I. MATTERED TIME

January 16. Year 2010.

Baekhyun left for the States. He knew that was where he needs to be. He is after all a newly hired portrait photographer for a cosmopolitan magazine. That was his dream.

He left Chanyeol in Seoul. He was Baekhyun’s Happy V; a musician yet to be known. They fell in love with each other a few months back. Back to the days when Chanyeol was feeling inferior and back to the days when Baekhyun was way too conceited. They met in between full and empty.

Chanyeol is good in playing instruments. He’s best with guitar but he’s currently learning the piano. He’s good in composing too. Baekhyun motivated him. Chanyeol writes the lyrics and Baekhyun sings them. It’s always that way.

“When I go to the US, I’ll miss hearing you play.” Baekhyun said the night before his flight. They were in Chanyeol’s condo with Baekhyun’s head leaning over Chanyeol’s shoulder while the latter plays the keys.

Chanyeol doesn’t like it when Baekhyun speaks words like that. He doesn’t want him to leave yet. Their relationship has just officially started seven months ago. To Chanyeol, those days were precious. Those days he was in his happiest self. Baekhyun is his strength.

“Two years?” he stopped playing and turned to face Baekhyun. Baekhyun will be gone for two years, that’s what he said two days back. And two years was just too long. Baekhyun nods. “That’s longer than the days I’ve known you,” Chanyeol pouts.  

“Chanyeol…” Baekhyun knows Chanyeol’s happy for his achievement. But he also knows Chanyeol’s hurting, the way he is too. “It wouldn’t matter. We will still communicate. I will still love you and you the same. It wouldn’t change a thing.”

Chanyeol wants to believe this. To Baekhyun, this is the truth. They will make it through because despite the nearing distance, they knew they’d still be next to each other. Not physically though.

They made love that night. “I love you, Baek,” Chanyeol whispered. Baekhyun wrapped his arms around his Happy V, it was the tightest hold he can give before leaving. It was always that way; Chanyeol was more on expressing his love through words and Baekhyun through his actions.

All of Baekhyun’s things were packed. His luggage stands at the corner of the kitchen. When Chanyeol woke the next day, Baekhyun was not on the bed with him. He figured he was busy taking a shower. They still have two hours together before driving to the airport.

 “Good luck in your career,” Chanyeol bids before Baekhyun’s check-in. They still have five minutes.

Baekhyun laughs at how formal Chanyeol sounded like. He doesn’t like the fact that Chanyeol was standing two steps away from him now. Instead of replying, Baekhyun closed in the gap between them and kissed his man on the lips. “See you in two days?”

Chanyeol’s brow raised, “What?”

Baekhyun laughs once more. Chanyeol takes things so seriously sometimes. “It was a joke,” Baekhyun cleared. Only then did he realize that it wasn’t funny.

Two minutes.

“I love you,” Chanyeol mouthed.

“That’s the hundredth. I was counting since yesterday.” Baekhyun teased.

“And yours didn’t even make it to one,” Chanyeol’s starting to get embarrassed.

“Really? Okay. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you…” Baekhyun continued on. Chanyeol laughed this time. It was unusual for Baek to be the one doing this.

“I get it. Stop, now. They’re waiting to inspect you,” Chanyeol pointed at the ladies near the check-in counter. They hug one last time.

Chanyeol started counting two years the moment he can no longer see Baekhyun from the end of the escalator.

When Chanyeol got back to his condo, he saw a paper posted on his fridge.

Wait for me.

Baekhyun even highlighted the words with pink. A certain memory hits Chanyeol.

‘A teacher of mine told me that using pink highlighter has a benefit. He said it helps you remember the words more. I don’t know how that is but I think it’s effective. Every textbook I had during college was mostly highlighted in pink. I’d like to think I remember things more that way.’

Baekhyun applies this in their relationship as well. Every time he wants Chanyeol to remember something he would write it down and shade it with pink. Like the first time Chanyeol received a no in an audition, he got home with a ‘Not the only opportunity you’ll get’ on his pillow.

 Notes like this mean something more to Chanyeol. He figures he can trust every word that Baekhyun shades with pink because it was the things Baekhyun wishes him to never forget.

“I will wait for you.” Chanyeol says to himself in the spacious room. Baekhyun didn’t hear him, nobody did.

Their lives apart started out fine. It was as if distance does not exist and they’re still talking somehow. Baekhyun started taking professional photographs, Chanyeol resumed making lyrics.

But time started to matter. Time seems stuck. At the end of the day, when Chanyeol approaches the calendar to cross the days out, the dates hang. It was as if time slows down the more he tries to count it.

Baekhyun’s career bloomed. He took portraits; from an innocent child at the street to a beautiful bride at the altar. His works were appreciated. During those times he met Kai, a professional model who distracted him from certain things.

He misses Chanyeol. Every time he goes to his apartment he sees the portraits of him lined up in frames along his corner table. It shows the different sides of Chanyeol. There was one that Baekhyun loves the most: Chanyeol with his nerdy glasses, looking worry-free and young. Baekhyun wonders what’s happening to both of them now. The contact days were gone. After four months, things started to change. To Baekhyun at least.

“Is he a friend?” Kai asked when he walked Baekhyun home one night, referring to Chanyeol’s pictures. They were too many not to notice.

Baekhyun nods. “He’s more than that.”

Back in Seoul Chanyeol patiently waits. Because that’s what Baekhyun asked him to do. Because that’s what he believes he should be doing. All the while, Chanyeol would make music. Time flies and yet here he was by the piano, creating melodies he knows Baekhyun would like if he was here right now sitting beside him. He remembers asking Baekhyun exactly seven months ago, “What kind of song do you want me to make?” in which Baekhyun replied “You know exactly the kinds of song I like. Just use your heart.”

And yes, composing music has always been that to Chanyeol. He thinks Baekhyun sort of harmonizes the keys for him; like the rainbow after the storm. While he was waiting, he used his time well, hoping that in seventeen months, Baekhyun will arrive and they would be reunited once more.

Each night he goes to bed thinking one of Baekhyun’s request a long time ago. “I want a song that would take me to the clouds, with you.”

“Do you still think of him up to now?”

The question surprised Baekhyun. In nine months Kai seems to know many things about him. Baekhyun speaks without thinking sometimes. He opens his mind and let people in without them even knocking. That was the problem.

“Why’d you ask?”

“You don’t talk much about him anymore.” Kai is indeed right. Baekhyun remembers moments with Kai: the introduction, the pictorials, the conversation during breaks, the walks home afterwards and the hang-outs. All in which Baekhyun talks about his Happy V, not missing an opportunity to tell Kai how much Chanyeol loves eating, making jokes and writing songs. That routine continued on for months and Kai has to bear with Baekhyun’s heavy heart.

Lately that changed too. Just like the fact that Baekhyun now hates winter because the cold interferes with some of his plans in the city. Just like the fact that Baekhyun now no longer sings. He guesses these things diminish with time, especially when you’re too busy to even care.

“Do you?” Kai repeated, putting Baekhyun back to his senses.

Do I? Baekhyun asks quietly in his head. Yes he does. He was thinking ‘bout Chanyeol just now, right?

“I do.” Two words. Baekhyun needs not to elaborate.

The thing that surprises Baekhyun more was the fact that Chanyeol seems like a stranger to him now. He recalls the time they spent together and those times still make him smile. But after a while he’d realize those times were gone. He’s been in the States for almost a year. He never really believed lots of things can happen in that amount of time.

That night, Chanyeol appeared in Baekhyun’s dream and when Baekhyun opened his eyes they were in tears. Everything was hurting and he doesn’t even know why.

July 21. Year 2011.

“That’s a really good one, you know.”

Chanyeol was in front of the piano again. He can no longer count how many songs he managed to make in one year time.

“Thanks, Kris.” Kris is a good friend. Chanyeol knew him since their college days. Kris knows about him and Baekhyun. He knows where they both stand now and it hurts his feelings seeing Chanyeol still hopeful like this.

“Everyone’s been talking ‘bout the audition next week, aren’t you joining?” Chanyeol stopped playing music for audition purposes since Baekhyun left.

“No. I’m fine here.”

Kris half-snorted. “Come on, bro. It’s been ages. You should at least give these new songs a try.” He emphasized, pointing at the scattered papers on top of the piano. He knows Chanyeol too well to give up too easily.

“I’ll think about it.” Chanyeol says.

That’s a good answer, Kris thought. He’ll be more than willing to accompany his friend if he decides to audition.

The messages Chanyeol sent to Baekhyun started getting no replies. This happened seven months after Baekhyun’s departure. Sometimes Chanyeol thinks that Baekhyun sees the messages but was just too busy to send a reply. Most of the time Chanyeol hates Baekhyun for not existing anymore.

Time favoured Baekhyun. Photography is famous everywhere, people loves purchasing cameras and taking pictures. Baekhyun was able to save up and he used that money to start living his other dreams. He toured to different places with Kai. Suddenly his room doesn’t look the way it did before. There are no Chanyeol photographs. No anything.

Kai has the impression that Baekhyun finally feels free inside and out. He didn’t have to worry about a long distance relationship. He didn’t have to think about one person over and over again.

Kai decided to clear things out in dinner.

“Baekhyun.” Baekhyun was staring at the leaf-like design of the latte he ordered. He looks up at Kai. “What are we?”

Baekhyun did not understand so Kai asked once more. “What do we have, between us?”

For a while Baekhyun just stares back at him. After stirring and destroying the design of his coffee’s cream, Baekhyun answers “I…I’m happy we are like this.”

“What do you mean by that?” Kai has always been straight forward.

Baekhyun honestly didn’t know how to describe their relationship. He is happy with Kai. Ever since Kai came, everything shifted the opposite way. Baekhyun doesn’t know if that is good but he knows he has accomplishd quite a lot with Kai by his side. Not knowing how to explain, Baekhyun just shrugs his shoulders. He was never a man of words anyway.

That night Baekhyun tear a paper from his small notebook, wrote the words Live for what is, not was and shaded everything using pink highlighter.

Kris knew Chanyeol would somehow grab that chance. He knows Chanyeol still dreams of becoming a part of a record label.

“You really think I should do it?” Chanyeol asked at his friend nervously.

“Why not?” Kris winks. Chanyeol laughs at how persuasive his Picasso friend was. Kris loves arts.

“And if I don’t get in?” he challenged.

“I’ll treat you to lunch.” Kris said without hesitations.

Chanyeol’s composition titles were those of nature. He chose to perform ‘Morning Light’ that day. It was basically instrumental but it sends-in feelings of hope and encouragement.

He got his first yes that very same day.

And Baekhyun wasn’t there to celebrate it with him.

Chanyeol crossed out January 16 on the calendar. Two years has gone. Today he’ll be seeing Baekhyun again. Today.

What hits Chanyeol was the fact that he has no idea about the time of Baekhyun’s arrival. Baekhyun had not contacted him till now and as the clock ticks an hour and so, Chanyeol loses his smile. More accurately, Baekhyun had not contacted him for a year and a half.

“Do you think he’s arrived?”

“I don’t know, bro. I mean, what’s the point of us being here so early when we don’t even know what time he’ll arrive?” Kris was never up as early as seven. Let alone being at the airport with no clues at all of what, when and where. Chanyeol just dragged him along. Kris noticed Chanyeol’s expression. He shouldn’t have said that. “I’m sorry, I…am not just used to being up this early.”

They waited. By the time they’ve decided to quit, Chanyeol was silent in the car.

He remained that way until they reached the condo.

“You’re sleeping?” It was only six in the afternoon. Chanyeol drops his keys on the dining table, left Kris clicking TV channels and went to his room.

Chanyeol was about to reply but realized he didn’t have the will to speak. He didn’t have anything. What Baekhyun left was a piece of instrument, accomplished papers with newly composed lyrics and great melodies. That was all for him. But above all this, Baekhyun left his partner’s heart falling to pieces. Is he even aware of that, Chanyeol thought.

What date is Baekhyun in right now? Do they even share the same numbers of days and months in the calendar?

March 27. Year 2012.

“Have you heard the news?”

“About what?” Chanyeol looks uninterested. Kris brought some pancakes for breakfast. He seems to keep Chanyeol alive the past weeks.

“Baekhyun’s exhibit on Thursday!” Kris exclaimed. Turned out Baekhyun has arrived two months ago; that same day Kris and Chanyeol waited for him at the airport for hours. He arrived late in the evening. And Chanyeol hasn’t seen him yet.

“Did he invite us?”

“Nope. But they’ll do it at the building just a few miles from here! You know, the white one? And! The organizer needs a performer! Why don’t you volunteer and play the piano?” Kris knew that what he’s saying sounds absurd, but he also knew that there is a way.

“Make them invite me then,” Chanyeol didn’t sound angry or pissed. He wants to see Baekhyun, to see how he’s doing and if he has amnesia in any case.

Kris has connections and he might just use one for his best friend. “I’ll let you know as soon as possible. So you can prepare.”

Chanyeol laughed at Kris’s word pick. He doesn’t need to prepare for anything, he knows Baekhyun too well to act too awkward.

Thursday came and Chanyeol stands in front of the mirror. He was wearing suit and tie. Kris mentioned the event to be formal. Even through the pain, Chanyeol can’t help getting excited. He will see Baekhyun tonight.

When Chanyeol rode his car, he made sure he brought two things with him: the lyrics and the paper. He’ll need just that.

“Excited for your show?” Kai helped Baekhyun fix his collars. They arrived in Seoul together but Kai would be going back to the US next month. Baekhyun needs him for his exhibit. Kai needs to be there.

“Yes,” Baekhyun let out a heavy sigh. All the photographs he’s taken along his journey are about to be shown to the public tonight.

“Goodluck.” Kai gave him a hug.

Baekhyun got the assurance he needs. But he’s not informed about one thing: Chanyeol will be there tonight.

Chanyeol arrived at the venue thirty minutes before time. Kris said he’d be late. There were already tons of people gathered in the place. Baekhyun’s busy greeting everyone, Kai was somewhere helping with the arrangements. If Baekhyun didn’t turn to shake the hand of the owner of the place, he would have seen Chanyeol walked in from the entrance.

The exhibit started at eight. The emcee greeted everyone with energy. By the time the photographs were officially revealed for everyone to see, people moved around. Some would approach Baekhyun and congratulate him for a job well done. Some were even Baekhyun’s college friends whom he hadn’t seen for years. To Baekhyun, everything felt unbelievably great.

Chanyeol roamed too. He tried to look at as many frames as he can. So this is where time took Baekhyun, he whispered to himself. This is them; Baekhyun used two years for pictures and him for songs. He saw one picture of Kai, not knowing who he was, and wonder why it was the only human portrait there is. Baekhyun has chosen pictures of houses, fields, and nature for tonight’s theme.

But Chanyeol missed one photograph at the far end of the hallway: it was a stolen picture of him that day at the airport; before Baekhyun’s departure two years ago. He was in his black jacket, nerdy glasses and Baekhyun’s passport in one hand.

Someone patted Chanyeol on the back. He quickly turned to see who it was. Kris, of course.

“That’s Kai. Baekhyun arrived with him. A friend, maybe?” Kris eyed the picture that Chanyeol was looking at. After patting Chanyeol’s shoulder once more, he added “They’ll call for you in a minute. Let’s not get too far from the stage.” And with that, they headed to the center of the exhibit where a mini platform was made for Chanyeol and his piano.

Chanyeol saw him. Finally.

Baekhyun’s there standing next to the man in the photo earlier and a woman on his left. Chanyeol heard his own heart thud. Baekhyun still looks the same. His lips, eyes, skin…

Chanyeol wants to get near him, to wrap his arms around him and tell him how much he missed him; thoughts started running in his mind like thunder codes. But Baekhyun didn’t look at him even for a second; he was busy chatting with his friends. The next moment though, the emcee called for Chanyeol and everyone else applauded except for Baekhyun who couldn’t move an inch.

After more than two years, he saw him again. Here he was, in his suit, looking handsome and smiling at everyone as if he was used to feeling superior and stepping onto the platform to play the piano. Baekhyun wanted to cry. He didn’t know why. The sight of Chanyeol sitting there, ready to hit the keys, just strikes something into Baekhyun’s heart. He missed this man. He was his Happy V, a musician now known. Suddenly Baekhyun forgot Kai was on his side. Suddenly all he ever cared for was the fact that Chanyeol’s here with him once again. Tears build in his eyes; realizing what he missed in two years time and what he would have sacrificed to have this moment again. But Baekhyun reserved the fall; he did not let anyone see his weakness, because Chanyeol was just about to start.

Chanyeol can feel his hands slightly trembling on the sides. Baekhyun was there looking up at him. They looked eye to eye for a minute before Chanyeol recognized Kai’s image. He placed the lyrics on its place then clears his throat.

“There was once a person who told me to never stop making music. Since then I had the impression that every time I press the keys I was doing it for him. I loved that person. I still do.” He paused for a while and took the chance to look down at Baekhyun. “I have long wanted for him to hear this. If ever he’s listening right now, I hope this song takes him to the clouds.”

Baekhyun remembers. He remembers telling Chanyeol that line a few years back. He remembers it all.

Chanyeol started playing. He didn’t sing the lyrics; he chose to just play instrumental on the spot. He knows the song by heart. It was the song he managed to make while waiting for Baekhyun to return. He played it several times in his condo, both alone and with Kris. When he closed his eyes, the song still took him where it used to. A place in the gardens, the sound of birds chirping, Baekhyun laughing in one corner, their hands intertwined, the peaceful skies, the sun shining ever so brightly. Baekhyun would wrap his arms around his waist, they’d speak words of love…

The melody took him far. By the time he opened his eyes again, reality was back. And Baekhyun was there, not beside him, but beside a man named Kai. Chanyeol finished playing. The keys, even at the very end, sounded perfect.

That was all Chanyeol’s purpose for the night. After he finished his performance, he stood and walked down back to everyone else’s level and made himself to leave.

Baekhyun ran after him.

“Chanyeol!”

Chanyeol stopped walking. He’s forgotten how Baekhyun’s voice sounded like. He struggles what more things about Baekhyun he has forgotten. After sighing softly, he turned to face him.

Between the two of them, who usually speaks first? Seems like Chanyeol forgot that too.

“That was beautiful.” Baekhyun spoke, keeping his feet from stepping further.

“Was it? Thank you,” Chanyeol knows this isn’t what they’re supposed to be talking about. But he also knows that this isn’t the time and place.

“Chanyeol, I…” Baekhyun searched for words. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” they are both fighting back tears.

“I’m sorry things changed between us.” The words just slipped from Baekhyun’s mouth. He didn’t care if it was the wrong thing to apologize for, as long as Chanyeol gets them. There were many things he’d like to say sorry for. Chanyeol deserves them.

Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun, sadness visible on his face. “Nothing’s changed, Baek. Just you.”

It’s the truth. Chanyeol knows they are still in love with each other. He knows Baekhyun feels it too. But there are just too many whys right now.

“Baekhyun?”

Kai has appeared. “They need you inside.”

Chanyeol didn’t wait for Baekhyun to respond either to him or Kai. When Baekhyun looked at his direction again he only said three words. “Welcome back, Baek.”

The exhibit ended successfully. Many bought Baekhyun’s photographs, gave him a good deal and praised his candid shots. Baekhyun’s mood changed the moment Chanyeol left two hours ago.

“Your friend forgot this.” Kai handed him the lyrics of the song Chanyeol played earlier.

At the right upper corner of the lyrics, Chanyeol glued another piece of paper. It was the paper Baekhyun left on his fridge two years ago with the highlighted words Wait for me.