Sehun was a second year university architecture student when he came to Beijing on exchange.

Why Beijing?; His grasp on the Mandarin language was more than decent, having learnt it from a young age to communicate with his extended family, and well, he figured some sort of familiarity would be helpful in an entirely new setting. Not that he was opposed to the idea of exchange- why would he be when it was his in the first place?

There’d been the option of the university finding someone for him to house-share with, but Sehun had always been the independent type, deciding to do it for himself. He found the perfect place in the city, the only ‘oddity’ being that the person he’d be sharing with was four years older than himself. Sehun couldn’t really care less, they’d emailed a few times and he seemed nice enough. Sehun wasn’t really one to judge based on age, anyway.

Fair enough to say though, he got quite a shock when he opened the door to find someone that looked much younger than himself on the other side.

“Hello,” Sehun said once the door had opened, the boy on the other side smiling brighter than anything he’d seen before, “Uh, is Luhan here?”

The boy holding the door open laughed, eyes crinkling. “That’d be me! Sehun, right?”

Sehun’s eyes widened in shock, and he would have dropped his bag had he been holding it.

“I thought you were older than me?”

Luhan just smiled once more, “I probably am… Ahh, what can I say? I’ve always been told I’m a baby face.” he patted his cheeks cutely, before looked at Sehun and his luggage, eyes widening. “Oh, you should come in! Do you want me to take anything?”

“I guess I should,” Sehun laughed, “No, it’s alright, I got it.”

“Alright,” Luhan nearly sang back, and Sehun thought that he must have had a pretty voice, “Follow me, I’ll show you your room.”

Sehun followed him in, not really sure what else to do. The apartment was kept clean, but he wasn’t sure if that was due to habit or just whether he knew Sehun was coming.

Luhan began to ramble on about furniture, saying basically everything that’d he’d said in one of their previous emails. “We need to go out and buy some today because I never ended up buying any for a spare room. You’re probably tired from your flight though, so if you want to rest you can sleep in my bed, I don’t mind. If you don’t want to go today I’ll just sleep on the lounge tonight, so whatever suits you best.”

Sehun shook his head, today was fine. One thing he was noticing was that Luhan spoke, a lot. He also smiled a lot, something which Sehun wasn’t used to when meeting new people in Seoul… It was more than pleasant. Later on in that day, he found also found out that Luhan was good at building Ikea furniture, and that he liked cute things.

It all made sense, with the sparkle that was in Luhan’s eyes. He almost seemed like an anime character, his dark brown hair perfectly framing his face. He had a perfect nose, and Sehun noticed that he had a lip scar- it didn’t matter, even then Sehun couldn’t deny Luhan was ultimately and utterly breathtaking.

Sehun remembered the first time he’d ever heard Luhan cry. It was about 11:30 on a Saturday night, perhaps half a month after Sehun had moved in. Luhan had gone out, saying he had an ‘absolutely boring so kill me now’ annual family gathering that he was expected to attend, so he wouldn’t be back until late.

It was just before twelve when he got home. Sehun had been in his room, working on a design architecture model like the good student he was when he heard the apartment front door open.  It was surprisingly loud for Luhan, and he would have gone out to see what had happened could he not faintly hear the sound of soft sobs and even quieter sniffles. It’d be a wide stretch to call the walls in the apartment thick, so Sehun knew he was unmistaken when he heard Luhan enter his own room, the one next to his, and the cries got louder.

Sehun wanted to help Luhan. He wanted to go and see how he was, to see if he was alright, but he’d barely moved in two weeks, and though they got on well, he didn’t feel close enough to invade if it was a private matter.

Sehun knew it was a family dinner. If Luhan was crying it was over family matters, and when Sehun knew next to nothing about Luhan’s family life, he felt like he had no right to expect Luhan to turn to him.

Still, he found himself lying in bed not long after, staring at the ceiling, completely restless. Once it’d been over an hour since he’d come home, the sniffles still hadn’t let up, and Sehun had finally cracked and was going to see if he was okay when he heard the bathroom sink begin running.

The sniffles had stopped, and unwillingly, Sehun went back to bed.

He didn’t sleep well that night.

Sehun couldn’t believe him when Luhan had told him that the dinner had been fine, just boring like previous years.

He began to notice more things about him, too.

Like the way that most of Luhan’s smiles didn’t reach his eyes.

How he was constantly wearing long sleeves even when it was hot (Luhan just laughed when he’d asked, saying he preferred longer sleeves. Sehun didn’t see the logic when he’d worn a lot of short sleeves before, but Luhan always surprised you).

He noticed how he always avoided talking about his family, and how he constantly forced smiles when he did so.

He had a feeling that maybe Luhan wasn’t so fine any more, but he certainly was stubborn enough to not tell him anything. Even months after Sehun’s transfer, when they weren’t awkward at all and the two were overly tipsy, liquid truth flowing freely through both their systems, would he not tell Sehun why.

Sehun remembers when he finally found out.

It was a Wednesday, and when he found out his last class had been cancelled he’d made his jolly way home to drop off his stuff and see if Luhan, who would have already finished, wanted to go shopping. Not only because Luhan had good fashion taste, but because Sehun had really started to like the older male, a lot more than he should. He would think it should bother him, liking someone that he felt was so out of his reach, but when Luhan’s eyes lit up or when he smiled, or even when he scolded Sehun for leaving his keys at home even on days he knew he’d be the last back, he couldn’t regret it. Luhan was breathtaking.

Seeing as Luhan wasn’t in the main room once he’d opened the door (and yes, he’d remembered his key today), he dumped his stuff in his room, before waking to Luhan’s door.

Oddly, it was shut, usually he left it open.

Sehun swore he could hear crying from the other side of the door, and it made his insides twist. He didn’t even bother to knock now, nearly barging through. He heard the sound of metal and plastic hitting tile, and spotting no Luhan in his room, ran into the bathroom which was attached.

No, no, please no.

The first thing he registered was the splash of red he saw on the white sink before Luhan blocked it, not even a second later... It could have been Sehun’s imagination, but he was certain it wasn’t.

“S-Sehun,” Luhan stuttered, eyes wide in shock and skin pale white. Now Sehun registered that his sleeves were rolled up, and that his palms were facing backwards. “What are you doing home, don’t you have class?”

Sehun didn’t answer until he spotted the razor on the floor, eyes flashing to Luhan’s arms.

“What am I doing?” he choked, “What the hell are you doing?”                                                                                        

In an instant he was at Luhan’s side, lightly pressing a hand towel to his crimson red wrists. He could see the blood on the sink, and the contrast with the white made him feel sick.

He wondered how Luhan felt.

Luhan was trying to hold his tears in, eyes glistening.

“I just-“

“What are you doing?”

Luhan bit his lip, unwilling to share. “Nothing, It’s nothing.”

“It’s not ing nothing!” Sehun had to stop himself from yelling.

Luhan sounded annoyed when he responded. “Well what do you want me to say?”

‘I want you to tell me the truth, Luhan.” he said, this time softer.

“How is this your business?”

Sehun looked Luhan in the eyes. If they were windows to your soul, Luhan’s was definitely broken.

“Because I care about you, and you can’t- you can’t expect me to see this and not expect an answer.”

Luhan looked down, silent.

Sehun didn’t let go.

“I’m so ing unhappy, Sehun.” the older said shakily, silent tears running down his face. “I needed some form of release.”

“So you’re hurting yourself?”

“I don’t know what else to do! It makes me feel better, even if it’s just for a moment.”

Sehun’s eyes were stinging, he didn’t know what he could do anymore. He couldn’t even think of what to respond with.

Sehun continued to hold the towel to Luhan’s forearm until after he knew the bleeding would have stopped. Luhan pulled out of Sehun’s grip and silently walked out of the bathroom, continuing to the door to the main room. Sehun caught him before he could step out, grabbing his bicep and making him sit on his bed.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” he asked, voice shaky, sitting down next to the older.

“Because what else can I do?” Luhan snapped and cried, breaking down into sobs, “I’m ing nothing, Sehun. No one ing loves me. As if my parents don’t care about me enough, my whole ing family won’t be able to accept me once they find out what I am, and I just- I don’t know what it feels like to be loved anymore.” Luhan’s breathing was uneven, almost like he was going to have a panic attack. “I just need to feel loved for once in my life before I go crazy,” Luhan slowed down, breathing heavily, and his face turned to uncertainty, like he didn’t want to say what he was about to, like it was the most stupid, selfish request in the world. “Can I- can I feel loved, just for a moment?"

It hit him that the Luhan in front of him wasn't the Luhan he saw every day. He wasn't the Luhan that smiled to him every morning, which packed him lunch because the food at the university was too expensive and too fatty and didn’t taste good enough. Sehun's heart dropped when he realised this was the actual Luhan. This was the Luhan who hid his sadness with smiles and hid his scars with sleeves. This was the Luhan who pretended to be someone else to please everyone else around him. Sehun may not be in love with him, but there was no way that Sehun didn't love him. He was going to show him that, no matter what.

"Of course."

The shock on Luhan’s face showed him he hadn’t really expected that sort of response, sinking his teeth deeper into his bottom lip.

"Is it really o-“

"Of course." Sehun replied, leaning his forehead against Luhan's, who quickly returned the gesture.

Sehun waited just in case Luhan wanted to back out, his and his own breath mixing over their lips. He waited for Luhan to lean forward and connect them, but when Luhan gently squeezed his hand, he realised that well, Luhan wanted to feel loved. This time, Sehun wasted no time in pressing his lips to the others.

Luhan's lips didn't taste nice. They tasted like a mixture of blood and salt, the honey taste he’d always expected being drowned out- Sehun couldn't care less.

They were still as soft as he’d imagined.

Gentle, Sehun was gentle. At first it was just a brush of lips, a peck, and then one slightly longer, and then one slightly longer than that. He cupped one side of Luhan's face, tilting it slightly before kissing him, slightly longer yet again, but still gently.

Luhan was appreciative, but he wanted more. He didn’t even care if he seemed desperate, being far too upset, far too confused and far too overwhelmed to bother. He wrapped his arms around Sehun's neck, hissing in pain as his wrists accidentally brushed against the younger's skin. He kissed harder and faster, demanding for Sehun to respond and pulling him closer, all the while trying to avoid brushing his wrists against his skin, his fingers tangling in the Korean’s hair.

Luhan's wrists didn't feel good anymore, but Sehun's lips on his sure did.

Sehun could feel the desperation in Luhan's kisses and pulls, and wondered just how long he'd felt like this. He rested his hands on Luhan's waist, and Luhan parted his lips and pulled Sehun slightly more forward. Sehun understood, and their tongues met in the middle of Luhan's mouth. Luhan moaned, and Sehun couldn't stop the one that came through his throat at the sound.

He'd been avoiding it; this was about Luhan, not himself.

Sehun thought he may have felt Luhan smile, but he couldn't be sure.

The younger pulled apart and looked at Luhan. His hair was slightly messier and his lips were puffy. Breathing heavily, his face was flushed.

Sehun brushed the hair that had fallen out of his face and felt him shiver. He pulled his arm back and Luhan instinctively latched on to it, flashing a look that could only be described as desperate, before grabbing a hold of himself and letting go, smiling one of the fakest smiles Sehun had ever seen.

Instead of accepting the second smile, Sehun took the first face. He gently lowered Luhan on to the pillows and moved himself so he was hovering above Luhan's body, pressing his lips on his once again. His face turned to relief, actual relief, and Sehun was glad he made the decision he did.

Leaning down, he captured Luhan's lips once again as he hovered above him. Slowly he trailed from Luhan's lips to his jawbone, then continued with light kisses down his neck, bringing one hand off the bed to skilfully Luhan's shirt.

Sehun sat down and straddled Luhan's thighs, pushing the sides of his shirt off, but not taking it off in fear of hurting him. 

He raked his eyes down the pale skin of Luhan's chest.

Beautiful, Luhan was beautiful.

His eyes widened when he saw the cuts on Luhan's lower stomach, but he tried to not let the other realize he’d noticed them. He didn’t want Luhan to remember, he wanted him to feel. Luhan did notice though, bringing his arms down from their position beside his head to cover it and button up his shirt again. Sehun gently took his forearms, below the cuts on his wrists, and put them back.

"Sehun, I-"

Sehun shushed him, "You're beautiful."

Sehun lowered his head to Luhan's collarbones and lightly, causing Luhan to whine and arch his back, shoulders sinking into the mattress. Then, he trailed his lips across and to Luhan's shoulder, before moving back and trailing them down his chest.

Luhan knew Sehun should stop before he got farther.

Sehun knew that he wouldn't go any farther. No matter how much he liked Luhan, he wouldn't take advantage of him like that. Especially when they weren't in a relationship.

"Sehun- I-"

Sehun understood, giving him one last kiss before getting off and standing next to the bed.

Sehun smiled softly, reassuringly, "Come on, Lu. You should go get cleaned up."

Luhan nodded, sitting up and pulling the sides of his shirt over his body. He began to walk over to his drawers, before Sehun stopped him.

"Don't worry, I'll bring them in."

Luhan nodded, before walking off into the bathroom and turning the water on.

A few minutes later he heard the door open and some shuffling, the sink being and off, and then the door shut again. He had a feeling Sehun was waiting on his bed for him, but it didn't make his shower any shorter. He had a lot to think about.
Sehun did too.

Luhan pulled the pyjama pants on (which he realised were actually not his, but Sehun's) and stared in the mirror. He looked at his reflection. The cuts on his stomach, on his wrists, and he wondered how he ever let it get to that. Sehun had washed the blood off the sink and all the razor had disappeared, and Luhan had no doubt that he’d taken all the others.

A few minutes after he knocked on the door, Sehun knocked.

"Can I come in?"

"Just a minute." Luhan called out, pulling the shirt over his head. He was thankful it was long sleeved; though Sehun had already seen it, he didn’t feel comfortable with being on display.

Sehun walked in, placing a box on the table. Luhan realised it was a first aid kit. Sehun walked towards him and placed his hands under his thighs, Luhan realised he wanted him to sit on the counter.

"Sehun, you don't have to- I'll be fine."

"Come on Lu, up."

"I can look after myself, Sehun-ah."

"So?"

Luhan sighed, giving in and letting the younger pick him up and put him down.

"...Why- why are you doing this?"

Sehun looked up from the box he was rummaging through. "I care about you, and you always look after me… Now I'm looking after you."

"I don't need looking after."

"We always need someone to look after us every now and then."

Luhan didn't know how to respond, deciding to stay quiet and let Sehun be his doctor for a bit. He gently rolled up the sleeves to the shirt Luhan was wearing (also Sehun's) and dabbed a cotton bud in antiseptic, before placing it on the wound. Luhan hissed as Sehun dabbed, him whispering encouraging words to try and make him feel better.

Once he was done with the arms, Sehun lifted Luhan's shirt and looked at his stomach, lightly dabbing as Luhan cringed in pain. They weren't as fresh as the new ones, but they were still sensitive.

"Is this why you couldn't walk properly the other day?"

Luhan nodded, and Sehun stayed quiet for a few minutes.

"Please don't do this to yourself anymore."

Silence; Luhan couldn't promise anything.

"Please."

No answer.

Sehun put Luhan's shirt down and stood up straight.

"...Thank you."

Sehun sighed at Luhan's change of subject, but smiled at the other thing he'd said. "Any time, though I don’t want to have to do that again."

Luhan nodded and slipped off the bench, and the two walked out of the bathroom.

"Luhan, do you want to- do you want to tell me what happened? You asked me why I helped but- I want- i want to know why you did it." Sehun turned around, and his eyes were almost pleading. He looked just as desperate as he had before.

Luhan sighed, before gesturing to the bed. Sehun had just made out with him, he deserved to know at least why. It was going to be a long story.

Somehow, after two hours of explaining, Luhan had managed to become cuddled with his head in Sehun's chest, and Sehun had his arms around Luhan, one of his hands entwined with the others.

"I'm tired." Luhan mumbled, breathing in the smell of Sehun's cologne and smiling.

"Sleep then, Lulu." Sehun whispered in response, the exhaustion clear in his voice, even though it hadn't even hit eight o'clock.

Luhan didn't argue with it, but instead caught Sehun off-guard, kissing him lightly on the lips, before cuddling back into his chest. 

Sehun couldn't stop his cheeks from turning red, and he was glad that Luhan had his eyes closed. 

Jeans were one of the more uncomfortable things to sleep in, but he'd do it for Luhan.

Sehun woke up the next morning uncomfortably stiff, and thinking that maybe those super skinny jeans weren't the best outfit choice for the day before after all.

There was one positive to it all, though, and that was the sleeping bundle of gorgeous curled up in his chest.

Sehun didn't know where they stood, he didn't even know if Luhan liked him. He couldn't help but have hope after what had happened the day before, because Luhan may have felt alone but they did things that Sehun would never do with someone else in that situation, and that he wouldn't expect anyone else to take if they didn't like him unless they were pissed.

Sehun looked down, his fingers still entwined with Luhan's. Slowly, he brought them to his lips, kissing each finger before kissing the back of his hand. Luhan slightly stirred, snuggling closer in to Sehun's chest.

Sehun took the hand that was wrapped around Luhan's waist and subconsciously ran his fingers through Luhan's hair.

The older's eyes fluttered open, head craning to look upwards. His eyes opened and closed as he blinked to adjust to the light, before they finally crinkled as his mouth upturned into a grin.

"Sehun-ah."

"Good morning." Sehun smiled in response, fingers still carting through the Luhan's hair.

"Mhhm," was all he heard, before Luhan snuggled back in and closed his eyes once again.

The two laid in bed for half an hour more, Luhan sleeping as Sehun watched him. Sehun didn't want to wake up the snoozing prince, but Luhan had class today and he knew how long he took to get ready.

Sehun went to sit up when Luhan pulled him back down.

"No, five more minutes."

"Come on Lu, you have class."

"I don't wanna go. I wanna sleep."

“Why on me?”

“You’re nice.” was his reply, snuggling into him more as if to prove his point. Sehun swore his cheeks weren’t turning pink. He wondered if this was what Luhan was always like when he woke up, and how long it’d take to wear off… He kind of didn’t want it to.

"Luhan."

"Sehuuuuuuuun." Luhan whined, emphasising the 'u' and rolling his eyes (totally attractive).

"Come on Lulu."

Luhan shot up.

"Good-"

…Before laying back down again.

"Five more minutes."

Sehun sighed, only seeing a small light at the end of the tunnel. He quickly rolled off the bed to standing, and Luhan held his hand tighter to pull him back down. Sehun wriggled out of his grip.

Luhan frowned, until Sehun grabbed his ankles and began to drag him off the bed. That's when he started screaming.

"OH SEHUN, DON'T YOU ING DARE. I AM ING OLDER THAN YOU AND I AM TRYING TO SLEEP, ING SHOW ME SOME RESPECT."

Well that was a mood change.

Sehun ignored Luhan's thrashing, although he had to dodge quite a few near kicks to the face. Luhan had a surprisingly strong grip on the sheets, and his efforts were more than commendable.

"SEHUN, YOU LET GO RIGHT-"

"On one condition."

Luhan stilled, sitting up. "And then I can sleep in?"

"Yeah."

"Sit down then."

Sehun did just that, his back up against the headboard. All of a sudden, his stomach was twisting again for an entirely different reason, and he felt more nervous than he could ever remember in his life. Looking at his fingers, he played with them as he spoke.

"What are we?"

Luhan looked down too, taking a while to respond.

"Whatever you want us to be."

Sehun bit his lip. "...What do you want us to be?"

Luhan took a deep breath, after the display from the previous night he thought it was pretty obvious (though that was not why he’d asked Sehun to kiss him, he could assure you).

"I like you, Sehun. I like you a lot. I just don't know if you'll want to deal with me."

Sehun's heart broke at the statement.

Luhan was looking down, so he couldn't see Sehun's expression. He did feel Sehun take his hand, however. It was soft, and it filled Luhan with a warmth that blankets couldn’t ever achieve.

"I like you too, Luhan. I like you a lot."

Luhan looked unconvinced, confused whether it was like or just pity.

"I want to deal with you. I want to make you feel better when you're sad. I want to make you happy. I want you to be the person I fall in love with and I want you to be the person I have a future with." Sehun lifted Luhan's chin up, pressing a light kiss to his lips. "I know things might for you, I know that you’re not happy most of the time. I know you may not trust your family, but can you trust me? Can you let me try to make you happy?"

Luhan couldn’t stop the smile spreading over his face, "I- I think I can."

"…So we're official?"

Trust Sehun to ruin a moment.

"Yes, you ." Luhan replied, before pulling him back down and resting his head on his chest.

Sehun laid there for a while, before realising something.

"It's been more than five minutes, Lulu."

"So?" he mumbled, voice muffled by Sehun's chest.

"Get up, you have class."

"I'm not going today."

"Why not?"

"Do you have class today?"

"...No."

"Exactly."

"But Lu, you have to go to-"

"No, Sehun. I am going to stay in bed with my boyfriend, and we are going to kiss and cuddle all day and watch reruns of old TV shows and bad soap operas because I am too happy and too worn out to think."

Sehun couldn't disagree with that.

The next time Sehun caught Luhan relapsing, he’d had to stop himself from sobbing there on the spot. Luhan looked so guilty, but Sehun just wanted him to stop hurting himself. Luhan wondered if the sadness in his eyes mirrored his own, and decided he never wanted to see it again.

It wasn’t just about him, now. It was about his world, too.

Luhan remembered freaking out the first time Sehun had said I love you.

 It was just a typical Friday afternoon, late enough that their classes were both already over, and that the sky was lit up in bright shades of oranges and purples as the sun set. They sat on opposite ends of the sofa, their legs a mess in the middle as they watched some variety program.

He’d been wanting to say it, wanting to say those words for so long, wanting it to be perfect, but when the sunset was illuminating his face, covered by a smile so genuinely Luhan whilst he was laughing, Sehun didn’t really know when the perfect time would be for someone who was well, perfect. They didn’t tumble out unexpectedly, but they weren’t planned, either.

For Luhan, the three words came out of absolutely nowhere, catching him completely off-guard, and the smile faded off his face faster than it came as he stiffened. Not that the words hadn’t been sitting on the edge of his tongue either, not that he hadn’t been itching to say it, but hearing the other say it only made it more real, and that only made him that much more scared.

“It’s okay, Lu. You don’t have to say it back.” is what Sehun said when he noticed Luhan’s reaction. Though he couldn’t help the sting, he hadn’t expected much else. He couldn’t expect Luhan to fall as fast as he did, hell, he couldn’t expect him to say it at all.

He wanted to run, Luhan wanted to get up and tail it out of that apartment so badly because he was so far in, too far in, but his legs were tangled and he’d frozen to the spot. Sehun reached out for Luhan’s hand and like an electric shock, the older flinched, pulling back.

Sehun’s face fell, and Luhan hated himself for being so stupid.

“Do you want me to go?” the younger asked, pulling his legs back so he could stand up.

Luhan knew he wasn’t going to go out of the apartment, with still much over a year on his exchange he wouldn’t leave, but Luhan couldn’t stop his reflexes from kicking in, from lurching forward, grabbing Sehun’s arm and pulling him into a hug. Sehun stood stiffly.

“No, no, don’t go,” he mumbled into the taller’s shoulder, and that was all it took for Sehun to wrap his arms around him. “I- I love you too, Sehun.”

“Don’t just say that because you feel bad, I don’t want you to say it if you don’t mean it. I don’t mind if you-“

“No,” Luhan interrupted, looking up, and Sehun noticed his eyes were glassy. “I love you, I really love you.”

Sehun couldn’t stop the upturn of his lips and the increase in his heart rate.

“I just- you’re not always going to be here, you’ll go home and we won’t be together anymore. I don’t want that.”

Sehun cupped both sides of the boy’s face and kissed away the tear that had begun to make its way down. 

“We’ll sort it out, don’t worry. I don’t want to lose you, I’m not going to let that stop us from being together. Don’t be afraid.”

That was the night where they finally succumbed to their desires, where the two gently stripped each other of their clothing and worshipped each other’s bodies, leaving no area untouched and no sense underwhelmed. It was where they made promises of forever among breathy moans and calls of their lover’s names, and it was where Luhan finally gave up his heart, his whole self, for Sehun.

He trusted him more than anything, anyone, any family member that didn't know who he really was. He wouldn’t be afraid anymore.

 Authors Note 

Err so yes that just happened and part one is up.
Part two isn't as long as this one uhh sorry ;;

Wow though this got more subscribers than I thought it would with just the foreword so thank you all very much :3
I'm not sure when I will upload the next part but maybe you guys can sway my opinion ;)

Comments are always appreciated (so so very much I think most of you know how much I like them) and if you want to talk to me you can add me on here, message me on Tumblr, and I also have KakaoTalk and LINE so if you want to tal on there let me know and I will get my ID to you as soon as I can ^u^

Stay cool, guys ;)