Silence became their friends ever since the three guys stepped out from the 911D building. The two younger brothers occasionally exchanged glances as they followed behind Jonghyun, who walked with his head hung low and both hands buried inside his jacket’s pockets. Deep inside, Minhyuk and Jungshin knew that they questioned the same thing, but none of them dared to bring up the topic.

Jonghyun stopped walking when they reached a junction near their dormitory building. Instead of heading towards their dorm, he looked back at Minhyuk and Jungshin who stood behind him.

“Want to grab some drinks with me?” Jonghyun asked.

“Now?” Minhyuk raised his eyebrows. He stole a glance at Jungshin.

Jonghyun nodded casually, but Jungshin noticed a different kind of complexion in his hyung’s face. Before Minhyuk managed to point out about the time, Jungshin stepped forward. “Okay, where to go?”

“I don’t know,” Jonghyun shrugged. “But I prefer not to visit crowded place.”

“Global Club is out of the option then,” Minhyuk gave his two cents, “How about a convenience store? There are alcoholic drinks there.”

"Good idea. Let's go,” Jonghyun said.

The three turned left at the junction, opposite the direction they should have taken to go to the dorm. They walked towards the E-mart and went inside, choosing and buying their own drinks. Jonghyun and Jungshin decided to buy beers while Minhyuk, who \did not feel like drinking, chose a bottle of banana milk.

The convenience store was already deserted since most students already went home anyway. It was Monday evening—or early dawn of Tuesday—after all. Had Jonghyun acted like his normal self, Jungshin would have also rejected the idea of drinking that night since he had 7 a.m. class tomorrow.

They sat on a table in front of the store and Jonghyun still kept his mouth shut, only drinking his beer while staring off into a distance behind Minhyuk’s shoulder. The two youngsters stared at him—a fact that Jonghyun clearly neglected, or simply did not care about—with questions about Yoona written all over their faces.

CNBLUE members knew that Yoona was Jonghyun’s friend—as the man himself had claimed so—who was introduced to them last year. The two were quite close at the time, especially during the six-month preparation for the summer theatre event since Yoona and Jonghyun worked closely as production staff members.

After the event ended, however, Jonghyun and Yoona never saw each other anymore—as far as the band members acknowledged. Jungshin remembered asking about it and Jonghyun answered, “What for? It has ended.”

Thinking about it... what—in particular—has ended? Was it the summer theatre event he was referring to, or...

“Hyung,” Jungshin decided to bring up the question to the table. Nothing to lose, “Is there something going on between you and Yoona noona?”

Minhyuk threw Jungshin a do-you-want-to-die look while Jonghyun raised his eyebrows in surprise. The senior put down his beer bottle and asked, “What is it?"

“Well, you seem awkward with her. I remember you've been friends for more than a year already?” rather than asking, Jungshin sounded like he was pointing a fact.

“You mentioned that you had a pleasant meeting with her last week,” Minhyuk decided to throw himself into the water. “But you two seemed weird tonight.”

“Are you fighting? Is there something wrong?” Jungshin asked again.

“No, we are not,” Jonghyun answered shortly. He leaned back and crossed his arms.

“But why were you so jumpy when you saw her opening the door?” again, Minhyuk pointed a fact.

“No, I wasn’t,” Jonghyun replied reluctantly. He lowered his eyes and stared at his beer bottle, avoiding the youngsters' questioning look.

Being a sensitive person that he was, Minhyuk could sense that Jonghyun was hiding something. He spoke briefly and avoided eye contact with them. When someone spoke less and fast, it meant he was keeping secret.

Among the members, Jonghyun was widely-known as the most blunt, abrupt and straightforward person who did not understand that “too much truth could hurt”. He often spoke his mind out and he couldn’t care less about others’ opinion. He was always true to himself; a typical blood type O person.

But again, every person had his own paradox and a frank man like Jonghyun was no exception. When he decided to keep something to himself, he wouldn’t let it go until the end. Might as well bring it with him to his grave, many said.

“Do you really have to hide it from us?” Minhyuk asked, pulling himself closer to the table.

“You know, you basically can’t lie to us anymore,” Jungshin paused, “We already know too much of you.”

"Why should you ask, then?"

The two younger brothers were taken aback by Jonghyun’s blunt reply. They glanced at each other, both wondering whether they had intruded too far into Jonghyun’s private matter.

Jungshin cleared his throat. “I mean—we mean… we worried—”

“If you already know me that much, just like you said, why did you have to ask me in the first place?” Jonghyun asked, somehow sarcastically.

Minhyuk and Jungshin bit their own lips and fell silent as they sighed, admitting their defeat. Wonder how Lee Jonghyun often—if not always—won in arguments? Because he always knew how to attack people with their own words and flipped the position. That was the reason why they often had a hard time with Jonghyun. In most cases, they would end up clueless about what happened.

“Anyway, I just remember something,” Jonghyun paused, taking his bottle and drank the remaining beer in one shot. “I left my guitar in the practice room and I need to bring it home.”

“Eeey, are you going to leave us here?” Jungshin blurted out, slightly slamming his palm on the table.

“Mind to act like a twenty-year-old guy? It only takes five minutes to return to the dorm, for ’s sake,” Jonghyun sounded irritated.

“Just go if you have to,” Minhyuk quickly stepped in before the Tom-and-Jerry fiasco returned. “We will go home by ourselves.”

Jonghyun nodded and got up from his seat, waving his hand and told the two to be careful. Minhyuk told him to take care, while Jungshin just smirked sourly. After Jonghyun left, Jungshin turned to Minhyuk, who was sipping the last drops of his banana milk.

“He asked us to accompany him, but he left us alone. Really, what’s wrong with him tonight?”

“I think he’s out of his mind,” Minhyuk shrugged his shoulder, eyeing Jungshin who shook his head in confusion while taking his last sip of beer.

For them, at least, Lee Jonghyun would always be that mysterious kind of man.

~~~

 

CNBLUE's Practice Room, Music Department south building

Aish... How did I end up in this place again...

Jonghyun stood in front of the door of the practice room, his eyes looked blank like he did not even have the slightest idea why his feet dragged him here.

It was true that he left his guitar here, but his decision to visit the practice room was mostly because he was just trying to run away from people—even the members. Shoving his mind aside, he quickly scanned his right-hand thumb on the fingerprint door lock and opened the door handle.

Although not all CNBLUE members were students of Music Department, the dean was kind enough to give them their own room to practice. Han Seungho teacher, the dean, was the rock band’s fan and the department supported them because CNBLUE always made the university proud. Once they won a rock band competition in Japan and made the university name famous among foreigners.

"Eh, Jonghyun? What are you doing here?"

Jonghyun almost jumped when he heard a familiar voice called his name from the darkness. He looked to the left and found Yonghwa, who was packing his bag at the corner of the room.

“What are you doing here? I thought you are still in Ilsan,” Jonghyun asked back, slightly annoyed by the fact that he could not run away from the members even at the place where he thought he could be alone at this hour.

“I just drop by to take my music sheets composition,” Yonghwa said, waving sheets of papers on his right hand. “What are you doing? It’s almost 2 a.m.”

“I just want to play guitar before I return to the dorm,” Jonghyun said without looking at Yonghwa. He stepped closer to his acoustic guitar—Martin HD28—which stood next to the drum set.

“Where have you been?” Yonghwa asked as he walked closer to Jonghyun and took a seat next to him.

“Well, I just went out with Jungshin and Minhyuk, getting some drinks,” before Yonghwa managed to ask further questions, Jonghyun quickly added, “Why don’t you go back home? You look tired.”

“I was about to leave when you suddenly came,” Yonghwa paused, frowning, “You also look tired. Let’s go home together.”

“I still want to practice a bit more. You can go home first."

“Eeey, Jonghyun-ah,” Yonghwa patted Jonghyun’s shoulder, “Our performance is just three weeks away and we can’t afford to have you sick later.”

“I can take care of myself,” Jonghyun replied nonchalantly.

“Why are you so stubborn?” Yonghwa rolled his eyes. “Look at the mirror; your dark circles have reached your dimples already. Let’s go home and sleep!”

“You are the one who will make me sick, you know?” Jonghyun nagged back. “Just go home first, you look more tired than me anyway.”

“Aish, this rascal,” Yonghwa got up from his seat and threw the last look at Jonghyun “I’ll leave first, okay?”

After the leader left, chilly silence took over the atmosphere; no noise or even a slight sound from a distance. The only thing Jonghyun could hear was the sound of his breathing.

Jonghyun felt the urge to scream out loud and let his feelings go. Nobody could hear him anyway since the room was soundproofed, but he could not even whispered at the time. Sitting alone with guitar on his lap, silence had also taken over his body in instant.

He tried strumming his guitar, but it did not excite him somehow. Funny; Jonghyun always saw his guitar as a savior since he could shut himself from the outside world and got sunk on his own when playing music. But, maybe, not today.

Not today.

In that moment, the fortress that Jonghyun had built from the moment he lied his eyes on her again weeks ago until the moment he left her hours ago was crumbling down. It was torn apart, broken and scattered as his mind was vacuumed into another tunnel of memory.

~~~

 

"Because I don't want us to be sorry for ourselves. I don't want you to be sorry for me."

Jonghyun’s words kept echoing inside Yoona’s mind as she lied on the bed and staring at the ceiling. Although she really wanted to fall asleep, her mind couldn’t stop remembering the way he wore his black leather jacket, his manly cologne, his warm eyes and smile, the way he held her fingers and the sight of Jonghyun’s back walking further away without once looking back to her.

But most importantly, she couldn't stop remembering the fact that Jonghyun still remembered that memory of the past.

 

It was a day during summer in Seoul. Although it was already 7 p.m., the weather was still hot and humid, leaving people with no choice but wearing light clothing, unless they wanted to sweat like crazy.

In a park near the Museum of Arts, two sophomore students sat together on the grass while chatting happily. They got chopsticks on their hands, food container boxes and bottles of soju between them. The two—Lee Jonghyun and Im Yoona—were oblivious to their surroundings; just like any other day before.

“I thought you were just joking when you said you can cook,” Jonghyun said as he stuffed a big piece of steamed chicken into his mouth.

“Well, now you know,” Yoona smiled as she poured another bottle of soju into Jonghyun’s glass. “It’s my specialty.”

"This is really good," Jonghyun muttered while munching his food at the same time, “Are you sure you didn’t buy this at the Chicken Palace? The restaurant next to Minhyuk’s faculty building?”

"Yah! How can you say that? I made it myself!" Yoona hit Jonghyun's arm playfully.

Jonghyun giggled as he rubbed his arm, felt somehow entertained when seeing Yoona pouted her lips. He reached out his hand and patted Yoona’s head.

"I was just joking. Really, this is tastier than the one from that restaurant. I believe I can even remember the taste forever,” Jonghyun's voice sounded sincere.

"Now you are exaggerating," Yoona blushed a bit.

"No, I am not. Why should I?" Jonghyun showed off his dimple smile. He took the glass and drank the soju in one shot, feeling the strong sensation came down to his throat.

Yoona shrugged her shoulders as she watched Jonghyun took his turn to fill her glass with soju. "Maybe because you don't want to make me feel bad?"

"Yah! Am I really that cheap, Im Yoona?" Jonghyun laughed lightly. "If I want to make you feel bad, I might as well tell you not to cook forever, geez…”

"Okay, okay," Yoona pursed her lips, smiling as she looked up to think. "Maybe... because you want to make me laugh?"

"It can be…” Jonghyun suddenly frowned and tilted his head, “But, wait a second. Why do I want to make you laugh?”

Yoona drank her soju in one shot and took her feet closer to her chest, resting her chin on the knees while her eyes wander around. Jonghyun crossed his feet and pulled himself closer to her. His lips slowly—and unconsciously—turned to a curve.

"They say that if you want to make a girl fall in love with you, you should make her laugh," Yoona said as she pointed her right index finger in front of his face.

Jongyun cracked up and laughed. “Yah, do you really want me to make you fall in love with me?”

"No, I don't! Why are you so cheesy, Lee Jonghyun…” Yoona laughed as she playfully hit Jonghyun's arm again. Her unique laughing voice rang on his ear like a bell.

The sound of laughter soon faded and was swept over by silence. Jonghyun cleared his throat and lied his back on the grass, resting his head on his folded arms. “Hey, you know what?”

Yoona followed Jonghyun and lied next to him; their bodies separated only by the dinner set and soju bottles. She used Jonghyun’s jacket as her pillow. “What is it?” she asked.

"I think they are wrong. The people who said that ‘if you want’ quote,” Jonghyun said, looking up at the sky.

Yoona frowned. "Why?"

"Because every time I make you laugh, I am the one who fall in love."

She placed her hand on her chest in reflex, checking her racing heartbeat. It was the first time she felt like being struck by a heart attack and it was merely because of a friend’s words.

"Yah... you are right. Why am I so cheesy?" Jonghyun asked himself out loud.

"I wonder too," answered her.

The two friends kept staring at the sky, which slowly turned darker as the night sunk in. Their minds wandered, yet totally clueless that they smiled widely on their own in a silent happiness.

 

Yoona could feel her eyes began to tear up. She hurriedly wiped the corner of her eye and sat up, leaning her back against the wall.

She did not have any idea why she cried, but she could feel her emotion stirring inside her. Why did she feel sad about something on the past? Why did the memory suddenly fill her mind and return her to the way she felt back then?

Memories warms you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart. Yoona remembered reading the lines from one of Murakami's book that Jonghyun had lent to her a year ago. Wait, what? Jonghyun again?

Suddenly someone opened the door of her room, making Yoona jumped on her bed a little. “Oh, Yuri unnie… you’re home.”

“Yah, why is your voice cracking—hey, are you crying?” Yuri threw her bag to the chair and sat on the edge of her roommate’s bed. “Im Yoona, what happened?”

Yoona spilled everything that had burdened her mind; from her awkward conversation with Jonghyun to the last words he said to Yoona earlier. After all, Yuri was the one she trusted the most with her stories about Jonghyun since the first time the two met last year. Yuri was the one who listened to Yoona when she suddenly met Jonghyun again for the first time in almost nine months.

“You mean… he wanted to let go of the past?” Yuri looked surprised.

"To some extent—as he said—yes. He wants to keep the past as it is,” Yoona paused, biting her lips, “It’s like… he won’t forget the memories, but he is not going to bring them up anymore.”

"But he said he still cares about you," Yuri said in a matter-of-fact tone.

Yoona frowned. "Well, not exactly like that..."

"Im Yoona. Listen to me," Yuri said, “Only a man who really cares about you can suppress his own feeling for your sake.”

“But what I cannot understand is, why? I mean, why should he tell me this?”

“Because he doesn’t want you to feel sorry for him,” Yuri Yoona’s hair. “He doesn’t want you to burden yourself to say sorry and remind him about that day. Don’t you understand?”

That day, Yoona reminded herself. I supposed to meet him on that day.

Yuri stared at Yoona with concerned eyes. She worried, particularly because it was the first time a man’s presence had caused a great impact on Yoona, who had never dated anyone before. Every man who got close to Yoona in the past always tried to win Yoona’s heart and she hated it, but Jonghyun was an exception. He never attempted on doing that.

"Yoona-yah. Do you regret leaving him with no choice back then?" Yuri asked, carefully.

"No,” Yoona paused, “I regret not trying to take a chance on love back then.”

 

 

---

Author's Note:

Hello people, it has been a week. How's your weekdays and weekend so far?

Thank God I can make an update on time. Anyway I will explain a bit about my story here. So the book that I used as a reference here is the one by Haruku Murakami titled Kafka on the Shore. It's really a good book, though the storyline might be a little frustrating at some point. But I really recommend him since he is one of my most favorite authors of all time.

So, do your questions began to be answered? Chill, people. The good thing is, I will post their that day thingy not long after this chapter (maybe after this or after after this :p) so all of you will not have to wonder anymore. Okay?

I hope you like my update! Subscribe, comment, and upvote if you are interested. Thank you!