It's good to wake up to another day. The soft glow of the sunlight peeking in through the uncovered part of the window. But then I remembered what day it is.

The smile that naturally came into my face was quickly replaced by a frown. I sigh.

Today was going to be the day my best friend would be introducing the mysterious girl he had been wooing for months as his girlfriend. 

The frown was enough proof that I wasn't happy with it. I should be. But I'm not.

And if it isn't obvious yet, then I'm in love with my best friend--my best friend who had been with me throughout the years—ever since we were in diapers, literally.

It all started when my mom and dad got a new home. My mom had been 6 and half months pregnant with me. They had a next door neighbor, the Kims. Mrs Kim was pregnant too. My mom and her instantly became friends. Months later, Mrs Kim gave birth to a very beautiful, bouncing baby boy. They named him Jaejoong.

Two weeks later, my mom gave birth to me—Ji Eun.

I didn’t know when I started to have feelings for him, but I do remember that one time in kindergarten when I started to feel something weird.

There was this new girl named Na Eun. She was older than everyone else in our class because she was held back or something.

Anyway, Jae immediately got a crush on her and thought he was in love. The next thing I knew, they were holding hands and sharing snacks. And sometimes, Jae would pick flowers from both of our backyards and give it to her.

I didn’t know what jealousy was back then. But I know it didn’t feel good.

The second time was when we were in middle school. There was Mi Young. She was really pretty since she was half Korean, half something else. She and Jae had something going on, but never admitted it. Then Mi Young went back to her other country.

But then, in came the quiet girl, Da Hae. And they dated.

It really broke my heart since I already knew that I loved Jaejoong by that time.

But then, their relationship was short lived since Da Hae had become too clingy.  Then the rest of middle school was peaceful and quiet for me. It was just Jae and me.

By high school, there were three girls: Dana, Hyo Joo and Yuna.

Dana was his first girlfriend in high school. She was probably Jae’s first real love. But they broke up because Dana was too sensitive and they would always fight over the littlest things.

Jae had his first real heart break. I had been there to wipe away his tears and put him to sleep when he couldn’t sleep.

Hyo Joo, the second high school girlfriend, she was really shy and sweet at first. But she became too clingy and jealous whenever Jae would go near a random girl, even me. They didn’t last long.

Yuna, I think she was a . Jae was ‘head over heels’ in love with her. I couldn’t understand why. But she broke his heart when she got caught flirting and making out with other guys during their relationship.

Those were the times I shed tears for Jae and with Jae.

For Jae, because I realized that he would be in love with every girl out there, but never with me.

I lost track of who had been and how many girlfriends he’s had when we graduated high school.

We went to the same university, but had different majors. He chose something from the arts while I chose something from the sciences.

I would have originally chosen something from the arts too, but when I found out that it was his choice too, I changed my decision.

I didn’t want to see him up until college. I think being classmates with him ever since our kindergarten days was enough. And I didn’t want him to get tired of seeing me until college. I didn’t want him to think that I was choosing what he chose.

But I think it was one of my ways, to determine if Jaejoong would miss me…

My flashbacks were interrupted by the ringing of my phone.

I crawled towards my nightstand and grabbed my vibrating and ringing phone. I looked at the screen and saw Jung Yunho calling me.

Jung Yunho. He was my first university friend. He confessed to me on the second semester of our freshman year in university. I rejected him though and we just became friends instead.

Don’t get me wrong, or think of me badly. I like Yunho. He’s really sweet, a gentleman, very good-looking, and all those qualities sane girls want their boyfriends to be. But I was insane. The like I had for Yunho was not as much as I had liked—loved—Jaejoong.

Through the years, Yunho had known about my feelings for Jae. He kept it a secret for me.

Yunho had surprised me one day though, telling me that he’d wait for me.

Yes, he said he’d wait for me. Through the years, he had been helping me get over Jaejoong. Helping me by making me realize Jae and I would never be more than best friends. He helped me by wooing me and doing things that would slowly make me fall for him.

I quickly snapped out of my thoughts, again, as the phone continued to ring and vibrate in my hand.

“Hello?” I answered groggily.

“Ji Eun ah, did I wake you up? I’m sorry,” Yunho said once he heard my morning voice.

“Ani, I was already awake. What made you call me this early?” I asked after clearing my throat so he could hear me better.

“I’m almost at your apartment…” he said.

“Oh!” I said and quickly jumped out of bed.

I heard him chuckle and I knew that he knew that I was starting to panic.

“Go get ready now, okay? See you in a while. Be there in 20. I love you,” he said and hung up.

Yunho held my hand the whole time on our way to the Italian restaurant where we would be having our lunch…together with Jaejoong and his ‘new girlfriend’.

Jae looked like a love struck fool the whole time during lunch.

The way he looked at her. Oh how I longed for him to look at me like that.

Then I realized that I will never ever have the chance. I will never be loved nor looked at as someone more than a best friend.

It was time to move on. Every little thread that was tying me to keep me holding on to Jaejoong and the hope of being his and him being mine needed to be cut.

We spent hours in the restaurant, catching up with each others’ lives; chatting, laughing, and me putting on a happy façade.

Yunho seemed to notice the fakeness of my actions. After all, he was my ‘new’ best friend, he knew me so well already. He decided that it was time to go.

Once we said our goodbyes, I didn’t dare look at Jaejoong or his girlfriend anymore. I didn’t dare look back once we were on our way out of the restaurant. I didn’t dare take a last look at Kim Jaejoong.

And by the time Yunho had started his car, I cried. It was the longest crying session I ever had. I cried for hours.

Yunho just hugged me. He didn’t bother trying to stop me or comfort me with words. His hug was comfort enough.

I fell asleep in Yunho’s arms, after promising to myself that I will never shed a tear for Jaejoong ever again. I think I have cried enough. I’ll be moving on. It’s not too late.