Beep. Beep. The annoyingly incessant noise that kept resonating around the studio was boring a hole in the my head. Huffing frustratedly, I kept jabbing more buttons and pulling more levers until the beeping finally stopped. God... Sighing deeply, I leaned back into the chair, rubbing my eyes. You try to compose one song, and suddenly everything goes wrong. If it wasn’t the disturbing beeping, it was something wrong with the lyrics; if it wasn’t the lyrics, it was the instruments not matching to the beat; if it wasn’t the instruments, it was the pesky fly that kept buzzing around the room, practically asking for me to whack it with my sheet music. The list was endless.

Being the leader of a rising idol group is no joke, believe me. The fact that I was always bent on writing and composing a lot of our songs didn’t ease any of my hardships. I can’t explain it, I’ve just always wanted a hand in my music, I want to show the type of songs that my group and I like, drift away from the constant need of a company mandating the music we can bring out. But of course, songwriting isn’t easy and right now, I am utterly stuck.

I slapped both of my cheeks lightly. Come on, Bang. You know you’ve got this...how can one song be this hard? It’s not like I was trying to do aegyo; now, that was hard. Just one little song, something a little different from the rest, in order to complete the album. But what did I know? How could I produce something out of the ordinary? We’ve been known for our powerful, manly songs about hardships, power, and...well, being a strong man. My eyebrows scrunched as I tried to recall what other male groups usually sang about. Aish...as if I’d be able to whip up something about love and heartbreak and mushy feelings this late in the game.

Shaking my head, I got up and grabbed my jacket. If I’m just going to sit in the studio and kill brain cells and time, I might as well go take a walk to clear my mind. I stepped out, pulling my hood over my head, and breathed in the cold evening air. It’s not so busy on the streets as I thought it’d be, but of course, the streets of Seoul are always brightly lit with buildings, streetlights, and the ever-advancing technology displayed throughout the city. I passed by a couple of shops closing down for the evening, realizing that it actually might be pretty late out but of course, I was too busy sulking with my lack of inspiration to realize the time.

Noticing a rather large building at the corner of one street, my curiosity peaked. Walking over, I squinted through the large window. The room was one large, open space. It was very bright inside, and it was filled with things that seemed to be dance equipment. Huh...a dance studio. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed this place before. Suddenly, a pair of flailing arms burst into my line of vision, startling me. I jumped back, my hand clutching the part of my chest where my heart had gone into a panic. What-

I looked back and was able to clearly see a girl dancing in the studio, alone. My eyes widened while watching her. Moving closer and placing a hand on the window’s glass, I watched as she slowly moved her arms around in a sort of stretch, warming up. She walked over to an iPod dock, switching to a song. Her expression morphed to one of a still calm and complete concentration. Waiting for a couple beats, she swiftly moved forward from her crouching position and twisted her arms to her right side before crumpling them to her left. Straightening, she allowed one hand to go to her face, her expression molding into one of loss and regret. I raised an eyebrow, impressed. Her moves are so precise and sharp. And her expression is pretty good too.

Suddenly, she moved into this step of swishing her feet in a sort of side to side motion while her hands were in the pockets of her pants. It looked eerily familiar, but from where? There was no doubt about it, she was doing some other idol group’s dance, but I couldn’t put my finger on whose it could be.

Giving a small twist, she flipped once in the air, and nimbly landed on her feet. I grinned, feeling awed. Just as she’s about to move into another dance step, her gaze suddenly met mine. Her eyes widened along with my own, and because of her momentary loss of concentration, she crumpled to the ground, landing on her side.

Shoot! I gasped slightly when seeing her fall, and rushed into the studio. Running over, I knelt down beside her, seeing her wince. “A-Are you alright?” I asked, scared.

Her head snapped towards me, eyes widening in surprise. “Um...yes. I’m fine, it wasn’t that bad of a fall.” She rubbed her arm roughly, trying to ease the pain. Still feeling guilty, I stood up and extended my hand towards her. She hesitated slightly before gingerly taking my hand as I firmly pulled her to her feet.

“Thanks.” she smiled, bowing slightly. I bowed in return, curiously giving her a one over. I coughed lightly, starting awkwardly, “Er...I’m sorry for causing you to fall like that. I was just walking and saw you dancing, and just happened to watch…” Inwardly sighing, I felt too embarrassed to meet her gaze, knowing that I sounded much too awkward trying to apologize for creepily watching her dance.  

She gave a small laugh, making me snap my head up in surprise. Airily waving her hand, she responded, “It’s fine, really. Sure, I was a bit surprised but there’s nothing wrong for just innocently watching.”

I couldn’t help but smile back, relieved. Well, thank God she’s not mad. How’d I be able to justify myself?

A sudden thought occurred to me and I let out a small “Ah!” before bending into a low bow. “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself earlier.” Straightening, I held out a hand, saying, “I’m-”

“Bang Yong Guk,” she answered, smiling while taking reaching out and shaking my offered hand. I froze in surprise and my hand slightly jerked while in hers. How does one respond to that? I thought, as I continued to wordlessly stare at her. Seeing my reaction, she just simply smiled, albeit a bit sheepishly. “Um...I didn’t mean to startle you...but after a while, I recognized you. You’re B.A.P.’s leader, right? The new idol hip-hop group?”

I snapped out of my daze, mentally slapping myself. Of course she would’ve recognized me? Pabo! Why were you so surprised? Clearing my throat, I weakly smiled at her, “Yeah, I am Bang Yong Guk. And you are?”

She smiled warmly and bowed, saying, “It’s nice to meet you, Yong Guk-ssi. I’m Maryam.”

I had to give her credit for greeting me so naturally despite knowing who I was. Yet, this only heightened my interest. “Are-are you a fan?” I asked, since the thought had run through my mind the moment she said my name.

She thoughtfully pursed her lips and answered, “Well, I do like some of the songs your band has put out, and I think you’re all pretty talented, so, yeah.” She turned to me, giving a happy smile. “I am a fan.”

I could feel myself grin back, satisfaction and pride swelling in my heart. No matter how many times I hear this, it’s still good to hear that people really appreciate the hard work and new style of music we produce. Maryam walked over to a bench on the side, motioning for me to come over as well. Once we’re both seated, she startedspeaking. “I was actually practicing here since I usually take classes, but always do some individual training a few hours later. What was it that you were up to?”

I sighed, thinking back to being cooped up in that dreaded recording studio. “Actually, I was trying to write and compose one last song for our upcoming album. Although...I’ve been having trouble writing the whole thing, so I was just out, getting some air.”

She nodded understandingly. “I’m sure it’s got to be hard, having to do so much in the process of music-making. So many songs in the world have been written, composed, and sung already, so, it’s difficult to be original.”

I chuckled ruefully. “Yeah, no kidding. There’s always more and more work piling up. I’m a rookie, but I’m seeing it already happen right before my eyes.”

“But, at least you get to constantly do something that you’re passionate about, right?” she responded. She gazed across the room, a small smile on her face. “I think that’s how I feel about dancing. No matter how many mistakes I make or how hard it can be to dance, I still do it since I really love it.”

I mulled over her words thoughtfully, realizing that she really did have a point. Speaking of dancing… “Hey, what was that dance that you were practicing earlier?”

“Hm?” she looked at me, wide eyes slightly confused. I blinked back in surprise, noticing that her eyes were actually a lighter shade of brown, giving her an  innocent and sweet look. I snapped back to reality when I saw the recognition flood into her eyes. Aish...got lost for a second there…

“Oh, you mean that idol dance?” she laughed. “I was practicing BEAST’s “Fiction”. I’m a big fan,” she grinned. Ah, no wonder the dance looked so familiar.

“Oh?” I grinned back. “Well then, can you dance it for me, then? I’d like to see since you love dancing so much.”

Her cheeks grew slightly red and she averted her eyes. “I’m not sure…” she muttered. “I’m really not that good…” I rose an eyebrow in surprise at her sudden uncharacteristic shyness.

“Oh, come on! Although I did look like a freak for watching you dance from the window and making you trip,” this earned me a light giggle, “I could still tell you were really good.” Honestly, from what I saw, I could never, ever dance the way she did, even if I was a girl. How do they do that? Be more nimble and graceful than their male counterparts?

She sighed, and as I gazed at her, I could see the slight tremble of her lips and the almost undetectable glassiness in her eyes. Seeing that, my heart involuntarily clenched. What was this turn of events? Panic rose within me when I saw a small tear leak out of the corner of one eye.  Oh God...did I say something to make her cry?

“M-Maryam-ssi, I’m sorry if I-”I started nervously, but stopped when she held up her hand. Quickly swiping a hand across her eyes, she gave a small, hoarse laugh. “No, no, it’s fine...you didn’t say anything wrong.”

My eyebrows crinkled. “Then, what’s wrong?”

She bit her lip hesitantly, giving me a sideways glance. “Well...I guess you could say that I’ve always been pretty insecure when it comes to a lot of the things I do. Dancing is one of the big ones. While I love it, I can’t help but compare myself to others and think that I’m not good enough.” Abruptly, she stopped, looking at me, wide-eyed. I was kind of caught-off guard from her stopping since I was hanging on her every word without even realizing it.

“I’m sorry!” she blurted, facing me and bowing. Half muttering to herself, she said, “I can’t believe I’m just dumping all this on a someone I just met a few minutes ago-an idol no less!”

I chuckled, flashing her my full gummy smile. “Truthfully, I think that’s exactly why you’re venting to me so comfortably. I’m a stranger to you, therefore, I don’t really know you well enough to judge you. It’s natural since people tend to want to let out their feelings to others that’ll just listen, and that’s why you’re so readily talking with me.”

She simply stared at me, so I cocked my head, continuing, “Just so you know, I’m genuinely interested. So, keep talking.”

This time, she gave a small smile, before speaking. “Alright, fine.” Taking a small breath, she continued, “It’s just...while I have a passion for music and dance, I think I just get too afraid when performing in front of others. I really don’t have too much stage experience; I just always come in here after class to practice on my own, just let myself be known to my passion, no one else.” She admitted, her eyebrows furrowing as though she herself never evaluated her own thoughts as to why she keeps her love for dancing hidden.

I stared at her, my mind whirring. Gently, I said, “I think there’s more to this. Why else would you be crying?” The moment these words left my lips, it seemed like her tears rapidly increased into a steady flow, until small sobs shook her slim frame. My fists clenched as I looked on, distressed at having caused her apparent pain, but I was ready to listen if she wanted. I honestly couldn’t explain it, but after having watched her practicing her passion, and now seeing that something deeper lies underneath, I couldn’t help but have an urge to help...feel that I had to help.

Tentatively, I reached out and wrapped an arm comfortingly around her shoulders. She gave way into my side, silent tears still cascading down her cheeks. Taking a deep breath, she explained, “Truthfully, I’ve never really been supported in my dream in being a dancer or a choreographer.. My parents are alright with it, but...I’ve always been bullied, you could say, by all the other dance students that seem to be much better than me. Always saying how I’m not good enough, always teasing me...it’s something silly, I know, to be crying over this, but it’s a big blow to my confidence. Bigger than one may think it it would be.”

My eyes narrowed as I took in her limp and saddened form. How can people so easily break down the confidence of others, even by using mere words? What right do they have? This girl...the one that I had watched dance with so much passion and emotion only practices her dream in solitude, where no one can judge her when, in fact, all she wants is some acknowledgement, some appreciation. It angered me greatly, and I’m not one to be so worked up that easily. Some people can bottle this all up, but it affects them more than others realize. This is exactly why so many people never get to live out their dreams, why so many people lifelessly go through their days, taking in the daily blows...this is why so many people commit suicide.

Shaking my head roughly from that thought, I grab a hold of Maryam’s shoulder when seeing that she had calmed down slightly. Looking her square in the eye, I simply command, “Dance right now. The dance you were practicing earlier, do it right now.”

She looked startled, and opened to argue, but I held up a hand. Gesturing for her to stand and start, she finally gave a reluctant nod. She walked over to the iPod dock and started up the song. For the first few seconds she moved limply and nervously, and I shook my head. “Dance how you always do, as though I’m not here. Dance with that same vigor, passion.” I called out, giving her an encouraging smile.

Giving me a small, trembling smile in return, she closed her eyes, going into the crouching stance. Once again, her expression had easily fallen into that mask of concentration. Each movement was quick and accurate, matching the song perfectly. When it came to the signature “hands-in-pockets-feet-shuffling” part of the dance,  a small smile lit up her face, causing me to grin. There you go. Everything was so was concise, full of power, and something that I was absolutely certain that I could never achieve. My job is being the rapper and leader, I’ll leave dancing to Jongup and Zelo. My eyes never left her for a second. I could never imagine why anyone would ridicule her for not being good enough; she was like a professional.

She added some twists and flips as the song played on, enticing some loud whoops of joy from me. Grinning all the while, I noticed something a little different in her than I see in many backup dancers. It wasn’t her trying so hard to make the dance indescribably perfect, trying to look her best and evoke something from any sort of audience. It was the pure joy and soul that could be seen unsuppressed in her eyes, the immense fun she had while dancing. That’s what made her so different than anyone I’ve ever seen. Who knows, maybe I’ve never analyzed a dancer so closely, but right now, she’s the best I’ve seen yet. It isn’t skill that defined what I saw in that well-known dance; it was the ecstasy behind it.

At last, she wrapped the dance of with a flourish. Eyes shining with happiness, she gave a small, shy bow as I stood and clapped as hard as I could. Reaching over, I gave her an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

Smiling gently, I said, “See? You were able to dance in front of me, an audience is just another step. And this is coming from a professional entertainer, I think you’re more than amazing.” I chuckled lightly upon noticing her cheeks turning slightly pink. Gesturing for her to sit down, I continued with my spiel.

Gazing out across the dance studio, I said softly, “You know...there are always going to be people that bring down what is positive. The world is like that, and will most likely always be like that, unfortunately. Behind a good thing is a bad thing. But...that doesn’t necessarily mean that that particular good thing has to give in completely to the bad thing.” I paused there, looking for her reaction, since I myself didn't have too much of a clue of what I was spewing at the moment. She just had her gaze downcast, silently listening, so, I continued. I was already in, it’s too late to go back out now.

“On my way of becoming a rapper, I’ve had my doubts too. I was underground, unknown before I debuted, and I always felt the pressure of putting out something different, something that could surpass my sunbaes. Being constantly ridiculed for being different that your typical idol was annoying. But, in the end, being different has tripled the amount of people that liked me rather than the people that didn’t.”

Nudging her shoulder a bit, I murmured, “Maryam-ssi...that dance that I’ve just seen you do, it’s something that can be easily imitated by other dancers, I’m sure. But, they could never imitate the pure love and passion that was inside you when you danced. I could see it, really! Even with all your doubts and insecurities, I feel like it’s still impossible for you to conceal the happiness you feel when you’re dancing. It’s like, all you hear is the music and all you feel is your body! I’ve yet to meet such a dancer.”

She smiled with a sort of happiness, I almost felt overwhelmed. Almost. Instead, I grinned back. She didn’t need words to tell me, it was so clear in her eyes, in her entire expression; from the way she now confidently sat with her back straight, her form relaxed and happy, her face more aglow than only a moment before, much more like the moment we met.

And, that was when a realization occurred to me. Passion...happiness. All of our songs so far had been about strong concepts...Warrior...No Mercy...Power...why haven’t we done a song yet about music itself? Talking about our passion in the music we bring, no matter what others say? I glanced at Maryam. If I could produce a song as passionate as her dancing, with the raw emotion that she emits, that’s going to be a song that says a lot more than the title track.

Thinking back to everything my group has done as a whole, coupling with the awe I had felt when witnessing Maryam dance, lyrics came zipping through my mind. The beat that I was working on earlier molded to fit the words, each one describing the idea of giving life one’s all and being passionate in what one does.

I inwardly grinned. Looks like I’ve got the last song for our album. Watching as Maryam did a few more stretches, I felt my eyes soften, welcoming the sort of nice swooping feeling in the pit of my stomach as I watched her.

“Maryam-ssi? Thank you.”

She gave me a sidelong glance. “What for?”

I smiled. “For being an inspiration.”

Epilogue

I quickly walk through to the back of the stage, hastily bowing and murmuring thanks and praises to various staff members and performers. I smile as a gaggle of teenage girls pass me, shouting hellos and bowing, and I shout back my compliments as well.

Finally spotting her coming out of the dressing room, I subconsciously grin. She spots me, and smiles, quickly walking over.

Drawing my hand out from behind my  back, I hand her a small bouquet of assorted flowers. “You did amazingly, as always,” I say, my voice sincere and proud.

Giving a small laugh as she takes the flowers, she replies, her eyes shining, “Thank you. You really didn’t have to give up your your time off to watch us perform, you do it every time.”

Shaking my head, I reach over, giving her a peck on the forehead. Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, we head out towards the backstage exit. “You shouldn’t be talking, Maryam. You’re the one that always comes to our concerts when you could be resting.”

Rolling her eyes, she counters, “It’s not like I’m the one that always has never-ending, exhausting schedules everyday. You need more sleep than I do, you’re not getting any at all these days.”

Not letting her off easily, I quip, “Well, you’re the main dance teacher/choreographer. You’ve got all  these kids to look over and teach, so-”

She cuts me off, playfully poking my side. “Alright, alright, I don’t need nagging right now.” I chuckle fondly, bringing her closer to me.

We both walk on in a comfortable silence. Maryam speaks up, murmuring, “You remember a few years ago, when we first met, how you thanked me for inspiring you to write that song you had trouble with?” I nod, thinking back to that time.

She turns, giving me her usual her-warming smile. “I never got to say thank you back. Through your words and encouragement, you got me to be a bit more confident and come to where I am today.” Reaching up, she gives me a small kiss on my cheek. “Thank you, Yong Guk, for being my inspiration.”

I squeeze her shoulders, a stupid grin most likely formed on my face. Aish...this girl...turning the intimidating, manly leader of B.A.P. to mush...

“Hey!” she shouts suddenly, eyes bright. “How about we go back to the dance studio, just like where we first met? I’ll teach you how to dance to 2PM’s new song!”

I an eyebrow. “You can try to teach me how to dance. I won’t guarantee success.”

She smirks. “I wasn’t expecting success anyway.” Before I could launch an attack, she abruptly breaks free of my grasp, laughing while running in the direction in the studio. “Race you!”

I chuckle, taking off after her. You inspire me everyday.

Ah, and there you have it! I really hope my beautiful amazing dongsaeng liked this! I hope everyone else likes it too, even though it's quite boring >.< Please let me know what you all think^^ I hope you all felt the somewhat sincerity in which I worte this and I love all my readers^^