Droplets of water trickled down the taxi's windshield as the car comes to a full stop just in front of a tall, worn out building.

Jongin takes a deep breath and contemplates if what he was doing is right.

He doesn't even know why he was so unsure of moving into a new apartment. He figured it had something to do with the loud neighbors.

Or maybe because he wanted to escape something that happened in the past that he can't quite recall.

Whatever it was, he was certain about moving. And right now as he steps out of the car, putting the hoodie up his head, does he think that this was probably a bad idea.

The tall building looked really old and primordial, like it was gonna fall off any second. The walls looked rusty, and it smelled moldy.

He looks into the paper on his pocket, and back at the building.

"You have got to be kidding me."

Luckily, the owner of the building was nice and he had a pleasant aura. He told Jongin about how this building was first established during the Korean War, making Jongin shudder.

It wasn't about the fact that there were people who probably lived and died here or the spirits that may have been lingering.

It was the fact that this fossil house might collapse anytime soon, for the floors were creaky and it felt as there is an earthquake every 5 minutes.

The owner noticed Jongin's uneasiness and let out a laugh. He assured that the house was safe.

"There's a really busty lady that lives on the 4th floor, son. If this building isn't safe it would've collapsed the moment she set foot here. But surprisingly, she's been living here for the past 8 years! Hahaha!"

The nice owner then started a conversation about the old. busty woman while climbing up the stairs, but Jongin wasn't really paying attention.

"And here is your apartment! 405 okay? Don't forget. Here's your key."

Jongin bows at the pleasant man and thanks him for the wonderful accommodation. But even before he started entering the room, the owner held him in the shoulders.

"Just....... be careful in this room okay?" he said, sounding rather..... alarming.

"What? Why?" If his hunch was right, the owner was talking about how the building would go to pieces.

"I don't know, but many people have been here and have been to that room, but they never last a week. I was actually surprised that you called me frantically and agreed to live here."

Jongin bows once again and the owner retreats.

He entered the room and saw the usual.

A couch, a little tv, a dining table with 6 chairs, some paintings hanging on the wall, and in the bedroom there was a small queen sized bed with a little study table beside it. At the foot of the bed was a dresser with a big mirror in front. Nothing too alarming.

Jongin scoffs and proceeds rolling his suitcase inside the bedroom. He placed his clothes neatly and orderly inside the dresser.

After a while, he proceeds to take a rest, for he goes to work at night.

~

Jongin was just a normal 25 year old man. He finished his studies pretty well, and he once tried out modeling. 

After failing however, he became what he was today, a taxi driver.

Jongin works night shifts, so unlike other people who are awake and lively during the day, he's dead and sleeping during morning and working hard at night.

It was so rare that he was awake during the day. And he knows that if he does wake in the day, he'd have to face the consequences during the night.

Jongin wasn't always like this however. When he was young he was, as what other people call it, a ratchet.

After graduating from college, he was free for a year and during those times it consisted of him drinking, going out with girls, doing nasty things.

He was forcing himself to do the things that he hadn't done when he was still studying. He was from a prominent family; he can't bear in mind to let them all down and get wasted with useless things.

He was asleep when the sun was up, all high and wasted in drugs and alcohol and smoke, whereas he's awake and lively at night, partying hard with his not so influential friends.

Sleeping in the morning was definitely something he was always doing even before he became a taxi driver.

The ratchet behavior continued until he was casted as a model on one of his friend's companies.

Maybe it was because of it too that he started sprawling downward, until nothing was left but a few coins on his pocket and a wasted life.

His parents stopped caring. They stopped that a long, long time ago. He had nothing, and he had no one.

That was when he decided to pick himself up and look for a job. Which eventually lead to now.

But no matter how many times he went back to memory lane, no matter how many times he rubs his aching head while puffing out smoke from his mouth, he couldn't pinpoint why he was feeling so....... petrified.

The feeling of fear and panic was something he couldn't control. Other times he would just wake up from his sleep, sweating profusely and a few tears streaming down his eyes.

He tried recalling something, anything that made him anxious, but his memories were vague. All he could see were blurred images inside his memory so he was forced to just live with the fear.

He was living his life in trepidation.

~

It's 6:30 am, and Jongin wants nothing more than to rush back home and climb on his bed and sleep. He parks the car in front of the apartment building and turns off the engine, twirling the keychain in his fingers as he gets out of the car.

In the past few days it had been raining extremely hard, but today it finally stopped. Jongin stretched as he saw the sun slowly coming out of the grayish clouds.

Today is indeed a beautiful day. Too bad he sleeps during the day.

He clicks on random numbers in front of his apartment door before hearing a beep sound, signalling that his front door is unlocked and enters the apartment feeling tired and heavy.

But instead of taking his shoes off and entering his beloved bedroom for a well-deserved rest, he found his mouth agape and immediately his heart rate increased.

There was a balcony situated on the other side of the room and when you enter the apartment, the balcony is the first thing you will see.

Usually, the gray, worn out drapes were closed, letting in zero to none amount of light in the cozy apartment, but yesterday Jongin decided to change the gray drapes with flesh, see through ones made of silk, those kind of drapes that are lightweight and flow with the wind.

And right now, he can see a person, a man (or was it a woman...... he's too petite to be a man) standing outside in the balcony, his back facing Jongin, and it looked like he was staring afar, thinking deeply, or that's what Jongin thinks.

A hypothesis formed in his head, and he thinks maybe he might have not locked the door, but from what happened earlier, he knew that he did for he wouldn't hear that satisfying click of the password machine if he forgot to lock it.

And as far as he knows, there weren't any tall trees that the man may have climbed to. When you look out from the balcony, all you will see is barren land, and it made Jongin think what the purpose of the balconies are, as they were supposed to be used to view wonderful sceneries and picturesque spectacles.

He doesn't know why he was so afraid during that time, and it felt as if his anxiety filled life increased.

Bravely he leaves his shoes on the gutter. Bravely he walks towards the living room. Bravely he approaches the sliding glass doors.

His mind kept telling him not to open the goddamn sliding door, but his body was doing the exact opposite.

The small squeak of the door got the petite man's attention. He turned his head slightly and Jongin expected him to run or hide, but he just continued standing there like a statue, his head slightly turned, almost looking at him.

He examined his side profile. He was really fair, in contrast to Jongin's tan, and his eyes were quite big, and her lips were plump and red.

Jongin didn't feel so brave anymore.

What's even stranger was the fact that the man was wearing an all-white get up. Even his shoes were white. The only things that were black about him was his hair and his dark, mysterious pupils. He doesn't look at Jongin, but he feels like the man isn't as safe as Jongin thinks he is.

Finally opening the door widely, he continues standing by the doorway, waiting for the white dressed man to react, or maybe just look at him a little bit.

He wants to remember his face when he describes it to the police.

"So......... you're the new tenant."

Jongin was surprised at how masculine his voice was. His mouth was still hanging wide while he managed to squeak out a yes.

The man hummed, understanding Jongin's shock. He doesn't look at him, but he knows Jongin is scared.

"Isn't this a coincidence?"

"Wh..... what?"

"That you're the new tenant. And I'm the original owner of the house."

Jongin's brows furrowed. Original owner?

"Wait, the owner of the building said----"

"I know. I just want you to remember me."

And with that, the petite man turned to look at Jongin, and he felt his heart beat accelerated even more.

He was mesmerizing.

"I'm Kyungsoo." he says with a smile.

Definitely mesmerizing.

Jongin was about to ask more, but Kyungsoo vanishes in the blink of an eye.

It sent shivers up his spine, yet somehow he felt a little........ relieved. Like his dreadful life was eased a little bit.

Just a little bit though.

He frowns at himself, thinking that he was probably having delusions because of lack of sleep and shakes his head as he closes the sliding door and makes his way to his room.

But after tossing and turning for over 30 times in the bed, he figured he couldn't sleep after what happened.

Every time he closes his eyes, Kyungsoo's visage kept appearing in his mind.

He sits upright frantically, letting out a growl of agony before tossing one of his pillows on the other side of the room.

~

Jongin yawns for the 15th time that night. That frantic tossing and turning in bed really took its toll.

He did everything; listen to classical music, count sheep, he even tried to dance to make himself tired, something he hasn't done for quite a while.

But the feeling of drowsiness never came so by the time the alarm clock went off, he just pressed the button on top calmly instead of throwing it away like what he usually does.

His vision continues to swirl all around. And it's just 11:30 pm.

He had been clumsy tonight, letting people off into different directions instead of their desired place, and almost hitting random stuff and even people.

A police almost gave him a ticket, but due to his undeniable charm he was exempted.

He was mad at himself for not sleeping. All day long all he ever thought of was Kyungsoo.

It's funny how he still remembers his name. He wasn't the type of person who memorizes other people's names.

Especially those that don't concern him.

It made him think if Kyungsoo concerns him.

He doesn't remember meeting him before, even during his younger years.

Maybe he was a colleague back then when he was still modeling. He met lots of people back then, so Kyungsoo must've slipped off his mind.

"I just want you to remember me."

Those were the words he said. And it kept repeating inside Jongin's head.

Why does he want me to remember him? It's either I used to know him or he was trying to make friends with me.......

But it still bothered him how he disappeared so quickly. Surely he wasn't a ghost right?

It made Jongin scoff a bit. He doesn't believe in those kinds of things.

"It was probably a dream, or I was having delusions. That's right, delusions."

But if it was a dream he wouldn't be feeling this tired and lifeless. He wasn't even able to sleep, let alone dream.

It was 4:00 am and he couldn't take it any longer. As he decides to come back to his apartment for a well-deserved rest.

Everything that happened yesterday became a blur and Jongin decided that he should just forget about Kyungsoo and that ridiculous delusion.

But he has to admit that Kyungsoo's name was still etched within the deep fragment of his mind.

A man waves outside, signaling that he wants a taxi ride, to which Jongin grunts.

There should be a "done for today ride again tomorrow" sign. Someone should make one of those.

But as the figure approached, rather slowly, Jongin makes out his face.

He lets out a small manly screech before covering his mouth in case the other person hears.

The man opens the passenger door and sits inside, closing it with a bam and facing Jongin with a face full of joy.

"Hi. It's a good thing you're the taxi I happened to see. Please take me back to the apartment." Kyungsoo smiles, making Jongin weak in the knees.

He was sure that Kyungsoo was just a figment of his imagination. That everything was a dream. That nothing happened on the balcony yesterday.

But then right now, he's here, he's sitting at the back of Jongin's taxi, waiting for him to drive back to his apartment. His, meaning Jongin's.

He tries to come up with a lie.

"Umm..... you see I'm picking someone up from Gwangjin....... and my apartment's in Eunpyeong I'm afraid that's a long way ahe-"

"But didn't you just say you want to go home and rest?"

Jongin's ears perked up. What used to be his steady hand on the steering wheel started shaking violently.

He never even said that out loud. And worse, Kyungsoo wasn't with him when he decided to call it a night.

"Who...... exactly are you?" he said as he begins to turn back around and face Kyungsoo.

But all he saw was an empty backseat.

~

Jongin couldn't do anything properly. It has been 2 weeks since the taxi incident happen, yet it still made his hairs stand to an end.

Now he truly believes Kyungsoo wasn't a figment of his imagination, but he isn't just a normal human being ever.

He wasn't even human.

Jongin thought about consulting a shaman to fully understand what is happening to his body and why he kept seeing uncanny things.

"Your third eye. It's opened." the shaman said. "But......." he furrows his eyebrows, as if finding out unbelievable information.

"What? What?" he replied frantically. He was 3 seconds to tearing his hairs apart. This haunting has gotta stop.

"The unusual thing about this is your third eye wasn't opened, and it never planned on opening in the first place. Someone must have opened it."

Jongin's heart started throbbing wildly inside his chest.

"Young man, I don't want you to freak out, but I think it was the ghost who opened your third eye. And this is a very unusual case. Usually ghosts do this because they want to communicate to someone, perhaps call their attention. Tell me, are you related to the ghost? Or maybe you're connected to him. A friend? Foe?"

Once again, Jongin tried racking his brain for answers. But he just couldn't remember meeting Kyungsoo before. It was impossible that Kyungsoo slipped off his mind, for it ha s been 2 weeks and he must've probably looked for a small fragment in his memory where Kyungsoo was with him, but none.

"No. I don't know him. And I swear I haven't met him before."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

The shaman furrowed his brows once again. It made Jongin's heart throb for the nth time that day.

He couldn’t go to work properly for 2 weeks and he wants to blame Kyungsoo, but he can't. Maybe it was because of fear, or maybe because he wasn't sure if he could really see ghosts or if he truly became insane.

"That's kinda impossible to be honest, I mean...... The ghost wouldn't bother you if he didn't know you."

"I don't care if I know him or not. I want it to stop. I can't go to work properly because I've become completely paranoid."

"The only way to make it stop is if you talk to it and ask it why it keeps on haunting you."

At that moment Jongin swore his heart beat just stopped.

"How the am I supposed to do that?! I can't even close my eyes without seeing that ghost's image in my head! I'm petrified!"

"Well that's the only way young man. No matter how mad you get, if you really want the apparitions to stop, you have to do it. Besides, was the ghost really that scary that you can't even look at its face?"

That made him think thoroughly. Kyungsoo didn't have a single scar on his face nor his body, and his skin was white as snow. His eyes were big and cute, they looked very innocent that you want to poison it with such bad things in this world. To be honest, Kyungsoo was just mesmerizing.

But it doesn't change the fact that he was not normal, that he wasn't human.

Or maybe it wasn't just because of that. Maybe Jongin did really know Kyungsoo, but he just forgot about it.

Maybe he did something to Kyungsoo, and that was one of the reasons why his heart trembles 10 times more when he sees him.

That day, Jongin didn't sleep. He just waited and waited for Kyungsoo to appear out of nowhere.

It was weird that he hasn't seen him for two weeks, considering how those ghosts in movies visit every day just to scare people's heads off.

It became his inside joke that Kyungsoo was a wealthy businessman ghost dressed in white, and he was busy during the past couple of weeks.

Still, Kyungsoo was no laughing matter. He was dangerous, or so Jongin thinks. All ghosts are dangerous right?

He waited and waited until midnight. He didn't even think about sleeping. Sleeping was the least of his problems right now.

He figured that maybe if he went to work, Kyungsoo might ride his taxi again. He makes a promise to himself that he will try to talk to Kyungsoo properly.

And just his luck, at around 3 in the morning, he saw Kyungsoo's figure right outside an art supply store.

He was just there, standing, waving his left hand while his right holds a paper bag filled with paints, brushes, and some books, probably about art and drawing.

Jongin felt like backing out and zooming past him, but he was determined to make everything stop.

He wants his fear adhered life to stop.

Kyungsoo smiles widely as he sees Jongin pulling over. Jongin makes a face at how happy Kyungsoo was despite the obvious dull atmosphere.

"Oh thank you! It's you again I thought I would never be able to go home."

Jongin's fists curled up into balls. He hated how happy and content Kyungsoo was while he was the one suffering because of the very same happy and content man.

"Are you aware of what you are?" Jongin asked, a hint of anger in his voice.

This is it. No backing out now. Besides, he was mad. He couldn't be scared when he's mad.

Kyungsoo's happy face turned into shock, before masking it with neutrality.

"I do." he replied as a matter of factly.

"We need to talk."

"That's what we're doing right now."

"That's not what I meant goddamn it."

He turns to his back to face Kyungsoo and finds that he was nowhere to be seen.

"Go on. Talk to me."

Jongin jumps back when he sees Kyungsoo sitting in the front seat, his big eyes eager and his once happy face full of melancholy.

"Not here. At the apartment."

Before Kyungsoo can utter a word, Jongin stepped on the pedal and along they drove down the empty and quiet road.

It bothered Jongin even more that Kyungsoo wasn't even the slightest bit afraid that they were driving at a really fast pace.

He just wanted to slap him in the face and scream profanities at him, but the moment Kyungsoo turns to him, his eyes crestfallen all his anger seemed to have faded away and was replaced by a new kind of sensation.

And no, it wasn't fear. He was done with the fear. Now he just wants some clarifications.

5 minutes later, Kyungsoo is sitting down on the old maroon sofa, paper bag on his lap while fiddling with his fingers.

Jongin however, was pacing around the living room, wondering what to ask first.

"Why are you here?" he decides to break the ice.

"Because this is my apartment."

"No, this is my apartment. This used to be yours. Not anymore. What I meant was...... Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in heaven or the purgatory or something?"

Kyungsoo chuckles a little.

"You make it sound like I'm a bad person because you want me to be in the purgatory."

He takes a deep breath and continues.

"The earth is my purgatory. I haven't even died yet, but this world already gave me so much pain. Even when I was still alive, it felt like I'm already in the purgatory."

"How did you.......... die?" Jongin braved another question.

"I don't know Jongin..... How did I die?" he looked into Jongin's eyes, as if finding the answer there.

Jongin was in disbelief.

"How can you not know how you died? That's rubbish."

"But I don't. All I knew was that I died early. Too early, I might add. I was a painter, not famous, but it was my living. I was just 22 back then, I had so many dreams........ But then it all crashed and now here I am."

Jongin felt a pang in his heart. When he was 22, he was wasting his life, not knowing that there were other people who value life so much.

"Why did you came back here?"

"I wanted to keep you from doing something."

"What? Me? You know me?"

"I....... actually don't know if I do know you. But I know that it was you whom I was waiting for."

"Waiting for?"

"I've been here for a very long time already. Lots of people came and go, and then....... finally you did came. I don't know why I was waiting for you, but....."

They both took a deep breath.

"I never left this house...... because I knew you would come."

~

It has been the habit for both of them to wait for each other everyday.

When Jongin is at work, Kyungsoo waits in the apartment like an obedient little dog waiting for its owner to arrive. Sometimes he waits in places where Jongin usually drives to and they chat in the taxi until they're back to the apartment.

Meanwhile, Jongin waits for Kyungsoo to appear randomly during the day after his work,and sometimes during work.

Sleep has long been forgotten. He doesn't even feel the fatigue coming.

Moreover, he feels rather distressed whenever he misses out a day of not talking to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo loved telling stories. It was his other talent besides painting. He could go on for hours about ridiculously bizarre imaginations and Jongin wouldn't even mind.

It was like a part of him suddenly started opening up and to be honest, it felt refreshing.

Maybe it was because he wasn't waking up everyday feeling lost and scared anymore. Maybe because all he ever looked forward to everyday was hearing Kyungsoo's stories.

Maybe there was something more that he feels whenever he sees Kyungsoo.

He doesn't want to think about it too much though. Just the mere fact of him falling in love with a completely different being drove him nuts.

Besides, it wasn't meant to be. He was just glad that finally someone appears in his life and became his true friend and companion.

Although it was the least he expected.

Jongin loved watching Kyungsoo paint. Sometimes, he bails on his work and takes Kyungsoo to vast terrains and molehills and watches him furrow his brows, observe his surroundings, before carefully placing the tip of his pencil on a piece of canvass.

Sometimes it takes minutes. Sometimes it takes hours. Jongin doesn't really mind. All he knew is when he's with Kyungsoo, he feels complete.

"Where do you go when you're not here?" Jongin asked one afternoon as he and Kyungsoo lounges around the balcony, the same one where they first met.

Kyungsoo cheerfully sipped his tea before answering.

"I don't think I'm in the position to tell you. Besides, you shouldn't have to know."

"Why me though..... Why not anybody else."

"Maybe because you were the only brave soul who talked to me?"

Jongin chuckles and clears his throat.

"Maybe......." he starts, but then forgets what he was about to say when he meets Kyungsoo's doe like eyes.

5 minutes later, Jongin watches in awe as Kyungsoo draws his 15th painting since their third meeting, wondering how such delicate fingers were able to make such miracles.

And that's when he remembers what he was about to say, as he looks at Kyungsoo working his wonders.

"Maybe we are meant to be." he whispers under his breathe.

Kyungsoo smiles.

Jongin gets lost in his eyes.

Their deep friendship has an extent though.

Jongin can't touch Kyungsoo, and vice versa. It made everything feel so right, yet incomplete.

Kyungsoo has tried hundreds and thousands of times to touch Jongin, even just  strand of hair but it always failed. Kyungsoo was transparent and he can't do anything about it.

It made Jongin a little bothered. He wanted to feel Kyungsoo's warm hands, he wanted to touch his fluffy hair, he wanted to run his fingers on the back of Kyungsoo's neck.

He started to think the impossible.

He likes Kyungsoo.

~

Kyungsoo likes watching Jongin sleep. It fascinates him how he couldn't do it now when it was so easy to fall into a deep pit of slumber before.

He rarely saw Jongin sleeping these past few days though, and it worried him.

"You should be resting instead of talking to me, Jongin." he always reminds.

Jongin nods in understanding but doesn't get up from his seat.

Kyungsoo can see how tired he was through his half lidded eyes. His shoulders were droopy, and the bags under his eyes grew so much ever since meeting Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo clicks his tongue and stops the story he was telling. It made Jongin surprised.

Usually when Kyungsoo tells his stories, he doesn't stop for an hour or so, but Jongin didn't mind it because he was interested in everything.

It's quite astonishing how he finished so quickly today.

Suddenly he felt a cold wind encricling him. It was all over him, but he never felt skin coming in contact with his body. Just a cold, chilly wind.

He opens his tired eyes and notices that Kyungsoo was holding onto his arm, well not actuallivey holding since his hand just seems to go right through him.

"Come on Jongin. Go to sleep." he smiles cheekily, making Jongin a bit flustered.

He was angry. He was angry that he can't be able to touch Kyungsoo, that he can't be able to hug him and grab his soft pale face and kiss his plump lips.

He stands up aggressively, much to Kyungsoo's surprise.

"What's wrong?"

Jongin faces the questioning male and tries to hold his hand. But all he ever held onto was air.

He tries to do it once again, punching air over and over again.

"Jongin what is wrong with you?" Kyungsoo asks once again, starting to feel a little peeved.

He tries to stop Jongin's angry arm thrashing, but he couldn't so he gave up and waited for him to tire himself out.

Kyungsoo was sad. He was sad that he couldn't do anything to calm Jongin down. Although he doesn't know what is happening, he feels sad that Jongin is behaving like this.

After a few minutes, Jongin stops abruptly and stares at Kyungsoo, whose eyes are starting to water.

"What's....... what's wrong, Jongin?" he tries to croak out.

Jongin felt guilty for making Kyungsoo worried, but he was mad. He was mad because Kyungsoo was so naive.

He doesn't know what Jongin was feeling, and all he ever cared about was his own happiness.

"Nothing." he says, stomping away and retreating to his room.

His mind was a mess. He didn't know what he was doing or why he was acting so strangely.

He was angry that he was so happy when he's with Kyungsoo, yet it always felt a little....... limited.

He never felt this happy in his whole existence. Even when he was out there, drinking and smoking and womanizing.

And it bothers him so much that now when everything in his life is finally turning out right, when he finally found someone that can make him alive, he can't fully be overjoyed with everything. Because it wasn't right. Their relationship wasn't right.

It was only Kyungsoo who managed to remove the heavy feeling in Jongin's heart. And he was good at that, and Jongin liked being with him all the time.

But whenever he thinks about what will happen in the future, and the fact that they were both distinctively different, it made him mad, and sad and hurt.

It hurts him because he's starting to love Kyungsoo so much that he couldn't bear think of letting him go.

He tried avoiding Kyungsoo the next day. Kyungsoo gave a cheerful grin and a "Good Morning, Jongin" but he ignored it, even though it was what he always looked forward to everyday.

Kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows, but didn't say anything more. After what happened the night before, he figured that he should distance himself for a while.

But he never really knew anything. He didn't know about pillows soaked in tears and shattered hearts and that sickening feeling in the gut.

And Jongin knows he will never ever know about it.

~

Jongin couldn't bear being with Kyungsoo for weeks. He feels sick whenever he sees him lounging around in the sofa, or when he's painting in the balcony, or when he's walking outside, the people oblivious to his presence.

He tried to avoid him at all costs, but it was Kyungsoo who always lingers near. He couldn't blame him because he doesn't know anything.

He's sick at the fact that he still wants Kyungsoo near, despite all that pain and anguish.

He knows he could just tell Kyungsoo what he feels, but it wasn't easy. And even if he did, it wouldn't change the fact that they were both different.

He goes normally to work once again, awake in the nights and sleeping in the mornings. He passes by Kyungsoo like he was air, but the other male doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he's happy that Jongin is finally back on track.

"It's okay if I won't be able to talk to you or interact with you Jongin, as long as I can see you everyday it's okay." he says cheerfully.

Jongin doesn't say a word and retreats to his room, clutching on his chest. It hurts even more than the fact that Kyungsoo wasn't human.

It hurts because Kyungsoo doesn't seem to care. He can't see the signs. He's a naive little boy who only cares about the happy things in life.

At the last weeks of spring, Jongin couldn't take it any longer. He stands up hastily and strides to his taxi, with angry tears streaming down his face.

It doesn't escape Kyungsoo's eyes. With furrowed brows and a worried look on his face, he tries to catch up and enters the taxi even before Jongin could start driving.

Jongin looks at him indifferently.

"What are you doing?"

"No Jongin. What are you doing? What is happening to you? To us? What's wrong these ast few days?"

Kyungsoo was itching to ask these questions for a long time, but he never had the chance to. Probably because Jongin was avoiding him.

He noticed it. He noticed everything. His drastic change, his avoidance, the fact that he can't even look at him in the eye anymore.

It made Kyungsoo frustrated. He wasn't some psychic ghost who can read people's minds. And he was mad that Jongin wasn't opening up to him.

"Get out Kyungsoo I want to be alone."

"No!"

Jongin's eyes widened and he stares at the man beside him. Kyungsoo was shaking so hard and his fists were balled up. He looked like he wanted to cry.

"Look, I know there's something going on. And I know it's about me."

Jongin stayed silent. Kyungsoo continued.

"Wouldn't it be better if you confronted me instead of doing these thi-"

He doesn't get to finish what he's saying as Jongin slams his foot on the gas and the car goes roaring out the open road.

Kyungsoo glances at Jongin and notices how red his eyes were and how he was clutching to the steering wheel vigorously. He sighs and leans his head on the headrest.

It made Jongin angrier. The fact that Kyungsoo doesn't even care about him dying because of how fast he's driving right now.

He drives even faster, ignoring the blasting horns and the cars that he could probably crash to. But still, Kyungsoo remains neutral. He shakes his head and sighs once again. Jongin chuckles.

"Would you even care if I die, Kyungsoo?" he whispers.

"I would."

"Then why aren't you doing anything? Why aren't you stopping me?"

"Because I know this is the only you can vent out your anger."

Jongin laughs a loud, miserable laugh.

"What a pathetic reason."

This time, Kyungsoo turns to him and frowns.

"If you just tell me what's wrong, I could help you."

"No. You know what, you can't help me. You know why? Because you're nothing but a ghost. You're nothing but a cold breeze who's worthless in this world. You just hang around and paint and tell nonsense stories. See? You can't even do because you're just........ a useless, nonexistent being. You're not even human, you're just a void."

Kyungsoo couldn't believe the words coming out of Jongin's mouth. He knew he was angry, and that all he's saying was out of anger, but still. It hurts.

It hurts because it's true. Because Kyungsoo really is a useless void.

In the blink of an eye, Kyungsoo disappears, making Jongin feel empty.

Jongin looks around in shock and doesn't notice an incoming car and in the process of avoiding it, his taxi hits a nearby post.

He lifts his head up and sees he doesn't have any injuries, not even a neck sprain and he lets his tears fall freely.

"!" he screams, hitting the steering wheel.

~

Kyungsoo hasn't visited for days and Jongin's hanging around the place. He's kind of satisfied that Kyungsoo's not around to bug him or mess his thoughts, or maybe that's what he wants to think.

He felt anger and remorse for making Kyungsoo disappear. It was as if he stopped feeling. He just sat all day on his bed, his head rested on the headboard, staring into space, or maybe staring in the space where Kyungsoo used to linger.

He hestitated to call out for him or find him. It wasn't because he was still mad. It was because he was afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid that he will look ridiculous.

But he has to admit that a small fragment of his entire being misses Kyugsoo, his touch (or more like that cold entity he leaves around Jongin), his face, his smile, the way he bites his lips when he's concentrating on his painting, the way he noisily sips his tea making Jongin cringe and him laugh.

He just misses him.

On the first week of winter, when the wind whistles loudly outside and the freezing temperature is enough to kill you, Jongin decided it wasn't right. It wasn't right to just laze around and just sit in his bed all day thinking about Kyungsoo when there's a world out there, a world full of real human beings whom he can be with. Maybe he was just that desperate for attention.

He chuckles at how he cries to himself at night. Because the hardest part of waking up in the morning is remembering what you're trying to forget. But that was before he was awakened. Maybe Kyungsoo came in his life to fix it, and not wreck it like what he's doing. Maybe he came in his life to make Jongin realize there's more to life than flashy cars and alcohol and girls and money and rusty old taxis driving around town every night, picking people up and dropping them off where they want to be.

Maybe Kyungsoo is dropping off Jongin on where he truly wants to be, where he's totally happy and alive.

But it wasn't easy. Nothing is ever easy. Sure he met awesome people, he met Sehun. But Sehun couldn't bring the life, the happiness, the bliss that Kyungsoo gave.

"Why are you so quiet, Jongin? Normally you'd bombard me of weird stories and kiss me till I fall asleep."

Jongin smiles as the younger man sits on his lap and wraps his arms around Jongin's neck.

"Sehun........ I'm sorry. Maybe I was just tired."

Sehun smiles, his stash of starchy pearly whites appearing making Jongin jealous of how cute of a human being he is. It has been exactly 8 months, 3 weks and 6 days since Kyungsoo disappeared and Jongin completely forgot about him. Or so he thinks.

Sometimes, during the deepest parts of the night, when Sehun was just sleeping so soundly on his bed, he'd wake up and go to the balcony. He'd have a cup of tea or two, and just sit there and reminisce. Because that's all he could ever do. Nothing is gonna bring Kyungsoo back. Maybe he's already in heaven. Maybe he's job of guarding over Jongin is finished.

Even so, it still makes Jongin feel somwhat uncomfortable that they had to separate that way. He knows he shouldn't have said those words to Kyungsoo. He shouldn't have made him cry. Maybe if he controlled his anger, things would've been different. Maybe he'd be loving Kyungsoo now.

His life was full of what ifs and maybes. It wasn't completely torn, but it wasn't complete either. The fear came back, maybe even doubled, but Jongin tries not to let it get to him. He knows only Kyungsoo can take away the fear, but of course, Kyungsoo is gone. And Jongin doesn't want to think about it too much because then he'd feel guilty all over again and wallow in sadness. He was happy that during those times where he breaks himself, Sehun is always there to patch him up and make him whole again.

But feelings never lie, and he knows Sehun wasn't enough.

~

Everything happened in a blur. Jongin doesn't know what he's doing as he lets go of Sehun's hold and runs off, chasing someone across the road. The other one seems to know he's being chased, so he continues running away, away from Jongin, away from the pain.

It was just a usual Sunday afternoon, Sehun suggesting that Jongin should get some fresh air because he knows he's tired of working all night and he needs a break. Jongin agrees, partly because of Sehun's cute aegyo, and they went out to their favorite park and hung out and chilled. Everything was going so smoothly, but then Jongin's perpipheral vision sees a hint of a face, a face he could remember forever, a face that he has longed to see.

The figure notices this and briskly walks away, much to Jongin's displeasure. He lets go of Sehun's tight grasp and runs, leaving Sehun furrowing  his brows in confusion.

"Jongin where are you going!" he screams, but doesn't get a reply. And for the first time in their relationship, Sehun felt devastated.

Jongin doesn't seem to care, as he continues to chase this someone, bumping into people and never minding to apologize. He catches up to the other but figures he couldn't be able to grasp him, since he's just made out of thin air. To his surprise, hi finger holds a piece of fabric and he immediately pulls it, wrapping his arms around the smaller man's body and placing his chin on the top of his head. He can hear the other wheezing and sniffing, and he closes his eyes and sighs.

"I missed you Kyungsoo."

Kyungsoo replies by nodding, although the pain in his chest doesn't seem to go away. It was a miracle that he feels pain, because dead people never feel pain. They stopped feeling pain the moment they die.

"Talk to me. Tell me what happenedd."

"I left. Well, that's what you thought, but I was always there. I have always been there. Because i don't want to bother you anymore, I don't want to be a useless, worthless voi-"

Kyungsoo doesn't get to finish his sentence as Jongin holds the sides of his face and slams his lips onto his. He closes his eyes and responds, knowing that they both feel the same way.

"Listen to me." Jongin pants as he tears away, leaning his forehead on Kyungsoo's, "I love you. And I wasn't brave enough to say it. So I chose to be closed off. I chose to say hurtful things to you. But in reality, it was all thrown back at me. Kyungsoo, when you're hurt, I'm hurting too. And I have been an . I'm sorry."

"But our love doesn't make sense at all."

"Love doesn't have to make sense. There just has to be two people who will make it happen. And those two people are us."

"But...... Sehun......"

Jongin lets a tear fall as he gulps down some saliva and kisses Kyungsoo again, and it was as if his soul that turned dark as ashes was starting to clear up, making it a white wall that's about to get painted on with new hopes and dreams.

Because his dream has always been Kyungsoo. And now he gets him.

Like a man who can't see things properly, Jongin begins to love two men at the same time. It wasn't technically called being a because Kyungsoo was never alive in the first place, but Jongin feels bad because it seemed like he was just using Sehun. Becuae he knows that if Kyungsoo leaves and never comes back, he always has Sehun. He's just tired of being alone.

He hugs Sehun and makes love to Kyungsoo. He kisses Sehun goodbye and laughs with Kyungsoo. This was something he calls a perfect life.

But all perfect things don't have happy endings. He managed to have come across one of his old friends, Kris, as he was picking up customers on his taxi.

"Hey....... You're Jongin right? The one who's always so wild and trashy?" these were the first words he said as he enters the taxi.

Jongin wrinkles his brows at him and realizes something before looking at him surprised, his mouth forming into an O shape.

"Kris? That model guy who always seems to trump me? Oh my god how are you!"

"I'm glad you remembered me, dude. I'm doing fine. I figured the modelling life really wasn't for me so I just went on and became an architect. I design some great buildings in Seoul. Guess it goes the same for you as well huh?"

Jongin nods and sighs. "The modelling world will eat you and gobble you up until you realize it's just a ed up world."

Kris seems to agree with what he said. The whole car ride was silent, and at the middle of opening the radio, Kris stops Jongin. He looked so serious and suddenly, the small compartment feels stuffy Jongin felt like he could choke.

"Hey Jongin....... So how are you? I heard the police found the body....... How did you managed to escape? Is that why you moved apartments?"

"What body?" Jongin asks, feeling even more stuffier as the time passes. It was as if an invisible presence was choking him and it makes him want to vomit.

"Wait, you don't remember? Like anything at all?"

Jongin shakes his head and Kris stares into a distance, as if contemplating something.

"I guess it's best if you go back to your old apartment. There's still some stuff there you haven't picked up. Maybe they can help you remember."

He shudders at the sudden chill. He hasn't come back to his apartment for a long time and just the thought of going back sent goosebumps all over his body.

He slowly nods and lets Kris off at his spot. They got each other's cellphone numbers and bid farewell. But the stuffy feeling that Kris brought doesn't seem to have left.

~

He holds into Sehun's hand and clutches the steering wheel, unsure of whether to come out or not.

"Come on Jongin, let's go." Sehun begins to open the car door but Jongin stops him.

"No wait! You stay here. It wouldn't take long, I'll just have to get some boxes."

Sehun looked unsure, because Jongin was starting to turn pale and he was sweating profusely but he noded slowly and let him off the car.

Kyungsoo follows Jongin all the way up the stairs, and Jongin was holding onto him so tightly that if Kyungsoo had actual bones they could have been broken by now. It was also so weird how Kyungsoo's facial expressions seemed sinister, like he was so serious about something. Jongin doesn't mind it and continues to trudge the stairs until his feet took him to the front of his old apartment. He hastily gets the key from his pocket and turns the knob, letting the musty smell take over him.

The apartment seemed so calm, but it definitely needs cleaning because there were lots of cobwebs and dust. Jongin sees a bunch of boxes huddled in a corner and he hesitantly goes near it, never letting go of Kyungsoo. There seems to be torn newspapers surrounding it but Jongin doesn't seem to mind it as he picks the boxes up and proceeds outside. But something inside the box caught his attention.

It was a bunch of medical papers and come clippings from different newspapers, and some teared pages of what seemed to be laboratory books and encyclopedias. He puts the boxes down and slowly lifts one of the medical papers, reading it aloud to Kyungsoo who was sitting by the corner.

"Kim Jongin, diagnosed by Dissociative identity disorder, must immediately recieve treatment on the 21st of October, 2001." He must be 15 years old this time.

He looks at Kyungsoo with wide eyes and a questioning face. Kyungsoo just looks at him in return but doesn't speak. He picks up a news clipping that has "DEAD BODY FOUND IN HAN RIVER" printed in it in large, bold letters. He gulps as he reads it.

"A dead body inside a black trash bag of a somewhat 22 year old man was seen floating around the Han river. Its arms and legs were tied up with a rope and its face was wrapped in duct tape. Witnesses say that a black maserati have seemed to run over it, and tossed the dead body in the river. No one knows who the criminal is, but it is said that the plate number of the black maserati is 9372. Police are investigating the case."

The other clippings seemed to have the same news articles as this and Jongin questions on why he has these things kept with him. He then picks up a picture of him leaning on a black car making a peace sign, and beside him was Kris and their other model friends, Zitao, Suho and Luhan, but his face looked like it was carved off with a cutter. He look at the car's plate number and almost wets his pants. It was 9372. He also sees a bunch of ropes and some duct tape, and pink gloves that has dried up blood all over it.

"I....... I killed somebody? And without me knowing?" he shakily asks Kyungsoo, tears streaming down his face. He doesn't mean to not remember it, it was because he has an illness. He feels bad that he wasn't able to do anything. He figures out this was the reason why he was always scared of things. He doesn't remember it, but it has in some way became part of his system, because memories fade but the heart always remembers.

One news clipping catches his attention. It was a picture of a man, and above it was a news article "DEAD MAN IN HAN RIVER HAS BEEN IDENTIFIED". 

"The dead man is said to be 22 year old Do Kyungsoo residing in Eunpyeong District in Seoul. His parents said he just went out to get some art supplies and they couldn't believe he was dead the next morning. "He had big dreams, he wanted to explore the world and be a great artist, but it has all been shattered.", Do's mother declares. Investigations are still on going, as the said to be vehicle that was used to kill Do was found smashed to pieces in an abandoned dump."

It was as if a camera flashes before his eyes and he was taken back to the past. He was piss drunk and high from all the drugs he took and he never thought about where he was going as he drives in the city, accelerating minute by minute. He was so amused by the thrill that he doesn't notice a man passing by, knocking him off the ground. He hurriedly gets out of the car and chants "!" over and over again, pacing back and forth not knowing what to do. He grabs some rope, duct tape and a pair of gloves from hi trunk and begins his masterpiece, or that was what his mind wants him to think.

After a while he wraps the dead man up in a black trash bag and tosses him out of his might in the river nearby, dusting his hands as if he'd done a wonderful job of disposing something. he puts the evidences of his crime on a separate plastic bag and drives off as if nothing happened. Along the way he calls Kris, whom he just met a couple of hours ago along with their friends, Zitao, Luhan and Suho and openly tells him his crime. Kris freaks out and tells him to get out of the car and leave it somewhere so no one will suspect it was him who killed. He obeys and picks up a polaroid on his car's compartment and the plastic bag of evidences and leaves the car in an abandoned dump.

Jongin opens his eyes in horror and comes face to face with Kyungsoo, who is now sitting a few inches infront of him. More tears streamed down his face as he realizes what he had done.

"I........ I..... was the one....... who k..... killed you......"

Kyungsoo's face remained stoic, but he nods. Jongin feels like he's going to be sick in the stomach and he places a hand in front of his mouth. He kneels downs in front of Kyungsoo and bows his head, his face touching the cold hard floor.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know what I was doing I ed up! I broke my life and I took you with it! I broke you up too and I'm sorry I'm so ing sorry Kyungsoo!"

Kyungsoo doesn't utter a word, but a single tear rolled down his porcelain face.

It was as if Jongin had became like a crazy maniac, laughing hysterically while crying, looking at Kyungsoo with awe.

"You want to be even with me? ha ah aha ahahahaha! come on punch me! Do whatever! You can even kill me of you want!"

Kyungsoo remains silent.

"COME ON KYUNGSOO ING TALK!"

Still no response.

Jongin looks around and sees a gun inside the box and he grabs hold of it immediately, positioning it on his hard head.

A gun shot was heard. People screamed. A trail of blood flows on the white floor, towards Kyungsoo's white pants. He Jongin's head that was rested on his lap and sighs.

"This was what I was waiting for. I was supposed to stop you from doing this."

Jongin layed there, not breathing.

"But my hatred for you seemed to have overpowered the love I felt."

Sehun barges in the room and sees Jongin lying on the floor, a trail of blood above his head.

"I'm sorry, Jongin." Kyungsoo says one last time before disappearing into thin air.

~

                       They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing,
 

                                                                              and a second time a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time...

a/n: I'm so sorry for failing.