Time freefell. That’s what it felt like to Hongbin. He gripped the steering wheel, though somewhere between a conscious effort to stay awake and a blackness he’d let go. He was aware of everything, pain, not being able to see clearly… warmth, damp… a weight against his body. Breath against his neck.

“Don’t move.”

Hongbin froze; the voice was laboured, yet it was strong. Quiet, yet he heard it perfectly. His heart quickened in his chest and his throat tightened. He opened his eyes, though he did not want to and he did not wish to see because he knew what he would find-- and he did not want to see that.

Wonshik lay against his chest. Hongbin could only make out the blood that covered his back. Hongbin let out a whimper of pain, he moaned, he clenched his eyes and struggled. “No, Wonshik--”

“Stay still, you could be hurt,” Wonshik commanded, coughing somewhat. “Hongbin, I love you.”

“No, Wonshik-” Hongbin clenched his eyes. “Don’t do this-- Wonshik…” he sobbed. “Wonshik, I’m scared-- I don’t want-”

“You promised me, remember?” Wonshik stared at Hongbin’s neck. He smiled. “My tree house, you promised me.”

Hongbin was angry-- no, he wasn’t-- he wasn’t sure what he was. He gripped Wonshik’s waist, nuzzling into his cheek. “No… I don’t want to live without you.” He could just sleep-- Wonshik would sleep first, he’d follow afterwards. It would be as easy as breathing. “I’m too scared to….”

Wonshik smiled more. “Don’t be scared, I’m here.”

“I’m scared,” Hongbin sobbed, clenching his eyes again. Wonshik’s hand weakly found his and squeezed gently. “I don’t want to-”

“Please, for me,” Wonshik whispered. “You need to live. You have to build my tree house and make happy memories-” he paused. Hongbin could hear his voice growing weaker. “Find something to live for.”

“I want to live because of you!” Hongbin yelled.

“Don’t cry, Hongbin,” Wonshik whispered, moving weakly so he could stare up at his face. “You’re not a pretty cryer.” He smiled when Hongbin just sobbed more. “Smile for me, just once.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Please,” Wonshik pleaded. “Just once more. One last time.”

“No!” Hongbin yelled. Why was no one coming to help them? Why did no one know? Why wasn’t anyone saving Wonshik?!

“I love you, Hongbin,” Wonshik smiled.

“I love you too, Wonshik,” Hongbin gripped him tightly. “I love you, so much.”

“Smile for me.”

Hongbin clenched his eyes for a few moments, before staring down at Wonshik. It would be okay; he’d follow after him. He could smile, one more time for him knowing that. Wonshik smiled too when he watched Hongbin’s dimples appear. “You have the most beautiful smile.”

“Wonshik….”

Wonshik smiled to himself, groaning and moving himself so he could rest his head comfortably in the crook of Hongbin’s neck. “You were my new reason for living, Hongbin. I wanted to make you happy. I’m sorry I can’t.”

“Wonshik-” Hongbin took a deep breath. “I don’t want to live without you.” He brought his hand up to brush his hair aside, watching as Wonshik’s eyes shut. “We’ll have a house together, with a fence and a garden,” he started, arms going around him tight. He buried his face into the top of Wonshik’s head and held in another sob. “A cat and a dog, maybe one or the other-- maybe more than one. Maybe we can have kids, somehow-- adopt-” he hiccuped. “We can have lazy days, staying in bed. Our bedroom would be beautiful, Wonshik, french doors that we could leave open when it got too hot. At night we could go out and see the stars in our garden from them, then we could return-- make love--” Hongbin held Wonshik tighter. “There’s nothing I want if you’re not here to share it with me.”

Hongbin kissed Wonshik’s forehead. “I’ll see you soon,” he murmured softly, closing his eyes and resting his head on top of Wonshik’s. He could give up so easily-- he could slip away. He could go to whatever place was there for them. Was it a place where they could be together? Hongbin smiled. With no fear, nothing to worry about---

But Wonshik protected him. Wonshik was dead to let him live-- if he just died, if he gave up-- Wonshik would be angry, his death would be for nothing. But how? How could he live without him? He would just exist. He still had to make Wonshik’s tree house, he still had to discover everything in life he liked, he had to discover what he disliked--

He had to put his feet in the sea once, he had to keep a pet once. He had to do a lot of things once but-- he was scared. Without Wonshik beside him, especially when it got dark…. But he’d want him to try.

Hongbin’s eyes opened weakly and he weakly rummaged around for his phone. He hoped there was battery; obviously this road was barely used, the other driver must be out too… that’s why no one was coming. He knew what road it was-- where it led-- At least for the life of the other driver he should call someone.

Hospitals were places Hongbin did not like. The smell was horrible, the beeping was annoying and the food was disgusting. His bed was lumpy too but that was on the bottom of his list of complaints. His leg was broken in two places, two of his ribs were broken and he had taken a bang to the head that left his memory a little hazy in places but nothing was permanent.

Wonshik had taken all the damage. The doctors were surprised he’d had any energy to talk, but they told Hongbin they doubted he felt pain. Hongbin didn’t know if they were trying to console him or if it was the truth, but he hoped it was the latter. He half regretted his decision to stay alive, but his nurse made things better.

He was a naive kid, always happy. It pissed Hongbin off but he found that Sanghyuk’s seemingly idealistic and childish view on the world made it a whole lot better. He found it amusing, he worked around death and pain but he was so optimistic. Honestly, it made him a little sick but… it reminded him partially of Wonshik.

His parents though, were furious. He’d taken the car, smashed it up-- and when Hongbin let slip that he’d had with Wonshik… they’d pretty much disowned him. Hongbin didn’t care-- he was going to leave them anyway, and now he thought about it, he couldn’t remember why he hadn’t done it before.

Sanghyuk came in shortly after with a jacket and pushing a wheelchair.

“Isn’t it your day off?” Hongbin said shortly.

“Yes, but I want to take you somewhere.”

“I don’t want to go.”

Sanghyuk laughed. “I’m the one doing the pushing though,” he grinned, easily moving Hongbin into the wheelchair. “You’ll be able to leave soon.”

“I have nowhere to go.”

Sanghyuk sighed. “We’ll find somewhere, don’t worry,” he nodded, pushing him down the hallways of the hospital. They were in silence for a while before Sanghyuk pushed Hongbin into a very religious looking room. “Don’t look so scared,” he laughed. “I just thought you’d like to… say goodbye to Wonshik. Since they can’t find relatives… he can’t have a funeral but, the minister will at least say something. I-if you want,” he looked scared, like he’d overstepped his boundaries. “I can… take you back, if you want.”

Hongbin stared numbly at the room. “No… no Hyuk-” he gulped. “Thank you.”

He didn’t really want to say goodbye. Goodbye would mean letting go, goodbye would mean acknowledging that he wasn’t coming back. Goodbye would-- how many years would he live until he died? Would Wonshik still recognise him when he was old? Hongbin’s hands covered his face and he let out an unsteady breath.

If he had never met Wonshik he would not be here and Wonshik would still be alive. Where would he be though? Would he have thrown himself from that bridge? Would he just be back at his fathers company? He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about it. He did not regret meeting Kim Wonshik, he would not want to go back and change meeting him. The only thing he would change was the time they got together. He’d not drive that car, he’d go elsewhere, they’d go on foot. They’d walk until they were tired and then camp under the stars simply using each other for warmth. Wonshik wasn’t… really gone, though, Hongbin thought as Sanghyuk wheeled him back to his room. After all, Wonshik had already lit up his night with so many stars that Hongbin didn’t need to be scared anymore.

Thankyou, Kim Wonshik.