before.

Have you ever wondered to a place, found everybody to seem to belong to someone and realized that you’re the only one who was alone? Have you ever experienced being in a sea of people, with many around you, but you knew you’re still alone? Have you ever felt that feeling of being alone, like you’re trying to fit in some place you don’t belong?

“Hi, can I sit with you?” a handsome man, in your estimate, in his late twenties and a workaholic, because of his corporate attire and black briefcase, asked you, smiling attractively you almost thought he’s flirting with you. But then he added, “I’m just waiting for someone…”

You should have known. You smiled politely at him, sipped the last of your coffee and stood up. “Actually, I was just leaving.”

That was the fourth time this week. All tables in that café near your office was made for at least two persons up to six. You couldn’t blame these people, actually; you were taking up two seats when you’re just one and you couldn’t think of what’s better to wish: to find someone or to just disappear. Sometimes, you admit it’s the latter.

* * * * *

“Hi, can I sit with you?”

You waited for the automatic ‘I’m just waiting for someone’ but when it didn’t came, you turned your gaze to meet a pair of beautiful brown, doe eyes. You could tell those were the most beautiful you have ever seen and you didn’t want to look away. But then, you’ll look like a weirdo like you’ve always been labeled.

“Are you waiting for someone?”

You didn’t know why did you stupidly asked that and you wanted to punch your face for it but it came and it was too late to take it back. The sadness with words; once said can never be taken back again, no matter how wrong or how hurtful. And don’t try arguing you could by saying something lame like ‘I take it back…’ That wouldn’t change the fact that you’ve said it already.

“Actually, I was just leaving,” you said when you didn’t hear a response, hastily closing the book you’re reading and gathering your things.

“Um… No.”

“Excuse me?”

“I wasn’t waiting for someone. So you don’t have to leave.”

You looked at her like an idiot again, your gaze fixed on her beautiful eyes. You realized it weren’t just her eyes that were beautiful. She was beautiful.

“Um… Okay.” Awkwardly, you put down your things again and sat.

* * * * *

“How come you’re always alone?”

You raised a brow from the book you’re reading to her and sipped before answering. “What do you mean?”

“You’re never with anybody in this café.”

“And so are you.”

She smiled brightly it almost blinded you. “I’m with you.”

You could have agreed but instead, you only smiled and you thought she understood that and the answer to her own question.

* * * * *

“Hi, can I sit with you?”

You recognized her voice almost instantly the moment she spoke and you almost cursed at her for startling you but were glad you didn’t because when you turned around, you didn’t see her alone. She was with somebody.

She smiled sheepishly. “This is Donghae, my boyfriend.”

You didn’t even bother to feel mad or even a little sad about it. You’re just the girl she always sits with on this café because of too many people and the scarcity of chairs.

You smiled and gathered your things. “Actually, I was just leaving.”

“Sooyeon…” you heard her say with an idiotic sad undertone.

You smiled at her. You can’t even glare or frown.

“It’s nice to meet you, Donghae. I guess I’ll see you around, Yoona?”

There was no need for an answer. It wasn’t a question. It was your way for saying ‘Goodbye and I wish you a happy life’ because you can’t be around any longer; she already has someone to share a table for two now. After months of sitting and drinking coffee together, you still wonder whether she really understood you or not. You were out before she could even process the words. There was no need for a confirmation or whatever. Who are you anyway?

* * * * *

after.

You found a new café. The menu wasn’t anything special like the one you frequented always before but it has something that that café didn’t have. It has solitude; quiet, with not so many people; peaceful.

“Hi, can I sit with you?”

Some things aren’t just meant to die easily but that doesn’t mean you can’t kill them.

“No.”

“I’m just –”

“I want to be alone.”

 

* * * * *

End

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