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30 Days to Heaven

BY --TWACE

She's supposed to be dead.

He gave her few more days.

Now she's living her life while counting...

30 Days to Heaven.

“Don't you ever get the feeling that

all your life is going by and

you're not taking advantage of it?

Do you realize you've lived nearly half

the time you have to live already?” 

― Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises

 

 

 

"Live your life to the fullest"

A popular quote.

 It may mean that you need to enjoy things as long as you are alive. 

As great or as problematic your life may be, when you woke up next to your lifeless body, nothing in all the things that I did seemed to be the 'fullest' for me.

 

What the hell, that's the only thing I can manage to think as I assess my situation.

I groaned, or I think I did.

I expected my head to hurt, a lot actually. But no, nothing. Nada.

I tried to remember what happened. But all I can hear are sirens wailing and people shouting. I tried to think-actually, not to think.

I tried to get my head out of this... thing and wished that I was really hallucinating. Hell, I would choose some mental illness rather than this.

But I'm not stupid. I knew what happened and what am I now, directly looking into the eyes of what was I.

 

I started my day normally.

Out of habit, I checked my account on a famous social networking site before going down to eat with my parents and annoying brother. It was the same. I haven't got a single notification because I was on it last night.

I scrolled down and saw the official poster of the drama club’s newest play for an upcoming fest, posted on my high school's page. I smiled, feeling giddy about it. I'm the stage director for that play.

I can't help but grin wider as I remembered that my school crush is my assistant director. Because of this play, we spent most of our school time together. Even hanging out-a meeting actually-after school or on weekends to discuss about things and stuffs in the play.

 

I shut my laptop off as I heard my mom’s piercing scream early in the morning as she call me to come down because breakfast is ready and I am running ‘late’. To tell you the truth, I am not.

It is just my mother exaggerates it.
 

The breakfast is unusually quiet. And to think I am seated across my older brother and he haven’t teased me, something is definitely wrong.

I heard him sigh. I looked at him in question. Then my mother spoke.

 “Something’s off, isn’t it?” And to my surprise, my brother agreed. “Yeah.”

 I can’t take it anymore so I asked them what’s wrong.

They just both shrugged as my mom looked at me with a certain look in her eyes. “I don’t know. I just feel like something bad will happen.” She said, full of worry.

I blinked and stared at them. My thought back then was, are they trolling me? Because that time, they were pretty convincing. I might get them to act in a play I get to direct in the future.

 

“Mom. You are making a big fuss, again.” I remarked. But she just rolled her eyes. “Suzy" With worry in her eyes.

"I would have kept this uneasiness to myself if your brother didn’t felt it too.” She reasoned. 

And we turned to look at my brother who was trying to eat even though it is clear that he already lose his appetite.

When he noticed we are both looking at him, he just sighed. “I guess it’s a mother-and-son thing? I don’t know why but something is definitely wrong.” It’s my turn to roll my eyes. I scoffed.

 “Of course, something is wrong about you. Always.” I tried to joke but he just made a face and continued to play his omelette with his fork.

The breakfast seemed to last for hours even I tried to eat fast to get out of the depressed atmosphere. That time, I was relieved when I was finished. But now, how I wish our simple breakfast lasted longer.

I made myself ready for school that day. I double-checked if my math homework is in my bag. I am almost out of the door when my brother called me. “Hey Suzy.” I looked at him in question.

“Uhm. Be careful.