I pushed open the stiff door right at the back of the hall, my hands flicking the light switch that I had no trouble finding. The room was filled with unused yet treasured items; old albums, childhood toys, high school yearbooks and, of course, that dust coated box at the corner of the room.

A smile unknowingly spread across my lips as I walked towards the package that I once softly wrapped. Gently letting my fingers linger on its lid for a moment, I slid the box out and placed it on the space in front of me as I sat down.

I lightly positioned my fingers on the edges of the lid but stopped when I realised that, under this coffee coloured cardboard, lay all the memories that we shared as one. The memories that were never forgotten and always remained deep inside of me. The memories full of tears, smiles, frustration, anger and laughter but not one trace of regret seeped through the cracks. The memories that I could play like an endless movie inside my head like it all happened yesterday.

I lifted the lid, immediately spotting the plain black scrapbook that was messily put together. I liked it the way it was though. Not once did I ever think about fixing it up to look presentable because it was nothing but perfect as it was. It turned the hard covered book, the first page already telling the stories of our past together. There he was, his naturally pink lips curved up into a mischievous smile as he had his arms locked under my neck.

1997, first day of school. (I was taller than the giant at this age)

I chuckled at the written note behind the photo before it slipped out of my hand, landing inside the box once more. I shut the scrapbook closed and reached for the photo, turning to slip it back into the book when something caught my eye. I slowly placed the photo on top of the shut scrapbook, my eyes still remained locked with stack of worn-out envelopes positioned at the side of the box, a CD placed on top of it.

I picked up the CD on top of the pile.

091211

Days and days after it all started…

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"… happy birthday dear Chanyeol~ Happy birthday to you!"

I smiled widely as my friends ended the song, their faces painted with anticipation.

"Well, come on now! Make a wish!" Suho told me and I looked down at the seventeen candles placed on the cake. I shut my eyes and muttered a silent wish before blowing them all out in one go. Cheers filled the room and I couldn't wipe the grin off my face.

"Chan, can you come here for a second?"

I turned around as Baekhyun tugged at the sleeve of my sweater. I nodded and followed him to the back of the house. I asked him if something was wrong and he responded with a weak shake of his head. He took out something small from his back pocket and reached for my hand. He placed it on my palm and wrapped my fingers around the item, our gazes still locked.

"Happy birthday Chan," he let out softly and I chuckled, pulling him in for a hug. I felt his arms wrap around my waist as I the brown coloured hair that I loved. "Aren’t you going to open it?" his muffled voice against my chest was heard and I looked at the small black chest my hand held. I lifted the lid up and I had to let out a small gasp at the identical items inside it. "Baek!" I hit his shoulder lightly, "You know I'm the one supposed to getting us these things." Baekhyun turned so he had his back facing to me, still inside the circle of my arms before he took out the two silver rings.

"I know," he said before giving me a annoyed look, jokingly, "But it was taking you a long time to do so." I pouted at his complaint and took the rings from his hands, "What do you mean it was taking a long time?" I slipped one ring into his finger and the other in mine before connecting our foreheads together, "We have all the time in the world, baby." He immediately wrapped his arms around my waist and I figured he was hiding his flustered face again. I cooed at his shyness, his locks of brown hair once again. His hug tightened and I looked down on him, my eyebrows knitted together.

"Hey," I spoke, "Are you sure nothing's wrong?" Being a couple for more than a year and best friends years before that, I knew every little sign his moves spoke. He didn’t look back up at me and worry weighed on my heart. I called his name again and gently pushed his shoulders. Something was definitely wrong, I knew it.

As I was about to remove his arms from my waist, his quiet voice made my limbs numb. It was different from his the voice I heard just a moment ago and it felt eerie as it rang through my ears. Before I could respond, he pulled away, clearing his throat.

He apologised, telling me he just missed me. I told him that I was beside him every single day, so what was really there to miss? He shook his head again and his lips curved into a smile that created a sharp pain in my heart.

It didn’t reach his eyes. It never did not reach his eyes. The smiles that would turn those brown orbs I found myself getting lost in into crescent moon shapes that created tiny wrinkles on the corners of his eyes. Where had they gone? This smile… Not once had I ever seen it before. And not once would I like to see it again.

I didn’t say anything though, telling myself that he was only tired because of the long day we shared together. I nodded, and s my arm around his waist, kissing the top of his head before walking back into the living room.

What I never would've thought was that he was way past tired.

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Baekhyun and I shared almost every single hour with each other the next week. He was a lot more touchy and he didn’t shy away whenever I initiated skinship. He even made the first move at times. We would spend each day just walking around, hand in hand as we shared endless conversations about the most odd topics. Our days would end with us cuddling on the couch with our fingers entwined, watching another movie we never paid attention to until we ended up in deep slumber.

"Hey, Baek," I called out to him one night as we sat on the steps in front of his house. He hummed a response, snuggling closer in my arms. "Winter's coming," I said, tightening my grasp around him, "There's going to be snow again." I felt him grin, "I know."

"Where do you want to go this year?" I asked him, gently rubbing my thumbs against his shoulders.

He was silent for a while before speaking, "I think I just want to stay home this year."

I looked at him in surprise, "Really? What's so special about here though?"

"It's our home, Chan. That's more than special." Baekhyun whispered. I let out a chuckle, kissing his head, "If you say so."

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That day I went to the hospital to visit Baekhyun's mother. She was a well known doctor and I realised I hadn't seen her for a while. I patiently sat at the waiting room with a basket full of food, looking around for any signs of her. After waiting for more than half an hour, I went to the front desk, deciding to ask for her instead.

A loud crash behind me was heard and I stopped at mid sentence, turning around to see what was happening. A wheelchair was turned over and nurses were fussing around. I caught a glimpse of brown hair disappear behind the wall and I figured it was a scared patient trying to escape. I mentally shrugged and looked back at the lady, only to spot Mrs Byun leaving her office. I called out to her and she looked up from her clipboard, an unreadable expression passing her face before smiling. She was always the accepting kind of mother. As soon as she heard about our relationship, she didn’t hesitate to accept it and treated me no different.

As soon as I was in front of her, she pulled me in for a motherly hug. I asked her where she was heading and I remember her slightly stuttering on her words before telling me it was her break time. I handed her the basket of food and she thanked me for it before a nurse came running towards her.

"H-He…" she choked out, cold sweat forming on her forehead. Mrs Byun immediately started to panic, her expression completely changing, "Chan sweetie. I'm sorry, b-but I have to go." She turned to follow the nurse when I held onto her wrist, "Do you need help?" She shook her head and twisted my grip off of her, "Sorry."

I remember not giving up, "I can help. I'm learning about medicine. Please, let me come with you." She spun around, "No, Chanyeol! No! Stay here like I said!" I froze as she sent me an apologetic look. She never once shouted at me. Not even when I was a 6 year old kid throwing a tantrum or when I didn’t get something I wanted. Why… Why would she suddenly shout for something like this?

I nodded, "I understand. I-I'm sorry to trouble you. You s-seem to be busy today," I bowed. She reached out for me, "Chan, I'm sorry. Just-" "No, it's okay," I interrupted, not meaning to be rude, "I came here unexpected really. It's my fault. I'll see you soon, Mrs Byun."

I bowed once again before leaving the hospital.

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Baekhyun wasn't at school for three days. He didn’t tell me why and when I called him, I was just brought to voicemail. I tried not to worry and I kept telling myself he was just probably caught a small flu or of some sort but I just couldn’t ignore the pulling at my heart.

He always answers his phone. Always.

But why not now?

I went over to Baekhyun's house straight after school that day, knowing I wasn’t patient enough to wait for the next morning. Usually, I would've just walked right in like it was my own house, but at that moment, I felt like I would've intruded.

I jogged up the steps and knocked on his door, digging my hands into the pockets of my pants. There was no answer, not even a slight shuffle of movement behind the door and that’s when I started to panic. I knocked again, calling out his name and there was still no answer. I dialled the number I knew off by heart and waited for his voice to tell me I was acting crazy.

I grabbed the rock beside the door and flipped the base of it, expecting a silver key to fall out. It didn’t. My breath hitched at the back of my throat. He always left a key there, no matter what. He knew that's how I got into his house so he would never take it out.

I dropped the rock and slammed my hands on his front door, shouting out his name.

Three days. Three days without seeing him and no one knew where he went or how to contact him. Now there was no sign of him inside his own house. I knew I was disturbing neighbours but that was the least of my worries at that moment.

"...Chan? What are you doing here?"

I spun around and I felt anger fill me when I saw Baekhyun standing in front of me.

"You idiot!" I shouted, before I walked up to him, "Do you know how much you worried me!? You disappeared from the face of the earth for three days! No calls, no texts. Nothing, Baek!"

Baekhyun stepped back, shocked, "I w-was just sick, I d-didn't mea-"

"If you were sick, then why are you outside!" I shouted, "If you died out here then what would I do? Huh!? Do you even think about how much you worry people?!"

Baekhyun looked surprised at my outburst, "I'm sorry. I d-didn’t want to worry you for such a small thing but I didn’t realise I made you worry even more."

I felt tears form in my eyes and I looked away, embarrassed.

"Hey, Chan. I'm sorry, I really didn’t mean to worry you," I felt Baekhyun hug my waist, resting his head on my chest. "You idiot… Don’t you dare leave me again. I have no idea what I'd do without you." I told him, "I really… really don’t…"

---------------------------------------------

"Ahh. The air feels so good!" Baekhyun giggled as he ran around the park. The night was coming to an end but the both of us were still roaming around the streets enjoying each others company.

Baekhyun sat down on the swing set, pushing him self off the ground with his feet. I threw him a can of juice before sitting down on the swing next to him. I opened my drink and placed it against my mouth before an orange can appeared in front of me. I looked at Baekhyun and he was pouting, his eyes resembling a puppy's.

"Channie, I cant open it," he spoke in a voice which was a pitch higher and I rolled my eyes with a smile.

"What would you do without me Baek?" I shook my head teasingly as I opened his can with ease. He made a face and dramatically looked away after taking his drink, "Meanie."

"Baekkie~" I cooed and he gave me a look. "You can't persuade anyone with that kind of voice," he nagged, "Higher pitch." I tried again, making my voice higher.

"Higher!" he said. I tried once again, forcing a dolphin like tone out of my throat.

"Okay, now you just look like a demented troll," he teased and I hit his shoulder in response. He let out another giggle and I couldn’t help but smile.

Silence filled us that night as we just both stared at the sky above us.

"Chan…" Baekhyun started, making me look at him. His expression changed from before. It was… serious again. I barely ever saw the Baekhyun like this and I didn’t like it. He didn’t speak for a moment and I was about to poke his sides when he said something unexpected.

"I have stomach cancer."

I froze, my forgotten drink falling to ground, spilling out its contents.

"W-What?" I choked out. He didn’t look at me but continued "It's still in the early stages so there's a possibility they can still remove it."

"B-Baek… I-" "I'll have to go to America though," he interrupted, "They said it would be quicker to remove it there."

"Baek, no," I told him, "You are not going to America." Baekhyun ignored me, "I'm leaving tomorrow."

I grabbed his shoulders, turning him to face me, "Baek, no! You are not leaving!"

His hand found its way to my cheek and he connected our foreheads together, "I'm not leaving you, Chan. I'll be right here, I promise."

"But you saw how even three days without you did to me!" I shouted in a whisper, "Baek, please. Don’t go. There's treatment here. I don’t care how long it takes. I just don’t want you to go through this alone."

"Chan, I'll get better and… I'll come back, okay?" Baekhyun told me, "It'll only be for a few weeks. I'll write to you once every two days. I'll be back and we can be together until we grow old, okay?"

I in a breath and nodded, tousling his hair. He abruptly pulled away, taking my hands off his head and I stared at him. "Is something wrong Baek?" I asked him and he immediately shook his head.

"Lets not think about that for now, okay?" Baekhyun smiled, taking my hand in his, "For now, lets just act like the 5 year old kids we are."

I rolled my eyes at my boyfriend but agreed silently.

No matter how long I have to wait, I'll do it if Baekhyun wants me to.

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I ran to the mail box one morning, a smile spread across my face as I knew it was the day Baekhyun's letter came. I took out the plain, coffee coloured envelope and hurriedly opened it, sliding the white paper out. I unfolded it and the smile on my face only grew wider as I read.

To my happy virus,

Are you doing well? You’re doing well, right? It's really cold here. I'm at the hospital and all I see is white, white, white and white. Oh, and they said that the treatment is working like it should. So, be happy okay? Don’t worry about me too much and eat regularly. Even though you are the 'man' in this relationship, I am still older than you so listen to what I say as a hyung to a dongsaeng. Keep smiling, Chan, and don’t miss hyung too much!

From, Baekhyun hyung.

I chuckled at his emphasis on hyung and put the paper back in the envelope before placing on the shelf.

The letters kept coming. Every two days, I would receive a letter from Baekhyun and he would always tell me about how he was doing and nag at me teasingly. He had told me he wouldn’t be home for Christmas and I felt sad, but it was his decision to go there so I told myself that it was alright.

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On Christmas morning, no letter came. I thought Baekhyun would've sent me one especially on this day but nothing came. Night time was approaching and I couldn’t help but feel alone when I usually had Baekhyun with me. The doorbell rang and my eyebrows knitted. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be here.

Despite that, I opened the door and I met eyes with Mrs Byun.

"Oh, Mrs Byun," I blinked, "What brings you here?"

She looked at me and I noticed her eyes were glistening with tears. I straightened, "Are you alright? Do you want to come in or-" "No," she interrupted, shaking her head, "I just- I just didn’t think you deserved getting this through mail."

I was about to ask her what she meant when she took out a small package from inside her jacket, handing it over to me.

"He said to just give it by mail, but I couldn’t Chanyeol. I just couldn’t." a tear fell from her eyes, "I'm sorry. Please… d-don’t hate him." She turned to leave and I was left there, face mixed with confusion and worry.

I looked don’t at the rectangular package in my hand before I shut the door. I opened it up and realised it was a small CD. I placed it in the DVD player and pressed play.

Baekhyun came up on the screen in a hospital outfit, his brown hair tousled. I straightened, my full attention on the screen now.

"Is it on?" he asked, squinting his eyes, "Oh, its on." I let out a chuckle.

"Hey Chanyeol," he smiled, "I'm in hospital like I said." He just stared at the camera for a minute and I sat in silence, wondering why. He looked away, his smile fading, "Or more like what I will say." I heard him let out a sob and I couldn’t help but feel worry rise up in me. Why was he crying?

"Chan," he looked back at the camera, "I lied." My eyebrows furrowed and I watched as he reached out to his hair before pulling it off his head. My eyes widened as I saw the wig in his hands.

"I'm bald as you can see," he let out a dry laugh, putting the wig beside him, "My stomach cancer was already on stage 3 when I found out. They said there was almost no possibility of getting me treated so I just had to accept it." Tears were already spilling out of my eyes as he continued on.

"I didn’t tell you… I couldn’t tell you Chan. It was too much to risk that smile of yours." he looked up, a fail attempt to get rid of his tears as I saw one trickle down the side of his face.

"I asked my mum to put letters inside your mail box after I died so by the time you've seen this, I'm probably already up there." he put on a bitter smile, "I'm sorry if I couldn’t say goodbye in person. It's cruel of me but its easier if it's like this." I choked out a sob, using my sleeve to wipe the tears falling.

"I love you, Chan. Please, remember that," his voice was out of breath but he continued, "Please continue on with life. I'm not asking you to forget me, but please don’t hold on to me. Love someone else out there. Do all the things you wanted to do with me with him. Go on dates with him, marry him and even grow old with him. Promise me you'll be happy, okay?"

"How do you expect me to forget you like this?" I whispered tears falling to my hands.

"Chan, I'll always be there, okay? That's the one promise I can keep." he spoke, "My best friend, my other half, my first and last… I will always be there, Chanyeol. I promise, that even if you love someone, marry someone else and even grow old with someone else, I'll never stop loving my dorky boyfriend."

The video ended and my vision was completely blurred by the tears covering my eyes. I remember the first time I confessed, I remember the first time we held hands, the first time we kissed and the first time I told him I loved him. I wished I could've just spent his last moments with him and only him but I knew that he was already gone.

Through my glossy eyes, I looked out the window and saw small snowflakes falling down as they coated the roads in white.

Baekhyun, are you doing this? I always told you that you resembled snow. Falling ever so gently onto the ground and as harmless as it can get. It always brought a smile to my lips no matter what happened, you knew that… but you didn’t know loosing you was an exception, Baek.

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I placed the items back into the box, letting out a small sigh.

Byun Baekhyun. My best friend, first love and a person that will always have a place in my heart. I miss you, Baek… I slid the box back into it's place, letting my fingers drum on its lid.

Arms wrapped around my waist and a voice whispered in my ears, "Are you trying to make me jealous again, Yeol?"

I giggled, turning around to wrap my arms around his neck, "You get jealous way too easily, Kris."

He pecked my lips, "I know. But only cause its you." I rolled my eyes at his grease before he took my hand in his, turning towards the box, "You miss Baekhyun, don’t you Yeol?" I nodded, resting my head on his shoulder. He chuckled, ruffling my hair, "Well, I guess he knows too since its starting to snow outside."

I brightened, turning towards him, "Its snowing?!" Kris nodded and I instantly pulled him out of the room.

"Whoa! Yeol, slow down!" he shouted as I dragged him outside of the house.

"Oh my gosh, it’s so pretty!" I giggled, touching the falling snowflakes. An idea came to mind and I bent down, forming a snowball with the snow. I hid it behind my back and I innocently called out to Kris. He looked over, oblivious to the situation and I threw the snow ball at him. Hard.

He groaned and chased after me, throwing me over his shoulders as he spun me around.

We laughed, played and just enjoyed our time under the falling snow, knowing that Baekhyun was watching over us with a smile on his face.