Months passed by, without a word said between me and Myungsoo. Infinite moved to a new dorm room, and APink began to work with other boy groups.

            Jongin made his debut in a group called Exo, who was sweeping the charts with their album. I couldn’t have been any more proud of him, and made sure to send him “congratulations” texts on a weekly basis because he was just accomplishing so much. He and I continued to meet, always in secret. Nobody outside of APink and Exo knew about us at all.

            Then my manager asked me what I thought about appearing on “We Got Married”.

            At first I was extremely hesitant about the idea of associating with any guy on a completely scripted show, since I was already seeing someone. But then my manager made the point that it would boost both APink and my popularity by a ton. So I accepted, and Jongin understood my decision.

            On the first day of shooting however, I wasn’t expecting to see Taemin as my new “husband”.

            He hadn’t changed much since I’d last seen him. Yeah the baby fat was gone, the face more defined now, but I still recognized him. When he saw me he looked at me from head to toe, then smirked.

            “Hello again, Naeun.”

            “You don’t seem so surprised,” I said suspiciously. “It’s like you’d already known.”

            “You’re a smart girl.” Then he was called to hair and makeup.

            I’d been putting on a tough face, but after Taemin left I sank down onto the floor, feeling defeated and helpless, and especially vulnerable.

            I had to be on a program, pretending to be all lovey dovey with Lee Taemin, the guy who used to be my absolute idol back in high school.

            But he was someone whom I’d completely gotten over. And we’d ended off on bad terms, so of course I was a bit wary as to what he would do to me. I’d entered this variety show with the sole intention of gaining popularity, and I wondered how that would go if Korea’s little sweetheart Lee Taemin was my supposed husband. Of course I would get hate. I knew that. I was just cautious as to what Taemin had up his sleeve. The way he smirked at me earlier caught me off guard, as if he’s grown into a completely different person. He was no longer the angelic Lee Taemin I once knew and admired, no. He was someone else now.

            Not according to everyone else, of course. To the world he is angelic.

            During hair and makeup I texted Jongin, telling him about Taemin being on the show with me. Jongin seemed quite surprised, and then started joking that the producers only picked Taemin because he looked like him. I giggled and texted him back saying, “Surreeeeee.”

           I would be lying if I said that I hadn’t thought about what Myungsoo’s reaction to the variety show would be. Perhaps he wouldn’t even care, since it was just a reality show after all. These things were scripted and all the idols knew it. But I still wondered what he would think.

            Then I remembered that he no longer cared about me, after whatever happened. And I quickly pushed those thoughts out of my mind.

            Instead, I decided to focus on how the hell would I get through pretending to act like I was hopelessly in love and married to Lee Taemin.

            Filming with Taemin was interesting. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing as he followed the PD’s orders, pretending to be enchanted by me and whatnot. His acting certainly was a lot better than mine.

            After filming ended, I went out to the sand for some fresh, beach air. Taemin came up beside me, and I noticed that he was having a smoke, the stench in the air.

            He noticed me looking at him and offered me a cigarette. “You want one?”

            I shook my head. “I’ll pass, thanks. Didn’t know you smoked.”

            “I just picked it up recently.”

            “Hm. I see.”

            I went back to the dorm late that night, around two in the morning. Everyone was asleep, or so I thought.

           When I went into the room I shared with Yookyng, I noticed our high school yearbook lying open on her bed.

            “It’s Kim Myungsoo, isn’t it?”

            I turned around. Yookyung was drying her hair with a towel. She must’ve had a late schedule too.

            “W-What do you mean?” I asked.

            “L, from Infinite,” Yookyung said. “and Kim Myungsoo from high school. They’re the same person. And you knew that, didn’t you?”

            I looked away, not saying anything.

            “Hm.” Yookyung sat down on her bed, taking another look at Myungsoo’s yearbook picture. “I knew he looked familiar.”

            “Haha.” I forced a laugh. “Yeah. Who would’ve known.”

            Yookyung studied my face. “You knew, Naeun. You’ve always known. Why didn’t you say anything?”

            I put my stuff down and started grabbing my pajamas. “Why would I need to say anything?”

            “Didn’t you two have a thing?”

            “What makes you say that?”

            “That one time,” Yookyung said, “when Sungyeol and I saw you and him at the supermarket. Don’t you remember?”

            I do.

            “That obviously was not anything for ‘extra credit’,” Yookyung proclaimed. “There was something there, wasn’t there?”

            I shook my head. “There wasn’t. We just had a project to do. Honest.”

            Yookyung peered over at me. “Are you lying?”

            “No.”

            “I saw the way you guys looked at each other back then. It was something different. You two weren’t ‘just friends’, Naeun. And it’s just so awfully strange that you and him have never talked or interacted or anything, no matter how many times APink and Infinite have seen each other. Sungyeol and I even talked. We’re really good friends now.” She crossed her arms. “Admit it.”

            “I’m tired,” I said. “I’m going to go wash up.” I went to the bathroom and closed the door.

            When I finished my nightly routine, Yookyung was already fast asleep. The yearbook was put away and the conversation before felt like a dream. But I knew it wasn’t.

            That night, all hell broke loose in my mind. The wound was now reopened, more painful than ever. I couldn’t get Myungsoo and the memories I had with him out of my mind. It all came flashing back to me: the day we met, the rainy day he held my hand, us eating ice cream together, me unknowingly dancing with him at homecoming, the late night talks, when I kissed him on the cheek, the day he left.

            I’d been going on with life so long wanting to forget him, to keep his very existence a secret from my poor, delusional mind. I should’ve known that it wouldn’t be so easy.

            “Do you really like me, Naeun?”

            “Yes I do, oppa.”

            “Okay, cut!”

            Taemin and I snapped out of character as our hair and makeup crew tended to us.

            “Good job with the acting,” Taemin commented.

            “Are you being sarcastic?”

            Taemin smirked. “You caught me.”

            I got offended. “What’s wrong with my acting?”

            “It’s practically emotionless. All you’re doing is laughing at everything I say and slapping my shoulder from time to time,” Taemin said. “It’s not enough and the producers are getting frustrated with you.”

            “What? No they’re not.”

            Taemin nodded over to the camera people. “Do you know what they’re doing over there right now? Seeing what romantic music they can put in the background to hide your lack of emotion.”

            I bit my lip. “I think you’re right.”

            “See? What did I tell you.”

            “Well then how do I fix it?”

            Taemin shrugged. “I don’t know. At least pretend to like me?”

            I gave him a look. “I’m trying, okay?”

            Taemin peered at me suspiciously. “You know, it’s only hard to act that you like someone when you actually have feelings for someone else. You’re not dating anyone, are you?”

            Jongin.

            “No,” I lied. “I’m not dating anyone.”

            Taemin continued to look at me suspiciously, which suddenly made me extremely self conscious.

            Then I heard some coordi noonas talking.

            “Infinite’s filming in the other building. Did you hear what happened? L confessed who his ideal type is!”

            “No way! Who is it? He hardly reveals any of his ideal types!”

            “Ugh he picked just about one of the most popular girls in South Korea right now.”

            “Who is it?”

            “Bae Suzy.”

            “Seriously?!”

            “YEAH!”

            Bae Suzy?

            I’ve heard her name more than once, although I never cared to know what she looked like. But now I had the sudden curiosity.

            On the car ride to the recording studio, I was extremely tempted to see what Bae Suzy looked like. Was she prettier than me? Why was she so popular? Why would Myungsoo choose, out of all people, her as his ideal type?

            But then I decided that it was none of my business. I didn’t want to see what she looked. I didn’t need to see what she looked like. And that was the end of it.

            “Taemin suspected you?”

            I gave my cup of tea a blow. “Yeah. He wasn’t number one in high school for nothing.”

          Jongin leaned back in his chair, pulling down the rim of his hat. “Damn. Imagine if people find out about us.”

            “Disaster. It’s too early in both of our careers,” I said.

            “Agreed. I’ll try to elude him as much as possible. Say something about how I think Krystal Jung is hot or something,” Jongin said with a chuckle.

            I glared at him playfully. “Then I’ll tell him about how I find his bandmate, Kim Jonghyun extremely attractive.”

            “Yah,” Jongin snapped. “He’s really into skinship, you know. It’s dangerous.”

            I laughed, which made Jongin laugh as well. This was the thing about me and him: everything was so playful, so easy.

            Jongin was taking a sip of his coffee when his eyes turned to the television screen behind me.

            “What is it?” I asked, turning around to look at the TV.

            Then my eyes widened.

            On the screen was a picture of Myungsoo, juxtaposed with a picture of the girl whom I’d seen so long ago: the girl with long, black hair who would always sit with him at lunch.

            Aka his ex-girlfriend.

            Both of their pictures were on the screen, and the news report was talking about how Myungsoo had chosen her as his ideal type.

            “S-She’s…”

            “Naeun? Are you okay?”

            I turned back to Jongin. “She’s Bae Suzy? Her?”

            “Yeah,” Jongin said. “Bae Suzy? Korea’s little angel? Why?”

            I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t handle the fact that I was running into these same people again: Myungsoo, Taemin, and now the ex-girlfriend herself but with a name.

            “Naeun.” Jongin waved his hand in front of me. “Are you alright? You look like you’re going to pass out.”

            “I-I’m okay,” I fibbed. “I’m okay. I’m fine.” The tears started to fall. I couldn’t stop it.

            “Naeun, what’s going—

            “—Jongin, please, just…” I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand. “…please get me out of here.”

            So Jongin wrapped his jacket around me as the two of us walked out of the café. I kept my face down the entire time, hating how I was still so vulnerable and weak when it came to Myungsoo and his stupid girls. I hated how he had so much control over me, even now, after all of my efforts to forget about him.

            Jongin and I ended up sitting in the parking lot behind a restaurant that his uncle owned. It was secluded, and no one knew where we were. It was perfect.

            By now I’ve calmed down a bit, no longer crying. Although Jongin could tell that I was still distraught by what I’d seen at the café.

            “So,” Jongin finally said, “mind telling me what all of this is about?”

            I put my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me, safe and warm.

            “It’s a really, really long story,” I said. “Like, really long.”

            “We have time.”

            “You might hate me after I tell you.”

            “I’ll take my chances.”

            I kept quiet, not saying anything.

            Jongin sighed, probably getting impatient. “I’m guessing it’s about Infinite’s L?”

            I nodded.

            “Did you two used to have a thing?”

            I nodded. Eh. I guess you could call it a thing.

            “And now he seems to be interested in someone else?”

            I nodded again.

            Jongin smirked. “You said it was a long story.”

            “Hm.” I thought about it. “It seemed like a long story in my mind but I guess it can be that simple.”

            “Well if it makes you feel any better, I don’t think Suzy’s that pretty,” Jongin said, looking out into the distance.

            “You know,” I said, taking my head off of his shoulder, “Jongin, you’re a really good guy. What are you doing with a girl like me?”

            “What do you mean a girl like you?” Jongin asked. “Naeun, you’re one of the sweetest, most thoughtful girls I know. You’re an amazing person.”

            I smiled, holding his cheek in my hand. “I really don’t deserve you.”

            “I beg to differ,” he said as he held his hand in mine.

            It was strange how my relationship with Jongin evolved after that. He was obviously aware that I was completely in love with someone else, but even still he chose to stay by my side. I was more than lucky to have him with me.