Title: Amulet

Author: superlynnie

Brief description of story: Key and Jonghyun are both trained agents/hitmen. Key looses his memory on a secret mission, and when Jonghyun finds him again a year later, he is about to uncover many unspeakable secrets. Fate doesn’t want them together, but can they overturn fate?

Genre(s): Mystery, suspense, romance,

Title: 5/5

I love your title. Even though it’s simple and only one word, it has big enough of an impact that I’ll remember it- and it made a lot of sense after reading the first chapter. Also, props to you for using awesome vocabulary since amulet isn’t a word I’ve seen being used often

Description & Foreword: 9/10

I was immediately drawn to your story after reading the description and foreword. I loved the way you worded both in a way that would attract people to press the subscribe button and start reading your story. Kudos for writing both correctly! You lost a point regarding your description only because I felt you could have added a little bit more detail regarding the plot and put more spotlight on Jonghyun and Key specifically. Your foreword, however, blew me away. I really liked how it was all fragments from Key’s memory before he had amnesia and then afterwards a brief but powerful monologue by an unidentified narrator

Originality: 9/10

Even though your story is not the only one of its kind on AFF, it was still quite original, especially since you threw in your own creative flairs to make your story different from the typical concept of assassin/spies. Your plot twists wereawesome.

Plot: 23/25

By the time I finished reading Chapter 4, I was dying to know what’s going to happen next. That’s how much your story pulled me in.

You were really close to getting a full score for your plot if it weren’t for one thing: after the scene in Chapter 3 with Jonghyun and Kibum in the car, in Chapter 4 you skipped right into the Elite team embarking on another mission. I suppose that it was implied that Key was being housed at Jonghyun’s…but I feel like you could have at least hinted at what happened to him within the chapter. 

Otherwise, I loved the few chapters you had of your story. Your somewhat frequent defining of the term hitman was a really nice touch- it showed how the characters are supposed to be the best at their job, yet they are subject to human emotions and mistakes, just like anyone else. And, although I’m not the best at judging , I personally adored the angsty, strained relationship between Key and Jonghyun as well as the side Onew/Taemin pairing. You did a fantastic job.

Flow: 9/10

For the most part, your flow was good- your spacing was pretty much perfect. You lost a point because the flow within the chapters was a little bit jumpy in the beginning- at times, characters were in one place and in then next place there were somewhere completely different.

There was also a part where you just jumped around in describing the background:

“The team members are like brothers to each other. Though devastated at Key’s absence, life had to go on.” ßI feel like you should have had a sentence introducing Key as a former team member. This put me off slightly.

However, your fast-paced flow worked to your advantage specifically in Chapter 4 for the action scenes.

One more suggestion: in Chapter 1, when Key is having the dream/memory flashback one year later, you should italicize the entire dream so that you can clearly separate the dream from the current narration. Just letting you know.

Character/Detail: 9/10

Since you only have four chapters posted so far, there wasn’t too much room for you to really delve deep into the pasts of the characters. Regardless, I loved all of them and found each individual to be realistic and relatable. 

However, when Taehee disappeared and left Key alone with the Elite team…I know he’s lost his memories so he doesn’t remember them, but I personally felt his complete lack of a reaction to their presence was a bit weird.

Grammar: 17/20

Your grammar is quite good but, as you informed me, you don’t proofread before posting. I know there are times when you just want to be lazy and trust me, I know how much of a pain in the proofreading is. But there are some things that you have to make a habit of, no matter how annoying it is and proofreading just happens to be one of them.  And I’m very picky when it comes to writing mechanics so this is where you lost the most points.  

I would like to point out a spelling mistake since it surfaced in your story more than once. The present-progressive tense of “stare” is spelled “staring”, not “starring” as you spelled it a few times. Just wanted to make sure you were clear on that. There were also minor typo issues, but otherwise nothing else really affected your score negatively.

Here are some corrections I’ve made:

Chapter 1

“Then she scooped a spoonful of soup from the bowl on the nightstand, after blowing on the liquid a few times, she bought the tiny silver spoon to the boy’s lips.” ß Should be “Then she scooped a spoonful of soup from the bowl on the nightstand; after blowing on the liquid a few times, she brought the tiny silver spoon to the boy’s lips.”

“Fear ran over his body. Something he hasn’t felt in a long time.” ß “Fear ran allover his body. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time.”

“One year ago, Key woke up to find himself in the house of an ahjooma who saved him, her name is Tae.” ß “…Key woke up to find himself in the house of an ahjooma named Tae.”

“She told him that he suffered light brain trauma and it has caused him sudden memory loss.” ß “She told him that he had suffered light brain trauma and ithad caused him sudden memory loss.” Make sure to work on your tenses.

“…like how she can possibly afford such a wasteful lifestyle, how come she never hire any servants, or why she never lets him into the basement of the house. ß “…like how she could possibly afford such a wasteful lifestyle (you never really gave any indication that her lifestyle was wasteful. Unless I accidentally skipped over it.), how come she never hired any servants or why she never let him into the basement of the house.”

“All of them have been training since very young,” ß “All of them had been training since they were very young.”

Chapter 4

“I should’ve been more carefully!” ß “I should’ve been more careful.”

 “You know the ones that doesn’t do anything but eat all day?” ß “You know the ones that don’t do anything…”

Style of Writing: 10/10

I found your style of writing to be very intriguing and you did a really good job with drawing readers in to want to know what happens next. You provided very sufficient detail throughout the story and I commend you on your excellent vocabulary. I loved your subtle crack humor. Providing helpful author’s notes explaining things that readers might not know was also a great point booster.

Bonus Points? +2. Your story, overall, was awesome.

Score: 93/100

OVERALL CONSENSUS: You are an awesome writer with a knack for crack humor and suspense stories. Save those few minor mistakes here and there that everyone makes, you’ve done a lovely job well done with your story so far.

Strengths: Your writing style and creativity are top-notch. The way you develop your characters is also really good. Consistent practice of writing will really hone these strengths.

Weaknesses: You really would have gotten a better score if you had proofread more. You had some tense issues that could have been easily corrected. Your flow also set you back somewhat. Good grammar and flow will help your readers understand and really connect to your story- and that’s pretty much your goal as a writer.

Tips to Improve: Just practice writing and read books! You’re a solid writer so with a little more practice and effort, you’ll definitely improve a lot. You also mentioned not knowing where to go with the plot. This is just my advice to you: don’t give up on your story. Draw out diagrams, possible scenarios, detail whatever you think is best. If you’re really overwhelmed by your life/don’t have time, take a brief hiatus- but remember to keep writing about anything. It’s best to have the plot come naturally to you.

I really hope you get the plot together and post more chapters! You have a great background and plot- all you need now is a little spark to get your story going. Good luck with that and thanks so much for requesting! If you have any questions or want me to clarify any points that I made, feel free to drop a question in my ask box on Tumblr or private message me on AFF. Hwaiting~!

Thank you ceeceethesonelf.tumblr.com for the review! It's really going to benefit both the fanfic and I greatly!  :))) much love~ muah 

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Author's note;

Before you say anything, I'VE BEEN REALLY REALLY REALLY BUSY AND LOST INSPIRATION AND LOTS OF STUFF HAPPENED AND sorry for not updating for a whole month ;__;

I'M GETTING ON THAT.... RIGHT NOW! DD:

OH AND OMFGGGGG FT ISLAND IS COMING TO TORONTO I CAN'T BELEIVE IT!!!!! TIME TO GET MAH STALKER MODE ON. LEE HONGKI <3<3<3