Feeling Your Touch by hibariharu

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"Now, I'm not going to deny that I was aware of your beauty. But the point is, this has nothing to do with your beauty. As I got to know you, I began to realise that beauty was the least of your qualities. I became fascinated by your goodness. I was drawn in by it. I didn't understand what was happening to me. And it was only when I began to feel actual, physical pain every time you left the room that it finally dawned on me: I was in love, for the first time in my life. I knew it was hopeless, but that didn't matter to me. And it's not that I want to have you. All I want is to deserve you. Tell me what to do. Show me how to behave. I'll do anything you say."

 

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“She’s not touching me,” Sehun murmured.

Suho, who was apparently drinking, gagged on his drink and looked at Sehun in bewilderment. “Who’s not what?”

Sehun spared Suho a side glance and pouted immediately. “Jihye.”

Suho sighed. He knows that Sehun was talking about Jihye, but what was with the choice of words? Suho placed the cup of water on the counter and turned to Sehun again. “What do you mean by not touching?”

Sehun bit his lip and then sighed. “I thought she said I am beautiful.”

The leader’s brows knit, not getting the point of the conversation at all. “Okay, so?”

“Hyung! She said I am beautiful! What do you think of that?” Sehun looked at Suho sternly, slightly irritated that Suho is being dumb again.

“Uhm, she likes you?” Suho guessed.

“Right! I mean, why else would she say that and then look at me longingly? There’s no other reason, right?” Sehun asked exasperatedly.

Actually, Sehun had been like this ever since Jihye came back from America last week. He was uncharacteristically ecstatic when he heard about her coming back. He didn’t even know that he was waiting for four months. When Yoomi told him one day about it, he couldn’t help but smile like an idiot. Sehun doesn’t know why. Sure, he became fairly interested to the girl when she outrightly confessed to him. Well, if you can consider calling someone the most beautiful a confession. It was, for Sehun, nonetheless.

Right now, though, Sehun is in a big pinch. In fact, the biggest problem he had encountered emotionally. He is confused. Really confused. He really thinks that Jihye likes him, and well, he’s fairly interested in her too. He could not admit yet that he likes the girl. Not when, they’ve only seen each other on two occasions which was four months ago. But right now, it seems like Jihye changed.  When they met the other day, she was avoiding his eyes. She didn’t even talk much. But the biggest disappointment was that Jihye isn’t touching him. Sehun found this baffling.

“Sehun?” Suho asked worriedly. “Are you alright?”

“No. I’m not.” He answered quickly. “My head aches, my chest hurts. I don’t like this. Not one bit.”

Suho flinched at the younger’s words. Well, Suho isn’t that experienced when it comes to Sehun’s problems. Well, if it was about his lisps, however, Suho’s quite sure that he can help. But, this department, it wasn’t his forte at all.

“Maybe you can talk with your Chanyeol hyung about this?” Suho said tentatively. “You know, I mean they could help you more than I can.”

Sehun just nodded before he went out of the kitchen.

 

 

 

“So, your problem is that, she’s not touching you?” Chanyeol said, stifling a laugh that was threatening to come. Honestly, he finds the maknae’s predicament silly.

Sehun looked at him pointedly. “It’s not funny, hyung.”

“No. Of course not.” Chanyeol pulled on a straight face. Well, this was the first time Sehun was asking about such problem; he couldn’t let the kid down, could he?

“What do you think about it then? Do you think she still likes me?” Sehun asked eagerly, although he was really expecting for a single positive answer.

Chanyeol looked at Sehun in all seriousness. “Based from what you said? I’m sorry but she seemed to have lost interest in you.”

Sehun’s eyes widened then darkened. His heart dropped and so was his mood. But hey, why would he be so disappointed when there are like thousands of girls out there who like him? And surely, every single one of them considers him the most beautiful. Right? No. It’s no use if it’s not Jihye.

Chanyeol noticed the sudden gloom that enveloped Sehun so he tried to coax the kid. “Uhm, but you know, I’m not really sure. Maybe, she’s just shy and all. You know, girls?”

Sehun lifted his head and looked at Chanyeol. “You think so? Well, she has the reason to be shy, right?”

“Y-yeah,” Chanyeol stammered. He sure hopes so that he’s right though, he couldn’t imagine the look on this kid’s face if he wasn’t. “A-anyway, why don’t you talk to her and ask her directly?”

The maknae nodded. “Okay.”

“You know, you just have to talk these things out.” Chanyeol added, trying to be so confident. “It’ll work out, don’t worry.”

Sehun nodded, this time with added enthusiasm.

 

 

 

 

Sehun had already called Jihye when he went out of their dorm. It was an unusually cold night but he didn’t mind. He has his heart and hope on this. After the earlier talk with Chanyeol earlier, he’s kind of confident that Jihye still likes him. Maybe.

Sehun reached Jihye’s address in 20 minutes and he was amazed that their subdivision wasn’t as heavily populated as others. He even passed a small park on the way. Conclusion, it would be a nice dating place. Away from his crowd of fangirls and nearer to Jihye’s. Oh wait, he didn’t just think of that.

Sehun pressed the doorbell to Jihye’s house. There was a bit of conversation before the door was finally opened by none other than Jihye. Sehun took a deep breath and smiled weakly.

“Oh,” was the only response he got. He was a bit disappointed. Sehun was expecting something more dramatic. Like maybe a hug or a huge smile?

At the same moment, Jihye’s dad walked behind Jihye to peek at the guest. “Oh, pretty boy,” Jihye’s father said in amusement. “Taking my princess on a date?”

Jihye let out a groan. “Dad?”

“Oops, sorry.” Her father said, although Sehun’s sure that Jihye’s father wasn’t sorry in the slightest.

Sehun got himself together and bowed. “Good evening sir. I would just like to invite Jihye for a walk. If that’s okay?”

Jihye’s father looked at Jihye first then to Sehun. “Oh sure, sure. We want the house in silence for a moment. So yeah, you can take her. An hour or maybe longer is more desirable.”

Sehun couldn’t help the surprised look in his face. He wasn’t really getting the point of Jihye’s father but the look on Jihye’s face was rather amusing.

Jihye made an angry remark before she slammed the door on her father’s face and a resounding laughter was heard on the other side. Jihye breathed and sighed heavily. Sehun noted this but before he can say anything Jihye beat him to it.

“Please don’t mind him,” Jihye said quietly. Sehun almost smiled. This was the way she talked to him then. Quiet yet straightforward.

Sehun smiled before he answered. “I’ll try. So, shall we?”

Jihye only nodded as she walked beside Sehun. Sehun gulped and gave Jihye a side glance. Why was his confidence suddenly dissipating? He was sure of it earlier, but now, seeing how Jihye acts made him think of his plan again. Should he really ask her about her feelings? What if it turns out to be different from what he expected? Now that he thinks about it, calling someone beautiful doesn’t really mean they like you.

He mentally groaned and facepalmed himself. Was he expecting after all?

“Uh, are you okay?” Jihye asked, cocking a head to his way. Her eyes unreadable.

“Yeah.” Sehun replied automatically, but after thinking about it he added, “No, actually.”

“Why?” Jihye asked, this time concern lacing her voice.

Sehun stopped and looked at Jihye. He swallowed his fear and searched for Jihye’s eyes, wanting to catch them and lock them into his. “How was the four months?”

Jihye gave him a confused look before she answered, “It was… fine.”

Sehun raised a brow. Fine, huh? While he was practically going crazy from thinking about her and counting down the days before he could see her again. And she said, four months was fine. Sehun bit the inside of his cheeks, disappointment once again welling inside his chest.

He turned and started walking again, breathing in and out to somehow lessen the pinch his chest was feeling. He could hear that Jihye walked after him, and is now following him.

“Say, Jihye,” Sehun started. “Did I misunderstand everything?”

Jihye stopped at the mention of her name. She was confused. “Misunderstood what?”

Sehun once again faced her. “Did I misunderstand your feelings about me?”

“I…” Jihye opened to speak but no words came out. It was like everything was at the tip of her tongue but she was nervous. And she couldn’t really tell Sehun her predicament.

Seeing the girl hesitate, Sehun sighed dejectedly. Realization finally dawning. Realization that the girl didn’t necessarily like her. She just deemed him beautiful. What was that she said again? Oh yeah, like a wonderful piece of art in a museum. Maybe that was just it, and it was just Sehun looking hard into things.

“I’m sorry I invited you out. But I guess, I’m just going.” Sehun murmured. He turned and walked from the girl. This time, he was really feeling heavy inside. He couldn’t even think how he can manage to go home when his feet feel like heavy lead. He sighed once again and tried his hard to walk away.

“Wait, Sehun!” He heard Jihye shout his name. It was curious actually. He was down. Very, very down. But when he heard his name, his name being called out by Jihye, he stopped. And bit by bit, his feelings rose.

Sehun turned around and looked at Jihye, his eyes wide in surprise. Jihye was standing a good meter away from him.

“Sehun,” she started. And Sehun felt it again, the amazing thumping inside his chest.

“Yes?” he replied, making his voice as indifferent as he could.

“I’m sorry.” Jihye said.

Sehun looked at Jihye. Did he call him out just to drop his expectations once more? Was she saying sorry about the misunderstanding? Damn. He is feeling more down now.

“I…” Jihye started again. “I’m sorry for lying. The truth is… it wasn’t fine.”

“W-what was not fine?” Sehun stammered, not getting Jihye’s point.

She saw Jihye gulped before looking at him. “The four months… it wasn’t fine.”

Sehun almost smiled at that. Almost. “Really?”

Jihye nodded and looked down. “It felt like eternity.”

Sehun raised a brow. “Eternity? It felt like eternity not seeing this piece of art, huh?”

Jihye nodded once again, although she noticed a bit of sarcasm in Sehun’s voice.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Okay.” Jihye muttered silently, looking at Sehun bravely, although her eyes weren’t steady.

“Am still beautiful for you?” Sehun asked.

Jihye went silent. “Y-yes.”

“The most beautiful?”

“Yes,” Jihye answered more firmly. “W-why are you asking this?”

“That means you like me, right? Not just like as in liking a painting?” Sehun asked once again. Now that he has the upper hand, he wouldn’t let go of this opportunity. He will ask away if it means knowing what Jihye really felt for him.

“I…” she began. “I thought that was already obvious.”

Sehun’s lips twitched. He wanted to smile. Really, really wanted to smile. But he kept it in and tried to maintain his indifference.

“It wasn’t obvious, actually,” Sehun said. The next thing he wanted to say made him blush but he wanted to say it so badly. So he straightened and looked at Jihye. “If you think I’m beautiful… and you say you like me. Why aren’t you touching me?”

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he pinked. He was really glad that it was already night time and the only light was a few feet away from them. If so, Jihye could’ve seen it and he just can’t imagine how he could get out of the situation, if ever.

He was distracted when he heard Jihye sighing heavily though.

“I’m afraid…” Jihye answered, not even noting how Sehun’s words were ambiguous in nature. “I’m afraid that you would hate me, if I do.”

Sehun’s eyes widened. “Why would you think that?”

“Y-you… you were almost scared when I tried to for the first time.” Jihye stated. “And the second time, I think I kind of forced you into it. I… don’t want to scare you or something.”

Hearing this, Sehun chuckled heartily. All of his doubts suddenly gone. “You think you’d scare me?”

Jihye nodded, not getting why Sehun was laughing. She was seriously afraid of being hated by Sehun. She was really tempted the first time she saw Sehun when she came back from America. God knows how she wanted to run her fingers through Sehun’s soft hair, how she wanted to feel his skin under her touch. Heck, she even thought of kissing the guy, but she was afraid. She was so afraid that she lost her will.

“Do you know how troubled I was?” Sehun asked, seriously this time. “I thought that I was only imagining your feelings for me.”

“No, that’s not it! I like you, Sehun. I really do!” Jihye blurted out.

Sehun stopped and blinked. He didn’t think the girl would say that, although he knew that Jihye was pretty straightforward. “You do?”

Jihye nodded. “I do. How about you, Sehun. Do you like me?”

Sehun smiled. Boy, this girl is really straightforward. “What do you think?”

Jihye looked at Sehun. “W-well, you wouldn’t be troubled if you don’t, right?”

“Good deduction,” Sehun said, closing the distance between him and Jihye.

Jihye smiled. “Is it alright… for me to touch you?”

“Sure,” Sehun replied with a smile. Of course, it was fine. He had been waiting for this for four months. He had been waiting for Jihye’s soft hand on his face, her eyes concentrated on him, and her breath a mere inch from him. He had been waiting for the same sensation, and he was just glad that it’s finally happening again.

Jihye stepped closer to Sehun, her hand slowly reaching Sehun’s face. She tiptoed when she tried to rake her fingers through Sehun’s soft locks. She sighed when she realized that it didn’t change. His hair color changed, but not the softness. Jihye moved his hand lower and reached for Sehun’s pale cheeks, then to his nose and finally to his lips. She in a breath when she touched it and looked at Sehun’s eyes.

Sehun was watching her intently that Jihye couldn’t help but be lost in his eyes as her hand stayed on Sehun’s lips.

“You are… beautiful.” She muttered, unconsciously. “So beautiful. Do I even deserve you?”

Sehun frowned. He didn’t like what Jihye said lastly. “I think you deserve me more than I do to you.”

“What?” Jihye asked, not exactly getting Sehun’s words.

Sehun just smiled and took Jihye’s hand. “Nothing. Say, I want to touch you too.”

Jihye’s eyes widened. “Oh,” she said, almost instinctively.

“But, I guess I’d start with your lips first.” And before Jihye could say anything, Sehun’s soft lips were on hers. 

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