It isn't a surprise that he's plagued with nightmares, frequently waking up in sobs before that horrible image can appear on his mind. He has the coat draped over him, and he decides to slip it on after his fifth time waking up in the middle of the night. Somehow, the scent and warmth of the coat manages to lure him to sleep. He also whiffs a faint scent of Daehyun, having hugged his mother way too many times that he had even remembered his scent. He's not sure if it's his imagination or not, but the scent of his two parents quickly puts him into a deep sleep, and he has pleasant dreams for the rest of the night.

Before he slips off into the land of dreams, he feels something heavy in the pockets when he rolls onto his side. He makes a mental note to check out what it is in the morning when he wakes up.

- - -

Hoseok is standing in front of the two graves, clutching Jongup's diary in his hand while the other held two white roses. He was glad that his parents, separated by cruel fate, were buried next to each other. He's surprised when Jongup's family even decides to show up, his face scrunched in distaste when they cry over his grave. After reading the diary written by his father, with the help of Youngjae who seemed to have a pale face and a meek voice throughout the whole reading, he didn't think his family would bother enough to visit. Stupid, stupid people who made my father feel insecure and forcing him to leave umma, is what he likes to refer to them as.

He glances around the cemetery, and he notices Yongguk and Himchan. Yongguk has flowers in hand and surprisingly, he places them down on Jongup's grave. Maybe Youngjae had told them the contents of Jongup's diary, the threat that had made him consider leaving Daehyun's side for months, his own realizations, his own problems, and every single detail was crammed in that book. When Youngjae and Yongguk had gotten a report on the body, claiming to be Jongup's friends so they could tag along with his family, they were shocked to hear that there was definitely suicidal intentions marked on his body. Be it the wrists, his thighs, and even the skin dangerously below his heart, it was everywhere. Scars marred his body, creating ugly bumps and discoloration of the skin. He remembered Youngjae breaking down into sobs, he had always been the sensitive one, and Yongguk with a solemn face, probably reflecting and regretting on his past actions since he was supposed to be the oldest and therefore the most responsible. That's all he remembers before he runs into the restroom, spilling the contents of that morning's breakfast down the toilet.

Before he knows it, he's the only one standing in front of the graves. There is a limit to him acting strong in front of others and putting up a front that he could care less about the death of his parents. Being alone knocks down his walls and he's caving into the rush of emotions, kneeling down on the space between their graves as he places a flower on each one.

"I'm sorry," is the only word he can say, repeated like a mantra and tears fall from his eyes without noticing. He feels like he's the downfall for everything. Jongup was threatened to leave Daehyun because his mother said she would take back her funds for his family, because a teacher's pay was not enough to pay for Hoseok, Daehyun, the house, and their needs, because Jongup had to waste his own life to save his, because he was too innocent before to stop everything from happening. Everything weighs down all at once and he glances up when he feels a hand on his shoulder, sobs quieting down to sniffles though he doesn't bother to wipe the tears from his face.

It's a face of a surprisngly angelic man, someone who resembles his umma, Daehyun, and so without thinking, he throws himself at the boy. Caught off guard, the stranger yelps, tumbling a few steps back as he embraces the crying boy in his arms. He clears his throat awkwardly as he pats the boy's back, hoping that his sobs will quiet down and that he will let go of him soon but he doesn't think that will happen because the boy's grip is so tight that it almost hurts.

Minutes later, Hoseok is finally pulling away, wiping his face with the sleeves of his father's coat as well as hiding his embarrassment, cheeks flushed a light red thought it looks as if it was due to the crying. He had basically thrown himself onto someone, how bold.

"I'm Taehyung," the boy around his age introduces himself and Hoseok is surprised because who in their right mind would try to befriend someone at a graveyard. "People call me V though."

"I'm-" he starts but stops when he finds himself unable to say his own name. His name contains so many memories, contains laughter and tears, happiness and depression, pain and yet peace. He doesn't like it, and it must have been quite obvious since Taehyung decides to in with "Do you have a nickname?"

Hoseok wants to shake his head no, wants to deny that he doesn't because he was never given one. However, his mouth opens and "J-Hope" slips from his lips. There's a visible smile on Taehyung's face as he tries out the name, and they spend minutes after that sharing each other contacts because Taehyung apparently considers Hoseok is new friend. 

When he asks why J-Hope is his nickname, he flashes a small smile along with a "Nothing really important," though it held so much meaning to him. J because of Jung and Jongup and Hope because of, well-

"You're umma's only hope."

He keeps this to himself, but the thing that strikes Hoseok hard is the phrase that Taehyung says before he leaves.

"Always smile and be happy. Your parents are watching from above, and they'll always be protecting you from up there."

Hoseok takes those words to heart, making it his goal not only to be happy but to make others happy as well. A genuine smile lights his face after his father's death, and he glances up at the sky.

'Are you proud?'

The clouds give no answer, but the small sudden breeze that brushes against his cheeks makes it clear that the answer is 'Yes.'

- - -

 Jongup's swears that when his eyes fluttered opened, he would be faced with either blinding white light that would leave him dazed for minutes or a dark, damp place with fire surrounding him. However, the only sight he is greeted with is a wide smile. Yes, he was correct that he was greeted with blinding light but the person who was bent over him was an even better welcome present.

"Hey," are the words that leave Daehyun's lips as he's craddling Jongup in his arms. Jongup leans into the touch, quite comforted in the fact that Daehyun is still willing to hold him and speak to him after what had happened.

"Hi," is all that he manages to say before he feels his dry throat. Daehyun seems to understand because a bottle of water is being pushed into his hand and he drinks the contents greedily. He finds it ironic that even in heaven, things like drinking and eating are still allowed. His face then buries itself into Daehyun's chest, expecting to be pushed away but he is greeted with a welcoming warmth. He smiles widely, this is what he had been waiting for after years. This is what he longed for after spiraling down into a decaying world where only the shell of his body lived.

"I'm sorry," Jongup mutters, and he sighs in content when he feels Daehyun's fingers running though his hair. He feels plush lips press agaisnt his temple, his eyes fluttering close at the light kiss.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm really too insecure and I should have waited." Jongup laughs, rolling around so now Daehyun was on the ground instead. A squeak escapes the older's lips, a blush spread on his cheeks as Jongup leans down to steal a kiss. When he pulls away, he notices how Daehyun's face scrunches up slightly.

"Ew, you've been smoking." Jongup's jaw bascially drops, because he's dead and there is now way that his mouth would linger with that taste, right? He hopes not, or else he wouldn't be earning anymore kisses from Daehyun. Amused by the younger's expression, he wraps his arms around the latter's neck, tugging him down to let their lips brush against each others. "Just kidding," he mumbles.

He can hear the huff in Jongup's voice, laughing because he had actually believed his words. His laughs slowly quiets down as Jongup nuzzles into his neck, lying on top of him. They stay in the same position, letting the comfortable silence fall upon them as Daehyun mindlessly twirls the ends of Jongup's hair.

"Hey, Daehyun?" Jongup starts, earning a hum in reply that encourages him to speak further. "Why did you wait for me?"

He waits for his answer but as seconds ticks by, he only hears silence. He basks in the warmth that his is lover, placing light kisses on the plane of his neck once in a while.

"Because I want to welcome you home." Jongup can feel his heart swell, a bright smile on his face as he inhales the latter's scent.

"But I'll always be home when I'm with you," he mumbles quietly to himself, but Daehyun seems to hear him anyways.

"What are you implying?" Daehyun has a teasing tone in his voice, and that can only mean that he knows what Jongup is talking about as well. A smile graces the features of Daehyun's face and Jongup swears that there isn't anything more beautiful than the sight in front of him.

Wherever they are, he's not certain if this is even heaven, he feels at home. Because no matter where they are, if Daehyun was right beside him, he will always be at home. In the end, Daehyun is Jongup's home, and Jongup is Daehyun's. 

- - -

 A/N : WOW I'M FINALLY FINISHED WHEW.

Is it just me or did I feel like I rushed this story like holy those time skips. This story was never meant to have a sequel, it was supposed to be kind of open-ended but nope, here we are =3=

Sorry if this is just angst upon angst but I've been craving angst and it's been so bad sobs. At first, it was supposed to have a happy and fluffy ending but then angst drifted in and... well... =w=;

Sighs, sorry if this isn't up to your expectations because yes, I did rush this, and yes, I'm really bad at writing converstaions ( quotations ) and deaths and wow like please- like sobs bye world /feels like I've done something horribly wrong by writing this fic and will continue to keep it invite only. can't be invites only anymore because I'm not allowed to have more than 25 invites cries. good day/

/disappears while singing 1004 and voice message/

P.S : Notice the "- A" in the title? Yeah, I was supposed to make a alternative fluff ending but that doesn't seem like it'll be happening anytime soon LMAO

Time : 3 / 15 - 3 : 04 AM

Word Count : 19,398

I VIEWED THIS POST AND IT LOOKS LONG HOLY
AND HOLY I JUST REALIZIED THAT THE FREAKING AUTO SAVE MESSED UP MY FANFIC NOPE