As much as I tried to sleep that night I just couldn't .The guilt was just suffocating so sleep just faded away leaving me alone with a million thoughts running in my head with the speed of light. I thought I was going to die.  I never felt so bad in my life . I wanted to scream , to destroy everything that was in my way, to disappear from this world ... Meeting those two was the best yet worst thing that happened to me .

With out thinking I found myself dialing Hamin's number ; in the end she is the only person that I trust and talking to her will help me feel a little better. One ring ...two ...three

"Why she doesn't respond ?"

I waited till the robot started to say those boring words "The number you dialed is not available at this time...blah blah"

I tried to call her again but still no answer.

"She must be tired and she most likely fell asleep , so she can't hear the phone ringing . Well I'm on my own then ,the loneliness never bothered me anyway."

Like the stupid person I was, I tried to lie to myself  . Of course it bothered me ; it bothers anyone on Terra , even if they don't want to admit  it.

Crying myself to sleep wasn't an option , so instead I just stayed in front of the window staring at at the sky . No tears , no moves , no expressions : I was numb. The only thing that was awaken was my mind , and you can't understand how much I wanted to be dead in that moment . 

I don't really understand how time flew so fast, but when I came back to my senses it was already morning. Feeling like crap I went to take a shower. While showering I started to make plans about what was going to happen.

It is is going to be hard with Chanyeol and I have to discuss with Hamin about the whole situation (and oh, the irony, she has this Huge Crush on Xiumin ) and the most important thing : How will things between me and Xiumin  will go from now on? 

"Ok I'm screwed " I thought as I started to apply a ton of BBCream to cover my dark circles . 

"Areum ah wake up is time to get ready for school" I heard my mum yelling from downstairs.

 'Yeah like a even got a minute of sleep ...'

"Ok mum " I tried to sound as normal as I could so that she wouldn't suspect anything.

In 10 minutes I was ready so I went downstairs.

'Ok Areum you have to act a little ; you are good at it anyway ; Just smile and pray they won't suspect a thing .'

The only thing I needed in that moment was an interrogatory from mum and dad .

"Omo , why are you looking so tired ?Are you sick or something?"

', I should  have applied more of that cream!  ' 

"Mum don't worry , we started the exams period so I must stay up a little more than usual in order to study. Now , if you excuse me I have a bus to catch . Bye bye ~ "

'That was so close ' I thought as I dashed through the door.

I could skip classes that day ...but running away from responsibilities is really not my style . So I gathered myself and headed to school. Because I had plenty of time left, and I  really didn't want to go with Xiumin or Chanyeol with the bus, I decided to walk to school using only my two feets.

As I arrived at school my eyes spotted Hamin sitting on a bench with headphones on ... as usual. I sat next to her and hugged her arm  . I startled her , she even let out a small shriek. 

But the moment she saw it was me , she suddenly became stiff .

"Oh it's you ." she said in a rather cold voice . 

"Hamin ah, why didn't you respond to my calls yesterday? I wanted to talk with someone and I could only think about you ."

"Is that so? When you were kissing Xiumin yesterday youhaven't thought about, me did you?"

'How does she know about it ???'

"You might think  about how I found out . Well after practice I went  to shopping and I bought you a pair of earrings and I wanted to give them to you . But I think I came in an inopportune moment, so I left without giving you the earrings or saying hello because I thought I was going to bother you guys. Anyways Congratulations!" 

'Is this a joke?!?!?! Cause I think it's the most stupid one I  have ever experienced . How on Earth did Hamin arrive at my house exactly in the same time Xiumin kissed me ? And now she even thinks we are together? '

"Look what you saw wasn't what it appeared to be!  And I know that sounds cliche as hell but I swear it is truth!"

"Yeah, I bet there was something on your lip and he helped you with it . It doesn't bother me that you guys are dating . What bothers me is that you heven't told me earlier . I mean, Areum I have a crush on this person since forever, at least you could have warned me . I wouldn't have entered the dance team. But, beside this you are  the person  that I trust and love the most and ughhh"

She hugged me and start sobbing in my shirt .

"Hamin ah ,it's true that Xiumin confessed to me yesterday , but I don't have feelings for him . You know that I have a crush on Chanyeol . I promise you that I'll do whatever I can to let him see how much you guys match.Hamin, I didn't have any idea that Xiumin felt that way towards me. I see him like my older brother .... nothing more than that. I swear! You must believe me! Please don't leave me! Please! I need you! My life is a mess now! I was okay. And then Baekhyun came back and I felt like dying. But Chanyeol was there... and he kept me strong, made me feel safe. He surrounded me with his love and made my heart beat like crazy. I am scared. I don't know how I really feel about him. I am weak...and I am afraid."

"Areum ah , baby, of course I won't leave you ! As I told you ,you are very important for me . And a guy won't ever change that. As for the relation between you and Chanyeol , I hope you guys will become a couple . Because you are just meant to be, the way he looks at you when you aren't paying attention is just breathtaking.He loves you , I'm more than sure.

I was hugging the life out of Hamin whispering " I am sorry" and " Thank you" without stopping when I heard my name being called. I ly to see a very worried looking Chen holding a white envelope.

"Areum, I don't know what happened. My brother has locked himself in his room since yesterday. At first I thought that he is planing something basketball related so I let him be. But today when I went to his room to tell him it is time for school he told me that he doesn't want to leave his room. His voice was almost a whisper.... like how would ones voice would be after a night of crying. I asked him what was wrong but he refused to answer me. Instead, he opened his door enough to give me this letter. He said it's only for your eyes to see."

Worried to death I opened the envelope.

The letter was written in Chanyeols messy hand writing. Some words were hard to read because the ink was spread. It looked like he cried while writing the letter and his tears made contact with the written sheet of paper. With my hear beating like crazy I started reading.

"My precious little Aerummie,

The way I am feeling right now.... I can't describe it with words. But....this is how it always is when it comes to you. My feelings for you are so deep that .... at certain points they frighten me . You made me weak... but I am glad. I would not like it to be any other way. You, who is like a star to me... you make me the weaknes yet the strongest man alive. I feel like dying now... but I keep clinging onto your image.

You know, I secretly took pictures of you... they are my most treasured possession. You are my princes. My little princess who needs to be protected and loved.

When I first saw you in that locker room after you fell to the ground my heart beat stopped. You where so cute and I had the sudden urge to hug you tightly and never let go. I guess this is called love at first sight, isn't it ? And then, in my garden... you where so happy... you made my heart warm. And in your room, when we fought... I think I looked like a fool but I was really jealous and hurt. I wanted you to see me, the real me... and I wanted you to care. And our date, do you remember it Aerummie? You said that it was a friend date but in my heart it was real and we were perfect. In my heart you were my baby and we were sweethearts. And when we met that bastard that hurt you.... I don't know how I was able to contain my rage. I felt like killing him with my bare hands.

But I guess it isn't me the one that it is in your heart, the one that will have the right to love you and protect you...the one who will hold your hands and keep you warm....

I saw you and Xiumin kissing. You...you look good together and I guess he will be better than me.

Goodbye Aerummie, I am sorry for not being good enough....I love you....

now, forever....and maybe, even beyond it"

My world collapsed in that moment. All the pain that Chanyeol was feeling, I couldn't bear with it.

" Chen, give me your house keys. Please, I really need to talk with your brother." I said crying.

He obeyed without asking and I was glad. I don't think I was able to talk properly. The walk to his house was a blur. I don't remember it, but I remember sitting on my knees in front of Chanyeol's bedroom door.

" Chanyeol, it's me Are...um. I know you probably don't want so see me, talk to me or listen to me. But please.... I want you to listen to what I have to tell you. Please baby! I beg you! Xiumin....he kissed me. It wasn't supposed to happen. I rejected him after he confessed. I don't love him.... I never will. My heart is scared ...and yet my heart knows it loves another men's heart. I am a weak person. I don't know how to make decisions and everything I do seems so wrong. I am a mess and I hurt everybody around me. I am a selfish person. I need you and I need your love in order to be happy... to feel alive. I don't want you to tell me goodbye Chanyeol because I want to have my forever ... with you. I, Shin Aerum, am a scared idiot, but I am an idiot who is in love with you Park Chanyeol.

Heeey ~~

As a little side note the pink sentences are Areum's toughts *to make it easier for you guys *

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P.S I think the next chapter is going to be uploaded on Friday *Saturday we are going to LED Apple's concert ^^*

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