Chapter Six

I've always wondered what life would be like without its twists and turns. Everything's going to be much easier and nothing would ever go wrong that's for sure. But a life with no risks to take and no mistakes to learn from, that would seem a tad bit unfulfilling don't you think?

It's pretty difficult to achieve living an all too perfect life. In fact, it's impossible. I can say that I've lived a rather comfortable life with only a few curves in the road here and there, I'm grateful to be one of the lucky ones. I could only imagine what other people my age are going through; those people out there who carry a much heavier burden than me. Knowing this, somehow a chip on my newly painted nails or a faint scratch on my iPhone screen seem like the most absurd problems I've ever had.

Which takes us to another subject of discussion but is just as equally pertinent to our previous subject matter: Kim Jongin or Kai, as he prefers to be referred to. 

His usual seat at the back of the room by the window has been unoccupied for the past few days. I found myself unconsciously craning my neck to his empty seat more times than I would like to admit, as if he'd magically appear if I stared at it more. I tried to ignore this weird feeling of longing and worry tugging in my chest and continue on with my daily routine but I couldn't stop my thoughts from drifting back to Kai--- whether he was okay or not.

There's this odd feeling in my gut, nagging at me that something bad might or had already happened. I didn't like this feeling of uncertainty at all. During lunch I even considered marching straight to Kai's friends and ask them what had happened to him but I contained myself. I wasn't his girlfriend or anything--- how silly of me to even think that. Besides, oddly enough none of Kai's friends seem to have shown up during lunch break. That single fact had confirmed the nagging at the pit of my stomach; something really did happen.

I exited the white-washed room of my hagwon class, waving goodbye to my classmates but stop short at the familiar voices of Tao and Lay in one of the empty special Korean language classrooms, they seemed to be in the midst of a heated debate and from their hushed tones I could make out bits and pieces of their conversation. I stood outside the slightly ajar door, hesitant.

"We could call Suho from Seoul and ask him if we could borrow the money." I heard Tao say. He sounded distressed, quite a three-sixty-degree change from his usually carefree nature.

"No. Kai wouldn't want to owe anything from anyone, even if it's from Suho." Lay answered. At the mention of Kai's name my ears perk up and I tried to remain quiet, feeling guilt bubble up chest for eavesdropping on someone else's conversation.

"We could all chip in, you know. It wouldn't hurt for us to combine small amounts of money from our college fund; it'd be easy for us to earn it back. He doesn't have to repay us so he won't really owe us anything." Tao said. They started speaking in rapid Mandarin after that.

From what they were talking about it was clear that Kai was in need of money. Whether for what, I don't know. I'm scared to even wonder what he needs the money for.

I tried to brush it off and continue walking but Lay spoke in Korean again and I couldn't stop myself from listening. "Kai's too stubborn. Even if we give him the money as an early birthday gift or something he wouldn't accept it, he would still think of it as a debt."

Tao lets out a low-hissed Mandarin word, which I presumed was a cuss word. "He needs the money now. Oh god, I don't even want to think about what's going to happen if he doesn't have the money." Lay heaves an audible sigh.

My jaw drops at Tao's last sentence and my mind was swirling with different thoughts all at once.

What have you gotten yourself into, Kim Jongin?

It was already quite dark when I left the hagwon center. On my way home I was too preoccupied reveling about what I have heard from Kai's Chinese friends that I didn't even notice Kai himself walking beside me with a wry grin on his face. My heart stops and he muffles my surprised screech with a hand.

"You almost gave me a heart attack!" I reprimanded. I notice a large plastic bag on his other hand.

"Sorry!" But he wasn't apologetic at all. He was grinning in mirth at my reaction but I couldn't ignore the dark circles under his eyes.

We continued walking. "What have you been up to lately?" I asked him. Trying to be subtle at my endeavor to squeeze the truth out of him.

He shrugs. "I just stopped by the convenience store to buy Abeoji some things." He lifts the heavy-looking bag as emphasis.

"Abeoji? But I thought your dad is..." I couldn't bring myself to say the word.

"Dead? Yes my dad is long gone. I grew up calling my grandfather Abeoji. He was the one who had raised me after all." I squinted my eyes in the dark to survey his expression. He hid his emotions all too well.

We were both silent as we walked side by side; the only sounds you could hear were our footsteps on the pavement, our faint breathing and the oddly comforting sounds of the crickets.

I was the one to break the silence first. "Why haven't you been coming to school?"

"There were some... Complications." I never really expected a straight answer from him.

"I overheard some of your friends talking about you a while ago." Without thinking these words have slipped out of my mouth.

"Really now, and what did you hear?"

"That you're in some kind of a financial trouble." I gauged for his reaction but he didn't seem to be upset that I knew.

He shrugs. "You could say that."

"Is it with a loan shark? Or a mobster?" I know I was getting in over my head but with Kai anything's possible.

He laughs at my ridiculousness but exhaustion was evident in his tone. "You seriously always make my day. Do you really think I'm that kind of person?"

I was glad the mediocre yellowish streetlamps conceal the profuse reddening of my cheeks.

"Well you've been absent for a few days, and it seems like you haven't been getting some sleep. What was I supposed to think?"

I could already see the outskirts of our neighborhood and I look at him confusedly when he turns to the wrong street.

"Where are you going?" Confusion was surely etched all over my face.

"Oh uh... Abeoji's been staying at the town hospital." His expression morphs into that of worry for a second before he masks it back to a poker face. But I saw right through him and everything suddenly clicked inside my head.

"That's what you needed the money for right? Is your grandfather okay?"

"Uh he had a bad fall, fractured his hip and a leg." He ran his free hand through his already messy hair--- a habit that I noticed about him when he's anxious about something.

My eyes go wide in shock. "Oh my god! How much do you need? I can ask my parents to help you."  He visibly recoils from me, as if my words stung him.

Foot, meet mouth.

"I can take care of it myself. You don't have to pity me." His defenses were up once again and I couldn't, for the life of me, push through it. 

"I didn't say that, I just thought as your friend I could help you!" I tried to explain but he was already walking towards the opposite street, towards the hospital.

"I don't need your help, okay? In fact, I don't need anyone's help. Why does everyone think they could meddle with my own business?"

"Kai!" I called after him. He only raises a hand without even turning to face me--- he was dismissing me.

"Stop being so stubborn!" He ignored me and continued walking, pushing his free hand inside his jean pocket.

I blow a lock of hair out of my face irritably and watched his retreating form become smaller and smaller until I couldn't see him anymore.

You’re so good at ruining everything, Jung Soojung.