No one really understood what it was like to be me. To be Park Chanyeol. Never to be taken seriously, just because I always managed to plaster a giant smile on my face. To be seen as a freak, or just a cute object to look at, but never to be really cared for. To be either loved insincerely, or hated passionately by the fans, or even just treated like nothing more than the dumb giant always standing beside, or even behind, the spotlight with a stupid smile on his face.
 

I’ll admit it, I felt bitter.

I felt lost.

I felt unneeded.

Unloved.

But I wasn’t greedy enough to ask for someone to love me.

I just wanted someone for me to love.


I wanted someone who could see me for who I really was. Not just a stupid, smiling face, but a person. A real person. A person with feelings, who feels hurt, pain, fear, and sadness. Not just always happiness. Admittedly, it really is my image, to be the happy virus, an object of adoration. But in reality, I hated it. I hated being me. Wouldn’t you get tired of being happy all the time? Wouldn’t you feel trapped when everyone around you expected you to be someone you just no longer wished to be?

I did.

 
It had been over a year now, and although I had accepted it when EXO had first debuted, it had gotten to the point where I just really didn’t think I could take it much longer. The pressure to be s