Author: 23elevens

Title: Pretend

Characters: Minkey

Genres: Angst

Summary: Kim Ki Bum, just how many hearts do you want to possess?

Time and time again, I find myself allowing you to stomp over my heart, re-shattering the fragile stitched-up pieces that I had painfully put back together for you with your careless actions. Time and time again, I’ve had friends telling me to give up on you. That nothing good will ever come out of this. That I could do so much better than wait around for a heartbreaker like you. Time and time again, I find myself forgiving you after every single break of my heart, even though I tell myself that it would be the final time I forgive you, that I would be happier without you. Perhaps it’s my plain stubbornness of adamantly wanting to be by your side, thinking that I waited some more, you’d snap out of it and come back to me, purely mine. I do know the truth of your heart, but I refuse to face it. I choose to pretend, until everything blows up right in my face. Kim Kibum, why do you do this to me all the time?

Today, I walked into Starbucks alone, to grab my usual cup of coffee as a reward for studiously being at my books for hours on end. I was, as usual, whiling away time, waiting for you to come home to me after dance practice. “Baby, I’ll be home later tonight, have dinner without me,” you said. I had nodded, and given you your usual goodbye kiss before you left in the afternoon.

I glanced at my watch as I queued idly for my turn to order. Six thirty. Another three hours till I see you again. I sighed, and my lips absent mindedly. I could faintly taste your strawberry energy bar if I concentrated hard enough, and the your clean, sweet smell of spring shower gel still lingered faintly on my jacket. Six thirty-five. Another two hours and fifty-five minutes to go.

Someone laughed, and my head snapped up, glancing around the café. That laugh sounded so much like you. Were you here? I stepped slightly out of the queue and looked around harder, finally letting my eyes settle upon a bantering couple located in a snug corner.

The more feminine of the two had his arm linked to the taller, more muscular man’s arm, laughing as he gently wiped the coffee stains off the other’s lips, staring at him with amusement. The taller of the two had captured the smaller’s hand, interlocking their fingers. As he tenderly brushed the slighter’s bangs out of the way, the smaller man’s roaming eyes fell upon mine, widening in surprise. Those beautiful feline eyes that I had burnt into my memory suddenly didn’t seem familiar anymore.

I waved away my server, weaving my way through the cramped space of the café. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him staring at me, eyes holding the most apologetic and unfathomable expression I had ever witnessed on his face. He didn’t even come out after me, just loosened his fingers from the other man’s.

Once outside and far away from that damned place, I let the tears flow freely as I slumped down on the bench. Here I was again, opening myself up for the free maiming that was to be conducted by Kibum on a regular basis. Why was I crying? It wasn’t the first time he’d done this. I had known for a long time that no part of him had ever truly belonged to me as a whole, no matter what he said. He always came back home, running straight into my arms every time something like this happened, holding me gently, smoothing my hair and whispering that it would be the last time. And every time, I had believed him. His feline eyes could’ve warned me right from the start, that he was like a leopard; he was never going to change his spots. I didn’t have anyone else to blame except for myself for the unrelenting tears of pain flowing from my eyes now.

Kim Kibum, I know that the right thing for me to do would be to let go of you, to walk away and never look back. It should be right for me to scream and shout and rave at you, to make you feel the same pain as I feel every time you go off being the flirtatious diva to others, the way you did to me when we first met. I know I could do so much better without you. But for some reason, I know I’m going to allow myself to be taken in by your pretty words, to believe that this would be the last time I see you with someone else. I know that no matter what you do, I’m going to pretend that it doesn’t hurt like a million trucks running over me, because I love you, and I will wait for you to come back to me, even though I know it’ll never happen.. Saranghae, baby.