{Rain again.}

At 4AM, I will remember you. Your name is Lee Sungyeol, 183 centimeters tall, brown hair, and you have a pair of big, coffee colored eyes. Sometimes, you do something with your face that's so incredibly ugly. You'd say, "It's a gift from heaven," and I'd call you an owl. A very ugly owl.

You have seven piercings that I adore so much. You’d let me touch them, but then complain that it hurts. We got them at the same time and you picked out matching hello kitty earrings because you said they were, “Cute.” Because we couldn’t take them off in a week’s time, a lot of people laughed at us. I was upset, but then you hugged me and uttered, “I think you look amazing with those piercings,” so we wore them for another month.

You cry really easily, your tear ducts are really something. When we watch sad movies, you'd cry throughout every single death. You'd even rant in between sniffles about how the director's an for killing a dog. I'd hold you close and wipe away your tears, then laugh at your running nose. You've always been an ugly crier. We’d smile at each other, and then everything would be alright. We went to the movie theaters once. You said you wanted to watch a horror clip, which was a stupid idea by the way considering the fact that you're scared of ghosts, I knew it wouldn’t turn out so well. Lee Sungyeol is the biggest scaredy cat of them all. But you insisted so I spent around thirty bucks on tickets, popcorn, and an extra large coke, two straws so we could share. It was fine at first; we sat in the far back, my head rested on your shoulder as we held hands. Too bad we were kicked out a few moments later because you threw the tub of buttery popcorn at another couple in front of us when a ghost appeared on the screen. You had nightmares that night.

You’re also very childish. I came back from work one night and you offered me a banana. My senses were screwed up since I was still recovering from a cold so I didn’t notice an odd smell. After one bite and a few hackings later, I realized you somehow managed to squeeze vinegar into it. You laughed hysterically at my misery like the choding you were, so I tried avoiding you and slept on the couch. It was quite uncomfortable. After an hour of tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable position, I was out cold, you carried me into our bedroom and I woke up to your smiling face. 

"Mianhae."

Of course I forgave you but I never said I wasn’t going to get revenge. I knew you loved coffee so the next morning, dumped half of our salt supply into a mug and gave it to you. Mr. Coffee Lover thought something was fishy and found grains of salt sticking to the bottom of it. You scolded me for ruining a “Perfect cup of coffee,” and I apologized.

You’re birthday is the 27^th of August. I tried to make you cake once, way before you woke up to surprise you, but it didn’t turn out to well. Lopsided and my shaky hands couldn’t make out the words too well. You still ate it claiming, “It’s the best cake I’ve ever had,” with a goofy grin on your face even though I knew it tasted horrible. I got you a new coffee maker that you kept begging me to buy and used it immediately.

You study medication but your dream has always been to become an actor. Your idols range from Johnny Depp to Park Shin Hye. You told me you dreamed of becoming one ever since you were a child. Played the star for one of your old elementary recitals, a cabbage seller. When we were bored, we'd act out scenes from our favorite dramas and laughed about it later. MIB was my absolute favorite piece while yours were the traditional dramas. But school and work got in the way so you never tried out for auditions. “I’ll try next year,” you’d say.

But you have a weak heart, figuratively and physically; you take a lot of medication which worries me. So my heart beats twice as strong for you. It wasn't much of a problem, you were considered "healthy". That bright smile permanently etched on your face was convincing enough.

The first attack occurred just before dinner. You were making your infamous kimchi stew. It was winter at the time, just the other day you commented on how prettily the snow sparkles under the sunlight. I heard a loud bang from the kitchen and ran out immediately. Seeing you collapsed on the floor, no present heartbeat, I panicked, shouted your name, but you didn’t respond. I was scared. The doctors cared for you well, so you were ‘fine’ a few weeks later. You told me you hated the plain bleached walls, the stench of hospital if that even makes sense, and wanted to get out as soon as possible to play in the snow. But I was worried. So I told you to stay just for a while later, just in case. I brought color to your boring room by bringing in bouquets of lilies. We'd talk, mostly me though, all day long. I try my best to entertain you. Even sing if you were in the mood. When you slept at night, I’d hold your hand and cry. In the morning, you’d ask me, “Why are your eyes so puffy?” I’d reply with a simple, “I’m just tired,” and we’d end it at that. When you were discharged, we made a snowman together in the front yard.

So I lay here in our bed at 4AM on a rainy night remembering you, remembering the things you have said. You call me Myungsoo, I call you Sungyeol. The clock ticks slowly as another sleepless night passes.

At five, I will remember us, our beginning. We met in our third year of high school. Our science teacher assigned us to so a project together and you can say, we matched pretty well. After completing the essay and presentation in less the three days, we spent the rest of our time hanging out. You told me you were gay and I was dating someone else at the time. She broke up with me a while later and the rest was history.

Under the moonlight and the millions of stars that shone above us, I confessed to you first. I was still confused about these new feelings since I grew up straight. One kiss and those doubtful thoughts were no longer. That fateful day, I realized that I'm in love with another man, that I'm in love with you, the almightily Lee Sungyeol.

Our first official date was at a cozy coffee shop. That's when I found out about your coffee obsession. You talked nonstop about coffee this and coffee that. I didn't fancy coffee too much though, I'm a tea maniac, but I didn't mind since your face was so distracting. You went on about the differences between an Americano and a Frappe. Apparently, took a class in coffee art and then brewed one to look like a rose like the romantic person you were. The day dragged on and I took you on a walk around the neighborhood until we reached your home.

I moved in with you in our first year of college. Surprisingly, my parents were fine with it, thinking that I was living with a friend, which we technically were. They didn't need to know everything. It was so fun the first year, you're face was the last thing I see at night and the first that I see when I wake up which were filled with low whispers and hugs. Although our schedules were completely different from each other, having gone to different universities, we still had breakfast and dinner together every day. Lunches were rare but we tried our best. It seemed as if the world revolved around us.

But I would be lying if I said we never fought. We had different opinions, I was stubborn. We argued over an expired pudding cup and didn't talk to each other for a whole week. I didn't like this sweater you got me for our first Christmas together, so you fumed and forced me to wear it. I swear that damned thing gave me a rash and you didn't even care. Another time, I accidentally brushed on a difficult topic and that was the first time you showed me your sensitive side. It was horrible. I felt so guilty to know that I was the reason behind your pain...so I wrapped my arms around your slim waist and your back until you calmed down.

We never referred each other as "boyfriend", just together. I didn't like titles and neither did you. Because we were special, we called each other cute nicknames.

At 5AM when the rain stops, I will remember your lingering touch, how we'd fit perfectly in each other's arms. I will remember our first kiss, our second, and the last. I'll recall how I touched you first, your reaction,

That night. We were nervous. Hormonious teenagers in love. We wanted to experiment. Your eyes were black, our breaths were unsteady. Lust filled our bodies. You hovered before me, moving away my overgrown bangs and stared deeply into my eyes.

"Are you sure?"

Honestly, I wasn't and you were okay with it. I was so scared that you'd be disappointed, but you weren't. Instead, you got up to grab my t-shirt, bundled me up with your blankets, and we cuddled. I played with your slim fingers as you placed sweet pecks down my neck. We were happy.

I look over to the empty side of our shared bed, remembering how you'd hold my hand and never let go, how you held me so close to your chest, squeezing me to death. I remember how you'd lock our lips in the special way that you do, always nibbling on my bottom lip before swiping a tongue over it. I'd let you dominate since you always looked so much ier that way. I miss your wavy locks. I'll never forget how they felt in between my figures; your whole anatomy, your collarbones, I miss it all.

"I miss you."

At the break of dawn, I will remember our promise.

"I'll never leave you," you said breathlessly, "I love you too much, Myungsoo." 

"Yeol..." tears stained our cheeks. You looked so weak, so delicate. I bought you flowers every day. The nurses were kind enough to leave us be at times. They'd come in to check up on you, your slowing heartbeat. 

I used up my vacation days to spend it with you. I'd bring in dramas for us to watch and you'd imitate them. You were so cute, especially in that hospital gown of yours. You were getting better by the day. The doctors told me you were a fighter. I knew you were. Every night, I'd watch you drift off into dreamland before going to sleep on the chair beside the bed. The constant beeps blurs out, as well as myself.

Myungsoo fell asleep around 7AM just to be woken up by morning traffic a few minutes later. The skies are clear. Body sore, the never ending head ache pulses again and again. Picking him up then drags into the dirtied bathroom, mold growing at every corner. Before shoving the toothbrush into his mouth, he notices a piece of hair in it and discarded it. Hair was a mess as always and was tamed by a ton of hair gel. He shrugs on a suit, pre ironed the other night, and sips on some black coffee before grabbing a leather brief case and leaving the front door. He was greeted by neighbors that he hasn't bothered to talk to in months and politely bows. Myungsoo boards the morning bus and was cramped between the window and an old man that probably didn't take a shower in a week. He holds his breath for half the trip and proceeds to board the subway to the courthouse.

Time whizzes by and next thing you know it, he's sitting in his desk, flipping from one piece of paper to the next.

-Murder

-Three victims

-Hospitalized: father

-Dead: daughter (7) son (11)

-Gun injuries

-Etc.

Myungsoo will be defending the defendant, one of the hardest positions for a public defender. He accidentally cuts his thumb and immediately brings it to his mouth.

"I heard the murder was their father's friend," his co-worker comments peeking over his shoulder.

He hums as a reply and harder, tasting the pang of metal. Myungsoo scans the evidence once, twice, five times and comes to a conclusion. The defendant’s guilty. He’s positive. He’ll be seeing him later in the day. For now he gets up and heads for his break. His partner stops him mid tracks and asks with a smile, “Wanna go to lunch with me today? I’ll treat,” he bargains.

“I’m sorry, Sungjong,” Myungsoo replies, not even giving a glance.

“I’ll by you coffee.”

He stills.

“So that’s a yes?” a spark of hope flashes over the younger and was quickly put out when the other makes an exit, leaving him behind. Why must he be so cold?

Myungsoo locks himself in a bathroom stall and stares in blank space. Getting food into his stomach wasn’t the biggest priority at the time and he sits there for an hour, thinking of absolutely nothing. Numb.

“Kim Sunggyu, 30, murderer of two children. Is that correct?”

Silence.

“Do you admit to your wrong doings?”

“…”

“Kim Sunggyu-shi?” Myungsoo shifts in his chair. The defendant finally looks up from his lap and stares dead into his eyes.

“He killed my wife.” Myungsoo nods, writing it down.

“But it’s not like anyone cares,” he smirks, pain can be seen, “Don’t you know how it’s like? To lose someone that really mattered to you?” he chuckles, “Of course you don’t. No one understands.”

The lawyer drops his pen, “I do.”

He stands up, the back of his eyes starts to sting and averts his eyes, “And I will help you, no matter what. Do you understand?”

It’s another rainy night. Not as bad as the other day but the young man still needs an umbrella. He sticks out his hands to feel the pitter patter of the rain. He suddenly feels a presence next to him and finds himself protected under a black umbrella and a tad bit skinny lawyer. He grins and gives him a small wave.

“Let’s walk together today, hmm?”

At 4AM I will remember you. At five, I will remember us, our beginning. At 5AM when the rain stops, I will remember your lingering touch, how we'd fit perfectly in each other's arms. At the break of dawn, I will remember our promise. At noon, I die once more. In the rain, I am reminded of you. In the rain, I meet someone else. In a week’s time, we were friends. But I will never forget you. At 4AM, I will be alive. At 4AM, I will remember our memories, our love; I will remember us.

I will remember you. You’re name is Lee Sungyeol, 183 centimeters tall, brown hair, and you have seven piercings that I adored so much. You have a weak heart.

So my heart beats twice as strong for you.

A/N: It's 9:00PM over here so yeah...kinda slacked. I'm sorry if the ending was a bit rushed. I really wanted to make this longer but I couldn't. The ending was way too short in my opinion but hopefully you guys enjoyed it aas much as I did writing it. Happy bithday to our lovely choding. Unni loves you. AND THANKYOU FOR THE SUBSCRIPTIONS AND LOVELY COMMENTS. It really kept me going^^ namu hearts for everyone♥

PS: possible bonus chapter? 

Unnie: You piece of . I’m disowning you. It's beautiful.