I take back that part about me missing home. I don’t want to go back anymore, I’m fine staying right here.

I don’t really know how this had happened, for real. I just shift my face a little and I see her smiling back at me. I bear a nervous smile as I wait for Mr Hwang to make his decision. Seeing his face scrunch up and then raise his eyebrow, I immediately look down to the office floor.

“So you want to go back to America with Jessica, Miyoung?”

Feeling intimidated by my boss’s ultimately serious tone, I look to Tiffany who seems to be mildly annoyed.

“Uncle, it’s Tiffany, not Miyoung. That name sounds like a grandma’s name.”

It manages to get a laugh out of me, what she said that is. The boss sighs and looks at me, then to Tiffany and finally back to me. He shakes his head as he inspects the letter in his calloused hand again. It’s hard to tell whether he is disapproving our query or not, irked by this, Tiffany presses on.

“Uncle, please. I need this. I need a break outside of Korea. Please let Jessica go with me. It’ll mean the world to me.”

“But she’s the assistant for-“

“Please?”

She begs her uncle with both hands together and with near teary eyes directly in front of his.

“I need this. Do it for me.”

I can say that it’s a moment of suspense, but I would be lying. Judging by the look in boss’s eyes, he’s going to free me and let us go back to the United States, particularly at my place. At least that was what she asked of me.  I still don’t know how this could be happening to me, at this rate no less.

“Well fine, but for only one week, at most, Tiffany.”

“Yay!”

Tiffany literally jumps out of her seat and hugs me to the point where I can’t even feel my lungs. I know she’s happy and so I’m partially happy, not fully though. There’s still this nerve wracking feeling in me. Perhaps it’s because of this thing called ‘first impressions’.  My place of origin, as many from there would agree, is quite simply the least appealing place she’ll ever step foot in.  Going from wonderful Diamond Bar to fantastic Seoul to my trash bin city, she’ll most likely be shocked and would probably book the next flight back to Seoul. Please let that happen.

“Come on Jessi, let’s pack!”

She pulls my hand, forces me to stand up and cheerfully marches out the door. But before I could close the office’s door, Mr Hwang manages to give me a few last words of advice.

“Don’t you dare do anything to hurt my niece, understand?”

“Understood.” He was scary.

The door shuts loudly, frightening the living daylights out of me. I have phonophobia, so I sort of expected it.  Nevertheless, it scared me and as a result, I come crashing to the floor. I hear a little ‘Oh my God’ and within seconds, I am pulled back up to my usual standing position. Tiffany awkwardly checks my entire body for any scratches or bruises, even scampering to look at my back.

“I’m okay, Tiffany.”

“Sure?”

“It’s carpeted, Tiffany, of course I’m sure.”

I find it embarrassing now when she pouts when we’re in public, she’d had done it earlier in the day and I swear I could’ve collapsed from embarrassment then. It’s hard being ‘friends’ with someone as popular as she is. I always feel the need to be prim and proper, which obviously .

***

“Hehe! We’re finally at the airport!”

“Tiffany, I think you should keep it down a little, people will stare at us.”

“For me being a member of SNSD or for being incredibly loud?”

“For both, Tiffany, now if you will, we’re going to check in.”

“Okay, fine.”

Since that god awful talk with my boss, Tiffany has dyed her hair light brown with some blonde highlights, similar to Yuri’s hair in the Mr Taxi era. I don’t quite know if that would trick the public since she had black hair just a few days ago but, oh well. I’ll just hope that fans don’t come trampling over me just to get her signature. Then again, it is noon and on a weekday so the airport shouldn’t have as many teenagers.

Checking in and all the other boring steps were all done in a flash and now, all we have to do now is wait. As I sit down, I see Tiffany messaging Taeyeon on her phone. Goodness, the thought of Taeyeon makes me tense. What if Tiffany complains to her about my horrific hometown?

No, no just focus on something else, Jessica. Just focus until the plane’s ready for boarding.

My muscles are slightly tensed as I board the Korea Airlines plane, the air stewardesses greet us with a smile and tell us to enjoy our flight. But, being stupid, I fell, right in front of the stewardesses, making me want to get out of this place as fast as I can. But I can’t, to my dismay.

“Oh my god, are you okay, Jessi?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” When a girl says that she is fine, she never means it.

I feel that this plane trip is starting off awfully, with the sounds of women’s giggles persistently reaching my ears as I proceed to my seat. Even without the use of a mirror, I am positively sure that I am as red as the lights out the window flickering on and off.

“Look Jessi, it might be a little embarrassing but don’t get so upset over such a little happening.”

She takes my hand tenderly, looks me square in the eyes and places a finger under my chin, lifting my head up slightly. The corners of her lips go up, whereas her eyes form the signature moon-like shape that people always get hyped up about. But as for me, well before, I was indifferent about them. Now I know how those eyes got so much recognition.  They really make me feel lighter on the inside, if that makes sense. It almost made me forget about that stupid fall.

“Be happy, okay? It’s been what? Two months since you first started your job and already you’re vacationing! Lucky…”

“I wouldn’t consider going back home a vacation.”

“Really?”

She her head to the left and stares at me for about a second before reaching into her pocket and getting out her phone, which evidently has a pink case on. I never understood why the girl adored the colour, it being mightily bright and cheery, just like her personality. Not that I don’t like her way of life, just that it is a big jump from the corporate-ness, the depressive-ness and all that is dull. She’s like a bright light you see; takes some time to get used to but once that occurs, one will be happier. I can say that Tiffany might be the brightest ‘light’ that I’ll ever meet, not counting those deep chocolate ‘orbs’ of hers. But with those eyes, it’s awfully hard to compete.

“Yeah.” I say that with a slightly bubblier tone, if my voice was even bubbly before.  

“So…Jessi! What’s your hometown like? I mean you’ve talked about it before but the amount of information you gave me was so miniscule, I think I know more about a place like…Vanuatu more than yours!”  Gosh, this girl knows her countries. She’s smart. I like smart. Howbeit, I hate talking about my hometown. Hate is not a good enough word for this!

“It’s kind of…”

“Yes?”

“It’s kind of…It has a problem with its cleanliness.” There, my tone drops to a low. Low as low can be.

“Oh, never mind! Our dorm is practically a dump, so I think I can handle it!”

So optimistic, she’s so optimistic. I’m two thirds through getting used to her light. Forget that. I’m three fourths through. She just smiled again. My tenseness has partially diminished. Part of it remains for I know that my town is thousands of times dirtier than a dorm whose inhabitants are girls, especially so since Joohyun resides somewhere in there. And from watching far too many interviews and TV programmes, Joohyun is one clean chick.

“Good morning Miss, what type of meal would you like, vegan, fish or chicken?”

“I’d like to have the fish, thank you.”

“Oh and are you in any pain from your fall earlier on? We do carry a first aid kit on board.” Air stewardesses, you have let yourselves down for the second time.

“Hehe!” Fine, I’m five sixths through getting used to her.

“No, I’m fine.”

“Can I have the chicken then?”

“Sure, Miss.”

The stewardess places the meals before us and leaves with a nearly bumptious grin on her face.

***

When I push open the door to this room I had just woken up in seconds ago, my eyes meet hers.  You can say that everything around me stopped and that the only thing that I can, that I should, that I want to see is that face of hers. Her big, doll-like eyes, her cute, button of a nose and those lips tinted pink, oh. One look and I feel that I’ve fallen in love.

“Chagiya, why did you wake up so late?”

Is this the ‘butterflies in my stomach’ sensation that I’m feeling right now?  I never really knew this truly existed in my universe. My stomach, all this while, has been a cage, locking out any insect daring enough to venture into its depths.

“Ah! Even if you’ve just woken up, you’re so pretty!”

She cutely tiptoes and pinches my cheek. Normally I would be outrageously pissed if someone does that to me, but since it’s her, I don’t care anymore.  I don’t care that the room I woke up in has no resemblance to any other room I’ve been in before. I don’t really care that I don’t recognize this house I’m in. I especially don’t care that Kim Taeyeon in a short, silky midnight blue nightgown is pulling me into the kitchen. And by I don’t care, I really do care, quite a lot to be perfectly honest.  Except for the last one, I’m on the fence for that one. But she’s so dreamy-looking, which completely makes sense.

“Yah, what are you staring at, babe? Come taste this I made for you for breakfast.”

She opens a drawer and picks out a spoon, then she walks over to the frying pan with steam floating up above it, scoops a bit of the rice up and scampers to me, making the sound that mothers would always use when feeding their babies- 'Ahh!'

Of course, I open my mouth and let the rice reach my taste buds. It tastes great. And, as I chew and chew, a surge of nostalgia warms me up more and more. Kimchi and tuna fried rice? That's what my mother used to make me, before she passed on. What's weird though is that the tuna tastes like 'Gov Jerry's' tuna. Gov Jerry's got sued and filed bankruptcy over ten years ago. And no one, and I mean no one, makes tuna like Gov Jerry's. This smells fishy, pun not intended.

"How does it taste, Chagiya?"

"Umm, it tastes great. But, can you tell me what brand of tuna you used?"

Clink. She dropped the spoon, making an annoyingly high-pitched and loud sound. Yet, she just stands there like a statue, staring right at me. My legs feel heavier than usual as I lift them to get closer to the spoon. And she just stands there, looking at me, almost mockingly with no expression. I look at my reflection on the spoon. Taeyeon's reflection soon appears. I suppose that she's right behind me.

"Don't, I'll get it."

She does and she takes it to the sink, absent-mindedly tossing it in there. Then, she turns around and continues the staring, now with a slight smirk. I should be feeling butterflies, but right now, they've taken to hiding inside their cocoons in fear. Her doll-like eyes are seriously doll-like. They're so dark and deep, like buttons on dolls' faces.

"Why do you need to know what tuna I used, Sica-yah?"

"It tastes really good, w-why?"

With feet barely off the ground, she walks to refrigerator and opens it. That big-bellied, handlebar mustache-having, suspender-wearing man printed on the can she's holding right now just shouted 'stay back'. That's the icon of the Governor for all the Gov Jerry's products. May I remind you that they have been off the shelves for over a decade?

"Oh."

"Oh indeed."

I shake my head and hastily exit the kitchen, taking a seat at the nearby dining table. Why is Taeyeon acting like this? What is this? Where am I?

Wait. Taeyeon isn't my girlfriend, is she?

"T-tae?"

Her figure looms over me. Her eyes are piercing and her lips are pursed. Her beauty doesn't distract me this time round. I feel as if her soul had turned malevolent or something equivalent to that. This dark aura is giving me the creeps. Luckily, my speech isn't affected that much.

"Tae?"

"Yes, Chagi?"

Her voice has changed along with her soul.

"Are you my girlfriend?"

She begins to laugh as if she was told the funniest joke in the world, as if I look like a total, absurdly amusing clown, as if what I said was...painfully wrong. The latter is probably right.

"So why did you call me 'chagiya'?"

I raise my voice. I want to know the answer to all these questions flooding my head. It's becoming exhausting to wait more and more for Taeyeon- I mean, this person or thing to answer me as she or it keeps on laughing. It's not funny or cute anymore.

"Answer me!"

I stand up but she's still laughing so I shake her shoulders vigorously until she stops the mad cackling. I take that back, I prefer laughing Tae rather than this one. Please, someone save me. I need to get out. I want to wake up. Wake up!

"What? You actually fell for it?" I nod fearfully.

"You actually believed that someone as beautiful as I would date a girl like you? Please, I'd rather date an old and homeless man on the streets. At least I'd wake up to a more attractive looking face than yours, ogre!"

Ogre, huh? Should I be indifferent, offended, fuming or just fess up that maybe I am a little bit ugly? But how appalling can I be to be likened to a beast like an ogre?

"Cry, cry all you want, but that's not ever going to change how revolting you look."

Crying is for fools. Crying is for losers. Crying is for those who reject reality. If I had the chance, I would want to be as tough as nails on the inside, like my dad. Not exactly like my dad but I want to at least be stoic. I would hate myself more than I hate myself now if I was exactly like that douchebag. No other word can describe him.

"Crying is for fools, losers and those who reject reality. Haven't I taught you better, Jessica?" I'm definitely dreaming. Definitely.

"Aye, look at me!"

"What?!"

This guy, this , he freaking brainwashed me! Is crying seriously for fools, for losers and for those who reject reality? I want to shout at his face how much I hate him! I want to so much, my jaw aches with every second that passes by! It's just that my stupid, stupid sensitivity is taking over me. I can't help but cry, I can't. My mouth can't open with these facial muscles all rigid and the feckless tears falling maniacally. I know my brain does all the 'feeling' but why does my heart hurt so much?

"I-I h-ha-e y-y-yo-u-uh..."

"Cry up, numbskull, but that will never change anything. Krystal would have been a much better daughter than you."

I tried so hard to get that across, but I'll never be able to say that I hate him. Why must I be different? Why did the 'overly sensitive gene' fall into my DNA? Why didn't Krystal get it? Why?! Why?! Why?!

"Heh.. And you thought that a girl like Taeyeon would ever even think of being friends with you? You pathetic excuse for a-"

"Stop it, stop it, stop it!"

***

"Jessi, Jessi! Are you okay?" What? Tiffany? I-I knew it was a nightmare! Thank God, thank God.

"Yeah, yeah, I am." I fell asleep, didn't I?

When I my lips, I taste something salty. Did I actually cry in real life?

"Y-you were crying so hard, are you sure you're all right?"

I can't bear to look into her eyes. I can't bear to look at anyone's eyes, the stewardess', the strangers around me.

I need to be left alone.

***