Chapter 4
Hatred
♤♠♠Chapter Four
--------------------------------------------------------
♤♠YoungJae frowned slightly when he opens his eyes.
He groaned at the alarm clock which seems like it was going to explode from ringing. He banged it with his pillow and planning to go back to sleep. But YoungJae sighs when he feels a little stinging in his eyes. He gets out of his bed and made his way to the bathroom. He splashed the water on his face and place both his hands on the sink. He looked up to see his reflection in the mirror. He sigh again when he met with a puffy and tired eyes.
It has exactly been 3 months, after. .you know. That. And it's a new year now. 23rd of January . He shook his head. Even after that, I still can't get over him. It has been 3 months YoungJae! Wake up! He splashes more water on his face, hoping it will get rid of an image of a certain someone. He sighs. I can't believe I'm still crying because of that guy!
YoungJae knows the feeling when getting cheated by your lover. It hurts. It hurts so, so bad. He even vows to himself he will not fall in love again because he never want to feel that kind of hurt again. But when he thought of it, this feeling, this feeling he had for the certain idiot is a no joke. It hurts much more than he thought it would. It hurts knowing that he's not good enough for the other. And it hurts when he thought about his attitudes towards the older.
It hurts when he hurt the other.
It hurts. .
When he knows the older hate him.
This kind of hurt is much worse than being ripped off. Knowing that you both love each other but you didn't want to admit it because you're so stupid and scared that you have to hurt your significant other, even if you didn't mean to. And seeing the hurt look in the older face made his heart clenched even more. But when he thinks of it from the older point of view, he cried. Tears slowly flowed down on his cheek. He must've been so hurt than I am. What was I thinking! I shouldn't let the past take over me. I should have just got over it and look forward to the future. He clenched his fist and cried silently.
He is my future. .
He cried even more. It's too late now, Yoo YoungJae. He must hate you now, after what you did to him. You deserve this pain. You deserve it. . He told himself.
He wiped the remaining tears on his face and took a deep breath. He tried not to think of the other, as it will make him cry again. He calmed down and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He brought his hand to touch his left eyes when he interrupted by a knock on the bathroom door.
"YoungJae, are you okay? What took you so long?."
He notices the worried tones in the other voice and felt guilty of it. "I'm okay, Hyung. I just. . had a little thinking."
He was met with silence after that. He thought that HimChan had left him and decide to finally take a shower, before he heard a soft whisper. "Should I tell him?."
He raised an eyebrow. "Tell me what hyung?."
He heard the other cleared his throat. "Oh, it's not you Jae. Nevermind. Hurry up and get your ready! I want to take you somewhere!." HimChan knock on the door twice. "Hurry! Hurry!." He squeals. After that, he heard the other footsteps slowly fading away.
YoungJae was about to reject it though, but his hyung must have been worried about him. He thought of all the month he had been wasting. Moping around, looking so lifeless. It's about time I forget about the past. So, he just comply with his hyung request. After all, going out for some fresh air wouldn't hurt right? He smiled at his thought and proceed with taking the shower.
- - - - - - - - - - ♦♦♦ - - - - - - - - -
"Ready YoungJae?."
He giggled. "You asked me that for the 5th time, hyung. Of course I'm ready to go out. Now step on the gas and hurry up will you?."
HimChan gaped at his dongsaeng. "Aww! You smiled! You finally smiled! Oh, I am so proud of myself. Ahh, this is comforting. I'm such a good brother."
YoungJae laugh and shook his head. "Whatever hyung. Now hurry up before I change my mind."
HimChan smile at him and finally step on the gas. The ride was comforting. He didn't have the chance to go out since he was busy with his assignment and thesis. Or to be more accurate, it was YoungJae who made himself busy. He did have enough time to go out and socialize with his friends but he wasn't in the mood to do that. He couldn't help but think of the other whenever he got his free time. That's why he had been busying himself lately and avoided going out. But today, it's different. He didn't know why, but he gets the feeling that things were going to get better now. He smiled.
"Hyung."
"Yes?."
"Are we going to stop at JongUp's place?."
HimChan hesitated for a moment, before he realized that YoungJae had no idea that DaeHyun is JongUp's housemate. He sighs in relief and smiled. "Yeah. We're going to pick him up."
YoungJae nodded. He then punches the older arms playfully. HimChan was startled from the sudden attack. "Hey, what was that for?."
"Can't survive a day without your lover, huh?." He smirks.
HimChan blushed. Yes, HimChan and JongUp had finally confessed to each other. It was surprising that it was JongUp who made the first move. HimChan had happily informed YoungJae about that, but YoungJae was in his depression phase that time, he couldn't help but getting mad at that. He can't believe his hyung is being all happy and giddy without thinking about his feeling. He snapped at HimChan and they had their worst fight that day. And YoungJae felt guilty for being so selfish.
"Hey, watch it YoungJae. Or I'm gonna throw you out off this car."
YoungJae was brought to reality when he heard his hyung's voice. He pouted. "Now you pick JongUp after me? I'm your dongsaeng hyung. How could you!." YoungJae made a fake dramatic sob.
HimChan scrunched his nose. "Stop it. It's ugly."
"I learn it from you."
HimChan glare at him and YoungJae just laugh at his expression. Seeing his dongsaeng laugh somehow made his heart feel warm. He sighs when he thought of YoungJae. Truthfully, he was disappointed in YoungJae for losing someone as precious as DaeHyun. He knows that the younger couldn't accept him because of his past with YongGuk. But past is past. He didn't understand why YoungJae did what he did to DaeHyun when he knows that the younger love him just as much. He and JongUp tried to set them up but it ends up badly.
-Flashback-
"You idiot! Why did you do that? He loves you for God sake! How could you risk losing someone like that?."
"I did what I did, and there's nothing you can do to change that."
"I'm disappointed with you YoungJae. You've changed. I don't even know who you are right now."
"You're right. I've changed."
That day, YoungJae regret all of the things he did. To DaeHyun. And especially to HimChan. HimChan didn't go home that night and YoungJae thought that HimChan need a time before facing him after what he said earlier. So he waits. But after a week, the older still hadn't got home. He started to feel worried about the older and tried calling him over and over again. But HimChan never pick up. He dashed out of the house and searched for him.
HimChan is like a real brother to him. The only family he had now, after his parents divorced and left him alone. He didn't want to lose someone like him. Not his hyung. He searched for HimChan like crazy and he look so awful like that. He cried and cried as he walked, ignoring the weird looks sent from the people passing by. He refuses to give up and do whatever it takes to find his hyung back. Then, he remembered HimChan's secret place. He had always been there when he got a problem. Or simply when he wants to have a little thinking. He rushed to the place with a high hopes. He ignored the pain in his legs. The result of walking and running around almost half of the day didn't do any good for his body. He ran so hard he felt like his legs would crack any time soon. When he got there, he quickly knocks on the door. When the door click open, he was met with his hyung's sleepy eyes.
HimChan was really surprised when he saw YoungJae's state that day. The sight of the younger's puffy eyes and strained cheeks, not to mention he was panting like crazy and a pool of sweat streaming down from his forehead. He looked pale. And broken.
YoungJae sobs loudly and pulled the older in a tight embrace.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry hyung! Please, forgive me! You're the only family I had now. You did what you did because you care about me, and I was being an to not realize that. You've always been there by my side when I'm feeling down. I shouldn't have said those things to you. Not when you try to help me. I'm sorry for being selfish hyung! I take back all the things I said to you. I didn't mean it hyung! Please, forgive me! I'm sorry. ."
HimChan couldn't fight his tears back anymore and he hugged the younger back.
"Took you long enough."
-End-
HimChan blinked away the tears that started to gather in his corner eyes. He was glad that YoungJae finally realize his true feeling and he didn't even try to deny it anymore. But the bad thing was, he was too late in realizing it now, after he had, again, rejected DaeHyun.
HimChan steal a glance at his dongsaeng who had a calm expression on his face. He smiled.
YoungJae, don't worry. I'll make sure you get your own happiness soon. I promise.
- - - - - - - - - - ♦♦♦ - - - - - - - - -
We arrived in front of JongUp's house. It wasn't that big but it is quiet nice. I waited in the car and watch as HimChan knock on the door. After a few knocks, the door opened and JongUp came into view. JongUp greeted him and although YoungJae couldn't hear what they were talking about, he kinda figure it out when he saw HimChan blush madly at JongUp's statement. YoungJae chuckled at his hyung behavior whenever he's around the younger.
When JongUp step into the car, they continue their journey. They were talking about this and that and truthfully, YoungJae love being accompanied by these two. At first, YoungJae didn't try to get close to JongUp since he knew the younger is DaeHyun's best friend. But when HimChan practically dragging JongUp to their house every week, he had no choice but to grow more attached to the younger. He admits that JongUp was a kind of dongsaeng you could ever wish for. He's funny, calm and warm-hearted boy. He didn't even blame YoungJae for acting cold to him. JongUp learn a lot about YoungJae. Despite his grumpiness, YoungJae was a soft-hearted guy. When he did something bad to someone, he would immediately regrets it and felt terribly guilty. He would do whatever he could manage to ask for that someone forgiveness. But what JongUp didn't understand was why YoungJae didn't do that to DaeHyun. Why didn't he ask for DaeHyun's forgiveness? He knew that YoungJae feel guilty about what he had done and said to DaeHyun, but why? He just couldn't figure that out.
- - - - - - - - - - ♦♦♦ - - - - - - - - -
We walk into the shopping mall. YoungJae was so excited he didn't realize he was skipping all the way to the elevator. It has been a while since he's been shopping like this. JongUp was surprised to see this side of his YoungJae hyung and HimChan just chuckled.
"That's nothing. You should see him when we enter that shop." HimChan pointed in a direction.
JongUp look at the said shop and raised an eyebrow. "Lovely Lace?."
HimChan didn't answer him. Instead, he just followed YoungJae who had already entered the shop. It seems like he had forgotten that the other two was with him. YoungJae smiled so wide at the sight in front of him. He touches the item and unconsciously squeals. He giggled and poked at the item. HimChan approached him from behind and shook his head.
"Are you sure you're a guy?."
YoungJae glared at his hyung. "What, liking a teddy bear doesn't make me a girl~."
"But still, you're too old for this."
"I'm not old. I'm 19, mind YOU."
HimChan gasp. "Did you just say that I'm OLD?!."
"I didn't say it."
YoungJae put back the teddy bear he was holding on the rack, and slowly turned his heel behind.
"But I thought it."
With that, he ran away from HimChan. HimChan blinked several times before he grasp what the younger had said.
"YOO YOUNGJAE!!."
JongUp giggled at them. He looked around the shop and slowly approached the rack which displayed a lot of cute teddy bears. "DaeHyun hyung must be surprised if he sees this cute side of YoungJae hyung." He chuckled to himself. He was a little lost in his thought but he was brought back to reality when he heard a light panting beside him. He glances at the figure and smiled.
"I'm surprised I can't even manage to catch a fatass."
"Oh, shut up. People lost their stamina when they're aging. It's normal hyung."
HimChan shot the younger a death glare but YoungJae just shrugged it off. Suddenly, something caught YoungJae's attention and HimChan could see the way YoungJae's eyes sparkle in excitement.
"Aww, look! Look! It's a giant teddy bear!." He squeals. YoungJae ran to the said item and hugged it tight. "It's so fluffy!! I want it! Hyung, please buy me this as a birthday present!." He pleaded.
HimChan look at YoungJae's puppy eyes. He sigh and scanned his eyes to search for the price tag. He widened his eyes when he saw the price. "What?! This is too expensive Jae, sorry I couldn't buy it for you."
YoungJae pouted and blink cutely. "You don't love your dongsaeng anymore hyung?."
HimChan rolled his eyes. "I'm going to puke if you keep that up."
YoungJae giggled. "I'm just kidding, hyung." But I really want this teddy bear though.
"Ahh, if someone gave me this as my birthday present, I will immediately fall in love with them." YoungJae said to himself but it was loud enough to catch HimChan's ear.
"What did you say?."
"Nothing~."
"I heard you, you idiot."
"Hyung, will you really love the person who gave you this teddy bear?." JongUp suddenly asked.
YoungJae just smiled at him.
HimChan raised an eyebrow at the smiling idiot. "Wow, looks like you're ready to be in love again. Am I right Mr.Yoo?."
"No comment."
- - - - - - - - - - ♦♦♦ - - - - - - - - -
Ding Dong! Ding Dong!
YoungJae frown in confusion before he quickly rushed to the front door when he heard the bell. Who the hell would come this early in the morning? He complained.
He open the door and discover a man standing outside, wearing a blue suit.
"Yes, may I help you?."
The man smiled at him. He pointed at the nicely wrapped box behind him. "There's a package for you."
YoungJae looked at the big box. He then shifted his gaze to the man. He raised an eyebrow.
"For me?."
The man nodded.
"From who?."
The man smiled. "I'm sorry, I can't tell you. I just told to send you this."
YoungJae just nodded briefly. Understanding the man's job.
The man in the blue suit handed the ridiculously large box to him. He bowed at the man and watch as he walked away. After a moment, he finally realizes that he still stands in front of the door. He shook his head and went inside.
He placed the box on the floor and sat on the couch. He stared at the box for a good minutes and sigh. He doesn't know wether to open it or not. What if it's contained with drugs? Or weapons? Or what if a horrible creature suddenly popped up when he opened the box?
YoungJae mentally facepalm. He rubbed his chin. What was I thinking. Today is my birthday, of course I will receive a present.
He look at the box again. Why is it so big anyway?
He decided not to waste time anymore and just open the box. He carefully untied the ribbon and tear the wrapping paper. He opens the box lid and take a peek inside. YoungJae is not sure about what is the object, so he put his hand inside to take the item out. When his fingers touch the fluffy object, his eyes widen. He quickly pulled out the item and gasp when he realized what it was.
"Teddy!!!." He squeals in delight.
He poked the teddy bear's nose. "Look at you! You're sooo cute! Lemme hug you!."
He hugged the teddy bear and giggled childishly. He then founded a note stuck in the teddy bear's hand. He took the note and open it.
For the love of my life. .
Happy Birthday YoungJae.
If you want to know who I am, meet me at the park at 5:30 PM. I'll wait for you. But if you don't come, you will not going to hear anything from me again. .
- - - - - - - - - - ♦♦♦ - - - - - - - - -
--------------------------------------------------------
♤♠Author's Notes
Done with my test! I'm free! So, expect to see more story from me. But don't expect it to be good. Seriously, I never thought this story would draw that much attention. You guys sure know how to surprise me. Thanks again! And welcome to the new readers & subscribers. I really appreciate it. :)
-Hate- I seriously don't know why Chap 3 and 5 is Rated. It's only contain kiss scene. Maybe AFF had changed? Because I couldn't unrated it like I used to.
Comments