October 2, 2013

        “At 12:50 pm today, an author by the name of Kris Wu was found dead in his apartment. He has committed suicide for reasons unknown. Further investigation is being pursued.”

       Later that evening of October 2, 2013

       “Kris Wu, an author, has committed suicide early this morning. Neighbours in his apartment building has stated that he was a cheerful man who was always willing to help others. It is apparently ironic because for someone who is so cheerful, his writing is gloomy filled with depression. Investigators are saying this may be the cause of undiagnosed depression. We are sorry to say that a dear author has passed away. Funeral services will be held on October 22, 2013.” 

        I was tired and unhappy. I have been for a very long time. I couldn't handle being unhappy all the time anymore. They say good things will happen to those who wait. No, that is a lie. You have to work for good things. Nothing comes with time anymore. Everyone is in a rush now a days. It is very pathetic and utterly ridiculous.  

      “If it makes you happy, do it,” a person once told me and so I did. 

      It's funny. It's so goddamn funny that every time I thought of pursuing death, I thought of the others. How would they react if they were gone? In my mind, there would be no reaction. No one would care if someone like me left the world. Why would they? For all I know, they could be happy because they no longer have to deal with my inner demons that lash out at them every once in a while. 

      No one would care. No one would cry. No one would even notice.  

       It's tiring. It's tiring living a life like this. Like a ghost wandering halls. Like a shadow that only comes about when the light is out. 

      “ is involved. Overdosing was his intention.”  

      In the end, I ended up wandering like a ghost. I couldn't find my exit. I couldn't move on to a different world. I told myself that a happy ending was out of sight. I questioned others what was it like to be happy? Only to be questioned back, “Aren't you happy? You're rich. You're famous. You have everything you need.” 

       I don't. I sit by myself talking to the moon wondering what did I do wrong? 

      He who wears the crown rules he whole world but when he drops it, the world turns into shambles. Trash. Chaos. Dead. I dropped my crown. My family, friends, co-workers and everyone immersed themselves into a dim dull world. The skies were painted in a gray scale yet life didn't slow down for them. The people I love most was frozen in their own world. 

      I am so sorry. I'm so sorry for hating life. I'm sorry I didn't get help. I'm sorry for acting happy all the time. And now I am stuck forever walking Earth but I am on a journey. Although, you can no longer see, feel or hear me. I'll find out why life is so important. I will find my happy ending. 

        I am so sorry that it took long for this to happen. Please don't cry. Don't wear black to mourn for me. Be happy. Move on and perhaps I will too.  

        The only reason he killed himself because he though he would finally be happy but he was wrong.

        Kris Wu has some unfinished business that he needs to tend to. Pursuing happiness is his purpose. It will be a long journey but he will make it to the finish line. He may stray off at some point but maybe you can see them as side quests along this journey. Perhaps love is the reason for his happiness. Perhaps not. Maybe friendship is that the reason for his happiness. Maybe not. There is so many things out there that can help pursue happiness. Everyone has a different reason for happiness. To you, it may be riches and the luxury life. To another, it can be being with your family.  

      What is your reason for your happiness? Or are you still fighting for happiness?