The day had finally come. She was moving back to Europe, seemed like it and it was time to bide our farewells. Well, I guess that's how it was bound to end. No regrets anymore, right? There's nothing more to do but enjoy the time remaining.

 

I looked up, catching her fighting over food with Hyungsik again. She never learns when it's about food... as if Hyungsik would give up on it. I smiled to myself, finally making my way to the band but my eyes landed on a old-fashioned book. Stoping at the sight of it, I grabbed it, pretty sure it belonged to the girls. That was so like them, no doubt about this.

The thing was heavier than expected and now I was giving it a closer look, I figured out it was one of Hichi numerous photograph albums. I spent quite a long time just looking at it until Siwan Hyung came by and tapped my shoulder.

 

 "Not saying goodbye?" He asked me, crossing his arms and arching an eyebrow.

 "I will... I just needed some time..." I said in a low tone, not meeting his eyes.

 "Well, I think you had had enough of it though, don't you?"

 

I winced at this but looked up to find his stare. Did he know? Ha, who am I kidding, of course he knew. Bet he had guessed it long before, even before I knew myself. I stared back down at the old thing in my hands and eventually made my way to the living room. Only a luggage was left now. Noticing it, the appartment already felt empty to me as her paper-boxes weren't in the way anymore. I used to hate seeing them but now I wished they still were all around.

When I got close enough, I saw some of the boys and Hichi looking carefully at me while she was still talking with Kevin. It took her only some seconds to finally take notice of me and meet my eyes. Suddenly, I felt like it would be hard after all to carry on with the goodbye. I thought I could play it cool but staring at her orbs now... Aish. These two dark brown eyes might have looked so typical and plain to you all, they were getting more and more unique, more and more precious as I knew I wouldn't be able to look into them again.

 

I'm being dramatic, that's what I tried to tell myself. After all, she could send me pictures. We'd be able to chat at any time. It'd be pretty much the same. Plus, it's not like I couldn't visit her once or twice during summer break, if the agency was okay with it. So why did it feel like tears were about to fall? Somehow, they didn't as I tried hard. Fortunately or not.

I came to hug her, nuzzling a bit my head in her neck. Her hair were still smelling shampoo from the day before. I smiled at this, remembering all the troubles she went through just to discipline her hair, how she complained about it and fell down, worn out, on the couch next to me. And we talked nonsense, just like every time she gets tired. And after much talking, I somehow got her to have some rest on my shoulder. That was one moment of peace.

 

    « I don't want this moment to ever end »

 

She pulled back from the hug. I was glad I could remember this peaceful instant so I managed to have a smile on at this moment. Her eyes were hesitant as she patted my arm and gave a very small smile.

 

 "Take care of yourself. Don't overthink too much..." she gently said.

 "Same goes for you. Call us if anything happens, can you do this?"

 

She nodded and took a last look at the place. At us. At me... She went to take her luggage but Kevin grabbed it before she could go anywhere and helped her with it.

One last wave and she was gone.

 

I stood there frozen, considering to collapse on the couch.

 

 "I guess Kevin won't be back right away" I heard Junyoung say.

 "Yeah. They're gonna help Mike with his last-minute packing at their flat before heading to the airport"

 

I closed my eyes. Mike... He had to go back to Europe too and at the very same time of course. That guy... Seems like he planned to join her everywhere she was going. That might be the reason why she finally accepted to go out on a few dates with him... Maybe, if I had been able to do the same... we would have dated. At least.

No! There was no point to think of dating when she was leaving now. It was way too late. Just like Siwan Hyung pointed out earlier, I had waited for too long. Served me right.

My eyes were watering more now she was away. Slowly realising it was over.

It was only ten minutes since they left, she probably was just at the closest traffic lights from here. However it felt like it was hours to me and as if she was already too far away from me. I looked again at the photograph album and handed it lifelessly to Hichi.

 

 "This must be yours" I managed to let out, my voice croaked.

 "Hm?" She took a look inside and looked back up at me. She narrowed her eyes for a moment causing me to wonder what was on her mind. "Made it for her since she hates pictures that much. I think you should keep it for now."

 

And with that said, she dropped it in my hands and left to the kitchen with TaeHun following.

 

 "Aren't you curious?" He whisper-asked though while walking backwards, pointing at my hands.

 

Once again, I gave that thing a look, considering. Well, why not?

I silently made my way to my room, closed the door and rested a bit on it before joining my bed. Flat on my stomach, I opened the old-fashioned book right away, before any tear would fall. It became so easy to hide them when she was in front of me, but once she was gone... Seems like I have always been good at hiding my feelings to her. Way too good at it. Or she just at it reading them. way too much at it then...

 

    « Pieces of memories fall to the ground »

 

I smiled bitterly but focused on the first pictures. That was of our first official meeting with the girls for our new reality show. I remembered how everyone was awkward but we managed to have lots of fun as we were excited over the whole thing. By the end of the day, we thought it'd be good to have a picture of the eleven of us. Some guy in the park accepted to take the "family pictures" and boys showered him with thanks. That was ridiculous. The girls were a bit ashamed and "she" was there trying not to laugh at the scene.

I smiled looking closely at our bright faces. We were not totally natural yet, I could tell at our professionnal looks and posing. Even her... she was a bit hesitant. Guess we needed to discover each others before being comfortable.

Ha, a lot had changed since then.

 

I turned the page and found myself looking at a picture of the two of us, Serenity and I. We were still awkward obviously. Although I smiled proudly, thinking of the context of it.

It had been a week or so since the first meeting and we wanted to get to know the girls. After a few questions and funny or sad answers, KwangHee brought the favourite member question. Just like every of us, I was looking forward it even if I wasn't expecting anything. My guess was Siwan for Hichi and Dongjun or Hyungsik for "her". Hichi was the first one we asked so we all looked patiently at her. After much teasing from Serenity - wich quite surprised us in a good way - Hichi pointed TaeHun. We made some noises as he turned pink and bowed thankfully to her. In the meantime, KwangHee was making a scene for not being choosen which brought laughter from the girls.

 

For some reasons, after Hichi picked, the guys said the new pair should take a picture together so TaeHun came right beside her and some staff member took a shot. After all of that, our eyes all landed on the remaining girl of course. KwangHee was already exagerating his "if-it-isn't-me-i'm-gonna-pass-out" attitude but she pretended not to mind and took her time.

Indeed, she liked to tease people, being cutely mischievous.

I was finally moving my guess from Dongjun to KwangHee, seeing all the teasing Serenity was showing. But at that moment, her voice clearly let out a "Minwoo-ssi". My eyes widened for a short moment as every other boy turn his head to me - except KwangHee, he did pass out. I quickly recovered to show some satisfaction about it but I still was a bit surprised. I bowed thankfully at her and naturally came by her side to take our picture. My arm around her shoulders and a peace sign on, I heard a distant snap sound. My mind was wandering far away from this: I was someone's favourite that day. Of course I knew I had fans but on TV, having someone admitting it... when people like KwangHee, Siwan, Dongjun or Hyungsik were there. And Heechul was handsome and a great rapper. TaeHun was gentle, man-looking and a great rapper too. Kevin was multi-talented, good looking, mature and so so on. She admitted that the later was her second by the way, not surprisingly. But me? Really?

I smiled at the picture.

 

That's how it all started I guess. Serenity, Kevin and I got closer since then. She was speaking english with him quite a lot when helping him to cook dinner for instance. And they liked to talk about Australia and travels. As for myself, she was often paired with me by the boys when they needed people to grocery shop. We would prank them quite a lot, have fun, talk about food tastes and cultures. Even about very weird and random things. Oh, I loved grocery shopping. Her cold self was melting fast thanks to it and the heart, personnality and thoughts hiding inside were great to find about.

 

   « All the streets that I walked alone with nowhere to go have come to an end »

 

Next pictures were many shots of the two of us, covered with flour and chocolate.

That day, we had asked for a cake. Unfortunately, Hichi was the best at it and she was out for the day. The agency needed her for a job-interview. So Serenity said she'd try and I volunteered to help her. The guys made weird sounds at this, making it sound suspicious. She ignored them or tried at least, turning around so they wouldn't see her laughing. I smirked at it but followed her to the kitchen, poked her belly so she would finally laugh and asked for the ingredients as if nothing happened at all. I earned a slap on the arm and pouted while she got everything needed.

 

It took us a hour to do it well but the cake was in the oven after all.

I looked at the black-haired girl's face, flour on the cheek and chocolate at the corner of . I chuckled silently before poking my finger at her cheek. My hands were covered with chocolate so it left a mark. She soon realised it and fought back. By the end, I had to grab both of her wrists to stop her. She would barely calm down.

 

 "Having fun?" She questionned, not happy with the situation, obviously.

 "A lot, yes" I gave her an angel-like smile and laughed at her expression.

 

At this, she jokingly stomped on my foot for revenge but I winced at openly at it. Her expression changed right away. I let go of her arms and kneeled down to my foot to hold it a bit. She did the same to get a look, her hand resting on my shoulder in a concerned manner.

 

 "I'm really sorry! Is it alright?"

 "Don't worry..." I assured but made a face at this moment.

 "But you are the dancer of the band... feet are important... Woah, I'm so sorry... Let me check it." I looked up at her as she was making sure my feet was okay, poking it.

 

I softened up, sort of touched by her concern. And feeling guilty as well. Awfully guilty as she was actually worried and feeling bad. I couldn't take this feeling so I went for a change in the current mood. I poked her stomach again and stood up, showing it was just a prank. She gasped at me still on the floor and was about to yell but Siwan's voice suddenly interrupted us.

 

 "Typical" he said smiling and resting on the door frame.

 "Yah... why are you all having so much fun?!" she complained but turned her face, catching Hichi taking pictures of us.

 

I chuckled and some more about the camera before she called Kevin for help. When he came, she didn't want me in the kitchen anymore and finished everything with the Australian's help.

The cake was delicious. One of the best I had. Hyungsik obviously agreed with this, fighting with Serenity for another piece of it. That was ridiculous as there was enough left for the both of them. But food-monsters will be food-monsters, right?

 

I sighed, taking a break from the photograph looking. I thought right away about what other things I'd miss doing with her. There was: watching Gundam, talking nonsense before going to sleep, tickling her, going to the playstore, buying icecreams, playing phone games, teasing the Hyungdeul, teaching each other japanese vocabulary etc... many little things and pretty much everything actually. I remembered how the girls would buy us water and food while we were practicing. How I would run to her since she knew from all of our grocery shopping what I liked the most. We would share our things sometimes, having our time. It was so good, one of my favourite moments of the day.

There'll be no more of these, right? I asked myself.

 

Feeling the stupid eyes watering again, I finally got back to the pictures. I went past some selcas and individual pictures. Many of Kevin Hyung and I. Since Hichi composed this collection for her, I guess she purposely put many pictures of her closest friends, Kevin, me. I even found some pictures of her and took one of them to keep. I needed pictures of her too...

 

I shook my head and chuckled at the new pictures under my eyes. They were taken from a booth. That day, we had headed to the theme park. We ate lots of unhealthy stuffs, Serenity did all the scary rides, made fun of me and... played the matchmaker with Heechul Hyung who she got quickly closed to lately. All thanks to her cat and Hyde, L'arc~en~ciel's singer.

I could easily replay in my mind how she innocently went to TaeHun Hyung and asked him to get Hichi some cotton-candy. She pretended she wanted to do it but couldn't because of a ride (with me). At the same moment, Heechul Hyung had dragged Hichi to the ferris wheel. At the last minute, TaeHun Hyung arrived and Heechul pretended to see a store with posters of Jessica and left them. Short after, he joined us.

 

 "I made sure they have to stay" he said proudly.

 "Good. Hope he will listen to the fortune teller now..." she mumbled.

 "I hope so, it cost us a lot to get her to say what we wanted..." Heechul complained. I stared at them in total disbelief, liking it though.

 "You mean it cost ME a lot. She let you go off with a kiss when I had to pay. Thank your good looks..." I looked down at this for some reasons.

 "That's what I said. It cost US a lot. Kissing that crazy woman's cheek... Plus, she... she..." he made a face, touching his .

 

She laughed uncontrollably at this and I joined her, understanding what happened.

They told me about their plan and how they noticed TaeHun Hyung and Hichi obvious feelings for the other. That's why they asked Dongjun, KwangHee and Kevin to put on extra efforts to lure the crew cameras. That way, no one would know about it. Smart, I thought.

 

 "But in case they ask, let's say we play hide-and-seek" she added, thinking of every possible case.

 "Well since it's like that, I'll be hiding by the goodies store" we rolled our eyes at Heechul.

 "Jessica?" She asked.

 "Gotta make sure!" Hyung said and left us.

 "Don't you go with him?"

 "Nah. We should enjoy the rides and all since we are here..." I stated, looking around for something fun to do.

 

I smiled wickedly when seeing something and grabbed her arm.

We shoot, we did the fishing thingy game too, ride fake horses at the carrousel, took those pictures, went for the haunted castle and ended up running away from the cameras playfully... Now I think about it, it made us look suspicious. Even more than our TaeChi pairing. But we eventually explained them we were playing a game. By the end, we were the ones looking for the others. KwangHee was the last to show up all giggling because some fans asked for pictures with him.

But I wasn't even close to be jealous of him, smiling at the pictures I had gotten to take with my personnal fan. I looked at Serenity, who was staring at Hichi carefully. Protective friend, uh?

 

Since then, TaeHun Hyung and Hichi had been a pair. We would all cover for them and force them to go on dates. But all of us were kind of envious of Hyung...

 

I turned the pages quickly. There were our first professionnal pictures with Serenity for a photoshoot directed by Hichi, some other selcas and pictures taken without her knowing. These were just great even if a few with Kevin were uneasy for me.

 

So yeah... If Hichi was now a photographer, my fan number one (hehe) was going to be a performer too but overseas. However, her training was in here of course. Kevin helped her with her good singing and soon, they were known as a good duo in the agency. That's when I started to feel insecure for some reasons. I had always thought I was her favourite but that's the kind of things that change right? So Kevin might have become her new one, after all the time spending with him. And the little time spending with me. We wouldn't even grocery shop anymore.

I landed my hand on the picture of her training and remembered...

 

It was her training time with Kevin so they both left. Hichi went with them to take pictures and TaeHun Hyung left with her. Siwan Hyung had a photoshoot, Hyungsik a musical rehearsal, Kwanghee and Heechul Hyungdeul were guests on a show and Dongjun had LGDT shooting. Junyoung and I were left alone at the dorm. I used to enjoy those moments, so I could rest. But then she and Hichi came for the reality show and I got used to have them around. To have her around especially...

 

 "Why didn't you go with them?" Junyoung Hyung asked me, entering the room.

 "What for? They're busy training and TaeHun Hyung and Hichi are too lovey-dovey to be disturbed by bored me" I complained with a pout.

 "You should rest or dance. I'm going out. Don't want you to get frozen here" I looked up.

 "You're going out?"

 "Yeah... management..." he winked.

 

Management my ! He was going to meet his newly-found girlfriend. I threw my pillow at him playfully and he left.

I was now alone... Yeah, I should go and dance a bit. I stood up, dressed more decently and went out with my cap on to the agency. I made it there fast and right away got myself a room in the basement, passing by the room where Kevin and cie were probably still working.

I sighed, put on some music and even got to dance with Semi sunbae for fun. When we were done, Kevin and Serenity were watching us, standing by the door.

 

 "Done?" I asked them, bowing at Semi though.

 "Yeah, TaeHun got hungry and forced Hichi to join" Kevin explained.

 "And you are still here when food's up?" I chuckled.

 "She wanted to see you dance" he pointed at her and I saw her eyes widen at this. She remained silent, glared at Kevin and kind of smiled at me.

 

I chuckled once again and nodded. After all... maybe I still was her favourite... But that's not what made me the most happy. Eating together and exchanging food with her again, laughing at her happy face, teasing her by stealing her food. That's what made my day.

The following days, if I had no schedule and she was training, I'd bring them food with her favourite dishes. Just like what she'd be doing for me before.

 

    « I'll hold on to this moment you know as I bleed my heart out to show »

 

My heart felt sore as the memories were brought up. But I still turned the page again and what I saw didn't make me feel any better. First picture of Mickaël, Mike for short, their european compatriote. And new friend. We had met him at a fast-food as he was having troubles. Serenity helped him so well that he asked if it was alright to keep in touch with her so he wouldn't be alone - Kevin translated the whole thing to me and Siwan Hyung after.

 

At first, I didn't mind much but he became a regular visitor. Since he had good looks, the crew from the show said it'd be good for the females watching. A "fresh touch" they said he was. Heechul and I scoffed: what about us? But well, yeah, he was nice. Until he moved in with the girls and made his intentions about Serenity so clear...

Clearer than TaeHun's for Hichi. Clearer than my feelings I had just found about. He was so fast at it and I was so slow...

 

I turned another page, mad at myself but I didn't find any picture. I sat up to flip through the rest and found out there were only empty pages remaining. No. That couldn't end like this. Not with him again. There were so much left to fill the pages with. There were so many things left to do. So many things unclear, hidden that needed to be known... I couldn't be left with these pictures to remember I did nothing.

 

 "Maybe you should give it back to her? You know, so she won't forget or I don't know..." I looked up only to find Siwan by the door frame.

 "You're right..." I nodded and stood up.

 "She must be there still so hurry" he shouted as I ran past him saying one last thing.

 "Alright but you should stop it with the door frames"

 

And I disappeared from the flat, running like crazy.

There was many things she needed to remember. But first... she needed to know them. I hold onto the old photo album tighter and kept running. The girls' flat was about four blocks from ours, I could make it by running. What I did without giving it much thinking.

 

She had to be there. She had to. There was now so many things I wanted her to know. So I ran even faster, my heart beating fast.

 

    « I want you to know... »

 

I wanted her to stay. To make some more time for all of us. For the two of us... Even if the show was done by now, all of these moments weren't about audience and stuffs. They were real to me. So why did it had to end at the same time? Why did she have to leave? Hichi was staying after all... Why couldn't she just do the freaking same thing? Wasn't it real for her?

 

I was getting near her building. In front, I was relieved to see the van. Kevin Hyung and Mike were resting on it, talking when they saw me. I slowed down a bit and asked for her.

 

 "Still up there, she's looking for..." I didn't even listen to the rest, thanking Hyung though as I was running into the building.

 

I took the stairs, praying she wasn't about to take the elevator. Four by four, the steps were disappearing behind me and soon enough I was at the fourth floor, panting heavily. Right away I headed for the last door of that floor, seeing it wide open. That's when I slowed down, my heart remaining as wild if not more.

I pushed the door a little bit more and went in, making my way past the living room, the kitchen and heading further and further into the corridor. I slowly approached her room where I heard some ruffling and complaints. I got to the door frame and I saw her looking through drawers madly. Many things were on the floor. Even some pictures. I picked one and realised it was the two of us at home, playing around while eating. I managed not to sigh at it and looked back up to find her staring at my reflection in the mirror. She was about to turn around but I quickly grabbed her shoulders, letting the picture fall down. And I hugged her, slowly sliding my arms around her and nuzzling my nose in her neck once again.

 

 "I missed you" I sighed. She chuckled at this.

 "It's been a hour, Minwoo..."

 "Oppa." That was my only response.

 "What?"

 "You've never called me Oppa. I know you just don't call anyone this but it's something I really want you to call me" she was silent for a moment.

 "Alright... Oppa" she let out softly. I thightened my hug.

 "And now... Don't go"

 

    « ...with everything I won't let this go »

 

We stayed like that for a while again, without speaking. I opened my eyes and looked in the mirror. That's only then I realised that tears were calmly running down her face. I was a bit shocked as she never cried in front of us. I bit my lips nervously as I tried to look at her directly. That's when she spoke up, giving a small smile.

 

 "You forgot? The show is over now, I have to go back" I shook my head in her neck.

 "I didn't forget that... but Hichi's staying, isn't she?"

 "Yes but it's different, she has TaeHun and she can-"

 "So? You have all of us... you have... me" I was starting to get worked up a little bit.

 "I know and I'm going to miss you all... to miss you too. A whole lot"

 "You don't understand" I turned her around, getting frustrated. "It's not about missing you only. It's about all of these things we did and all the things we didn't. You came and made yourself a huge spot here. You can't just leave it... not like that, as if it was only about the show"

 

    « These words are my heart and soul »

 

 "I... there are so many things I still want to do... to tell you..." I whispered.

 "Calm down. You know, I'll come back and-"

 "I love you"

 

I stared down at her, not even having regrets for how I dropped the news.

She had that lost expression and was just staring back at me, still slightly opened as if frozen. I gulped.

 

 "I know, it's sudden... but when you come back, it might be too late..." I got closer to her as she was looking down. "And I'm already late enough..." at this, I stopped half a foot from her and brushed her shoulder. "So... If you care about it, please, stay..."

 "There's my work too Minwoo..."

 "That means you would stay after all? You would accept my feelings?"

 "Minwoo, my work-"

 "You do care about me, right?"

 "Why yes- Have you heard me?" She finally snapped.

 "Yeah... Just don't work at all!" I blurted out and we both laughed, her looking back at the floor and me looking down at her. My head was almost resting on hers. I calmed down. "You could work here..." I whispered.

 "The agency planned everything for me already. It's overseas that I'm supposed to go..." I nodded, holding back a sigh and closed my eyes.

 "So I'm too late after all..." I bitterly admitted, thinking how Siwan Hyung really knew it all. Though, I felt her shaking her head no.

 "Now I have a good reason to come back fast"

 

I backed up a bit to look at her and saw her smile.

My heart skipped a freaking beat and blood rushed. That was now. So I didn't even think twice, grabbed hastly her face and kissed her with all I had left. Her arms ran around me almost immediately and she kissed back.

At that very moment, the world could be about to collapse around us... I really could care less. And if only it could make this last forever, I would even be grateful.

 

    « I hold on to this moment you know as I bleed my heart out to show... »

 

After that, we joined Kevin and Mike, holding hands. I rode with them to the airport and when it was time for her to leave, I held onto her hand.

 

 "Don't misunderstand. I'm not letting you go. Let's say you'll be grocery shopping alone this time only and I'll be waiting... Nutty" she chuckled at the idea and her pet name.

 "Alright. I'll be back before you get too hungry then... Oppa."

 

Yeah, and as always, with the things I like the best...

 

    « ...And I won't let go »