At first, Kyungsoo feels the same way about Jongin as a puppy feels about a human.

Even though Jongin isn’t nice per say, Kyungsoo still follows him around like his own personal labradoodle.

Even when they get older, and Kyungsoo sees the light from the computer shine off Jongin’s skin, he doesn’t feel himself changing.

He always thought love would be fast. That it would happen instantaneously.

Even though Kyungsoo’s older than Jongin, it’s always him who is asking to hang out, him who makes conversation and smiles, while Jongin just nods his head, grunts in acknowledgement of the conversation and continues scrolling through his phone texts.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know why, but it causes a pull on his chest that doesn’t seem to go away.

He tries not calling Jongin for a week, for a month. No reply. Kyungsoo only realised now that he was always the eager one, always the one who waited on the other’s words. Even when many a time the only real words were ‘Hi’ and ‘Bye’.

While moping in his flat, he tries to think when they became friends, why Kyungsoo even became friends with someone like that. He can’t recall why. He can’t even recall a funny conversation they’ve had, or an amazing experience. It seems that the last 10 years of his life have been a waste, calling up someone who doesn’t want to see you and sitting for 2 hours.

It’s like waking up from a dream.

A particularily nightmarish one.

Because now Jongin is calling him, and for the first time asking if they want to hang out, in the place, Kyungsoo knows the place. All at once, it seems so precious, but precious like a habit. Like a ritual. And Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to say no, when Jongin hasn’t done anything especially wrong.

And Jongin’s voice on the phone sounded like he knew it was too.

Like just in case, he would keep his childhood friend. In case they meet again. In case he needs something.

Kyungsoo stays at home. He studies, and he surfs the internet, in hope of finding some person from secondary school there.

He feels alone, but if you’ve never felt anything but alone, why does it hurt?

Jongin rings the doorbell.

Kyungsoo never had many friends, never was very sociable, never conversed much with parents. Spent too much of his life studying because he didn’t know what else to do, was a bit scared.

Against what he was going to do, Kyungsoo opens the door.

Jongin walks in, doesn’t ask why Kyungsoo stood him up, doesn’t ask why Kyungsoo is glaring at him, just sits down on Kyungsoo’s bed, takes out his laptop and starts typing to his friends.

Kyungsoo is furious all at once.

It’s like the nagging in this brain of annoyance, has suddenly build up into a full scale fit, and he’s chucking things at Jongin.

Toilet rolls, Erasers. Stupid things. Because even though he is angry at Jongin, he doesn’t want to hurt him.

Jongin looks up ‘But how can you hurt someone when you’re in that?’

Jongin blanches, tears nearly coming from his eyes. Kyungsoo acts so normal sometimes, saying hello every day that he comes into the dingy room.

But then Kyungsoo keeps on ranting to himself, today yelling at Jongin for deserting him, for not appreciating him. When Kyungsoo stayed quiet he knew some terrible storm was coming. He would try to feed Kyungsoo but he knows he’s not going to get anywhere. He’s gotten used to the habits after nearly ten years. He puts the food on the table.

‘Bye sweetheart.’ Jongin says, closing the barred door behind him ‘Get better.’ He whispers, looking back at the form of the man he once knew as a husband before a mental disease took him by storm.

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AN- Does that make sense? I tried to make it make sense, but I think I haven't explained enough. Comment and subscribe please!