“Oppa, mianhae…”

These words felt too habitual to her now.  It seemed like every time she found a boy she liked, it fell apart all too quickly.  It was like a cycle.  She would get excited about a boy easily, and life would be butterflies and giggles for weeks, but it wouldn’t last.  As soon as they actually started dating, it would only go downhill from there.

“I just…don’t like you that much anymore.  I’m really sorry!”  She bowed apologetically, squeezing her eyes shut and blushing a vibrant shade of magenta.

Her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend, as of twelve seconds ago) ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.  “It’s okay.  I kind of saw it coming.”

“I’m sorry…”

She had a bit of a reputation for her ‘curse’.  Every time, she thought she’d finally found her cure.  Every time, she’d be completely sure those feelings couldn’t possibly fade.  And every time, the breakup deepened the emptiness inside her heart.  But her tears wouldn’t even fall anymore.  They’d dried up along with her hopes of ever having a normal high school romance.

These days she was mostly left alone at school.  Boys tended to steer clear, because they knew if they got too close their friendship would be ruined by a fleeting love, doomed from the start.  Girls avoided her because they either hated her guts, having labeled her the school , or just didn’t want boys to think her curse had rubbed off on them.

“Soojung-ah, what do I do?  At this rate I’ll be lonely for the rest of my life!” she whined, pouting and leaning on Soojung’s shoulder.  “I don’t wanna die an old maid!  I wanna get married and stuff just like everyone else!”

Jung Soojung was her best friend of eight years (or maybe it was nine, or eleven, but who cares?  It was pretty much forever).  She was the only person who had stuck by her side through all her ‘curse’ drama, even when she got so depressed she skipped school.  Soojung was as close to a model student as anyone could get in this day and age, a nerd minus the glasses, but if her best friend skipped school, Soojung would always skip with her just to cheer her up.

“Jinri-ah.  I’ve been thinking…but you’re not gonna like my idea, I think.”

“Yah, Soojung!”  Jinri sat up and pouted harder, scowling right into the other girl’s face.  “If you have an idea, you’d better not hold out on me!  I’m desperate here, you know.  I’m way past the end of my rope on ideas.”

Soojung sighed.  “Well…”  She paused, and then opened , only to close it again.  The words just didn’t want to come out.  Her eyes wandered to a tree nearby and she examined the bark with great interest.  “I…well you and guys, it doesn’t really work out.”

Jinri rolled her eyes.  “No really?  I hadn’t noticed.”

“I know, I know.  But…have you ever thought of maybe…well I mean…”  She bit her lip, then faced Jinri with conviction in her gaze.  “Have you ever considered girls?”

Jinri’s eyes widened.  She couldn’t believe her innocent little Soojung would have thought of something like that, and even then, she wasn’t the type to say it so boldly.  “No!  No, of course not!”  Her face reddened to match Soojung’s and she shook her head fiercely.  “Aniyo, I’m straight, I’ve only ever liked guys!”

Soojung’s face fell.  “Ah…sorry.  I didn’t mean it badly.  I just…well that ‘like’ never lasted, so I thought…”  The red on her cheeks deepened and she stood up.  “Never mind.  We’re late for class.”  She grabbed her books and dashed off, leaving Jinri to stare after her in wonder.

“Wow, I’ve seen some strange things this week…”

The next few days, Jinri tried to focus on school, but she couldn’t get Soojung’s words out of her head.  Once the idea had been planted, it was inevitable that she’d spend time thinking about it, and it wasn’t long before she began to actually consider it.  She started to notice the girls around her more.  They generally avoided speaking to her or being too friendly, but that was fine by her; she only wanted to look anyway.  None of the girls in her class interested her romantically, even if she did find a few of them surprisingly attractive.  And those legs…

Jinri forced herself to snap out of it, a blush rising to her cheeks.  She rested her face in her hands, trying to discreetly hide her heated face.  Did this mean she really did like girls?  No way!  Just because Korean girls had nicely shaped legs, nice slim bodies without too much muscle, and hair that caressed their shoulders gently as they moved.  No, it couldn’t be…could it?  She wondered how it would feel to kiss a girl’s lips, and caught herself before her fingertips made it far enough to brush against her own.

Frustrated at herself, she grabbed her bag the moment the bell sounded, scurrying home before Soojung could stop her to ask what was wrong.

It took Jinri some time to come to terms with this idea.  At least, it felt like it took time, but honestly all it took was a weekend to herself, buried in her thoughts and letting her unfinished homework collect dust.  By the time she returned to school on Monday, her adventurous spirit was renewed.  She was prepared for anything.  Trying new things was something she’d never been one to shy away from, because if she never tried anything new, how could she expect to find anything she liked?  And that was precisely why this new perspective excited her.

Girls.  Jinri had always had a certain appreciation for the female body.  She’d never thought anything special of it, figuring appreciation was healthy and everyone had it.  But now that she thought about it, she’d never been that into masculinity at all.  The boys she’d gone for were the girly boys, the pretty boys, never the athletic or manlier types.  Again, she’d never thought anything of it.  But now that she did, everything made sense.

Now, however, she was encountering a new problem.  Sure, maybe she liked girls.  But how would she know?  She would have to test this theory by dating one, or she could never be certain.  But how did one go about asking out another of the same gender?  Lesbians didn’t grow on trees.  And even if there were lesbians in her school, she’d never know who they were, because they didn’t tend to announce themselves.  That would be like painting a target on yourself and yelling at your peers to bully you.  Practically akin to suicide.

Still, she had to try something, and if being bold wasn’t going to work, then she’d try subtlety.

So when she encountered an absolutely gorgeous girl from another class, an underclassman with an enchanting charm about her, Jinri walked right up to the girl and helped her with her books.  “Hi there, beautiful, I’m Jinri.”  She smiled at the girl, playing with her hair in a flirtatious manner.  “Let’s be friends!”

Bold subtlety.  Being subtle wasn’t really her style.

She and the girl did become friends, though not close all at once.  Friendships had to grow and blossom into beautiful flowers, and love was much the same.  But she couldn’t quite approach this situation the way she approached love in the past.  She had to befriend the girl first, while flirting shamelessly and testing the waters (rather obviously at that).  If the girl had any objections, she hadn’t brought them to Jinri’s attention.  In fact she actually seemed to enjoy the attention, all but flirting back at times.  This excited Jinri, and she was quite optimistic about the turnout.

There was just one problem left.

Soojung.

“- and she’s completely adorable!  Soojungie, I think this might actually work out for me, for the first time ever!”  She grinned at her best friend, but it fell off her face as soon as she looked into Soojung’s eyes.  “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

Soojung pouted.  “Nothing.”  She turned away, but Jinri pulled her back and placed a hand on her forehead.

“Are you feeling okay?”

Soojung shook her off roughly, a pissed look in her eyes.  “I’m fine!  I’m going home.”

Jinri was left in the dust, wondering what had just happened, and where she’d gone wrong in the conversation.  Why wasn’t her best friend happy for her?  She thought she might finally have found a relationship that could last, but why didn’t Soojung seem excited for her too?  It all felt so wrong.

Conversations like these kept happening, each one ending with an increasingly pissed Soojung storming off, leaving Jinri confused and hurt.  Soojung began avoiding her, especially when she was around her new friend, distancing herself more and more with each passing day.  After a while Jinri couldn’t take it anymore.  She confronted Soojung after school, grabbing her wrist and holding on tightly, keeping her from escaping until she got some answers.

But in the end, all she got was a few shrieked words, a hand roughly pulled away, and the sight of what looked like the beginning of tears before Soojung fled once more.

She didn’t talk to Jinri for over a week.

When Jinri opened her locker one morning, a small bunch of flowers rolled out, nearly causing a sneeze as it brushed against her face and landed at her feet.  She bent to pick it up, examining the flowers curiously.  They looked like hyacinths, if she remembered right.  Tugging at the note that had been slipped into the bunch, she unfolded it and read, her brow furrowing as it only served to confuse her even more.

The slip of paper held only four words.

You’ll figure it out.

She knew right away that Soojung had left them for her.  Soojung was the only one she’d ever shared her locker combination with, not to mention the only person who would leave a note with no name.  But what she was trying to tell her, Jinri had no clue.

“Why can’t you just be a simple girl sometimes?” she whined, frustrated.

But where was the charm in that?  Jinri loved a good puzzle, and Soojung knew Jinri better than anyone else could ever dream to.

Jinri lost sleep over that note, and couldn’t help but wonder if Soojung had intended that from the start, as some sort of revenge for making her angry.  But angry over what?  This had something to do with that, she was sure.  Or maybe Soojung just had too much faith in her ability to solve puzzles, because the answer to this one was evading her even more expertly than that last sheep, the one that simply refused to let her count him so she could finally fall asleep.  If only she could reach out and grab him so he couldn’t escape again.

She sat up straight in bed.  Of course!  She couldn’t reach out and grab the sheep, no, but she could do something like that for the answer.  Glancing at the blue flowers in the vase on her desk (on the verge of starting to wilt by now), she grabbed her phone and pulled up Google.

“Meaning of blue hyacinth,” she mumbled as she typed it in, hitting ‘search’.  Her eyes scanned the results page for something that might give her some sort of clue.  “Come on, come on…sincerity?  No, let’s try this one.”  She squinted.  “…constancy.”

And it hit her all at once.  The answer to the puzzle, the meaning behind the gift, the reason for Soojung’s behavior, and quite nearly her hand, too.  She wanted to slap herself so hard for not having seen it sooner.

Constancy.  Constant friendship, companionship, constant love.  Soojung was always there for her.  She’d always been by her side, that quiet support, the friend she needed whenever, wherever, and however she needed her.  And now, Jinri saw it; Soojung had always loved her.

She felt ecstatic at this realization, rolling around in her bed and clutching her phone.  Now that her eyes were opened, she could see this was the answer she’d been looking for all along.  Suddenly everything she’d been through seemed so petty, so insignificant.  Only Soojung and their friendship mattered.  Even now, Soojung was there for her in any way she needed; she’d even be a lover for her.  Jinri was so stupid to think she needed anything else, when the love of her life had been right there with her all along.

“I’m sorry, Soojung.  I’m so, so sorry.”  She grinned and rolled around some more, squeaking into her pillow.

When she finally calmed down, Jinri sent two texts.  One to apologize and officially break off her little ‘flirtationship’.  The other went to Soojung, with four little words of her own.

We need to talk.

And talk they would.  They’d talk about anything, about everything, and they’d take their time, because they had all the time in the world.

That night, for the first time in days, Jinri fell right to sleep, and rested easy knowing what awaited her the next morning. 

Because finally, after all this time, Jinri had realized what love really was.  She had finally found her cure.