And the world keeps spinning –this world keeps spinning,
   how this world keeps spinning around – “High Hopes” by Kodaline

Zhang Yixing isn’t the type to visit such cheap hotel bars at night. He doesn’t seek comfort at the moment nor does he look for an alcohol’s ability to make him forget. If he were to choose, he would rather be in a classy one and enjoy the rich flavours of different liquors or maybe in a quiet cafe to just have his peaceful alone time. But that is the reason why he wants to be in this wrecked place at the first place. Because he knows Kris wouldn’t be able to find him if he were to stay to such places Zhang Yixing would visit.

Yixing let out a heavy sigh as he sat on one of the bar stools. He slowly rested his weight and inside his mind imagined if it would break in case he did it too suddenly. The red cushion did it purpose and seated Yixing in place, no broken wood on sight. Yixing felt himself sighing again but this time in relief.

“Not your usual place, huh,” a profound voice asked and Yixing, startled, snaps his head to his right to check if it was the person he thought it was but was greeted only by a different person. Seated two seats apart from him, the owner of the voice, sounding so deep it might scare anyone, sat comfortably.

He almost thought Kris found him because they both have that voice of a man who would kill.

“Oh, did I surprise you? Sorry, they said I’m too friendly for my own good,” the man spoke again and there Yixing realized it was so different from Kris’. This person holds more intense power in his tone that just comes out naturally while Kris, well, Kris’ voice was the type of once angry, it feels like all the ‘z’ will come out from his throat. He didn’t want to criticize Kris’ voice, really, but it became too familiar for him to even praise it.

“I-It’s okay, some people say that also about me,” Yixing offered a smile and took the opportunity to scan the stranger’s appearance. Wearing a simple gray shirt and dark jeans, the man had a short black hair styled in different direction. He wears those large eyes that show he could do puppy eyes once he likes despite his blessed height. Stern body but holds a baby face, Yixing kinds of envy the manliness the other emanates.

The latter then noticed how Yixing just stared at him blankly and chuckled. “You look too occupied with your thoughts. I think this is the point where we need to introduce ourselves, right?” asks the stranger.

Yixing blinked a few times to process the question and tilted his head, asking, “Do we need to?”

The stranger laughed unabashedly in his seat and looked at Yixing incredulously. Yixing thinks for a reason why he is being laughed at right now and the clueless expression on his face made the other smile in amusement.

“I’m Park Chanyeol,” the man finally introduced himself and Yixing just nodded, “Zhang Yixing.”

“Well, that’s a start. Why wouldn’t you take the honour of ordering the first drink?” Chanyeol smiles again and Yixing saw the rich teeth he had. Yixing looks around and finally got what Chanyeol meant. They were the only ones at the bar right now and the old creak of each cupboard the bartender opened just meant it was really a wrecked place.

Why was it still open?

“It’s a place for people to hide because they know nobody will look for them here,” says Chanyeol, as if answering the question inside Yixing’s head. Yixing looks back at him again and Chanyeol looked back, answering, “I can read from your face that that is the question you are asking. I hope I’m right because it would be so embarrassing if I was wrong.”

Yixing finally cracked a smile. Park Chanyeol wasn’t too close or too far and it was just what Yixing wants to start off as friends. He then looks towards the bartender, who was cleaning a beer glass near the sink, and calls, “I’ll have Gin and Tonic.”

The bartender nods and looks at Chanyeol. “Ah, I’ll have the same,” answers the latter and the bartender proceeds to make their drinks. Yixing hopes the drinks aren’t bad as the place and Chanyeol merely shrugged at him, sensing what he’s been thinking.

“Am I that readable?” Yixing widens his eyes on his companion and Chanyeol just grins knowingly, “Your expressions say it all.”

Yixing frowns and then looked at the two weak-looking stools between them and then at Chanyeol, “I can barely hear you. Why won’t you sit beside me?”

“You’d let a stranger sit that close to you?” Chanyeol raises his brows but moved anyways, careful with his moves also because he’s aware of the old furniture’s defect-looking. Yixing shrugs only and then their drinks finally arrived.

“So, what’s your story?” Yixing asks after they drank their first swig.

Chanyeol looks at him confusingly and it was Yixing’s turn to laugh, “You said the exact description of this bar’s usage, so it wouldn’t be possible you aren’t hiding also.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol smiles sheepishly and just looked at his glass, moving it in circular motion as the ice followed. “I’m not really hiding. I’m just... I just had to go to a place where I don’t usually stay. You know, change of view?” he looks at Yixing and continued, “But you, I think you’re the one hiding.”

Yixing remained quiet as he decided to drink his order than answer the question.

Chanyeol nodded and started with a rueful smile, “It’s good to spill problems to strangers you will surely won’t meet next time though. It’s because they won’t have a chance to remind you of the stupidity and dumb of a life decisions you’ve done even though they know it.”

I remember it now, it takes me back to when it all first started
But I've only got myself to blame for it, and I accept it now
It's time to let it go, go out and start again
But it's not that easy

“Chanyeol?” Yixing calls out as he saw how Chanyeol spaced out after those words he spoke.

Chanyeol blinks and just lightly laughed at his dazed moment, “Sorry about that, just remembered something.”

“Thinking of the usual place you stay at?” Yixing asks with a gentle smile. Chanyeol showed an expression of being caught in the light but immediately pulled it off with a breathy smile, “You got me there.”

“And you won’t talk about it even though I’m a stranger?” asks Yixing once more and Chanyeol shook his head; “You have quite a memory for a blank person.”

“I seriously didn’t understand that,” Yixing frowned at the contradiction of what Chanyeol just said but the latter shook his head again, “Why won’t you share your own story and then mine?”

“I asked first,” Yixing pouted and Chanyeol let out a mix of humorous and apologetic smile, “I know yours would be more worth to be first said.”

Yixing didn’t really quite comprehend what Chanyeol was trying to accomplish but just settled with the conversation, his mind being active due to the glass he just finished. Yixing then spoke while Chanyeol ordered them their second shot.

“I don’t know. It always happens. We always end up in a fight and he’ll always be the one to apologize. This is the first time I ran away from the upcoming familiar scenario though... Because I got fed up with it. I know, once I’ll see him, it’ll all be the same again...” the words coming out like it needed to be let out, Yixing finishes half of the new arrived order.

“He, huh,” Chanyeol says in a low tone as he focuses his eyes towards the empty brick wall of the bar in front of him, left forearm resting on the counter and his right elbow supporting his other forearm, glass in the air near his lips.

“I mean,” Yixing stutters when he grasped the idea that he just blurted out his real uality but Chanyeol just chuckled and assured him, “Don’t worry, I don’t have something against it.”

Yixing looks down at his glass wrapped with his two hands on the counter and says in a low voice, “Kris is sometimes too egoistic and then loving at the same time I don’t know if it’ll really work out in the end...”

Chanyeol turns his head and scans Yixing, saying, “It wasn’t like before anymore, does it? It was so so different you wished the times in the past back, back when you first started.”

Yixing tilts his head up and both looked at each other. Yixing nodded as he lowers his head again. Chanyeol sighed in understanding and looks at the previous wall again, not daring to ask for details until Yixing breathes in deeply once more and starts after gulping the remaining liquor in his glass, “I’ll just probably rant about him than praise him to be honest. Kris is such a nice guy. When I first met him, I was first astounded by his good looks, and then as a far away admirer, I thought he was the cool guy with no flaws. But when I finally got to know him, I realized he is sometimes an idiot.”

Yixing laughs at the memory. Back when he remembers it as it is. And he is lost within himself as he continues talking about everything.

Kris acts cool and calm but when it was just the two of them, he is a dork who at drawing and cooking. He has so much flaws Yixing remembers how he laughs at most of them, sending Kris into embarrassment but lets it go always because he believes he is satisfied with Yixing being happy, even though it means he’ll be a laughing subject for the man. They studied at the same university with the same course of Music major and those were the times that were so valued.

When they’ll stay later than usual in one of the music room and play songs in the piano for each other until they get tired and sit at the floor, leaning on each other, talking about everything they wanted to be until they fall asleep which always ends up in the Dean’s office being reprimanded. And Yixing remembers how they will just laugh at it after.

They composed songs together and Kris will be always be teased by Yixing that he could only rap with his deep voice and not sing love songs. But it turned out wrong when Kris surprised him on his birthday, singing him a love song Yixing barely understands because it was English and Kris at Chinese and Korean songs sometimes. Still, Yixing knows he was clearly in love with Kris again that time. He couldn’t number the times Kris reminded him how much he loved Kris just by his actions. How Kris would let him lean on him anytime it was almost as if Kris was his personal pillow, or when he’s too blank and not in the mood and ignore Kris, Kris would let him be but will always make him know he is just there beside him... not leaving him even if they put a space with each other.  That is how they started as being one.

Yixing doesn’t really remember the reasons they drifted apart. He only remembers their first fight, when both were not in good temper and Kris just magically thought it was the right time to tell Yixing he is going to work in another company. It sent Yixing in rage because he felt betrayed, only to realize he was permitted to go with Kris when he was confronted by their boss. It was a week then before they reconciled, Kris being the one who apologized.

He forgets the rest of the reasons then. Kris was the one who always apologized. And Yixing was self-centred enough to think it was meant to be like that. He always forgives anyways. Until he doesn’t really know what was wrong anymore. They just keep on fighting. Little things to be exact: Jealous Kris, jealous Yixing, wrong choice of movie, incompatible new interests on places or books, or just the undone chores in their apartment. Yixing was tired of everything. He wants to be free of the things that put them in a disagreement; the sudden incompatibility of themselves putting a shadow over the happy memories on the start. Their love was like a gun shooting different kinds of bullets of emotions and affection. Somehow, bitter bullets of feelings were included.

And in my dreams, I meet the ghosts of all the people who have come and gone
Memories, they seem to show up so quick but they leave you far too soon
Now evil is just staring at the barrel of a gun

Yixing looks at his empty glass and notices the ice had melted. He turns to his right to see Chanyeol staring at him. “Want more?” he asked and Yixing nodded. Chanyeol calls for the bartender again. Yixing took a look a second time around the bar and noticed few lone people were seated in the tables also, but the atmosphere still melancholic.

“It’s your turn,” Yixing spoke up and Chanyeol raises his brows, saying, “I just had my third drink.”

Yixing shook his head and smiled despite the messed up story he told, “It’s your turn to tell your story.”

“Ah... yes,” Chanyeol tittered awkwardly and just cleared his throat. “Hm, where should I start...” he looks at the ceiling as if to find answer there while Yixing received his third order of the Gin and Tonic.

“I guess I just got bored, or just got suffocated with my relationship with Baekhyun. He’s too much to handle,” Chanyeol answers and though dizzy, Yixing caught the loneliness and longing in it. He also learned the reason why Chanyeol don’t have a thing against same relationships with that said.

“So that is why you crave for the emotions you felt when it just began,” Yixing states more than a question and Chanyeol finds himself nodding in agreement.

“We didn’t start off like you guys, though. Baekhyun was a lot to take in a commitment. No, scratch that, he DIDN’T like commitment,” Chanyeol puffs out a tired exhale of breath and Yixing stayed quiet for him to continue.

“We started off as co-workers in my mother’s bakery three years ago. I don’t crave for the feelings I felt the first time I met him, I crave for the ones I realized when I started loving him,” with one down of his glass, Chanyeol went on, “Baekhyun flirts with every hot guy he meets, and don’t take them seriously. He is even the one who confused my uality when I started noticing how a beautiful person he is excluding his flirtatiousness. I already love him before I know it. But he pretends he doesn’t know what I’m feeling about him. It turns out he was scared. Common issue with persons who has the same relationship fear, he was afraid he was going to lose me if ever we will be together and just break-up, that it was better to stay as close with intimate connection but not intimate interaction.”

“I was clearly afraid also because I was a man who thinks so much about the future. But my feelings were stronger than any coherent thought of a family so I persisted...”

Chanyeol thinks of the time Baekhyun refused to accept his feelings. And when he kissed him, it was all it took for them to give in. Chanyeol knows he was the one responsible for the breaking of their wall, and that was the cause why he was afraid to leave Baekhyun. Though he doesn’t feel the guilt yet, he feels it was soon if his insecurities will go on.

He was happy with Baekhyun; he loved how they joked at each other. How they did the prank of pretending to fight in front of Kai and Sehun and then they suddenly burst out in laughter when they can’t contain how scared the two were for them. How they ring every doorbell they walked past on and run before being chased by broomsticks and kettles. How Chanyeol got chased by Monggu, Kai’s dog, for revenge and then Baekhyun was too adorable for Kai to be part of his revenge scheme. How Chanyeol would just talk with Kyungsoo and compliment his singing and then Baekhyun dragged him to the nearest karaoke place to sing his lungs out – oh how Chanyeol loves coaxing Baekhyun to stop his jealousy already.

It was all memories.

Like the how’s and when’s are more important than why’s and but’s.

But then again, Chanyeol just woke up one day feeling he has too much, loves too much, clings too much. He dreaded the time he won’t be able to let go. That he will choke Baekhyun. Perhaps he is the one who is too much. But the past haunts him, Baekhyun who so loved freedom and everything, he can’t risk the other’s own happiness to hold him too much. Sometimes he doesn’t even know what Baekhyun thinks anymore. He was starting to fear one day he just doesn’t know himself even. He fears the love they had will disappear. His old habit, thinking of the future always, is now backing in his mind.

Memories, they seem to show up so quick but they leave you far too soon

I remember it now, it takes me back to when it all first started
But I've only got myself to blame for it, and I accept it now
It's time to let it go, go out and start again
But it's not that easy

He hated dealing with the phrases of ‘what ifs’ and ‘if only’ because those were clichéd words that confuses the reality of things. Of what was supposed to be. But he is now going through with it. What if Baekhyun finally leaves him, he needs not to hold too strong to less the pain he’ll feel.

And now he knows – Baekhyun is waiting for him in his house. Waiting, waiting, waiting for his Chanyeol to come back. And here he is, running away from his own fear of Baekhyun’s love, doubting the sincerity of it.

“It wasn’t the thought of, ‘we spent those years together, don’t let it go to waste’, I don’t care what we’ve been through, I just care on how we’ll get back the feelings of love and happiness we really felt for each other,” Chanyeol ends and finally realized it was his sixth he was gulping down now and Yixing’s in his seventh, “Sometimes humans crave for such satisfaction.”

Yixing lets the words sink in. True, he didn’t care about time spent; he cared about the person itself.

“I don’t really know what to do... I just find myself walking in here, wanting to change my too much rainbow lifestyle into a dreaded place like this to know what fear I am feeling,” Chanyeol looks at the bartender and says, “no offense.”

The bartender, whose nameplate showed Minseok, merely shrugged and smiled at them before continuing on his cleaning duties.

“We’ve taken spaces, and ends up being together. I don’t want to go through the same phase again, I want to end it,” Yixing suddenly blurts out and Chanyeol takes in that Yixing was drunk.

“It’s not good to let the alcohol decide,” Chanyeol warns softly but Yixing shook his head vehemently, “I hate how much I chicken out once I see him! I hate how much I know I can forgive him always...”

“Are you sure you should always be the one who’s going to forgive? Didn’t it ever occur to you that you’re the one at fault even in just one event?” Chanyeol asks nonchalantly and saw how Yixing went pale to red. “He’s always the first one to apologize.”

“And because that is, you find it no use to admit your own mistake and don’t apologize?” Chanyeol taunts now with a rueful tone as he finished his drink.

“Easy for a person who runs away from a sincere relationship,” Yixing deadpans and Chanyeol pursed his lips in silence.

“Kris and I fight always, that’s why I can’t see the relationship to work because it breaks us at the present. But you, you have it perfect but too scared of the future.” Yixing continues and Chanyeol snaps his head back at him. Bullseye.

“Why is love so complicated? Why won’t it just work out I hate it being like this!” Yixing utters again and Chanyeol thinks he can’t be stopped anymore.

“I miss Kris...” Yixing blurts out suddenly and Chanyeol’s eyes brightened with clarification. “Idiot, why won’t you just go back to him. Clearly he’s looking all over for you...”

Yixing shook his head as he says surly, “I’ll come back after I forget everything for once. Just once...” Yixing now regrets what he said at the first place because right now, he was asking the alcohol to make him forget.

“You still love him, don’t you?” Chanyeol asked seriously. Minseok brought their eighth order of Gin and Tonic and Yixing answered, “I do. That’s why it’s so hard...”

Chanyeol thinks for awhile and after few minutes of Yixing drinking his whole glass, Chanyeol finally thought of something and laughed suddenly. Yixing glares at him weakly but Chanyeol just patted him on the head and ruffles his brown hair, “Come back to him once you forget then. Forget about the bitter memories only. And hope; hope it’ll still be you and him. Fight and makeup, love each other like you always do. Don’t let simple things ruin such precious sensation.”

Believe I've got high hopes
It takes me back to when we started
High hopes, when you let it go, go out and start again
High hopes, oh, when it all comes to an end
But the world keeps spinning
And the world keeps spinning around

Yixing stared blankly at Chanyeol, slightly dizzy, and the latter could already see the crystal beads forming at the corner of his eyes. But Yixing immediately looks away and restrained the incoming tears. “What about you, you lack big time in your relationship too,” he sulks and Chanyeol laughed gently, but his voice making it sound ridiculing, “I’ve just realized too. But last time, I didn’t know the word hope. At least now I want to try to look forward to ‘us’. Maybe, just maybe it’ll not be wrong to have high hopes.”

He heard a gruff from the former but Chanyeol saw how Yixing acknowledged what he just said.

“High hopes, huh,” Yixing whispers and then drinks. Chanyeol felt his own head spinning.

With the rest of the night, they drank what they could and passed out in that exact counter of which they leaned their weight.

***

Broken bottles in the hotel lobby, seems to me like I'm just scared of never feeling it again. I know it's crazy to believe in silly things... But it's not that easy.

Chanyeol woke up with a headache. But the resolve in his mind didn’t falter. He looks beside him and saw Yixing sleeping on his arms on the counter also, with a blanket on his back. Oh, he has his own too.

“Woah, you’re awake,” Minseok greets him and Chanyeol saw him in a casual tee and pants, not so bartender-like.

“Ugh, what time is it,” he groans as his body ached also. Minseok looks at his wrist and answered, “5am, four hours after you passed out.”

“Do you ever sleep?” Chanyeol spoke before he thought but Minseok just laughed, “It’s closing time at six but I closed up early so I guess you would want to leave a message for your friend here before you go?”

Chanyeol stared at Yixing and then at Minseok. He smiles despite his throbbing head and gives back the blanket he has, “Thank you for this. Do you have a pen?”

Minseok nods and pulls one from his pocket, knowing the request will be asked. Chanyeol then wrote on a card from his wallet and then pulled out some cash to pay for their drinks.

“Thanks. Again,” Chanyeol offers one last smile as he shook hands with Minseok. He immediately dashed out the bar then to reach for his house, because he knows Baekhyun is still there. And he will make it right from now on. From a one night of conversation with a stranger, he realized both of him and Yixing would go back to the ones they really love in the end, no matter the reason they have to run away for awhile.

***

“Believe I've got high hopes
It takes me back to when we started
High hopes, when you let it go, go out and start again

And the world keeps spinning around”

At the front of the card says, KProd – Park Chanyeol, Senior Manager.

It was only a title card, but Yixing felt the content at the back more important. Chanyeol didn’t forget his decision to go back and continue hoping. And Yixing just felt the right thing to do too. Minseok had informed him of when Chanyeol had left and that he have the card with a message on it.

Not disappointed of having no way to contact him, Yixing thought it best to remain as strangers after all. But the things they realized will never be a stranger to their resolve. But he hopes to see Chanyeol again, because he also was an instrument of a decision he had come to do yet. Hangover forgotten, he ran out the bar in seconds.

“Ah ah, I think I won’t be seeing them soon enough here,” Minseok hums as he walks towards the door to flip the sign from ‘open’ to ‘sorry, we’re close.’

***

“I’m sorry,” were the first words Yixing said to Kris when he saw the sleepless face of the latter in their apartment. Kris didn’t mind but only caught him in an embrace. Too worried and too love sick to feel angry. Yixing knew then Kris was worth all the tries.

“At least demand for my admittance of fault, don’t spoil me too much,” Yixing whispers and Kris tightened his hug.

“I love you so much, don’t ever leave me again,” Kris mumbles in hidden fear but Yixing only hugs back, “I love you too, Kris. And I’m ready to try all over again.” Kris didn’t really understand what took Yixing to say the words he had said – oblivious of the fact it was because of a strangers’ conversation – and just held Yixing like he was the only reason he was living.

Kris pulls away and then in an instant, he caught Yixing’s lips as they were his and perfectly shaped for each other.

***

“Did I make you wait too long?” Chanyeol coaxes when he finally reached Baekhyun’s house after changing to new clothes.

“Where were you?” Baekhyun yawns when he hooks his arm with Chanyeol’s, “I’m not going anywhere anyways... Is it work?”

Chanyeol found himself smiling wide and just answered, “Yes. And thank you, for believing on us.”

It was all Chanyeol needed to realize how much he wanted this; without doubts and contradictions, with Baekhyun just beside him – the usual fluttery feeling in his chest when he’s with him. Like falling in love again. It was always going to be Baekhyun. He thinks himself as a fool for even thinking Baekhyun would leave him. But that just made him and Baekhyun stronger.

He thinks of Yixing again then and thought of the sudden realization he had because of the other. He didn’t need to let go. He just needed to loosen his grip and the other will be the one holding tight again to pull him once more. A love that is done by two people, not only one because it’s more of an affluent kind of love if it is mutually done – a type of affection he had with Baekhyun.

It wasn’t wrong to hope sometimes.

Baekhyun yawns once more and it’s all what it took for Chanyeol to scoop his lover up and run to their room to catch some sleep, together.

***

“Who was with you last night?” Kris asks with a glare but Yixing knows better than to feel annoyed. The two were in Kris’ car and just reached their destination. Kris has decided to take him to such places tonight and though he just wants to snuggle up all day in bed with him, Kris said otherwise. And Yixing is surprise there isn’t any argument that happened. But spending that afternoon time just drinking his coffee with Kris, it was enough for Yixing to love cafes again and not lonely cheap bars.

Teasing Kris, he didn’t answer the question and just laughed, “You’re so cute when you’re jealous!” and went out the car. Kris climbs out also, feigned anger gone, and wraps his arm around Yixing’s shoulder, “I’m glad you’re laughing like before again.”

Yixing was taken aback with Kris’ words for a minute. He was that different the past few months? He thought he was the same as always. And now it’s a clear conclusion that he was the one who ruined what they had from the beginning. But somehow, it was not yet too late to fix it with affection and efforts, Yixing thought inside his head.

The latter grins brightly before saying, “Of course, it’s because I love laughing at everything about you!”

Kris frowned instantly but ignored Yixing’s tease. He then just guided the other inside the building. “Where are we anyways?” asks the younger as he looked up at the tall, modernized building in front of him. Kris only smiled and just said, “Luhan gave me tickets to a wine auction. There’s a special mini concert in between the event so I guess you’ll enjoy it?”

Yixing beamed and almost skipped and dragged Kris inside, “Come on come on~”

Kris can’t help but laugh. And Yixing saw it. It’s this moment he wished that won’t come to an end. But if ever again there’ll be a scratch in their relationship, it isn’t wrong to work it out again. A love that is worth a thousand tries – Cliché but true.

***

“OKAY, ready?” Kyungsoo asks Baekhyun and the latter gulps before nodding.

“Good luck,” Chanyeol kisses his forehead before proceeding to sit on the nearest table, together with the production company that was sponsoring the show.

He can’t count the thoughts he had made inside his head for believing again. It might not be appropriate to think of someone else right now but maybe it’s not too late to take back what he said about strangers since if he ever meets Yixing again; he’d surely be thankful for the reason that Yixing will remind him of the best decision he had made.

Surely enough fate might work out without him manipulating it by giving out his contact number. In the near future he knows he’ll be great friends with Yixing. And then both will laugh at their stupid misery and sorrows they’d spilled in that wrecked bar.

Looking at Baekhyun, he felt his life complete when the former started singing.

On the signboard at the backdrop, it said, “Wine Auction with Special KProductions’ Debut Singers, Do Kyungsoo and Byun Baekhyun.”

How this world keeps spinning around

A/N: I’ll never listen to ear-catching songs while in espresso high again. Because I wrote this, idk, maybe 1am-4am? Ugh. I’m having a caffeine breakage inside my head. Do pardon my grammar deficiency and not-detailed-much plot. I got this love thing story of both side (chanxing) from two different person I know and then I heard this song and boom, I wrote it for them. So, please forgive this wrecked author. LOL (for my deprived fanxing and chanbaek chingus) Ciao~