- your POV - 

I found myself laying on my carpet, feeling weak and useless. 

*what time is it?* I thought as I reached out for my phone which was beside me, checking the time. 4:30 am. 

I've been laying down here for three days straight without moving at all.

I was flipping through my photos and stopped at one with jongin in it. 

I miss his smile. I miss his laugh. I miss his warm hugs. I miss hi—"____! you have to eat your meal!" I heard my mom screaming from the outside of the door. of course I locked it, I didn't want to see any other human being in front of me.

not even myself. 

I stared at the picture, my vision was soon to be blurry from the tears that are about to roll down to the side of my ears. I cried as hard as I could as I heard a loud thump on the door "____, I have to talk to you." I heard.

the voice was different. it wasn't my father and I don't have a brother.

the voice was familiar though *you have got to be kidding me..* I glanced at the door. "who are you?" I asked with a flat tone. "just...look, stand up and lets grab something to eat? you've been there for three days, ____! are you planning to kill yourself?" the voice said, hearing thumps on the door. I sighed, mumbling softly inbetween the sighs. "maybe that is my goal;to kill myself" I chuckled to myself. 

 

the thumps on the door were getting worse, it's kinda annoying to be honest. "are you planning to break my door into pieces?" I asked in a lazy way cause of exhaustion, the voice answered again, though I can sense that this person is tired from all the thumps he was making. "if that's the solution to let you out of there then, yeah I'm planning to break this door."  "ugh, who are you anyway—fine fine, I'll be out in a bit." I said and stood up limply, groaning a bit cause it hurts. I head towards the bathroom to take a quick shower.

 

being dressed up, I stood in front of the door. giving out a deep sigh before opening the door.

I looked down as soon as I opened it, not wanting to see the person's face. I soon felt warm arms around me, making me feel at home again. 

I looked up at the person's face and widened my eyes "k-kyungsoo—what are you doing here?" he had his worried face on him when he looked at me "I'm here to actually keep you alive." he smiled. 

I sarcastically let out a chuckle, shaking my head "I don't want to be alive anymore, though. you can go now." I said and took his arms away from me. 

he suddenly frowned—and I hated that face on him. "aigoo—fine. just for food okay? nothing else." kyungsoo's face quickly turned into his usual one and smiled. of course, I gave back the smile though it was a faded one.

 

- Kyungsoo's POV -

she looks so weak. she looks so...broken. 

I couldn't stand to see her like this, it actually hurts. I don't know why but I guess cause she's my bestfriend? I took her out for food, she's so much thinner, and it's not good.

her pale skin was cold and her eyes were puffy. 

we went to a pizza restaurant, sitting infront of each other "____, you shouldn't be like this..you should take care of yourself." "I don't want to." she said flatly. I sighed and reached out for her hand, holding it as I stared at her eyes. "please." I said lowly, she sighed and gripped onto my hand "fine...I'll try." I smiled and started eating, with ____ following shortly after. 

 

- your POV - 

after eating, kyungsoo took me to his house. I said no to this idea, though he insisted. I was too tired to take up an argument so I just followed him. I stopped in front of the door, not wanting to go inside. "come on, girl. are you scared?" "well, is the jerk there?" I questioned though he just shrugged and went in, I sighed and followed him hesitantly. 

 

I was sitting on the couch, feeling tired. he went to me and grinned "I'll just go out to get us some ice cream, neh? " I nodded and watched him walked out. 

l looked around *still warm as always..* I thought as I walked around. I suddenly felt warm arms around me from the back, I stood still, getting scared. I stood there quietly, not saying a single word. "I missed you." I heard. *oh crap, the jerk is here.* "I didn't." I said and shoved his hands away. I didn't want to see him.

I never even planned to see him, even though I really missed him. 

 

------------------------------------------------------

 

Kai was there. he was there behind you. 

your eyes were tearing up again just cause of his presence. 

Kai once again hugged you tightly. he frowned "why are you like this, ____?" you scoffed loudly, and faced him. you couldn't handle it anymore. you were really pissed so you pushed him away by his shoulders, making him stumble. 

"really jongin? are you really this stupid? so that thing that happened to us weeks ago was nothing to you as well? don't you even know how it hurts to see you having an affair with another woman that other night!?" you cried out, punching his shoulder repeatedly. you were out of your mind, you didn't care about what was happening, you just wanted to let out and show him what you feel. 

Kai frowned more as he pulled you close, he noticed that you're thinner, like a stick. "have you been eating? you're as thin as a stick! and you know, I don't like sticks!" you pushed him again, wiping your tears away "why do you even care jongin? you never even cared for the four years we've spent together. isn't that right? it was nothing for you. my love for you was nothing." 

"look, I was drunk that time baby. you're the only one I love and you know that!"

"no jongin...I don't know anything about you anymore. you're just like a stranger. now please, leave me alone." 

"I can't, ____. I still love you, and I always will! I spent these weeks trying to get over you but I just can't seem to find the reason why I should let you go. I don't have the reason why I should move on from the person I love the most." Kai said. you saw his eyes getting teary, your lower lip quivered as you shook your head. "no. I can't anymore jongin. I just can't." 

 

"uhm...oppa..what's going on here?" you heard a girl's voice, you knew who it was. and it was jungri, Kai's other woman.

you looked at Kai once again and gave him a slap on the face "I guess I have to go now, your little girl is here. I don't want to see you ever again and dont you even dare to contact me. it's no use." you said and rushed out, crying out loud. 

 

 

 

a month has passed, and you were feeling kind of–better. 

you were out with kyungsoo and luhan, you were hanging out with them by the coffee shop where you and Kai met for the first time.

at first you weren't comfortable with this place—but it's for the coffee. this shop has the best coffee in Korea therefore you won't let stupid memories stop you from buying there.

 

"so, how're you and jongin, hm?" kyungsoo said, sipping on his hot chocolate.

"eung? oh, jongin who?"

"aigoo, you forgot about him that fast?" Luhan chuckled as he flicked your forehead gently.

you just looked down, hugging the warm mug with your palms. kyungsoo sighed and held your left hand "____, are you okay?" he asked in concern.

you nodded in response, giving them a fading smile "you can say that." 

 

-your pov- 

I sighed and looked around, getting kinda annoyed by these two guys in front of me. they were so annoying. in a good way though.

as I sipped some of my drink, I saw a familiar figure by the corner of my eye. it caught my attention so I looked at that figure then — boom. Kim jongin.

Kim jongin, the guy that I always loved.

Kim jongin, the guy that I was willing to die for.

Kim jongin, the guy that shattered my heart into pieces.

Kim jongin, the guy that I hate to love.

Kim jongin, my first love. was here again.

 

with jungri.

 

I quickly looked away and started laughing along with kyungsoo and luhan *good thing I butted in the right conversation with these dorks* I thought.

the two guys just looked at me, dumbfounded "what? is there something on my face, guys?" I asked, blinking. they just chuckled and shook their heads.

 

I tried my best in avoiding the holy piece of crap's gaze on me, it was bothering to be honest. kyungsoo poked my forehead and asked "yah, are you okay?" "eh? oh uhm..yeah." I smiled fakely. 

Kai suddenly went near me and placed three taps on my shoulder, making me glance at him. "uhm, can I talk with you ____?" he asked. I gulped down and nodded at him before looking at kyungsoo and Luhan, though they just shrugged. 

 

Kai pulled me to the outside of the coffee shop, frowning. 

 

"so uhm...how are you?"

"I'm great! totally great." I smiled.

he just frowned more as if he lost a game "oh...that's really...good to hear then."

"is that the only question you wanted to ask? cause I still have work to accomplish."

"you're working already? well...not that only. do you still have time?"

"yeah, as an interior designer. just ask me."

"I see. well okay then."

"no more questions, kai?"

 

 

"...do you miss me? are you safe? do you still think about me? don't you even have any idea how I missed you? how are you? have you been eating?"

 he asked all these questions that made my mind go kookoo. all I did was to stay silent and stare down at the floor, not wanting to make eye-contact.

 

 

 

 

"____ ....do you still love me?"

 

with that, I ran away. I couldn't really take this.

he's not the one for me. I'm too scared to love someone again—especially him, Kim jongin. 

 

I gave up. I gave up on my life—which is kai. 

 

 

farewell, kim jongin.