"If you didn’t gobble it all at once, it wouldn’t be."

He gives Youngjae a deep elbow to the side — well, as much as he can be bothered to while munching on chocolate. Jae can be so insensitive sometimes.

"I told you, I can’t enjoy it in tiny squares like you do. Once you have one — don’t you want more of it?" Daehyun knows Youngjae’s middle name is Moderation, but that doesn’t mean he understands it. "That sweetness, creaminess, that sinful dark richness? The way it melts and pools in your mouth and promises so much! … But before you know it, it’s gone, and your stomach doesn’t feel full or satisfied.”

Daehyun should know. He once, as an experiment, ate all the chocolate it took to give him that pleasant fullness rice did. Five 500g bars later, he decided there werereasons why there wasn’t a dish called bibimchocolate. Good reasons.

Youngjae regards him with an appraising gaze. He looks like he’s about to say something snarky, then turns back to his book. 

Daehyun may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but he isn’t stupid. He saw Jae’s expression before it was hidden. He’d just been judged to be an idiot. 

Youngjae can be so insensitive sometimes. Daehyun swings his fringe and huffs. It’s not like he hates Youngjae; he loves him. No one can save him from himself like Youngjae can. He can’t count the times he’s offended someone without meaning to, just to have Youngjae glide in and make peace. He can’t count the times when classmates made fun of his accent, and Youngjae purposely clowned around to take the attention off him. He can’t count the nights in their dorm when he was wracked with homesickness, and Jae sat by his bedside, hands folded neatly, listening to Daehyun blubber. 

Youngjae is indispensable. But he still has no damned right to judge Daehyun like that.

It isn’t Daehyun’s fault he can’t top the class without trying like Youngjae can. It isn’t his fault he can’t think before he acts like Youngjae can, nevermind how hard he tries. It’s not his fault he can’t achieve like Youngjae does. Classmates, teachers — everyone looks up to bright, promising Yoo Youngjae. Everyone thinks his goof-off of a friend will never amount to much. He feels feelings boil from his gut like he’s a kettle, sat on a fire for too long. 

It all makes him hit Youngjae on the arm. 

"What?"

"You think I’m an idiot. I know you do."

Youngjae rolls his eyes and looks away. “Don’t be a girl.” He looks back at Daehyun. “Where is your girl, anyway?”

Daehyun feels his face heat up. “She’s not mine,” he mumbles. “She’s very far from mine.”

"You sure?" Youngjae shoves a -eating grin in his face. "Didn’t sound like it."

The burning has reached Daehyun’s ears. He so wishes he could hide behind a mask right now.

Han Sunhwa is a senior: tall, slim, pale and beautiful. Too beautiful for words. And against all odds, she seemed to be interested in Daehyun.

"Busan Wonbin," Jae sing-songs, teasingly. "Busan Kim Tae Hee."

That had been one incident. Daehyun can still feel his skin burn from the shoulder Sunhwa pressed into him that day. There was another time — his phone woke him up. Suddenly there was Sunhwa’s voice saying over and over that she liked him inthat way. He stuttered like a in response. Then he went to class in a daze, only to find that the seniors had been playing a dumb drinking game. But Sunhwa’s eyes sparkled at him that morning, in a way they never had before.

And then, last month, at the inter-school sports meet, he found himself under an umbrella with her. She leaned backwards to talk to him. Further back, Daehyun thought, than was necessary. Her hair brushed his shoulder. Her perfume wafted his way. He inched closer, heart beating, until he was sheltering her slight body with his own. She didn’t move away.

Daehyun had -all experience with girls. But even he dared to think there might be something up. 

And so here he was, waiting on the bench outside her class. To ask her to the school dance.

"Here’s your Tae Hee," Jae sings.

Daehyun snaps out of it to find Sunhwa standing in front of him in her stupefying glory. Wow. A little advance warning, Jae?

"Daehyunnie," she says. (Daehyun dies a little inside to hear her call him that.) "Youngjae."

“‘Sup, Sunhwa,” Youngjae says.

"Sun — "

"Youngjae-ah!" Sunhwa says sharply, cutting Daehyun off. "You haven’t given me an answer."

"I didn’t? I told Himchan to tell you we could do that duet." Jae is in choir with Sunhwa. One of many reasons to envy him.

"Good." She smiles a devilish smile. "I heard you do things in studios with noonas."

"Sorry?" Youngjae smiles politely. Daehyun knows Jae well enough to know his poker face. Jae doesn’t like his ex being brought up. Also, what is Sunhwa talking about? 

"Yah! Yoo Youngjae. You are the most oblivious guy ever." She harrumphs, delicately. "Why don’t you come to the dance with me? We can discuss the duet. And your obliviousness."

What the — what?

Daehyun can’t — he, he, he doesn’t know what to do. And that isn’t unusual, Jung Daehyun being a stupid useless braindead moron, except the one guy who could, who would even be bothered to save him every single time, has just been —

Daehyun feels feelings like bile boil up to his throat again, and he flees.

~ 

"Dae."

Daehyun is sitting outside the school hall. The place that, for one magical night in a year, turned into the ballroom he’d planned for weeks to ask Sunhwa to. 

He is apparently downright predictable in his moping, because it’d taken Jae ten minutes to find him. Youngjae sits down too. Daehyun finds he doesn’t want to look.

"I turned her down," Jae says, as coolly as if he were talking about rain.

Daehyun feels his eyes pop out of his head. “What the ? What the ing , man??? The hottest girl in school!” He shakes Youngjae. “The hottest girl in school!!”

Jae chuckles. He spreads his arms in mock magnanimity. “Bros before hos, right?” He smiles so the outer corners of his eyes fold and his teeth are half his face. “There are plenty of girls. I think I might ask Amber, from my Toastmasters group? She’s interesting. She’s not afraid to be herself. I think that’s crucial in a person.”

Daehyun doesn’t know what to address, the first HUGE thing Youngjae said, or the second huge thing Youngjae said. He opts for the second, because it doesn’t make his heart beat as fast.

"Then — why do you like me?"

Youngjae looks surprised. “Huh?” he says.

"Why do you like me?" Daehyun repeats. "I can’t think of anyone more afraid to be himself than me."

"But why, Daehyun? You’re the coolest person I know."

Daehyun feels the feelings bubble up again. But they’re different now. They’re not so much hot as warm, not so much sour as soft and rich. Just like chocolate, in all but one vital aspect. Daehyun burrows, suddenly, into Youngjae’s side. 

Youngjae flinches, but Daehyun swings his arms out and holds him down. He feels Jae tense for a second before Jae relaxes back into him.

"Girls are such fleeting pleasures," he says, his voice sounding muffled through Youngjae’s shoulder. "It’s lucky I have you."

Daehyun waits. No response. As usual. 

After a moment he dares lift his head — just a little, so Jae won’t see — and takes a peek.

Youngjae isn’t looking back at him. That much was expected. 

But unlike all those times Jae pondered rocket science, or whatever it was geniuses frowned at — there’s a smile on his face. Genuine, steady, beautiful. Just like Jae himself.

Daehyun pushes his face into Youngjae’s shoulder, afraid to scare that secret smile away.