Don’t say we’re not right for each other because the way I see it, we’re not right for anyone else.

--The Cutting Edge

Junmyeon thought his life was flowing smoothly the way it was supposed to be.

It wasn’t rushed. It wasn’t too slow. It was close to perfect.

Junmyeon got his first boyfriend and his first kiss at the age of seventeen. For some people, it might be a bit too late, but for Junmyeon, it was perfect. He was always careful when it came to relationship because he didn’t want to date someone that he wasn’t comfortable with. First boyfriend wasn’t always first love, but Choi Minho was both. The male was tall, handsome and flawless and Junmyeon thought he might be living a dream. They were all right. They were happy.

But not all happy stories ended well.

Junmyeon experienced his first heartbreak the next year. He was eighteen at that moment and he never thought that it would be painful. Minho’s parents had sent their son to France to study, and long distance relationship was hard. The time zone difference made them unable to communicate properly and Junmyeon couldn’t afford it if his phone bills were going to be that expensive every months. Both of them had done their best to hold on and survive, but in the end, they knew that it wasn’t going to work out.

They said first love never dies. After his break up with Minho, Junmyeon didn’t date anyone in university because he thought it was the time to study, and not the time to date and have fun. Or maybe it was just because he wasn’t over Minho...he wasn’t really sure.

At the age of twenty-two, Junmyeon graduated from a university and he got a dream job at a well-known company. He had been working very hard that he didn’t even manage to find someone he could spend his weekend with. Junmyeon managed to form a friendship with a endearing male, named Kyungsoo, who had a younger boyfriend named Jongin. He always turned down Kyungsoo’s offer to hang out, but he finally obeyed half-heartedly when the doe-eyed male dragged him to a party with Jongin—just for the sake of meeting new people, because all Junmyeon saw everyday was papers and files and documents and computer screens, and it wasn’t healthy.

He made new friends, but he still didn’t date anyone.

Junmyeon met Chanyeol when he was twenty five.

It was the first time his heart skipped a beat after such a long time and Junmyeon thought he should follow his heart this time. Chanyeol was perfect. The male was tall and kind, and he laughed a lot. Junmyeon kind of liked the way the taller male would wrap an arm around his shoulder as they walked together. Despite the fact that Chanyeol was a year younger, something about him felt right. Chanyeol kissed him, held his hand, loved him, and Junmyeon let him. He loved him back in return.

Their relationship was perfect. They never had a fight. Their relationship caused a lot of people to feel envious because it was like a dream relationship and they were meant to be with each other. So perfect that it made Junmyeon empty. Nonetheless, he held on tightly to Chanyeol because they had been together for two years and if there was anyone who understood him, it was Chanyeol. Junmyeon thought he would be stupid to let Chanyeol go because of something unreasonable.

When he was twenty-seven, Chanyeol proposed to him.

Junmyeon didn’t know whether he should’ve screamed with delight and cry from the happiness, or burst into tears. He did nothing but stare blankly at Chanyeol, as though the taller male had done something really embarrassing. Junmyeon visibly bit his lower lip at the kneeling Chanyeol before him, and he probably said something that really hurt.

“Aren’t we—aren’t we rushing...?”

Chanyeol’s expression faltered at that and Junmyeon mentally panicked.

“Are we...?” Chanyeol asked back calmly, but his face was filled with sadness. Junmyeon felt his chest tightening at his boyfriend’s expression. Chanyeol stared at the velvet box in his hand. “...the company’s sending me to Los Angeles for work, Junmyeon-ah.”

“LA...?”

“Yeah. And I—I want you to come with me,” Chanyeol muttered bashfully. “Well, there are a lot of things that I need to prepare and it would probably take months, but once it’s fixed, I’m flying there and I...I wish you could come with me.”

Junmyeon’s throat went dry. Chanyeol was still kneeling before him with the small velvet box, and Junmyeon thought it was probably his time. Their relationship had been going for two years now and for him, Chanyeol was perfect. His boyfriend was handsome and tall and with a great job, and he would definitely make a good husband, so Junmyeon had nothing to be worried about, right...?

Right...?

Junmyeon didn’t know.

Chanyeol strained a smile. “Do you want to think about it first...?”

Junmyeon wasn’t sure if anyone else would be as kind as Chanyeol in proposing. He stared deeply into Chanyeol’s eyes, and he knew the emotions were sincere. Chanyeol really did love him. Chanyeol really did want him to accompany him to LA. Chanyeol... Chanyeol was his life.

Holding on to those thoughts, Junmyeon slowly lifted up his hand to touch the taller male’s and nodded.

“No,” Junmyeon said softly. “I—I’ll go with you, Chanyeol-ah...”

Chanyeol’s expression brightened and Junmyeon thought he had done the right thing.

***

Junmyeon rested his cheek on his fist as he stared blankly at his coffee.

Funny because he was supposed to feel happy now that his boyfriend had proposed—not everyone was lucky enough to have that, not even a hetero couple. Heck, two people could be in a relationship for five years and neither of them would be brave enough to talk about commitment—marriage, in this case. Funny because instead of happiness, it was fear that started to grow within Junmyeon. And it wasn’t just fear, but also worry and doubts and everything that could be categorized under negative.

Junmyeon rubbed his eye and wondered if it was a good decision to say yes.

Luhan had gone asgdajsdgjhdsk at him on the phone when he informed him of the news and Junmyeon wished he could have had his best friend’s reaction instead when Chanyeol had proposed. Nonetheless, it was going to be all right because...well, it was Chanyeol who he was going to marry and not anyone new.

“Junmyeon-hyung, sorry for waiting.”

Junmyeon looked up from his untouched coffee and smiled when he saw Kyungsoo approaching. He shook his head in response as if to say that it was all right. The younger male sat on the empty seat across him and spoke without preamble.

“I heard the news, congratulations!”

“E—eh?” Junmyeon was taken aback.

“Chanyeol called Jongin immediately after you said yes,” Kyungsoo smiled happily as he took off his jacket. “It was really sweet for him to do such thing! But LA...? That’s really far away.”

Junmyeon didn’t expect Kyungsoo to know about the news and he certainly didn’t feel like telling the other male, but then he forced himself to smile and nodded. “Chanyeol said it would probably take two or three months for preparation...?” Junmyeon took a long time to stare at Kyungsoo’s  smiley expression, as if he was studying how to do exactly the same.

“Yeah, but still, it’s not like two or three months would cover all of the things we’ve been through,” Kyungsoo pouted. Junmyeon copied his earlier smile, but Kyungsoo could see right through him that there wasn’t any emotion underneath it. “Hyung? Are you okay?”

Junmyeon’s smile faltered. “What?”

“Are you okay with going to LA?”

Junmyeon dropped his gaze back to his coffee. He was pretty sure it had gotten cold now. “Yeah. Why wouldn't I be...?”

“Because you don’t feel like it...?”

Junmyeon snapped his head back to Kyungsoo. The younger male was giving him such an intense stare that it caused him to feel like a kid who was caught playing video game when he was supposed to be studying. Junmyeon wordlessly stared back. “No, it’s...it’s okay. I...I love Chanyeol.”

“Do you?”

Junmyeon visibly tensed at the question and he felt suffocated. Kyungsoo was giving him a serious look before his lips curved upward in a relaxed smile.

“I’m starving, what do you want to eat?”

***

Luhan must have told Junmyeon's mother about it that it got his mother to call him.

Junmyeon hadn’t told any of his family about this, because...well, he wasn’t sure how he wanted them to react. Chanyeol was such a sweetheart and he had introduced him to his parents via Skype because they lived in a different city. It didn’t take long for his mother to like Chanyeol, and his father even said he had picked someone good. Junmyeon was doing his monthly shopping when his mother called and he half-heartedly took the call.

“Congratulations, sweetheart! Luhan told me the news!”

Junmyeon forced himself to smile as he lowered the speaker’s volume. His mother tended to speak in a high-pitched tone whenever she was excited. “Uh...yeah. Uh...thank you, Umma.”

“I’m a bit disappointed that you haven’t told me anything about it,” he could sense his mother pouting. “But I understand. You have a lot to prepare. So does this mean you’re going to quit your job? That is such a shame, it’s really a good company...”

Junmyeon stopped pushing his cart and swallowed. “I know. Maybe—maybe I should rethink about my decision...”

There was a long moment of silence at the end of the line and Junmyeon felt like stuffing a fist in his mouth. Stupid, stupid, he mentally cursed himself.

“I don’t think it’s necessary, Junmyeonnie. Marriage is a wonderful thing.”

Junmyeon sighed into his phone. “It’s not that, Umma. It’s just—it’s just LA is too far away... I said yes without thinking—“

“But if you really love Chanyeol, then it’s not a problem.”

Junmyeon fell silent. There was a small amount of sadness formed in his chest as he dropped his gaze to a cereal box in his cart. “You’re right...”

His mother was definitely smiling as she continued to speak. “I have to say that Chanyeol is a really nice guy. Even his height is perfect for you, come on, Junmyeonnie, where else can you find someone as tall as him?” Junmyeon rolled his eyes at this because she was saying that he was short. “He’s a well-mannered guy and he has a decent job. And that’s what matters, Junmyeonnie.”

Junmyeon bitterly closed his eyes because for parents, having a decent job was what was important.

“I understand, Umma...”

***

Junmyeon tried to convince himself that he wanted this. He wanted Chanyeol, he wanted to live with Chanyeol, he wanted Chanyeol to be happy.

He had told his managers that he would quit in a month or two and he got disbelieving stares in return. They told him it was such a shame because Junmyeon was talented and was lucky enough to be chosen into the company, and it was such a shame that he sacrificed everything for one man.

Their words were harsh, of course, because Junmyeon thought he loved Chanyeol and that he was more than willing to sacrifice anything—not just his job—to be with him, but as he took a shortcut home through a park, he wondered if it was all right for him to postpone everything and told Chanyeol that his job meant a lot to him...

Kyungsoo didn’t ask how the preparations go and Junmyeon was grateful for it because he wasn’t going to be able to hide his facial expressions. With Luhan, he could lie perfectly because they would be talking on the phone. 

Junmyeon almost dropped everything onto the ground when someone stumbled in front of him out of nowhere. He screamed in shock, thinking that it could be a or a muggler or a ghost. Junmyeon hastily took his phone out and was about to call the police or the fire department or Chanyeol—why did his boyfriend come in last?—when he realized the person in front of him looked like he had been in a fight.

“Are—are you okay?” Junmyeon asked hesitantly and let out another scream when another person stumbled out of a bush nearby to attack the male. The fighting continued and he frantically dialed 911 as he took few giant steps back when he recognized the other male. Junmyeon gaped and instinctively ended the call as he tilted his head to get a better look. “Yixing...?”

The said male snapped his head to Junmyeon at that and he got a punch in the face the next second.

“Oh God,” Junmyeon cried in horror. “Yixing, stop fighting!” None of the boys seemed to pay attention and Junmyeon cringed because Yixing was starting to cough blood and the blond haired male’s lips were bleeding. Junmyeon was scared as he looked around, searching for anyone who could help him stop the fight, but there was none.

Junmyeon then screamed at the top of his lungs.

“I SAID STOP!!!!!”

It seemed to stun both men and Junmyeon took the opportunity to drag Yixing away. He was breathless because he didn’t think he had ever shouted so loud like that in his life before. Junmyeon placed a hand over his chest as he weakly collapsed to his knees on the ground.

“It’s you,” Yixing frowned as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Junmyeon-ssi, isn’t it?”

Junmyeon feebly nodded. “Why did—why did you guys fight...?”

Yixing fixed his eyes on the blond-haired male before shrugging nonchalantly. “Nice to meet you, Yifan.”

“Yeah,” Yifan spat blood to the empty ground beside him. “Nice to meet you too.”

Junmyeon’s jaw dropped. “Wh—what...?”

“If you’ll excuse me, Junmyeon-ssi,” Yixing said and walked away from them like all they did was just having a cup of tea and a nice, cheerful conversation.

Junmyeon was still recovering from the shock when the male named Yifan stood up with great difficulty. He forced himself to focus and pushed himself off of the ground. “W—wait. Yifan, isn’t it?” Yifan glowered at him and Junmyeon squirmed under his gaze, but he continued anyway. “Are you okay? Let me take you to a hospital...”

Yifan stared at him blankly. “...it will heal. Besides, I hate hospitals.”

Junmyeon knew he should have ended there. But he didn’t. “Well, do you prefer your parents to freak out when you got home with a face like that?”

“Parent,” Yifan corrected. “It’s only my mother. My father died three years ago.”

“Oh, I’m—I’m sorry...”

“My mother is used to this,” Kris motioned his face like it was not a big deal. “Another bruise won’t matter.”

Junmyeon couldn’t bring himself to reply anymore. Yifan gave him an unreadable gaze. Junmyeon noticed his heart skipped a beat, but he shrugged it off because it could still be from the shock. But the way Yifan stared at him made him uncomfortable, and Junmyeon could feel his cheeks heating up.

“Well,” Junmyeon quickly said. “I—I guess I’ll get going then.”

Yifan still hadn’t responded, and when Junmyeon had walked past him, it was then that he realized Yifan was a lot taller than Chanyeol.

***

Junmyeon couldn’t stop thinking about Yifan.

It was probably because the male looked badly beaten, and he wondered if he should’ve just forced Yifan to go to the hospital with him.

Junmyeon spent some of his spare time thinking if he should contact Yixing and asked him about Yifan, but...he hung his head dejectedly and shook his head hard. What the hell was he thinking about...? Oh well, he was just worried. There was nothing wrong about being worried, right...?

Besides, it wasn’t like they would meet again...

But maybe he was wrong.

The next time they met, it was in a toy store.

Chanyeol had called him earlier about his plan to meet his older sister, Yura who happened to be in town with her two-year-old baby. Junmyeon was a bit nervous because Yura had always been good to him, and he thought he should at least buy something for the niece. He didn’t really know what to buy, but girls probably would like dolls and plushies so Junmyeon headed to the nearest toy store from his office.

Junmyeon was a bit lost of what to choose. He should probably close his eyes and randomly picked something out. Should he choose Pokemon? Pororo? Shaun the Sheep? Angry Birds? Junmyeon wanted to laugh at his pathetic taste of plushies and thought he should just choose Barbie or Teddy Bear instead. He picked the nicest—and quite expensive, might he add—soft, brown Teddy Bear and Junmyeon was about to head to the cashier when he spotted an extremely tall, blond-haired male.

Yifan...?

Junmyeon didn’t know if it was because of instinct that Yifan turned to him or because he had said the name out loud. Yifan stared at him with a slight frown, probably wondering who he was, before finally dawning with realization. Junmyeon decided to be casual and threw him a smile.

“Hi. L—looking for a gift?”

Yifan seemed to recognize his voice because his eyebrows were raised and he looked somewhat embarrassed. “Yeah. You?”

“Of course,” Junmyeon replied. “I’m too told for dolls and stuffs,” he chuckled after he said that and afterwards, failing to see that Yifan tensing up. “Are you buying for your...um, girlfriend?”

“...”

Junmyeon waited for an answer, but it never came. He absently gazed at Yifan’s face. The latter’s lips were slightly bruised and there was a small bandage plastered on the corner of his lips, but even with a slight glance, he could tell that the male was handsome. Very handsome, to be exact. Junmyeon noticed his heart had skipped a beat or two, only that this time was worse than the first time. The silence was starting to kill him that he decided to break it.

“I’d pick this one if I were you,” Junmyeon randomly pointed at a white alpaca plushie and smiled at Yifan as he tried to ease the nervousness inside. “I’d even name him Ace.”

“...white gets dirty easily.”

“Ah, you’re right...then what about the brown one?”

Yifan seemed to take his words very seriously as he took the plushie Junmyeon was talking about.

A huge feeling of wanting to linger swirled within Junmyeon, but as he glanced at his watch, he really needed to go because Chanyeol was waiting. Junmyeon cleared his throat as he walked past Yifan with a wave of hand.

“Junmyeon, wait,” Yifan said.

Junmyeon thought he probably would’ve stopped walking when Yifan said his name, but the taller of the two just had to grab his arm to prevent him from moving forward. Junmyeon’s eyes dropped to Yifan’s hand on his arm—which was big—and blushed.

“How did you know Yixing...?”

Junmyeon’s heart started badly at that and he could feel his entire body trembling—whether out of fear or nervousness, he couldn’t tell. He swallowed thickly as he tried to stay calm by not staring at Yifan. “He—he was an intern at my workplace a few months ago. You know, for his essay or something...” Junmyeon finally braved himself to look up. “Are you his friend...?”

“Well, it’s clear that we both hate each other, so I won’t exactly say we’re friends. But we’re studying in the same university, though.”

Junmyeon blinked. “U—university?”

“Yeah.”

“You—you’re a college guy?”

“...yeah.”

“B—but you’re so tall!” Junmyeon instinctively whined and covered his mouth with a hand. “Oh God, kids these days—“

Yifan smirked and he was about to say something more when Junmyeon’s phone rang loudly.

“Ah, it’s my boyfriend, I gotta go,” Junmyeon yelped and waved a hand at Yifan. This time, Yifan let him go. “See you around, Yifan...”

It was when Junmyeon was done paying and heading out to the exit that he realized Yifan was nowhere to be found.

***

A month had passed like a breeze.

Kyungsoo dropped by to Junmyeon's cubicle with a cup of coffee and Junmyeon accepted it gratefully. “You know, the manager just had to ask me if you’re not gonna change your mind.”

Junmyeon groaned. “He should understand that it’s hard on me too.”

Kyungsoo stared silently at Junmyeon before leaning slightly against the older male’s desk. “If it’s that hard for you to leave...why don’t you just find a reason for you to stay?”

Junmyeon almost dropped his coffee when he stared at Kyungsoo. “Huh?”

“Take your work for example,” Kyungsoo suggested. “I’m not saying that you should sacrifice everything for Chanyeol, but...if it makes you happy, then why not? I’m just saying, maybe you should consider the possibility of having a long-distance relationship with Chanyeol if you really like this job so much.”

Junmyeon’s expression dimmed and Kyungsoo patted his shoulder lightly.

“It’s just a suggestion, Hyung. But yeah, going to LA is also a great opportunity,” Kyungsoo paused with a smile. “Well, I’ll still always support your decision, you know.”

The conversation was interrupted when Junmyeon’s fixed phone rang and he quickly picked up. Kyungsoo was about to leave, but when he noticed Junmyeon’s confused expression, he didn’t move. Junmyeon placed the receiver back onto its place and stood up.

“What’s wrong?”

“The receptionist said I have a guest,” Junmyeon said slowly. “She said he’s tall. It—it could be Chanyeol. But...” he looked at his phone in confusion. “Why didn’t he call me?”

Junmyeon headed to the receptionist with Kyungsoo trailing behind him. The doe-eyed male stopped at a safe distance to observe everything that was happening. Kyungsoo wasn’t the type to poke his nose into other people’s problems, but he couldn’t help but feel curious about the mysterious stranger. He would just head back to his cubicle if it was Chanyeol.

It wasn’t.

Junmyeon was utterly surprised when he found out it was Yifan.

“Yi—Yifan...? What are you doing here?” He asked as he approached the taller male. “Wait, how did you even know...?”

“I asked Yixing where did he do his internship,” Yifan looked sheepish as he explained. “It wasn’t easy to snatch a piece of information from him, you know. Oh, by the way, coffee.” He said casually as he handed the coffee cup to Junmyeon. “Didn’t know what you like, so... I just had to order everyone’s favorites.”

Junmyeon was speechless. He received the generous offer and his eyes widened slightly at the brand, because it was quite expensive. Yifan was just a college student, he shouldn’t have... Nonetheless, he felt a bit happy and curved his lips upward.

“Thank you,” Junmyeon said softly, and Yifan’s eyes gleamed. “Did you—did you just want to give me this or...?”

“Ah,” Yifan looked embarrassed once again. The taller of the two rubbed his nape. “I—I don’t have your number.”

Junmyeon deadpanned. “My number.”

“Yeah.”

“B—but...”

“Or I could just come here whenever I want to see you, it doesn’t really matter,” Yifan shrugged.

Junmyeon went pale. It would be bad if Yifan came to see him often. What if people were starting to think he was cheating or something? Junmyeon let out a defeated sigh as he extended a hand to Yifan. “Your phone.” Yifan gave him his phone and Junmyeon started typing something on the screen. A minute later, Junmyeon’s phone rang and the older male ended the call. “There.”

Yifan looked happy, even though he didn’t smile. “Thank you.”

Junmyeon simply smiled in return and he definitely didn’t see it coming. Yifan swept few strands on Junmyeon's forehead lightly before turning around to leave. Junmyeon’s heartbeats increased dramatically at the simple touch and he placed a hand over his chest, trying to stop the erratic beats.

It didn’t work.

***

Yifan didn’t text him as often as Chanyeol did, but it didn’t stop Junmyeon from feeling guilty.

He wondered if he should just scold Yifan and ask him to stop texting, but...Yifan didn’t really disturb him...right? Besides, Yifan’s texts sometimes—or most of the times—came at the right time, when he just needed someone to talk to, or when he was about to sleep, or when he was staring at his pile of clothes, wanting to pack for LA.

Junmyeon had filed his resignation letter, but then he got a letter from the CEO, asking him to rethink his decision. He almost cried in frustration because he didn’t want to doubt Chanyeol and his decision to be with him, but... Junmyeon wasn’t that fond of his job; but it paid well, more than enough for his monthly expenses. His colleagues were starting to ask when was his last day of work and Kyungsoo told them to leave Junmyeon alone.

Chanyeol informed Junmyeon that unexpectedly, everything went quite smooth so he would probably just need a month before he can fly to LA. Needless to say, Junmyeon packed some things with a heavy heart but...his place was with Chanyeol. 

Junmyeon took the same shortcut from the park like some weeks ago and quickened his steps. It was quite late and the towering trees around the him just made the area scarier. Junmyeon kept his gaze straight on the road ahead of him, but when he caught a glimpse of blond hair from the corner of his eye, he turned his head.

He probably just happened to have a really bad luck when he came across Yifan again.

The younger male was sitting on the bench with an arm wrapped around his stomach, his eyes droopily fixed on the ground. Junmyeon went frantic and his heels, approaching Yifan. “Yifan...?”

Yifan looked startled as he gazed up, his eyes locked with Junmyeon’s. This time, the male looked badly beaten and bruised and hurt. Before he knew it, Junmyeon couldn’t stop himself from pulling Yifan into an embrace. Both of them seemed surprised, including Junmyeon himself, but neither of them pulled away.

“Are you okay...?” Junmyeon whispered. He could feel Yifan tracing on his back with a hand and Junmyeon slightly shivered.

“Yeah...”

Junmyeon finally pulled away after several minutes and gave Yifan a serious look. “I’m taking you to the hospital, okay?”

“I’m okay. I’ll treat myself when I get home later.”

“But...” Junmyeon didn’t seem convinced. “It would be better if you just let me take you to the hospital...the place isn’t that scary. I promise. I’ll go with you.”

Yifan looked amused. “I never said I was scared of hospitals. I just don’t like that place.”

“Well, then—“ Junmyeon’s throat went dry when he realized he was about to say something he would regret. “My apartment is near and I have a first aid kit. It’s—it’s better, right? That way I’ll know that you’re okay and you’re...”

Junmyeon wasn’t able to finish his sentence.

You’re gonna be safe.

Yifan stared at him momentarily before nodding.

“Okay.”

Junmyeon felt like his heart had stopped beating.

***

Junmyeon was thankful he had decided to clean up his apartment last weekend.

Yifan stood wordlessly in the living room while Junmyeon went to the bathroom to grab the first aid kit. When he walked out, Yifan was nowhere to be found and Junmyeon became panicked for no reason.

“Yifan?”

“In the kitchen.”

Junmyeon breathed in relief as he headed to the kitchen. He saw Yifan was drinking a glass of water, and the male looked apologetic when he was done. “Ah, you’re thirsty...why didn’t you say so?”

“I’m sorry.”

Junmyeon shook his head as he motioned Yifan closer. “Don’t be. Come here.”

Yifan obeyed Junmyeon as he settled on one of the dining stools. He seemed amused at the fact that they had the same height now and Junmyeon pouted in dismay, flicking Yifan’s arm softly. He opened the first aid kit and grabbed a bottle of rubbing alcohol and some cottonballs. Yifan simply watched him in silence and Junmyeon decided to speak for them.

“Why are you fighting?” Junmyeon chided softly. “You’re not a high schooler anymore. You’re a college student. You’re supposed to start thinking about your future.”

“Like you?”

Junmyeon frowned. “What do you mean, like me?”

Yifan shrugged nonchalantly. “Someone obviously gave you a ring but you’re not wearing it.”

Junmyeon gasped. “How—how did you—“

“You carelessly placed the box on the dining table and I peeked while you went to the bathroom,” Yifan said as if it was nothing to be worried about. Junmyeon’s eyes widened at the fact that the younger male had been sneaking around but he said nothing at that. “...you don’t trust him.”

“I trust Chanyeol, but...hey, I don’t have to tell you this.”

“So Chanyeol’s his name,” Yifan said slowly and there was a hint of dislike laced underneath his tone. It was probably just Junmyeon’s imagination. “So what, he’s asking you to marry him? And then you two are going somewhere after that, preferably for his work?”

Junmyeon gaped. “How did you—“

“You’ve packed several of your things.”

Junmyeon was flustered at the remark. “You’ve only been here ten minutes. What else did you do except snooping around my things?” Yifan stayed expressionless at the accusation. Junmyeon  snapped out of his anger and told himself to calm down. The male sighed loudly as he dabbed the alcohol on a ball of cotton for Yifan’s bleeding lips. The blood had dried, but it still needed to be treated.

The older of the two carefully extended a hand to Yifan’s face, but Yifan grabbed his wrist halfway, causing Junmyeon to stop. Neither of them said anything, but the way Yifan locked eyes with him made Junmyeon weak. He tried to pull his hand away, but it only made Yifan tighten his grip.

“If I...”

Junmyeon held his breath.

“If I kiss you, will you kiss me back...?”

Junmyeon’s face was drained from all colours at the sudden question. His eyes widened in disbelief and his entire body went numb. Yifan noticed that his lips were trembling and the Chinese-Canadian male gingerly swept his thumb on Junmyeon’s lips.

Yifan.

Junmyeon was supposed to snap. He was supposed to push the younger male away and tell him to not screw with him. He was supposed to do all of the things he had to do to stop Yifan but his mind just had to do it otherwise. Junmyeon chewed on his lower lip and Yifan gently moved his thumb to the corner of his lips.

“Is—is that an order...?”

Yifan pondered momentarily, his eyes never left Junmyeon. “A request.”

“R—request...?”

Slowly, but surely, Yifan leaned closer and oh boy did Junmyeon’s heart speed up? “Yeah. A request.”

Junmyeon had been kissed before, but he didn’t think anyone had ever been able to take his breath away like Yifan did. He unconsciously let Yifan press his lips lightly against his but it was clear that Junmyeon was tense. And the taste of dried blood shook Junmyeon out of his reverie.

“W—wait,” Junmyeon whispered as he weakly broke the kiss.

“Hm,” Yifan hummed against his lips.

“This—this is wrong.”

“Why is it wrong?”

“Because you’re younger and I’m much older—“

“Oh, good, then. It’s not because of another man, is it?”

Junmyeon froze and he felt like slapping himself because Chanyeol. Yifan was right, Chanyeol was supposed to be the reason why they needed to stop—heck, Chanyeol was supposed to be the reason for everything. Junmyeon gasped in horror to himself and tried to pull away, but Yifan still had his grip on his wrists and they were unbelievably tight.

“Don’t think about him,” Yifan said but unlike the previous ones, this time he sounded a bit scared. “Please.”

Junmyeon instinctively shut his eyes when Yifan claimed his lips again. His mind wasn’t working. He still didn’t kiss back, like it was his really first kiss and he didn’t know what to do. After a moment, Junmyeon felt Yifan pulling away and he fluttered his eyes open in uncertainty. Yifan was giving him an unreadable stare and when Junmyeon looked up, the taller male broke into a small smile.

Yifan’s first smile.

Junmyeon lost his self-control after that.

He slowly kissed back when Yifan kissed him again, and his intention to treat the younger male was forgotten.

***

They did nothing but kiss until they fell asleep.

Junmyeon woke up to a realization that he had been cuddling up to Yifan and he crawled away in horror. Yifan stirred slightly on his sleep, but he didn’t wake up. Junmyeon’s face was flaming red as he slid out of the bed, and he stared at the handsome college student that wasn’t supposed to be in his bed. Junmyeon then left the apartment with a note and a breakfast, and went to work with an awful feeling.

The beautiful male had been spacing out the whole day.

Junmyeon constantly wetted his lips with his tongue, trying to wipe away the taste of Yifan, but it just made him think about the younger male more. Right, he grimaced. Yifan is younger. If Yifan really was the same age as Yixing, then they had around four years of difference. Four years... Junmyeon froze at his own thought.

Did he just think about the possibility of establishing a relationship with Yifan?

Junmyeon almost jumped on his seat when Chanyeol’s name flashed on his cell phone screen. He positioned a hand over his chest and swallowed nervously. Junmyeon took a moment to finally pick up and did his best to sound cheerful.

“Chanyeol-ah.”

“Hey babe. Just wondering if you’re free for tonight...?”

“Um, tonight? I—I think so...”

“Great. Do you wanna have dinner together? I’ve been busy with preparation and it’s been a while since we met...”

Junmyeon felt like crying.

Chanyeol was so sweet.

How could he hurt him...?

Junmyeon went to the restaurant after work only to find that Chanyeol had been waiting for a few minutes. His boyfriend seemed tired but he also seemed excited about the job in LA. Junmyeon was sincerely happy for him too, because it was a huge opportunity and being trusted with such responsibility meant Chanyeol did a great job. He only smiled as he listened to Chanyeol, sometimes nodding and chuckling when the latter laughed.

They were happy...right?

Then why...did he feel empty?

It must have been bothering Chanyeol too, because the moment they arrived in front of Junmyeon’s apartment, his boyfriend finally decided to ask.

“Is everything all right?”

Junmyeon was about to open the passenger door when Chanyeol gently caught his arm. The male glanced over his shoulder with such a dumb face. “H—huh?”

“You seem...distracted.”

“I—“ Junmyeon blinked. Chanyeol looked so worried that Junmyeon almost didn’t have the heart to lie. “I’m...okay. Just tired, I guess.”

A gentle smile was etched across Chanyeol’s face as he pulled Junmyeon closer into his arms. “If you say so,” he muttered softly. Junmyeon fluttered his eyes close by instinct as he let the warmth radiating from Chanyeol’s body envelope him, trying to feel anything, anything, but he still felt empty. “It’s just... Jongin told me that Kyungsoo told him that you... You seem heavy to leave your work...”

Junmyeon slowly pulled away. “It’s—“

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol shook his head. “I just wished you’d told me, you know? I wished I didn’t hear it from anyone else, but it’s Jongin so I guess it’s all right...” He gingerly pressed a kiss on Junmyeon’s forehead. “Do you need some time to think?”

“I...“ Junmyeon trailed off. He was almost able to put on his usual mask and put on a soothing smile to Chanyeol, but he couldn’t. His heart was screaming at him, telling him to not lie and Junmyeon dragged a hand down his face. “I... I don’t know, Chanyeol... I don’t know...”

Chanyeol didn’t say anything to him after that but to hug him close.

Junmyeon came home to his apartment with an empty feeling. He didn’t know what he want anymore. Did he want to quit his job? Did he want to go to LA? Did he...want to be with Chanyeol? He stepped into his apartment and smiled to himself the minute he the lights. Everything had been tidied up. Yifan might be younger, but he was a responsible kid. After all, he was only living with his mother.

Junmyeon slowly pried his shoes off and went to his bedroom. He paused halfway to check on the envelopes on the table—they were just monthly billings. Junmyeon proceeded to his bedroom and smiled again because the bed had been made up, but there was something sitting on his bed. His mouth instantly went dry because he recognized the plushie—it was Ace.

And it was white instead of brown.

Junmyeon felt his hands shaking as he stepped forward to his bed. There was a note plastered on Ace’s forehead and Junmyeon thought why it was placed there of all places. Nonetheless, he took the note in half amusement—and fear—and read.

To keep you company when I’m not around.

Junmyeon’s eyes became teary at that and he brought Ace close to his chest. Within seconds, tears were starting to fall onto his cheeks, expressing everything that he wasn’t able to express to Chanyeol earlier.

How did a twenty three year old man manage to snatch his heart, Junmyeon didn’t know and he didn’t even want to find out.

All he knew that he missed Yifan and everything that came along with the blond-haired male.

Including his kisses.

***

Junmyeon woke up to a throbbing headache and he decided to take a day off.

Kyungsoo sounded so worried on the phone, and before he hung up, he asked Kyungsoo a favor to not tell Jongin—because his boyfriend would surely inform Chanyeol if he knew and Junmyeon just didn’t want Chanyeol to be worried. After a few seconds, Kyungsoo finally obliged and Junmyeon softly thanked him.

He was supposed to rest, but after Junmyeon took a warm shower and had breakfast, he felt a bit better already. Maybe he was just depressed. Maybe it would be nice to not go to the office once in a while... But he was going to resign soon. Junmyeon sighed grimly to himself. The male continued to pack his most important clothes because it was impossible to bring everything at once. He would’ve just send the rest of his things later.

Junmyeon spent the rest of his day packing. It must have drained his energy because when Junmyeon woke up, it was already dark. He didn’t know when he had fallen asleep. Junmyeon rubbed his eyes sleepily as he extended a hand to turn on the lamp on the nightstand, but nothing happened. He froze in his tracks as he realized what was going on.

Blackout...?

Junmyeon was starting to freak out because dammit he hated darkness. Fortunately, his phone was right beside his pillow and he called the first person that came to his mind. “Yi—Yifan! I’m scared!”

“Junmyeon...? Calm down. What’s wrong?”

“The lights are off! I can’t seem to turn them back on! Yifan, I’m scared—“

“I’ll be right over. Just don’t open the door until I arrive, okay? Hold on to Ace. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Junmyeon frantically searched for Ace and squeaked when he found it. He held on to the plushie tightly like it was a substitute of Yifan. He had lost count of how many minutes had passed, but when Yifan called him back to say that he had already arrived, Junmyeon was relieved. The male almost burst out into tears when he saw Yifan standing in front of his door and he lunged forward without thinking. “You’re finally here!”

“The whole building is on blackout,” Yifan said reassuringly as he made soothing circles on Junmyeon’s back. “They’re working on it right now. Hopefully it’ll be up in a minute.”

“Oh,” Junmyeon whispered and realized that he had been crying. He pulled away awkwardly and wiped his tears. “I’m—I’m sorry...”

“It’s okay,” Yifan patted Junmyeon’s head like he was the older one and locked the front door. “Do you have candles?”

Junmyeon felt stupid because yes, he did have candles. Why didn’t he think about it earlier? “Y—yes, I think it’s in the one of the kitchen drawers...”

“Okay.”

Yifan then went to the kitchen with the help of light from his phone and Junmyeon followed closely behind him. It calmed him to know that the male went all the way to see him and he didn’t feel scared anymore, now that he was here... Yifan found a few candles and he took a box of matches near the stove and lit the candles. The room brightened slightly. “This should be enough,” Yifan said as he turned around. The tall male went blank.

“What—what’s wrong?”

Yifan’s eyes dropped to somewhere between his neck and chest and it was then Junmyeon realized that Ace was still in his arms.

“Th—this,” Junmyeon tried to explain even though he felt so embarrassed. “You—you told me to hold on to Ace.”

“So that he wouldn’t run away?” Yifan gave him a teasing smile as he poked Ace. “He wouldn’t, you know.”

Junmyeon puffed his cheeks in annoyance and Yifan laughed. Every other thing that was on his mind dissipated instantly because—oh, how heartwarming it was to hear Yifan laugh. Junmyeon tightened his grip around Ace because his heart threatened to leap out of his chest.

“I’ll stay until the lights are on, is that okay?”

Junmyeon dumbly nodded because it was exactly what he wanted Yifan to do. “Um...we’ll sit in the living room?”

“You can just sleep in your room. I’ll be in the living room.”

“Eh?”

“It’s okay,” Yifan said and pointed to the thing in Junmyeon’s arms. “And besides, you have Ace.”

Junmyeon didn’t know how long had it been since Yifan had arrived. He tried turning the lamp on once again, but it was still out. Junmyeon sighed as he curled into a ball, lips brushing slightly with Ace’s cotton fur. He tossed and turned a few times and finally sat up when he knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep. Junmyeon tried to sleep, but he just couldn’t, knowing that someone else was out there by the couch. If it was anyone else, he probably wouldn’t care but it was Yifan.

Yifan and no one else.

Junmyeon finally jumped off of the bed before peeking into the living room.

The younger yet taller male settled on the couch and Junmyeon felt a pang because the couch seemed small for him and Yifan had to bend his legs slightly to get a comfortable position. Yifan had taken off his jacket and it was spread on the armrest. The male was wearing a sleeveless shirt—the lights were out and the weather was definitely hot—and Junmyeon’s heart skipped a beat at the view of ink that was carved on his left arm.

A tattoo.

Junmyeon did his best to not make a sound as he walked closer to the sleeping male. He was quiet for a moment, wanting to cherish the curvature of Yifan’s face a bit longer. What if he really moved to LA and he wasn’t going to be able to see him again? Junmyeon carefully prodded Yifan’s side to wake him up. Yifan cleared his throat groggily at the sudden gesture, trying to gather his lost soul before finally staring sleepily at Junmyeon.

“Hey. Can’t sleep?”

“Um...”

“The couch isn’t enough for both of us.”

Junmyeon bit his lip. “...my bed?”

Yifan blinked for quite a while before opening his mouth to speak. This time, his voice showed that he was fully awake. “Are you sure?”

Junmyeon nodded shyly. He watched Yifan stretching his arms and walked beside him as they headed to the bedroom.

Somewhere along the way, their fingers intertwined tightly.

***

Junmyeon sighed dreamily as he stared blankly at his computer screen.

They didn’t do anything but cuddle. Like before, Junmyeon was the first one between the two to wake up, made Yifan breakfast and left him a note. The male shifted his gaze to the calendar, and his heartbeat slowed down.

He and Chanyeol would leave next week.

Junmyeon pressed his lips into a thin line as he grimaced. That was right, he was going to leave next week...and yet his heart still couldn’t decide. A part of him wanted to stay...but the other part of him told him that Chanyeol was the one for him. But if he was... Junmyeon sniffled. Why does Yifan keep on appearing in my mind?

It could be just temporary. Junmyeon had heard stories about how one would usually be struck with doubts and insecurities when the marriage was near. Maybe what happened to him was the same thing. Maybe...

“Hyung? You okay?”

Kyungsoo’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts and Junmyeon immediately put on a smile. “Yeah.”

“This is your last week...”

“Ah,” Junmyeon nodded even though he was unsure. “It is...”

Kyungsoo smiled. “So...it seems like you’re still gonna go to LA after all. I’m glad. I mean, I certainly don’t feel glad losing a friend, but...we’re not gonna stop being friends, right?”

“Don’t be silly, of course not.”

“Junmyeon-ah,” Minseok, one of their colleagues, suddenly showed up with a vase of beautifully arranged flowers. “It’s supposed to be delivered to your table, but somehow it was stuck at the receptionist’s desk and they asked me to bring it to you since my cubicle is near yours. So, here it is.” Minseok placed the vase on the empty spot of Junmyeon’s desk and grinned. “Your secret admirer? Poor him. Sending you flowers on your last week—“

“It’s primrose,” Kyungsoo interrupted with a shaky voice. “If it’s secret admirer, it should’ve been the other flower...”

“Well,” Minseok frowned. “What does it mean?”

“It means,” Kyungsoo turned to Junmyeon. “’I can’t live without you.’”

Junmyeon’s eyes widened.

“Hyung,” Kyungsoo continued softly. “Someone’s asking you to stay.”

And it was definitely not Chanyeol.

***

Junmyeon wasn’t really surprised when he found Yifan sitting in front of his door.

Something akin to fear bubbled within him as he halted in his steps. Junmyeon was lost of what to do. Should he tell Yifan to leave? Or should he invite him in because the male seemed cold, and who knew how long he had been sitting out here? Junmyeon reached for his keys in his pocket and it got Yifan to crane his neck to his direction.

Neither of them said anything, but their eyes were locked.

Junmyeon swallowed. “Have you...waited long?”

“Not really,” Yifan replied shortly as he stood up and dusted his jeans. Junmyeon smiled softly in return as he stepped closer to the door, his back facing the taller male as he worked on the lock. “Did you receive my flowers...?”

Junmyeon’s shoulders visibly stiffened at that. “...I did.”

“They’re beautiful, right? I saw them on display in this flower shop and they just reminded me of you, so...”

Junmyeon slowly glanced over his shoulder. “Did you really send them without realizing the meaning?”

Yifan’s expression was serious. “Of course I knew the meaning. Which was exactly why I sent them to you.”

“Yifan, I—stop—“ Junmyeon held up a hand mid-air. “I’m flying to LA next week. I can’t—I can’t stay.”

“Sure you can.”

“I can’t—“

“You have a reason to stay,” Yifan interrupted. “Me.”

Junmyeon’s heartbeat increased dramatically as the fair skinned male walked into his apartment with Yifan following closely behind him. The latter then closed the door. Junmyeon maintained a safe distance between them, but when Yifan took a step and another step closer to him, he knew he couldn’t run away forever.

“You’re just a kid,” Junmyeon whispered helplessly. “My future is with Chanyeol—“

“Your future is not with him,” Yifan stated harshly.

“Who are you to say—“

“You love me, right??”

If Junmyeon had nothing toward Yifan, he would just dismiss it as a joke and probably burst out laughing, because it was funny and it wasn’t working. But Junmyeon noticed the seriousness in Yifan’s tone and that it wasn’t a joke and that it was somehow right. The older male brought a hand to cover his mouth and gasped when Yifan snatched both of his wrists.

“I stopped fighting.”

Junmyeon’s eyes widened.

“I thought if I wanted to be with you, I needed to change...and it was the first thing on my list. I stopped fighting, Junmyeon. If you could wait for me, just please wait for me, I only have a year to go and then I would be able to find a decent job and live with you and be everything you need.”

“But—“ Junmyeon choked. “But it’s wrong...”

“It’s not wrong,” Yifan shook his head. “What’s wrong is that you choose to live the rest of your life with someone you don’t love, now that is wrong, Junmyeon.”

It was then Junmyeon realized that Yifan hadn’t called him hyung at all despite their four years of gap, but he didn’t really mind. Instead, it made him feel closer to Yifan like they were of the same age. Yifan let out a soft sigh as he pulled the older male into his arms, and Junmyeon leaned weakly into the touch.

His feelings for Yifan were different.

They were deeper.

“If...if I break up with Chanyeol just to be with you,” Junmyeon started. “Aren’t you afraid that...there’s also a possibility that I might leave you again for someone else...?”

“In that case,” Yifan said confidently as he kissed Junmyeon’s lithe fingers. “I’m just gonna have to make sure it doesn’t happen.”

And when the blond-haired male kissed him softly, Junmyeon’s insides were melting and yes, he is in love with Yifan.

***

Chanyeol sighed softly as he tried to get a hold of Junmyeon, but his phone was turned off. Their flight was going in a few hours, but there was still no sign of Junmyeon.

He knew he should’ve called Junmyeon last night...

But somehow, he knew that Junmyeon wasn’t coming.

Chanyeol snorted to himself as he leaned his back against his seat. He crossed his arms on his chest as he looked up to the high ceiling of the airport.

“Chanyeol-ah.”

Chanyeol’s eyes drifted to the person who had just called out his name. His lips curved into a small smile upon seeing Junmyeon, but he knew why the male was there. “You’re not coming.”

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon cried. “I’m really sorry...”

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol shook his head. “I had a feeling you didn’t want to. But I just wished... I just wished you would’ve just told me instead of acting like this...”

“I’m sorry...” Junmyeon sobbed. “I’m not—I’m not expecting you to forgive me...”

“I forgive you. Why wouldn’t I...? It would be unwise of me to force your feelings...”

“Chanyeol, I... I cheated on you.”

Chanyeol fell silent at his words.

“I thought—I thought it was just a fling,” Junmyeon confessed sadly. “I thought it was because I was confused and scared and unsure about going to LA, but... But when he kissed me, I...”

Chanyeol surprised him by kissing him. Junmyeon’s teary eyes widened in shock. “I kiss you too,” he said calmly. “Is it different?”

Yes, Junmyeon inwardly cried and he placed a hand on his mouth, blocking Chanyeol’s access to kiss him again. Yes, it is different...

“I kinda found out when you didn’t wear the ring,” Chanyeol muttered softly. “But I guess I still wanted to believe that we’re still gonna work out...” Junmyeon continued to bawl his eyes out and Chanyeol patted his back soothingly. “Stop crying, Junmyeon-ah...”

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon whispered and Chanyeol nodded for the umpteenth time. “I hope you’ll find someone that will treat you right and I hope he’s a Korean who lives in LA or maybe you can just find a foreigner and adopt cute western babies—“

Chanyeol laughed. He smiled sincerely before poking Junmyeon’s nose. “And you,” he added caringly. “I hope you’re happy, Junmyeon-ah.”

Junmyeon couldn’t say anything else after that so instead, he settled to bury his head on Chanyeol’s chest.

Even if you’re married to someone else, you’re still gonna be my friend, Junmyeon-ah.

Those were the last words Chanyeol said before he disappeared into the waiting room.

***

Junmyeon didn’t feel like going to work anymore after the trip to the airport. His manager was thrilled when he cancelled the resignation file a week ago, but Junmyeon told him to not get so excited because it probably would just be for another year.

A year until Yifan’s graduation.

His mother would be so disappointed in him if she ever found out, but for the first time in his life, Junmyeon was sure with this. He was sure with his decision. He wanted to be with Yifan.

It slipped out of Yifan’s mouth once about where he lived, but Junmyeon had never found out where. It was always Yifan who came to his apartment and not the other way around. But Junmyeon was so determined to find it. This time, he wanted to be the one who waited for Yifan.

When he finally found it, Junmyeon took a moment to regain his breath. He faintly heard the sound  of television inside the room and lifted up his hand to knock.

Footsteps were approaching closer, and when the door swung open, Junmyeon held his breath.

“Junmyeon?” Yifan frowned. “How did you—wait, why are you here? Did you—did you lose your flight or something? Did you forget something? Did you—“ The blond haired male didn’t manage to finish his bombardment because he was shut up by Junmyeon’s lips.

“I’m staying,” Junmyeon cried between their kisses. “I’m staying, so please, don’t—don’t ever let me go—“

But when Yifan swept him into a hug and continued kissing him, it was then that Junmyeon knew the taller male had no intention to do so.

And being with Yifan was the best decision he had ever made.

“Yifan,” his mother called out and Junmyeon squealed as he pushed Yifan away, completely forgetting that Yifan still lived with his mother. “Who is it...?”

End.

Junmyeon had never felt like this before.

It was like everyday he had fallen more and more for Yifan. There were new things he learned about the younger male everyday. Junmyeon found himself still cringing sometimes at their age difference, but Yifan showed him that he was more mature (despite the fact that he still liked to draw and, um, his drawings were horrible and he collected plushies). They hadn’t moved in together, but Yifan was there most of the time that Junmyeon thought it didn’t matter.

Junmyeon heard from Kyungsoo who heard from Jongin that Chanyeol managed to recover from his heartache quickly, because it seemed like he was seeing someone in LA. It turned out to be a Korean and Junmyeon found himself smiling widely at the news. He genuinely wished Chanyeol to be happy.

Because he was.

A few months had passed and Yifan finally graduated. They went to dinner and movies to celebrate, and their little celebration ended with Yifan kissing Junmyeon a little more intimate than usual. But something was on Yifan’s mind, Junmyeon realized, as he detached his lips from the younger male’s and smiled.

“What are you thinking...?”

Yifan looked thoughtful for a moment. “Do you ever regretted not going to LA?”

Junmyeon hummed. “Aside from the fact that I haven’t been able to practice my English, probably yes. Why?”

“Well... How about Canada instead?”

“Huh?”

“I still have families there, and my mom always said she wanted to go back... I’ve also been applying jobs there for the past few months, and this morning I got a call, saying that they’re going to arrange an interview next week, so...” Yifan paused awkwardly. “What do you say we move there?”

Junmyeon’s face clearly showed that he was shocked with the sudden proposal.

“But, there’s always Skype and stuffs—“ Yifan pointed out their options, just in case Junmyeon didn’t want to leave and they chose for a long distance relationship. “I know it’s unfair because I asked you to stay and suddenly—“

“Yes.”

“Yes, I know, you probably... Wait, you what?”

“I said yes,” Junmyeon said sternly. “Yes, I’d move there with you.”

“R—really...?”

There wasn’t a slight of hesitation at all when Junmyeon answered. He pressed a chaste kiss on Yifan’s—officially his boyfriend—lips and smiled.

“Really.”

Because Wu Yifan was the right one for him.

don't hate me please