New York, summer 2013

"I never want to send you away, but I think that's the best thing to do right now, being in here just lead you to ruin your live...I don’t want to send you away but you just hurting yourself more if you stay...it's killing me inside to see you like this...I don’t want to send you away but being around me just make you suffer more..."his soft voice trembling, I can hear pain yet I can bring myself to comfort him, It's been a while since I saw him, he always come but I can’t get myself to seeing him.

"you need to go, I'll help you to find a great place...place that could heal your wound, place that could make you smile again, the place for you to start a new live..."he said in more gentle voice, his head bowed deep down.

"I'm not saying you should forget about them, because it's impossible for you and me to do that. But with time I hope you can heal your Wounds and keep their memories in your heart, when that time comes I hope you can come back and see me again." I can fell a tears drop in to my hands that he hold tight.

"I will not ask anything from you but, do not forget this is your house comeback whenever you want, I will take care of it until you comeback...." I was stunned, I never think about it but I think this is the right thing to do just like he said this past months been a very hard for me even just to stand up...I think this is the right thing to do.

"I'll go" I simply said that, he looks so stunning and full of joy to hear my voice for the first time in months. His rights I should go to the place where I can’t see our memories, a place where I could not see him who will always make me remember. I lead my hand to hug him "I'm sorry and thank you" I said in his ear lead him through another breakdown, at that time I realize it's not just me, he do through a lot of pain too...for losing our precious.

Seoul, summer 2013

As I try to shoot my eyes I still cant sleep, it's been a week since our comeback to music industries, this year’s competition is no joking, many of boy and girl band are release their new album this summer. There is practically no lag time this year, there is always a new songs or album release within a few days making it's more hard for us to survive in music charge, this year we have to compete with many of great groups, sunbae and hobae many of them are close with us like a family but again this is what our industries about.

Our job is not just for making a great music but also to give our best charm to sale it. I never regret what I have to do for this fame and glory but some time I can keep myself wondering what will it be if I'm not take this path, maybe now I'll have a job in an IT company, life less hectic than now and dating some girls, that what I thought, the thought make me chuckle in irony. Being an Idol and stand in a spotlight is just like selling yourself to the devil, for the fame and glory that you get you should give not only energy and efforts but also your whole live, a tiny single mistake could lead you to a disaster and drown you in an instant, that why love is a to luxurious for us and believe me that to much to handle it at least for me.

This week been a hectic one for us and we have to thought many of its in the future, my body is to tired right now but I still can’t sleep it's commonly happens when I was too busy and stress out, that’s make my eyes more like a panda for the dark circle and I have to use more make up to cover it. Sometimes, just sometimes I really think being a common people and have a comfortable live is not a bad options either, but this is the path that I chose and being me it's means never give up and being responsible for that choice, that is how my old man always teach to me.