Sulli's POV;

When I was 13 I read many love stories, but I never understood the meaning of true love. I always wondered how it feels to truly like someone. Why do you cry when someone doesn’t like you back? Do you actually get butterflies in your stomach when you see them? How does it feel like when you see them fall in love with someone else? I had so many questions in my head I wished could be answered. I never knew it would hurt this much, the feeling of rejection, to not be loved back, that feeling you get when you just want to die. Now that I had my first love I know how it feels to be stabbed in the heart.

At the age of 14 my mother and father divorced. She found out that my father was cheating on her with another woman. I was furious but confused at the same time. How does it feel to be cheated on? I felt betrayed; my own father abandoned our family. I never loved him; I knew there was something wrong. I remember when I was little, my father would come home drunk, I would hear him yelling at my mother and then I would always hear the sound of the door slamming. The sound would echo into my room and I would start to cry. My whole family fell apart.

Ever since my mother and father divorced, I would lock myself in my room. The world felt different to me. There's nothing left of me except my soulless yet worthless body. I feel so empty. Everyday would be the same brutal routine and it just sickens me as I think about it. Day by day I would watched the bloody knife tickle down my arm. Day by day I would blankly stare at the ceiling as I let those pathetic men abuse me. The feeling is unforgettable, everyday a fresh memory will torture me. I would glanced at them giving their filthy money to my statisfied mother. I am trying to find my happiness back but it is just no use. No matter how hard I try I will still ending up falling down.

A year later my mother forced me to go to school. Great! I dragged my body to the bathroom and looked at the most disgusting thing on the planet. Scars and marks all around my ugly body. How am I suppose to go to school? Everyone would find me a hideous . I'm a crazy , yes I am a , yes I am useless. Who would want to talk to a depressed girl who lost her ity to a million of guys? My heatbeat stopped for a slight second. My mind was ringing. My pills. Where are my pills? I searched everywhere to find my pills. I threw out the cupboards, smashed the little glass box until I found the little packet that had a warning sign on it. I gulped down the powder and slid down onto the cold floor. Silences filled the atmosphere. "SULLI! HURRY THE UP OR YOU'LL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!!" I hastily stood up and closed the raided room.

As I was walking towards the school gates, wishing I was tucked in my warm bed, I accidentally bumped into him. His dark brown eyes gazed into mine. I’ve read a quote that said ‘A twinkling eye can mean many things...’ I realised the one that is twinkling at me right now is him… He apologised, helped me pick up my books and walked off. From that day on, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. To my surprise, he was in my class. The teacher told me to sit next to him, his name was lee Taemin.

We became best friends. Sometimes I wondered if he liked me back, but I doubted that he did. One day he asked me if we could talk privately, I nodded in his response. I thought he was going to confess his love to me, because he kept looking down and fidgeting with his fingers. I was so happy that I wanted to burst out my feelings and give him the biggest bear hug ever! Until he told me something that cut deeply into my heart… He said he has feelings for this girl named Soojung, and that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He was even blushing and looked away like nothing had happened...

My face instantly turned pale, I didnt know what to say, I didnt want to say anything as well because hearing this is already killing me. A tear slid down my cheek, I didnt want him to see that I was crying so I quickly wipped it away. I weakly smiled telling him that he should go for it. Inside I wanted him to stop, to notice my love for him and stay with me forever. But no, he didn’t, he saw nothing. He can only see my facade cheerful face. He then thanked me for being the best friend he ever had and also apologised to me because he had to go and confess to Soojung. After that he ran off and left me standing alone in the isolated park. I blankly stared at his tall dark figure running desperately to see Soojung. My heart ached after his figure disappeared from my sight, my body couldn't handle it anymore it just couldn't. My weak body gradually fell down in defeat. My salty tears finally streamed down my face. Taemin why? Why are you doing this to me? I chuckled at my own thought. why am I so stupid? You're you remember? Choi Sulli. He wouldn't like a girl like you, no one would like you... I glanced and observed the grey gloomy sky. But isn't this life? Even the sky is depressing tsk. I cautiously stood up from the cold asphalt and slowly inhaled the cold refreshing air. Love is so complicated right? I envy you Soojung, you're the most luckiest girl in the word, you better accept him. It'll be hard to get over him, it's hard to tell my heart that the truth is the truth and it has to accept the fact that he isnt and never was mine. It's hard, it's just is.

My first love, loves someone else...                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Hey guys, so this is my first ever fanfic! I know my one shot is boring but I really hope you guys enjoyed it! Taelli shippers please dont kill me, I honestly really love and ship taelli! I just felt like making this angst. But Taestal is also cute gahh!  Please comment and subscribe!