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08:00 pm, Seohan Hospital, Room 312

“This is going to be your temporary abode. Don’t worry, you have someone here you can call a friend.”  The nurse, smiling, as she brings in a new patient.

The new patient seemed awkward and has never said a word since the nurse left. This is my first time to have a companion in my room. I am happy I’m not alone. Who else would be happy living in a hospital room alone? I was scrutinizing the new patient. He seemed pretty perfect for a human being. What I noticed about him was his undeniably beautiful eyes. It looks like it has a lot of life in it. Looking into it could lead you into a temporary trance.

“Uhmm Hi!” I was snapped out of my thoughts when the new patient finally spoke.

“Hi.” I replied. I couldn’t decipher him. It seems to me that his not so into this world. He was looking at another direction. I mean why couldn’t he just look at me? Anyway, I understood him. He is also sick and I think that’s enough for me to understand what he feels.

“I can’t see. I believe you’re confused right now as to where I’m looking. I’m Baek.”

I was still for a moment. He’s blind? I was talking to my mind feeling stupid for thinking over the obvious.

“Yes I’m blind. I’m sorry if it shocked you. It’s not really boring to have a roommate who’s blind.”

He was smiling as he talked. How could someone be so joyful in that state? I would’ve broken down if I was in his situation. It’s hell difficult to be blind.

“Uhmm, you still there?” He asked as he was creasing his brows. I couldn’t stop myself looking at him.

“Ah yeah, I’m Yeol. Should I say welcome?” I covered my mouth in disbelief. I couldn’t believe I said that. I’m just so stupid.

“Thanks.” I never knew welcoming gestures are used in this room.” He chuckled.

“That’s not really what I meant.” Ahmm, it’s just--- “It’s okay, I’m glad I’m welcomed.” He cut me off and I let out a sigh. How could I be so insensitive?

“What are you doing still talking?” The nurse suddenly entered our room. “Both of you should be sleeping early so that you’d have energy for your medication.” She’s grinning as she made us comfortable in our beds. She’s like the kindest nurse in the hospital.  Her name is Ara and she has been my nurse ever since I got admitted in this room.

“Ara?” I hesitantly held her hand.

“Yes? Do you have anything you want?” She asked in the most angelic voice my ears have ever heard.

I was taken aback. I don’t really need anything. I’m just scared.

“Nothing. I’m going to sleep.” I meekly said.

“Okay good.” Have a good sleep Yeol. And you too Baek.” She said.

The door opened and then closed. The silence of the night crawled in. It’s so peaceful and I am left scared in my thoughts.

“You like her?” Baek suddenly blurted out.

“What? Who? Me?  I really didn’t know what has gotten into Baek and asked me such question. “Ara? No. She’s just a nurse who became a good friend.” I replied.

“I don’t need to know if she’s your friend or not Yeol. I want to know if you like her.” Baek said as he gave out a number of sighs.

“What’s with the sigh? You also like her?” I curiously asked.

“Are you trying to transfer my question to me now?” Baek chuckled. “How could I like her?I just stepped into this hospital and I never saw her.” I’m blind remember?”

I don’t know why but I feel like I’m making Baek remember that’s he’s blind and it’s like I’m taking all the wonderful things from him. I shouldn’t have asked him back. I should’ve just answered his question. It was very easy to answer anyway.

“Good night Yeol.” Baek said.

Baek’s asleep. I’m left alone and wide awake. I don’t really feel like going to sleep. Baek’s question popped on my mind and I remembered that I haven’t really answered his question. Do I like Ara? What is she to me? I didn’t like the feeling anymore. I wanted to sleep. I’m sleeping.

 

My days weren’t as boring as the usual. I have Baek as a companion.  Everything felt like in place. I was happy with him around. His jokes, his smile, his eyes. Everything about him is taking me into a world of life and joy.

 

One morning I woke up with the sun’s light touching my face. It’s a wonderful morning. I looked over my room’s window and saw the outside rush. Across the hospital was a park. I could see people happily playing in the grassy grounds. I couldn’t help but wish I was there feeling the surroundings, playing, and just being free.

“Oh you’re awake already.” Ara suddenly entered the room as she assisted Baek to his bed.

“You want to go the park?” Ara happily asked.

“Like I could go.” I answered in a very not -so -happy manner. I was not feeling joyful even with the beautiful morning that I woke up to.

Ara just smiled and went out of the room.

“That’s not really a good attitude if you want to win her.” Baek suddenly interrupted my thoughts.

“What? Win her?” You’re misinterpreting everything Baek. I don’t like Ara like how you think. She’s just a really good friend.

Baek smiled. It was the first time that I saw his full smile and like his eyes, it could bring you into a trance. This blind man could really be a perfect epitome of perfection. His smiles are warm and it doesn’t show his disability.

“Do you read books?” He suddenly asked.

“No.” I answered.

“You should. Books are like magic. They bring you to different worlds. They make you believe in happy endings. They make you feel like you’re a different person. They can make you whole. And they convey the most meaningful words.”

As Baek was talking about how he’s so fascinated with books, I couldn’t help but notice his eyes again. It gives off life to people looking at it. He seemed to be a very encouraging person. He could make you believe in life again. At least that’s what I thought. However, he’s blind and I can’t take out off my mind the feeling of pity towards him. I mustered up courage and asked him, “Why did you go blind?”

“Accident.” I was driving my car when I got into a car crash and that’s how it happened. Everything was history I don’t want to repeat.” Baek said in a sad tone.

“I’m sorry.” I said. I felt guilty for asking. Shouldn’t have.

“I could actually accept my fate. I was just confused why it has to take my eyes. It could have taken everything from my body, just not my eyes.” Baek is almost at the verge of crying.

I felt sorry upon hearing his story. Those beautiful eyes can’t serve its purpose because it can’t see. I so wanted to give him a warm embrace and tell him that its’ going to be fine. That even if there are loses, he could still have me. I felt my heart skipped a beat and I don’t know why.

“Can you read me a book?” Baek tried to sound like a kid pleading.

I don’t know why but I’m feeling uneasy. I don’t know why my heart would suddenly race fast when I look at him. Luckily he couldn’t see me. I can’t answer him. I don’t want to and I don’t know why I suddenly want to get out of the room and scream. I just don’t know.

Days and weeks passed. I witnessed Baek being sent back and forth for eye observations. I could see that they are trying to do everything for his eyes to be back on normal situation. Baek wants to see again. He wants to witness the beauty of the world again. He wants to read again.

One night while I was lying in my bed, I heard little sobs. I was startled by it and stood.

“Baek? You okay?” I hesitantly looked onto his bed and saw his tears. I was taken aback by the sight. I don’t know what to do. Baek continuously sobbed. His sobs somewhat shot me. It’s painful to hear and at that moment, I was willing to do everything to stop his tears.

I sat on the side of his bed. Still sobbing, I carefully wiped his tears, but he continued crying. I really don’t know what to do so I just went on to what my thoughts are giving. I held Baek to sit up in his bed and without hesitation I embraced him. Baek buried his face on my chest and still crying. Unknown to what it is, my heart raced faster and faster. Holding Baek in my arms made me feel like I need to protect him in every way I can. The sobs slowly died and after a few minutes, Baek fell asleep.

I laid him back on his bed and made him comfortable. I stared at the sleeping Baek and after a while my heart began its race again. Confused, I stood up to go back to my bed but to my surprise, Baek held my hand making me sit back on the side of his bed. I had no choice. I held his hand and watched him as he sleeps. It was quite a beautiful sight for me. I couldn’t think of anything but just the fact that I’m watching him sleep as he held my hand, I feel like I could protect him from anything that’s going to harm him.

Two days after that night, I saw Ara enter the room assisting Baek. I stood and went to Ara and took Baek. Ara just smiled and went out.

What’s up Yeol? You’ve been very helpful.” Baek sheepishly asked.

I looked at Baek as he was lying comfortably on his bed.

“I’m r-r-reading you s-something Baek.” I stuttered.

Baek suddenly gushed upon hearing my words. “Really? Now? Are you serious Yeol?” Baek excitedly asked.

“Yeah.” I stated. “I just..I’m not sure if you would want to hear it though. It’s not a story. Just combined thoughts. I really don’t know so much about books.” I added.

“Of course Yeol! Anything is fine. It’s kinda getting boring these days.” Baek softly chuckled. “What is is about?” He added.

“Uhhm.. My Heart to You.” I said.

Baek flashed a grin and suddenly clapped his hands like a kid. “Sounds cheesy but I would want to hear it Yeol.”

I flipped the pages and heaved a sigh. This is it. I’m going to start.

“I am no one in this world. I am just a passer. All of us.

The days are like a black hole to me. Waking up each day has been a nuisance. I just want to die.

Everything is a blur. Everything is pitch black. Not until you came.

My days became brighter and warmer. I have found what I needed the most.

I found love. I found you…”

 

I was very attached to reading everything to Baek and forgot about the time. I closed the book and headed over to Baek’s bed to make him comfortable for his sleep. It has been a routine for me already. Nursing him as he sleeps and watching him makes me happy.

“Are you going to continue reading tomorrow Yeol?” Baek asked.

“I will. It’s late now so sleep.” I stated.

Baek fastly fell asleep and so did I.

 

Reading it to Baek has become my routine already. It’s like an obligation I should fulfill.

 

“Everything seemed perfect except me.

I am a lost soul. I am scared.

Tomorrow might not come for me.

Hence, I hesitated and gave in to cowardice.”

 

“You made me realize how life is worth to be lived.

How life was made to be enjoyed.

But life was never fair. I am losing in a battle prepared for me.

My life is soon to be returned.”

 

 

“Yeol?” Baek interrupted.

“Yeah, why? Do you need anything?” I worriedly asked. Baek might be feeling sick. He just went into some kind of medication for his eyes. They are preparing him for his operation. They are replacing his eyes.

“It’s very sad. What you’re reading is very sad Yeol.” Baek sadly stated.

“I’m sorry. Do you want me to stop?” I asked.

Baek flashed a smile and cued on for me to continue. “I was just describing it Yeol. Keep reading.”

I couldn’t think straight. Should I continue or not? Anyway, I heaved a sigh and continued.

 

 

“Happiness is being sprayed on people.

Lucky for me I have been sprayed.

I have been on a roller coaster.

Confused on what to do, what is right, how to feel.

I want to live.”

 

“The ticking of the clock makes me cringe.

Unsure of what’s going to happen next.

I might leave this world earlier than I expected.

I might not be able to see tomorrow.”

 

I was crying my heart out upon hearing the news. Baek could see again. He could read again. He could live his life again. Baek entered the room with Ara and I couldn’t hide my feelings I just ran over to Baek and embraced him. Tears were already welling up his eyes.  Ara signaled that she’s going out of the room and winked telling me to take over Baek.

Baek started to cry and I started to cry too. It was such a precious moment for Baek. It was like a dream come true. An answered prayer.

“I can see again Yeol. I can see again.” Baek stated while crying.

“Yes you will Baek. I told you everything would turn out fine.” I stated as I embraced him tighter.

“I can see you Yeol. I would now have the chance to see you.” Baek happily said.

Those words pierced my fragile heart. I broke out from the embrace and ran out of the room leaving Baek behind. I ran as fast as I could and unconsciously reached the hospital’s rooftop. I don’t know what to feel at that moment. Baek’s words ran again through my mind. I dropped on the ground and I broke into tears. I just wanted to scream. Baek’s never going to see me. He will never.

“Yeol! What are you doing?” Ara hurriedly went to me and held me to stand. She knew why I was like that. She knew what I’m feeling.  She knew everything. She knew I won’t live long.

I couldn’t stop my tears. My heart is crying in extreme pain and I lost all my hopes in the world.

Unknown to me, Ara was already crying as she pulled me into a tight embrace. “You’ll be fine Yeol. You’ll be fine.” She sobbed.

I know those words were just to comfort me. Both of us knew I won’t be fine. Both of us knew that I’m just days away from my final sentence.

I am sick. I only have three months to live. The day Baek arrived in our room was the first day of the countdown. It has been 85 days of pure happiness and my near ending is coming.

 

I slowly entered the room not wanting to wake Baek up. I tiptoed as I went over to my bed.

“Aren’t you going to read Yeol?” Baek suddenly asked causing me a mini heart attack.

“Oh. Do you want me to read?” I weakly replied.

“Tomorrow. They are going to replace my eyes. I don’t know when I’ll be back. They said I’d be transferred to another room.” Baek stated.

Baek’s words were like needles piercing through my heart. 

“So I’m guessing I’d have to finish reading it to you tonight?” I couldn’t find any words to say anymore. I grabbed the book and flipped the pages.

 

“We are all passers in this life.

No one is going to live forever.

Some leaves earlier than the others.

Like withered leaves from fall, we are swept away by the wind

Not knowing where are we going to be blown to.”

 

“As the stars disappear from the skies

I watch everything slowly fade away

I kept my hopes up too high that it landed back to nothing

Regrets then appear, but like how it shows, it’s too late.

 

“I have never stood up for anything in my life.

I drifted back to being no one and I would want to be a stranger to everyone else.

I don’t know how to decipher little thoughts

I’m losing my tomorrow

I’m losing you

But I don’t want regrets to chase me

So now I’m letting my heart out to you

I love you.”

 

Silence enveloped the room. I closed the book.

“Is that all Yeol?” Baek’s voice could barely be heard.

I didn’t answer. The silent night crept in. I could feel the cold breeze. After a few minutes, I moved over to Baek’s bed. He is now sleeping. I leaned closer and kissed his forehead. “Good night Baek.”

I slowly closed my eyes. Unsure of what’s going to happen to what they call “Tomorrow.”

 

 

 

 

 

Five days after Baek’s operation.

Room 312. It is so silent. It is…empty.

“Still unoccupied?” I asked Ara.

“Yeah. It feels empty though. I walk in here everyday just to check and clean the sheets.” Ara meekly replied.

I scanned the room. “I am sure it’s here. But where?” I hopelessly thought.

“What are you looking for by the way Baek?” Ara interrupted my thoughts.

“A book.” I stated.

“What book?” Ara asked back.

I don’t have time to answer her question. I need to find that book. I need to find the book Yeol’s been reading to me. That’s one precious thing that reminds me of him.

I continued to search the whole room but I couldn’t find a book. I feel my insides have gone hopeless. I just want to cry. I need that book.

“Baek, there is no book in this room. I have cleaned this room everyday and I never saw a book.” Ara confronted me.

“There is Ara. There is. There should be.” I replied almost crying.

I moved to Yeol’s bed. My tears were impossible to hide as I sat on his bed and tried to feel anything as the emptiness have eaten me whole. I lost control of my feelings and broke down. Yeol’s gone. He left already. I tried to wipe my tears. Suddenly, something caught my eyes. Under the pillow was a tiny paper, barely seen. I took the paper but it was actually a notebook. Torn---and Blank.

I mentally cursed. I lost all my strength. I have fallen dead on the ground. I never felt so stupid in my life. I want to go back into time. I sobbed hardly that I couldn’t hear myself anymore. I was being happy all those days because of him when he’s the one who’s suffering so much. My thoughts flew back to the time we had together. Those moments were real and have now become a memory. I lost every life I have in me as I am continuously pierced by the only words written.

 

“My Heart To You.”

“Yeol to Baek.”