Happiness Was You
Rain Sound Sequel : Happiness Was You : Himchan's Story
Happiness Was You
Rain Sound Sequel
Himchan: After all the happenings around the members, I couldn't help myself but think about you again today. Under this gloomy cloudy rainy day, I'm wondering if you're thinking about me too. Well, you know; I stop missing you but for some reason I came to think of you again. "How are you? Did you eat yet? Are you running around with errands?" These are the questions I want to ask you but all I could do is stare into my phone. I want to message and call you but I know it's no use because I wouldn't get a reply back. "Are you still mad at me?" I'm waiting for my happiness to come back, hope you know.
I met you on a bright sunny day, I didn't even know that I'll be attracted to you. The way you talk, the way you smile, the way you laugh and the way you express yourself; I didn't know that one person can have such perfection. I didn't expect to love you but somehow, slowly my heart starts to get attach and I realize how much I need you in my life. From hectic schedules to training, your presence makes me stronger. You were the strength I need all along. I was happy for you to share a part of your life with me.
I'm sorry that I couldn't hold your hands in public nor tell you how much I love you daily. Everytime I was late for a date, I'll always show up with a single white rose. Your frown will turn into a smile and say.
Seo In: I can wait forever as long as you're here.
Those were the words you always say. There's not a single memory I have of you that you'll be made. I only remember you with the happiness expression even if I didn't make you satisfied. Thanks for staying with me when I told you the moment I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You never disappoint me.
When I'm on tour or travelling overseas, you'll patiently wait for my return. I'm sorry to say I always keep you waiting. Do you remember that time when we almost broke up because I didn't want you to wait for me anymore?
Himchan: Can I ask you something?
Seo In: What is it?
Himchan: Don't you ever feel tired waiting for me all the time?
Seo In: Not at all. Why?
Himchan: Do you think we should break it off?
Seo In: Why? Am I a bother to you?
Himchan: It's not that you're a bother to me. I feel like I'm a bother to you.
Seo In: Don't say that.
Himchan: I am right though. I always leave you behind and make you wait for me.
Seo In: It's not a bother to me though.
Himchan: I don't want you to keep on waiting for me.
Seo In: Waiting isn't a problem for me.
Himchan: I'm just afraid that one day I'm going to be more busier than this. I might not have time to meet you and I'll have to keep you waiting. We'll end up hurting one another and I don't like that.
Seo In: But I love waiting. Waiting is like a surprise, I wouldn't know when you'll show up and when you do you'll bring one of those pretty rose. As long as I know you'll be coming then I can wait.
Himchan: Won't you be sad if I don't?
Seo In: Of course not. You'll eventually show up someday, right? Plus, I loved you and you loved me. Although our bodies are far from each other, our hearts are closer since we're one. I don't like it when you put our relationship and work on the line. Work is work, personal life is personal life. You taught me that, didn't you? We wouldn't be sad or hurt if I'm not hurting you nor you're hurting me. You never did anything to make me sad ... you can be busy with daily routine but I know that you think of me all the time. Now you still want to break off?
I don't know why you're never angry with anything. You're like an angel that keeps on smiling at me. I felt like an idiot for tell you to break off. I was afraid you'll be hurt but you taught me the truth behind everything. Life can be rough and tough but I know for sure that I can count on one person to make my day brighter and that's you.
As we get deeper into our relationship, I feel like something wasn't right. "Were you hiding something from me?" When I asked you these questions, you'll answer with a "I'm alright" or "There's nothing."
Soon you didn't have time for me. You're busy doing your own thing and I'm the one waiting for you. I thought for a moment that this might be how you feel like when you're waiting for me. Waiting and not knowing when I'm going to show up. "I feel suffocate, don't you?" I know you're suffering when you're all alone waiting. You're breaking down but you still put up a smile, that's brave of you. I don't think I'm able to do it often.
"Where are you?" I often message you that question instead of "Are you alright?" I didn't know until later that you're suffering more to fight for your life. "Does it hurt?" I asked myself daily. I didn't want to take you out because I knew you were in pain and you couldn't. Instead, I bring you a single white rose and sit silently next to you. We don't say much because you couldn't and I didn't want you to.
I'm watching you resting on the bed and all I could do was hold my emotions in. I couldn't show you how I feel because you'll be hurt. I didn't want to hurt you more than you are already. I remember that night in that cold room filled with the scent of medicine.
Seo In: Oppa. Can you promise me something?
Himchan: Anything.
Seo In: Will you promise to bring me one of those white rose everyday?
Himchan: You know I will, why did you asked?
Seo In: I just want to make sure you remember.
Himchan: Anything for you.
You smell the rose and set it back down on the table. I couldn't believe how pale you've got. It saddens me to know that we didn't have much memories together and you're here lying in bed. I wanted to talk you around the world and have the most beautiful wedding but it's going to take too much time, which you wouldn't have.
"Oppa, you won't have to keep on telling me not to wait for you anymore. Just remember to visit me once in a while. I love you. Remember that." ~ Seo In.
I received that message from you before heading to Japan. I remember that day crystal clear. You told me to go ahead when I wanted to stay. I didn't know why you insist when I should be next to you. I regret so much. You're flight to somewhere else had already left when I reached. I didn't expect you to leave so early. I wanted to hold you before once before I left but I couldn't.
I'm sitting in a dark room, the only light I had was the moon shining through the crack of my window. I'm thinking through our memories and all I could do was laugh at myself. "How could I be so stupid? I've should never left you alone." Ashamed, I'm hating myself. "We used to love so much." All I could do was accept the truth and go back to reality ... go back to reality and tell myself that I loved you so much but we couldn't be together. "I'm sorry, I couldn't be a better man to you."
---
After such a long time, I'm here ... in front of you, face to face. I'm holding the white roses you wanted me to give to you. Tears filled my eyes knowing that this is how we're going to be ... me facing you in front of your tombstone.
Himchan: How are you? Did you eat yet? Are you running around with errands? I'm sorry I couldn't visit you daily. I'm just so busy with everything that I didn't have time. Sorry to keep you waiting. Here's 12 white roses for those 12 days I've been gone. I hope you like them.
I brush the dry leaves off her grave and set the roses down gently.
Himchan: I'll be gone for another 3 days. I will visit you when I come back to town.
Now I know what my happiness is. It wasn't going on stage, it was going on stage knowing you'll be watching me. It wasn't performing in front of a big crowd, it was performing in front of a big crowd knowing you'll be there in the front row. And ... my happiness wasn't because I loved you, it was you loving me. Seo In, my happiness was you and I'm waiting for my happiness to come back, hope you know.
The last part to Rain Sound Sequel : Last Raindrop : Yoo Youngjae will be coming soon.
Thanks for those who's been keeping up with me and my stories.
Sorry that this one is a short one. I promise the last one will be much longer.
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Babys, Hwaiting!!
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