''I remember when we used to be best friends. we were so closed that nothing can tear us apart. But now everything changed. You slowly pushed me away. i stood there wondering why. do you hate me? was i a burden? did i do something wrong? 

 

Many question i wanted to ask you but it was impossible. you're different. your music that you loved is now playing in every street of seoul. even if i write you a letter, i doubt that you would read them as you would get tons of letters a day.

 

i remember that first time we met. i fell in love with you when i first laid my eyes on you. your amazing looks, pretty boy yet with childish personality, beautiful voice.

 

such beautiful features but it was slowly killing me inside. you are always in my mind every day, every minute. in short, you are the most beautiful person to me. your smile always brighten my days. as we grew up, I realize that you would never feel the same way as I did. 

 

what can i do? i was attracted to you. But we can never be together. And what did i do? i kept quiet. I threw my feelings aside even though i knew my feelings were too strong.

 

when we were in high school, you immediately became famous with your good looks. I became the outcast. I never liked attention. You were my only friend. But with your popularity rising, you had so many fans.

 

 

I quietly become one of your fan girls too. Every time you came to school, students would crowd around you as if you were a celebrity. But somewhere in the middle of the crowd I would be standing there gazing at you. Did you notice me? No. you didn't. Because you were too busy flirting with them.

 

your visit to my house became less and less after that. I didn't complain. i had no right to. it's your life not mine. Even when you visited, my heart leaped. you don't know how happy i am and how much i miss you.

 

you came as and whenever you liked as is my house is a hotel. i didn't complain. everytime you visited, never once you did gave me a hug like you used to.

 

your visit became less and less untill you stop coming. I would often be found sitting on the door step waiting for you to come. No matter if it was raining or snowing. I would always be waiting for you at my doorstep. but..

 

you never came..

 

During senior year, i went out shopping with your mother. on the way home, she was involved with a car accidet as she was crossing the road. i was there. i was there to witness her tragic death. i was frozen. there she is lying with blood all around her.

 

 

By the time she reached the hospital, it was too late. she lost too much blood. you came with your friends. you stared at me and started shouting at me. saying that i killed  your mother. i did'nt. but its too late to say that right? you wouldn't even listen to me.

 

during her funeral, i was there. as you were crying your eyes out. i couldn't be there beside you to comfort you. i stood in the middle of the crowd of your relatives, crying silently. 

 

i want to be there by your side. but i couldn't. i was a nightmare to you. i watch your friends comfort you. i silently thanked them for taking my place. before the funeral end, i had to leave. i don't want you to see me.

i left without a word. all i should do is cry. no one there to comfort me. i was all alone.

 

i didn't.

you told me that you make the rest of my life a living hell for the rest of senior year. i was already living in Hell.

 

everyday i limped all the way home. students hate me. with bruised face, burs lips and bloody nose.

 

did i cry? 

no. i silently let them hurt me. the pain could never be compared with the pain you gave me. i disgust myslef.

 

A day before the graduation ceremony, you dragged me into an alley. did i pull away from your grip? no. i was too focused on your hand which holding mine.

 

before i knew it. i was pushed onto the ground. i scraped my hand. you screamed and cried. all i could do was watch. i couldn't reach out to soothe you. why?

 

you hated me. 

 

you beat the daylight out of mine. did i fight back? No. i let you beat me up. i deserved it. i killed your mother you said.

 

i didn't

 

during graduation day, i wasn't there with the students. i was in the middle of the crowd looking at you. you were smiling and laughing with your friends. how i wished that you were laughing with me. but it was impossible.

 

when they called my name. you frowned. how painful it was to know you disgust me so much that you flinched everytime the called my name. i hold back my tears.

 

when you walked onto the stage, everyone cheered. you were smiling. how i wish you were smiling for me. 

 

graduation was over, everyone went to find their family. i stood in the middle of the crowd of families gazing at you. i smiled knowing that you are fine. slowly, i walked away from everybody.

 

After that day, we didn't see each othe until you became famous. and at that period of time, my life changed. i was sick. some sort of sickness nobody wants.

 

doctors told me to get the therapy. but did i go? No. i rather die than being killed slowly inside. i continued my daily routine as usual. 

 

no matter what you did to me in the past. i would always there supporting you. like any other fans cheering their idol on.

 

as the months pass by, my condition was getting worse. i had to be hospitalized. they told me to take the therapy. but did i take it? no. i don't have the point to live. you hated me so much don't you?

 

the doctor says that i have only few weeks to live. they asked me what my last wish was. i told them i wanted to go to your concert for the last timeand let you read this letter.

 

they fulfilled my wishes. i went to your concert, you did great. i couldn't be any happier as i get to see my first love for the first time before i leave. i didn't want the concert to end. i want to watch it forever. i want to see you happy forever. but forever is too long right? 

 

after the concert, i fainted. the nurse who had followed me rushed me to the hospital. i woke up a few days later. my body was weak. i couln't do anything. i was paralyzed. i cried.

 

this is my goodbye to you. my time is finishing soon. this letter is the only thing i can give you. i finally would stop feeling the pain you gave me. my dream being someone to you will never fulfilled. but dreams were never meant to come true for me. i would always be in the crowd. 

 

goodbye lu han. see you in the afterlife.

 

                                                                                                                     eternally loving you, 

                                                                                                                             Han nara

 

luhan's eyes were alreadly red. how could he have been so blind? she loved him. more than a best friend should. tears rolled down his cheeks.

he now hated himself. why did he react without finding the reason? he was stupid. he shouldn't have pushed her away.

 

he stood up suddenly, suprising s group, exo. he ran out of the practise room to the hospital. he didn't bother to wiping his tears away. behind him, s were running after him but he didn't stop. he needs to see her no matter what happens. 

 

he need to ask for forgiveness from her. he was wrong. he did many sins to her. he just has to see her before its too late. he has to tell her........ that he loves her to.

 

he frantically searched for the ward. he stood in front of her ward, scared to enter. he slowly opens the door to find her on bed, gasping for air.

 

he ran to her side, grabbing her arms. she looked at him and her lips slowly formed a smile. ''i'm sorry, nara. for everything i did! forgive me!'' she took a deep breath ''i for-forgive you,'' she wispered.

 

''i'm glad you came, i love you'' she drew her last breath and closed her eyes forever. luhan cried.  and screamed for her to wake up. ''No, no! wake up nara! wake up! i didn't get the chance to say how mucj i love you!'' he screamed. exo members came to witness the scene. ''i love you nara. i love you so much.'' he whispered.

 

 

 

''that day, i lost my best friend. the best friend who loved me for who i am and supported me at what i do. If i was ever given the chance. i want to tell her how much i love her....

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  - Lu han.

'' I Would always be somewhere in the crowd for you........

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  - Nara