The white wooden lifeguard chair, barely noticeable during the day when the beach was crowded with umbrellas and people, stood out like a giant white jack-in-the-box at night.

“Do you want to go up there and sit for a while?” Jaejoong asked after they’d walked for about half a mile. “No one will see us,” he added.

“Oh, that’s great,” Dara said under her breath. “No one will see us.” What kind of statement is that?

“You know what I meant, Dara,” he answered sadly. “I don’t want people to get the wrong…impression.”

“Kind of hard to do that, I suppose,” Dara said as she hoistered herself up in the chair. “A guy and a girl on the beach at midnight, cuddled up in the lifeguard chair together? She sat down. “If it looks like a fish and smells like a fish…”

They were silent for a while.

“I can remember visiting another beach with my mom and sister when I was 12,” Dara said suddenly. “We stayed at the hotel right on the beach, and our room looked out over the pool.  We’d go swimming and hang out on the beach all day long, just the 3 of us. And at night my mom and sister would sit out in the balcony, listening to the ocean and talking to each other. But me, I’d grab a beach towel and go sit below on the sand with my cd player.”

She looked at Jaejoong. “I’d watch the couples walking by, and first I’d wish it was my mom and dad, happy together. But I knew it wasn’t. And then I’d wish it were me, that I was old enough to have a boyfriend and feel as happy as they looked.”

“But that was when you were a kid, Dara. It’s different now.”

Jaejoong took her hand. He thought of the heart pendant. The necklace was inside his duffel bag in Kris’ room. He’d tried to tell himself it was just a thank-you gift. But that wasn’t true. It was a gift from the heart. And Jaejoong couldn’t give Dara a gift like that if she was still Kris’ girlfriend.

“No, it’s not. Because I still feel that way when I’m with Kris. Like, lately I’m waiting for the happy feelings to kick in.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “That’s not how you feel with a boyfriend.” She shook her head, big tears spilling her eyes.

“You’re being too hard on yourself, Dara,” Jaejoong said quietly.

“But Kris deserves a girlfriend who’s honest and trustworthy.” Dara laughed bitterly. “Characteristics that used to apply to me. I thought I wanted a commitment with him, but now…”

Jaejoong squeezed her hand. The waves crashed against the beach, their foam dancing along the shore.

“Now there’s you,” she whispered. “And I don’t know what I think anymore.”

They sat there, holding hands and not speaking for a long time.

“I’m going to break up with him, Jae,” Dara said suddenly. “I have to.” The tears came then, rushing and heavy. Jaejoong inhaled sharply. He’d wanted to have a chance with Dara more than anything, but the idea of her actually breaking up with Kris frightened him.

“Are you sure?”

“I can’t keep things how they are. It’s not right.”

Without thinking, Jaejoong took Dara’s face in his hands. “I think I love you, Dara,” he blurted out impulsively.

Dara swallowed. “I think I…”

Jaejoong kissed her. All that mattered was his lips on her neck, his hands on her hair, her breath on his ear.

He and Dara were together.

And they would have to tell Kris.

But how?

**

Dara snapped the blinds shut. She piled the pillows that littered the bed on the chair and turned down the bedcovers, smoothing them. She folded her hoodie and hung her jeans up. Quietly she held her sandals over the garbage can and brushed away the sand that remained.

Everything was in order. Neat and tidy, just like she liked things.

Everything, that was, except her life.

Dara’s mind was a blur as she pulled her comfortable shirt over her head. Jaejoong’s face kept coming into her mind, his eyes, so warm and adoring, his words like silk, caressing her ears. No boy had ever made her feel like that before. Corny, maybe. But true.

Then her thoughts drifted to Kris. Kris asking for her phone number back months