Help me. Help me. Take me away. I’m drowning in this never ending darkness. I’m suffocating in the cruel place. I don’t know where I am, I don’t know where to go. Help me. Mother please help me. Take this pain away. Please take this pain off of me. Get me away. Mother please. Please save me. God let me free. Let me leave this pain behind. My whole body is numb. But the pain. This pain is so sharp. I can’t breathe. I need to take my breath. My heart.. Something is pushing hard on it. Something is holding it in its cold hands and squeezing it. It hurts. It hurts so bad. Help me. Help...

 

Through all this pain I still think of her. Kwang ----. She’s waiting for me. She’s waiting for me.

 

Give me strength to fight off this darkness and that cold hand. I need to see her. Seeing her face once will be enough.

 

But I can’t move. I can’t see. Help me please.

 

“Gikwang-ah...” I heard that angelic voice. It’s her.

 

“Gikwang-ah!” I heard again.

 

I want to scream out ‘I am right here.’ But I can’t. I’m trapped. That hand has now tied down my body. I feel so weak and vulnerable. Help me ----. Help me! I’m drowning... I’m going deeper. I’m falling in. My body, its fighting to break free.

 

I see light. But only a tiny white dot. There is where I want to be. “Gikwanggie!” That voice belongs to her. That voice came from the small white opening. My happiness is there. My life is there.

 

“If you stop struggling and fighting me, you’ll feel numbness. You can leave everything behind. You can rid yourself of all the pain. Give up and drown. It will be peaceful.” A deep voice said.

 

I want to say ‘Let go of me. I have to see ----.’ But I can’t my lips are sewn together. I kept struggling. I kept fighting.

 

“You’ll never be stronger than me. The more you fight, the painfuller it will be. Just give up and you won’t have to live a life of pain. You won’t have to see anything. You’ll be happy and unharmed. But you must let go and let me take you.” After that the pull became stronger. The urge to stop grew. The urge to give up is making its way through my body. If I give up now, I won’t feel the pain.

 

Its growing. The pain. It hurts. It hurts! Mother save me please.... Bring me to the brightness! Let me see her face.. Mother help me... ----, please help me. ---- I love you. It hurts... IT HURTS! IT HURTS SO BAD! HELP ME!

 

...Someone help me..

 

“Give up Lee Gikwang. Give up now!” NO.. I can’t.. It feels like something stomped all over my body. It hurts. I feel broken and disconnected. I can’t give up. I need to see her... Help me... The pain has increased so much... I never felt this pain before. How... Help... I’m scared of this. I’m scared. I’m afraid that I’ll never see ---- again.

 

“Lee Gikwang!” I heard her shout.

 

“Gikwang-ah..” That’s my mother. I can hear her sobs.

 

“Wake up Gikwang.. Please..” Umma whispered. I can picture the tears on her face.

 

I must keep fighting this. I will wake up. This is all a dream. I’ll see my mother in the morning. Then I can go meet ----.

 

“It isn’t a dream Lee Gikwang.” That deep voice told me and a tug on my legs. I’m falling deeper.

 

My body now numb. I’m now weak. I can’t feel.... I can so easily give up now and doze off. I’ll just let my body lead me. I can’t fight anymore... But Umma... Umma.... I’m drifting off. The little bit of white has vanished. I’m going deeper because I can feel the pressure getting heavier. But it doesn’t hurt.

 

“Gikwang-ah.. I’m here again,” the angelic voice is so distant. I tried hard to hear her muffled voice.

 

“Gikwang-ah, I heard that you’ve fallen for me. I’ve fallen for you too, you know? When I got your message, I ran to the park right away that day. I waited there for two hours. Suddenly, the call came. When I heard the news... My heart shattered..” Her voice cracked. She sighed. It sounds like she’s crying. “Come back Gikwanggie.. Come back to me...” A small pause. “If you come back I’ll happily call you Oppa. Oppa~” She said. Then the silent sobs came in. She cried. I hear the her cries. “Gikwang, it’s been so long... Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to your mother... She’s been sick.... Your father... He isn’t eating..”

 

My hands felt wet. I felt moisture in my own hands. Then a tug brought me back into the darkness I’m in... I was floating up! Keep talking please...

 

“I met the boys you know? If you don’t come back I’ll just date someone else.... YAH!! DO YOU HEAR WHAT I’M SAYING? COME BACK....” She cried loudly. I felt the darkness shaking. But the tug came once again. This time stronger and harder. More urgent. The pain came back. It squeezed me; not only my heart. The hand squeezed my whole body.

 

My body began to ache. It hurts again. The pain one thousand times worse. I can’t take it. ----’s voice feels so distant. I can’t take this anymore. I’m going to give up...

 

The pain left and I’m drowning. I’m going deep into the darkness. It feels so nice this time. It feels so nice.

 

My life flashed in front of me like little movie scenes. Beautiful times. But I’m ready for what’s next. I kept sinking. The hand has released my heart. Its lightly holding my hand and I’m walking with it now. I’m happy.

 

“NO!!” I heard.. but I don’t know that voice anymore. Still so angelic. But I can’t find a face to put next to that voice anymore. A shock went through my body. Once. Twice. Three Times.

 

I’m brought back into the pain. It hurts. It hurts all over again. HELP! I DON’T WANT THIS PAIN!! I DON’T WANT IT! TAKE ME AWAY AGAIN!! TAKE ME INTO THE SERENE PLACE!! It was so beautiful and calm. It was easy.

 

Everything disappeared. I’m now stuck in nothingness. The pain suddenly vanished. That hand disappeared as well. I feel warmth. A small flutter ran across my heart. Then lights. I see lights.

 

(A/N: He won’t remember any of this.)

 

***

 

My eyes opened and blinked three times. It was blurry at first. My vision slowly focused and I looked around until I felt a light weight on my right side and something soft over my right hand. I turned over to find a young lady beside me. She was facing me with her eyes closed. The face is so flawless and beautiful. That face belongs to ----. My angel.

 

How long have I been here? Why is my body so numb?

 

I looked around again and this time, I looked at my body. I moved around a bit only to find a cast on my left leg... A CAST ON MY LEFT LEG?? my left arm has a cast on it as well.

 

“Oh? Gikwang~ You’re finally awake!” ---- said letting go of my right hand. Finally?

 

“ What?” I said sitting up. “Mmm..” I moaned in pain. My body aches.. It hurts... “STOP! Be careful!” She told me. “What’s going on?” I asked.

 

I removed my cover and pulled up my shirt to reveal my ‘bare abs’. It’s still there but theres scars.. scratches.. bruises.. and a bandage around it. I touched my head to find a bandage around my forehead. “Gikwang..” She began. I ignored her and told her to hand me a mirror. “Give me a mirror now.”

 

“What?” She asked. “I SAID GIVE ME A F*KING MIRROR!!!!” What part of that does she not understand? IT’S NOT THAT HARD!!! SH*T!

 

A mirror was handed to my by hear. I grabbed it from her hand harshly. In the mirror... I didn’t find the strong healthy Lee Gikwang I always see. In the mirror... wasn’t me... Its a guy with a scratches and bruises on his face. A scrawny guy with a white bandage around his forehead and an unshaven face. His face so pale. He’s a mess.

 

“Get out..” How can she look at me like that?? How can I let her see me looking so weak and vulnerable?

 

“What?” She asked in disbelief. “I SAID GET OUT!!”

 

“Why? Are you embarrassed?” she shot back at me.

 

Me: “What?”

 

Her: “Why are you asking me to leave?”

 

Me: “Because I don’t know you.”

 

Her: “I’ll get the doctor for you and I’ll let your family know you’re okay.”

 

She walked out of the room and soon returned with a doctor within minutes. The doctor asked how I was feeling. I didn’t speak. I didn’t meet eyes with either one of them. “Young Mr. Lee,  I just need to do a quick check ups on you.”

 

“Get out.” was all that came out of my mouth. I stared at the wall where they can’t see me.

 

“It’ll be quick sir,” he told me. “I said to get out.”

 

“Gikwang..” ---- began. “I SAID FOR BOTH OF YOU TO GET THE OUT!”

 

No words was said and I heard footsteps leaving the room. Tears began to roll down my cheeks.

 

“Gikwang..”

 

“I told you to leave...”  I  turned around to look at her.

 

“Don’t do this please. I care about you...” She’s crying... “Why are you crying...” the tears kept rolling down my cheeks. I sat up and quickly wiped off my own tears. She sat down next to me.

 

Sigh.. “Tell me what happened ----...”

 

"You got into a car accident," she began. Car accident? What car accident?

 

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