Four days later, Kyungsoo was still in the hospital.

Four days later, the other nine boys still went to school with scrapes and bruses, bandages over their faces accompanied by flecks of blood. They were sore and bitter. The fresh memory of that night and of them practically half dragging, half carrying Kyungsoo to the hospital was just salt in their wounds. Luhan still hadn’t showed up to school either.

Luhan… This was all his fault. He Kyungsoo-- them all. Those were the thoughts that ran through all of their minds. But it just made the wounds sting even more. So they tried to push their resentment out of their minds and focus on the one thing that mattered the most to them at the moment: Kyungsoo.

 

 

Luhan stumbled around his small, run down apartment to his room. His whole body screamed. It was always like this after he fought using a combination of his wolf abilities and his Force powers. It was like the spirit within him didn’t agree with the beast side of him. He couldn’t agree more.

It was like this with Kris duizhang too. He had tried to step up his abilities by using both powers in accordance with each other. It backfired. Badly. Kris explained it to Luhan the first time it happened as both his spirit and the Force Spirit with him being in a fit of uncontrollable rage. Thus, he dubbed the reaction “Force Rage.” Usually the day after for an unknowable amount of time afterwards (like this time), they would be completely numb and apathetic. Then the pain and weakness set in. Everything hurt. It was like being torn apart from the inside out--from the core of his very being, from his spirit. Luhan knew what came after that all too well, and he was terrified of facing it alone.

The fever, the sickness. He had never faced that alone. Kris hadn’t either. The two of them had always taken care of each other when that point in time came. Luhan wouldn’t be able to take care of himself. Would he die? Or would Kris feel his distress and come running?

His eyes subconsciously diverted over to the picture on his nightstand. A black and white, gray tone picture, about medium size of him and Kris standing up against a wall. It was taken back when the two of them first met. It was a happy, lucky day. However, Luhan could never figure out why neither of them were smiling.

He touched the picture before stumbling over and collapsing in a chair on the other side of the room. He leaned over, pressing his fist to his pounding head. He could think naught but one thought:

I should explain to him what happened before it’s too late.

 

 

“D.O~!” Chanyeol cheered as he opened the door to Kyungsoo’s hospital room. All nine boys piled into the room, followed closely by Lihua.

Outside the window, Luhan stood in a cameo jacket and his usual black outfit. He had planned on sneaking in through said window to hopefully explain to the unfortunate victim of his Force Rage fit exactly why he had done what he did. But he hesitated and chickened out. Now it really was too late. There would be no chance of him explaining with all of them and her there. He no longer had a fighting chance, so he just watched as they kept Kyungsoo company.

They pooled around Kyungsoo’s bed. He looked better. They talked about everything and nothing. What he missed at school. Soccer games they played and won. Their teacher’s lectures.

And Luhan just watched, silently, a ghost of an observer. He couldn’t help but picture himself among them, maybe next to Lihua, talking to Kyungsoo, laughing it up. That was merely wishful thinking now.

Lihua looked sad and confused when he looked at her. The next moment, the others seemed to disappear from the room and it was only her sitting there and Luhan standing on the other side of the window, staring at her. Then, the unthinkable happened.

She turned and looked right at him.

Luhan’s expression showed shock and surprise in his reflection. Lihua blinked but didn’t say anything to the boys. She just looked at him. Her eyes questioned, not him, but events. She wasn’t mad at him any longer like the boys were. Now she was worried.

Luhan snapped out of it and turned to run off. She turned away from the window, disappointed. She hoped that maybe he’d come in and talk things out. Guess not.

 

 

“So… what about Luhan?” Kyungsoo asked.

The boys went silent.

“Of all the things you could be asking about and you ask about him?” Kai looked at him with shocked horror.

“Yeah, why care about him? He almost killed you!” Yixing exclaimed.

“That’s just it. I’ve been thinking while I’ve been in here and… I don’t think he meant to. And besides, I’m not dead. Did you ever think of that?”

Again, they were silent as they looked at Kyungsoo, partly judging him.

“I can’t help but think, ‘what was going through his mind that day?’ And did you see his eyes? They looked like they were red, and it was like he didn’t even see us… see me. He was just… empty.”

“D.O., don’t try and defend that traitor. He hurt you! You should be resenting him! Not sticking up for him!” Chanyeol told him.

“But I--”

“Look,” Suho put his hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “You’re tired. They probably got you on painkillers here. That makes you even more drowsy. Get some rest. We’ll visit tomorrow.”

“Suho’s right,” Chen said. “You’re delirious.”

Kyungsoo hung his head, wondering which to trust; the words of his friends, or the feelings of his heart.

“Well, let’s go, guys, so D.O. can sleep,” Suho said.

“Right. See ya, D.O. C’mon Lihua,” Kai tapped Lihua’s shoulder to pull her out of her daze.

“Oh, uh. Bye Kyungsoo. Get better soon,” she waved.

“Bye guys.”

When they were gone, he turned to stare out of his window and into the darkness. He could have sworn that he saw a stumbling silhouette in the distance. But maybe it was just the night playing tricks on him.

 

(aaah. this one is depressing T^T Luhan-ah!!!! (And it's short...)